Summary:

When Naru and Lin returned to England, SPR disbanded, and Taniyama Mai was left all alone. The members lost all contact with each other, and went on to live their own lives. However, even without any interaction with the paranormal Mai's powers continued to grow, and she soon found herself incapable of controlling them. Instead, they began to control her, and Mai realized that if she didn't do something fast, her powers would kill her. Then a letter arrived, opening the doors to a brand new life. Taniyama Mai became Akahana Mai, who discovered happiness once again. Four years later, when she had finally managed to find her place in life, Naru returned, wanting to reform SPR.

Warning:

Slow build, obviously AU, and a bit OOC. The first chapter is a tad darker and somber than the rest of the story, and there will obviously be OCs.

Chapter 1: They left

Disclaimer: Don't own nothing.

They left.

Bou-san, Ayako, Yasu, John, Masako, Lin, and… Naru. All of them had left. Had left her, the ghost magnet, all alone. Had left her, the orphan, who had no one left in this world. Had left her, who they thought of as a little sister, who they swore to protect, by whom they were integrated into a small, little family, and who they considered family in return. Her family had left her. They left.

Mai wanted to shout at the injustice of it all. She wanted to cry at the emptiness they left. Wanted to crumble due to the pain the hole, which had just started to heal after the death of her parents, inflicted, tore wide open by their departure. She wanted to curse them for ripping apart the trust she put in them, hurt them for taking what she had given them and throwing it away carelessly, hate them for leaving her behind like the filthy orphan she was, harm them for making her feel this way. She wanted to despise them for having ever shown her love, ever allowed her to experience it after the death of her parents, ever given her a taste of what she could have had if it had been even a little different.

But most of all, she wanted to stop feeling. To stop hurting. To stop loving them.

Yes, she loved them. All of them.

Ayako and Bou-san, whom she considered her parents. She looked at them for guidance, for protection, for love. Bou-san was there every time she was endangered by a spirit and chased it away. Ayako tended to her injuries and comforted her after nightmares or those damned dreams. Both of them would never fail to make her smile, made sure to always include her, looked out for her, answered her questions, and were there for her when she needed them. Well, not anymore. They used to, though.

Yasuhara and John whom she considered her siblings. Yasuhara, the teasing, smart older brother who was looking out for her at the same time. John, the kind and wise older brother, who – despite hating violence – would never allow harm to fall upon her. Both of them would protect her with their life, advise her, look out her, and always manage to take her mind off the horrible things she experienced every day by being a ghost hunter with post-cognitive abilities. Who would be there when she needed them. Well, not anymore. They used to, though.

Masako, whom she considered her cousin. Who was jealous and snobbish, yes, but also reliable and compassionate when she needed her – after her dreams. The only one who truly understand what she experienced. How much it really hurt to experience the memories of someone else, to feel their emotions. The only one who could understand just how painful it was. Unfortunately, they allowed a boy and their rivalry over him get in-between them. Masako, who - while upholding her snobbish persona and giving crude remarks - was always there when she needed her. Well, not anymore. She used to, though.

Lin, whom she considered the awkward uncle. He was always silent and his face always remained a stony mask, but over time Mai learned to look beyond that. She used to think he was cold, emotionless, and hated her. How wrong she was. Lin was anything but that. He was kind, and cared too much, but didn't know how to show it – refused to show it. Which led to him being misunderstood by almost everyone. Lin, who was steady, reliable, strong, and always there when you needed him or his advice – night or day. Well, not anymore. He used to, though.

And then, there was Naru. Naru, whom she loved with all her heart. Naru, who wore a stony mask to hide the fact that he cared too much for his own good. Who wept for the loss of his older brother without showing anybody. Who used hurtful comments and icy glares to keep everyone away for him, because he didn't want to lose anybody else. Who used those same glares and words on his clients, to get the necessary information in order to ensure that he wouldn't endanger his team. Naru, who hid so long behind his mask out of fear of losing control and harming someone with his PK, that he forgot how to take it off. Naru, who was strong, reliable, smart, witty, narcissistic, prideful, compassionate, caring, protective, decisive, and – above anything else – always there when she needed him. Whether she was in danger due to a ghost, got unwanted attention from guys, was lost in the aftermath of her dreams, hurt due to her clumsiness, or had aching heart due to missing her parents. It didn't matter what was happening. He was there. Saving her by putting himself in danger, distracting her by witty comments and playful smirks or a cup of tea and compassionate eyes, kept her on track if she got lost in her thoughts, and was a steady presence she could rely on – always. It didn't matter when it didn't matter what was happening or what he had been doing or whose fault it was or who was hurting her or where it happened. Whenever, whatever, whoever, wherever. Naru was there. Well, not anymore. He used to, though.

But not anymore. None of them were there anymore. And the problem was, Mai couldn't hate them for it. She couldn't blame them.

After all, it wasn't their fault.

Naru was only in Japan to find his dead twin brother, Gene. After finding his body, it is only logical that Naru would return to England – where his family lived – to bury Gene. Mai couldn't fault him for staying with his family, after all that was wanted to do too.

Lin, who only came along as Naru's guardian, naturally returned too. Like Naru's, his family lived in England. Not in Japan. It was only natural he wanted to be with them.

They broke her heart when they left – but she couldn't fault them.

Besides, back then she still thought she would have the rest of her family and stay in contact with them. And for a while, they did. Weekly meetings in cafés, sleep-overs by Bou-san, shopping with Ayako, studying with Yasu, visiting Masako's film set, spending time with John in the church.

But soon, two months after Naru's departure, John left. He was recalled to Australia by the church. Now that the office had closed down, the church saw no merit in leaving John overseas to his own devices, and wanted their best exorcist to return.

Only a week after that, Masako had to film overseas. Yasu, having started university while SPR was still functional, left for a semester overseas which was part of his scholarship. He couldn't not attend, or he would lose it – beside, it was a great chance, no point in wasting that possibility. Mai would never demand that her family put herself in front of them if it would prevent them from such a great merit – that would be callous.

Two months after Naru's departure, Ayako had to leave for a physician's seminar overseas in America. Her parents wanted her to stop playing around, or she would lose her job at the practice and her parents would stop giving her money. She had no choice but to leave. Mai couldn't fault that.

One months later, the last member of her small family left too. His band had a world tour coming up, and he had no choice but to go. It was his job, and he had to make money to eat something. Mai couldn't fault that, as an orphan, she understood better than everybody else.

She couldn't fault them. None of them. It still didn't change the fact that they left her alone, left her by herself. It didn't change the fact that all of them were overseas, while she alone was left behind in Japan.

It didn't change the fact that she was lonely.

It didn't change the fact that she was on her own.

It didn't change the fact that she lost her motivation.

It didn't change the fact that it hurt, that it was painful.

It didn't change the fact that it felt like they betrayed her.

It didn't change the fact that she became very, very depressed.

It didn't change the fact that she experienced what heartbreak felt like.

It didn't change the emotions she felt due to them: anger, fear, sadness, despair, hate.

And it sure as hell didn't change then fact that despite everything, despite what she wanted to do, she couldn't stop loving them.

And it sure as hell didn't stop her from changing.

Mai made a decision.

She couldn't continue being depressed. She couldn't continue on like this, period. Her powers were out of control, and if she didn't learn a way to control them fast, she would be ripped apart by her own powers. What a sad way to die...

She needed to change, in order to survive. And if the others ever returned, ever looked for her, ever noticed that she was missing and found her, and discovered that she had changed – it was for the better.

Mai looked down at the letter in her hand. This was her letter. The key to her future. The key to who Taniyama Mai was supposed to be. Not weak. Not depending on others. Not cute. Not the one who was always left behind. Not the one who couldn't control her powers. Not someone who needed to be told what she was supposed to do.

No, this isn't who Taniyama Mai was supposed to be. Therefore, she wouldn't be her anymore. No, that Mai was dead.

Mai made a decision.

The old Taniyama Mai, who everybody loved, yet left behind, who was strong in spirit, yet was hurt anyway, who put others before herself, yet had no one willing to do the same for her, was dead.

Mai made a decision.

She would follow the summon in the letter, and create her future with her own hands. If it didn't work out, she would simply leave. After all, nothing forced her to stay there after completing her training. If she didn't like it there, she would leave and never look back.

Mai made a decision.

As a result, a new Mai was created.

A strong Mai. A powerful Mai. A Mai, who was always in control. Who wouldn't let anyone control her around – not other people, not ghosts, and sure as hell not her own powers. She wouldn't be dependent on others. Instead, it was her that others would depend on.

Taniyama Mai made a decision. As a result, Taniyama Mai died, and Akahana Mai was born.

AN:

Alright, so this is my first fanfiction. Please let me now what you think. Also, English isn't my native language, so please let me now if there are any grammatical errors or awkward wording, as I won't notice it myself.

Until next time,
One Autumn Leaf

Edited: 19.09.2018