I'm Involved With Whom?
1 Author: LeeLee Robinson
2 Email: leeleerobinson@comcast.com
3 Status: Complete (revised version 4/11/04)
4 Category: Humor
Pairings: Jack and everyone!
6 Spoilers: Vague for Heroes, Lost City
7 Season: Post Season 7 or later
File Size: 88KB Word
9 Rating: PG
10 Content Warnings: None
11 Summary: After the Stargate program is made public, Jack is shocked to discover the role he plays in the fantasies of others.
12 Disclaimers: All characters are the property of those MGM & Gekko guys et cetera. Just the story is mine.
13
After Anubis' failed attack on Earth, Emmett Bregman's video documentary of the SGC was released to the public. SG-1's privacy came to a screeching halt.
Sam, Daniel and Jack went through dozens of unlisted telephone numbers in the months that followed the Stargate program's outing. Many of Jack O'Neill's telephones met violent deaths. He ripped out the telephone jacks in his house one by one, smashing the phones into the walls or floors. He drowned or smashed no less than five cell phones.
Jack took to staying on the base just to avoid the outside world. Otherwise, he spent his time isolated at his fishing cabin or almost anywhere but home. After General Hammond insisted he be reachable by phone when off base, Siler to set up his phone so that it would only accept calls from a handful of people: his team, the General and Sara (not that she ever called after finding out the big secret he'd kept from her all these years). The only one who escaped mostly unscathed was Teal'c. He lived on base and had no personal telephone.
Unlike Jack, Daniel was rather amused by some of it. HHHeHe'd become somewhat of a poster boy. It was good for his ego. And one day, after a beer or two at his house with Jack, Daniel found he could not resist tormenting his good friend about it all.
"Hey, Jack. You still don't surf the net, do you? There's some pretty incredible stuff out there." Daniel powered up his computer.
"I'll stick with the incredible stuff up there, Daniel," Jack said pointing toward the heavens.
"Seriously, Jack. There are all these websites that people have devoted to speculating about our missions and our personal lives." Daniel clicked on a site stored under "Favorites".
"They should get their own lives," Jack said not giving a damn (and not having a personal life of any note).
"Yeah, but some of it is really funny Jack."
"To whom, Daniel?"
"Well, for instance, there are a bunch of sites devoted to your relationship with Sam."
"I don't have a relationship with Sam. No more than you and Teal'c."
"Ah, yes. So you think. And yet there are dozens of stories about how you've rescued Sam from evil knights in armor concluding with the two of you expressing your true love."
"Our what?" Jack asked wide-eyed.
"You heard me, your true love. Which, by the way, you consummate."
"We do what? You're joking?"
"No, I'm not."
"Is this before or after we're court martialed?"
"Nope, no court martials." "She better still call me Sir or Colonel at all times," Jack frowned.
"Not exactly, Jack," said Daniel with a wicked little smile, "though sometimes she calls a part of you 'Sir' or 'Colonel'."
"That's disgusting, Daniel."
"You're telling me! And I bet you have no idea how many times you've retired so that you can marry Sam, stay home and take care of perfect looking Teutonic babies."
Jack shook his head with befuddlement before trying to imagine the absurdity of it all.
"Why Daniel, you mean you can't see me wearing an apron waiting for Sam to come home through the big circle of water speaking techno babble while I recount details of carpool and supermarket runs?" Jack grimaced. "I bet I bake doughnuts from scratch too."
"Yes, and you'd be amazed at how fulfilling you find it all, staying home with little Jack, Jacob, Charlie and/or Janet."
"Gees Louise. Did I really need to know any of this Daniel?"
"Actually, it gets even weirder, Jack. You and I apparently make quite a pair."
"A pair of what?" Jack eyes darted from side to side confused.
"You know. A pair as in a couple. There's a whole genre called slash fiction devoted to describing how I fill you up."
"For crying out loud, am I a freakin' Chevrolet?"
"Apparently you have a whole softer side that I'm still waiting to see for myself!" Daniel laughed.
"And you can wait till hell freezes over," Jack snarked as he popped open another beer, shaking his head at the prospect.
After a thoughtful pause, Jack then asked: "What about me and Teal'c? I've always liked the strong, silent type."
"A little, but not much. Poor guy gets left out of most of that kind of action."
"If only they knew the truth. He's had way more action than me in the past seven years. How about Hammond?"
"That's an image I could do without Jack."
"How about me and the Asguard? Everyone knows I've got a soft spot for the little gray guys."
"Apparently there's something going on between you and Thor, but I don't really get it. They're asexual."
"Yeah, but what's reality go to do with it? I should probably be wearing monk's robes."
"Well, it would be more like the real you. But I don't think it will change anyone's fantasies, Jack."
"Good thing we've got more important things to do, isn't it, Daniel?"
"Retirement off world is starting to look a little more appealing, isn't it, Jack?"
Jack was almost shuddering at the turn the conversation had taken when suddenly he got a devilish look in his eyes.
"Hey Daniel, fill me up," Jack said loudly.
"Excuse me, Jack?" Daniel was the wide-eyed one now.
"Order the goddamned pizza right now or I'm going to kick your sorry butt to the moon," Jack cracked and pulled the computer's plug out of the wall.
Daniel chuckled and picked up the telephone.
"You know Jack, you were a little fast pulling the plug. There's another genre you really might have enjoyed seeing. It's called Danny whumping. It's where I get the crap beat out of me yet always survive."
"If you keep talking about this crap and don't order the pizza, we may have some real life Danny whumping soon."
"Hey, you get nearly equal time. There's a lot of Jack whumping out there too. And you're amazingly stoic about it all, too. You walk around an inch from death without as much as a moan."
"Well, at least they got that right," Jack said triumphantly.
"And pigs can fly, Jack."
"Apparently, on the internet they can, Daniel. Now dial."
The End.
1 Author: LeeLee Robinson
2 Email: leeleerobinson@comcast.com
3 Status: Complete (revised version 4/11/04)
4 Category: Humor
Pairings: Jack and everyone!
6 Spoilers: Vague for Heroes, Lost City
7 Season: Post Season 7 or later
File Size: 88KB Word
9 Rating: PG
10 Content Warnings: None
11 Summary: After the Stargate program is made public, Jack is shocked to discover the role he plays in the fantasies of others.
12 Disclaimers: All characters are the property of those MGM & Gekko guys et cetera. Just the story is mine.
13
After Anubis' failed attack on Earth, Emmett Bregman's video documentary of the SGC was released to the public. SG-1's privacy came to a screeching halt.
Sam, Daniel and Jack went through dozens of unlisted telephone numbers in the months that followed the Stargate program's outing. Many of Jack O'Neill's telephones met violent deaths. He ripped out the telephone jacks in his house one by one, smashing the phones into the walls or floors. He drowned or smashed no less than five cell phones.
Jack took to staying on the base just to avoid the outside world. Otherwise, he spent his time isolated at his fishing cabin or almost anywhere but home. After General Hammond insisted he be reachable by phone when off base, Siler to set up his phone so that it would only accept calls from a handful of people: his team, the General and Sara (not that she ever called after finding out the big secret he'd kept from her all these years). The only one who escaped mostly unscathed was Teal'c. He lived on base and had no personal telephone.
Unlike Jack, Daniel was rather amused by some of it. HHHeHe'd become somewhat of a poster boy. It was good for his ego. And one day, after a beer or two at his house with Jack, Daniel found he could not resist tormenting his good friend about it all.
"Hey, Jack. You still don't surf the net, do you? There's some pretty incredible stuff out there." Daniel powered up his computer.
"I'll stick with the incredible stuff up there, Daniel," Jack said pointing toward the heavens.
"Seriously, Jack. There are all these websites that people have devoted to speculating about our missions and our personal lives." Daniel clicked on a site stored under "Favorites".
"They should get their own lives," Jack said not giving a damn (and not having a personal life of any note).
"Yeah, but some of it is really funny Jack."
"To whom, Daniel?"
"Well, for instance, there are a bunch of sites devoted to your relationship with Sam."
"I don't have a relationship with Sam. No more than you and Teal'c."
"Ah, yes. So you think. And yet there are dozens of stories about how you've rescued Sam from evil knights in armor concluding with the two of you expressing your true love."
"Our what?" Jack asked wide-eyed.
"You heard me, your true love. Which, by the way, you consummate."
"We do what? You're joking?"
"No, I'm not."
"Is this before or after we're court martialed?"
"Nope, no court martials." "She better still call me Sir or Colonel at all times," Jack frowned.
"Not exactly, Jack," said Daniel with a wicked little smile, "though sometimes she calls a part of you 'Sir' or 'Colonel'."
"That's disgusting, Daniel."
"You're telling me! And I bet you have no idea how many times you've retired so that you can marry Sam, stay home and take care of perfect looking Teutonic babies."
Jack shook his head with befuddlement before trying to imagine the absurdity of it all.
"Why Daniel, you mean you can't see me wearing an apron waiting for Sam to come home through the big circle of water speaking techno babble while I recount details of carpool and supermarket runs?" Jack grimaced. "I bet I bake doughnuts from scratch too."
"Yes, and you'd be amazed at how fulfilling you find it all, staying home with little Jack, Jacob, Charlie and/or Janet."
"Gees Louise. Did I really need to know any of this Daniel?"
"Actually, it gets even weirder, Jack. You and I apparently make quite a pair."
"A pair of what?" Jack eyes darted from side to side confused.
"You know. A pair as in a couple. There's a whole genre called slash fiction devoted to describing how I fill you up."
"For crying out loud, am I a freakin' Chevrolet?"
"Apparently you have a whole softer side that I'm still waiting to see for myself!" Daniel laughed.
"And you can wait till hell freezes over," Jack snarked as he popped open another beer, shaking his head at the prospect.
After a thoughtful pause, Jack then asked: "What about me and Teal'c? I've always liked the strong, silent type."
"A little, but not much. Poor guy gets left out of most of that kind of action."
"If only they knew the truth. He's had way more action than me in the past seven years. How about Hammond?"
"That's an image I could do without Jack."
"How about me and the Asguard? Everyone knows I've got a soft spot for the little gray guys."
"Apparently there's something going on between you and Thor, but I don't really get it. They're asexual."
"Yeah, but what's reality go to do with it? I should probably be wearing monk's robes."
"Well, it would be more like the real you. But I don't think it will change anyone's fantasies, Jack."
"Good thing we've got more important things to do, isn't it, Daniel?"
"Retirement off world is starting to look a little more appealing, isn't it, Jack?"
Jack was almost shuddering at the turn the conversation had taken when suddenly he got a devilish look in his eyes.
"Hey Daniel, fill me up," Jack said loudly.
"Excuse me, Jack?" Daniel was the wide-eyed one now.
"Order the goddamned pizza right now or I'm going to kick your sorry butt to the moon," Jack cracked and pulled the computer's plug out of the wall.
Daniel chuckled and picked up the telephone.
"You know Jack, you were a little fast pulling the plug. There's another genre you really might have enjoyed seeing. It's called Danny whumping. It's where I get the crap beat out of me yet always survive."
"If you keep talking about this crap and don't order the pizza, we may have some real life Danny whumping soon."
"Hey, you get nearly equal time. There's a lot of Jack whumping out there too. And you're amazingly stoic about it all, too. You walk around an inch from death without as much as a moan."
"Well, at least they got that right," Jack said triumphantly.
"And pigs can fly, Jack."
"Apparently, on the internet they can, Daniel. Now dial."
The End.