Just as a heads up, anything in Bold is the narrator talking ^_^
This is based on the strip and anime episode Can't Get Out of Italy It's my favorite strip in the entire series!
I don't own Hetalia!
"You bloody bastards! Release us this instant!" Britain demanded as he rattled against the bars of his cell. "You have exactly 10 seconds to get your sorry asses over here and open up this cell!"
"Au, you cannot leave me in here with this filthy swine!" France hollered, also rattling the bars. "I'm much too gorgeous for these horribly bland conditions!"
"Shut-up, you stupid frog!" Britain snapped. "I refuse to take this nonsense from you!"
France turned away in disgust, "and I refuse to take another look at that dull face of yours. By ze way, that outfit is so 5 centuries ago."
"You imbecile!" Britain fumed, reaching for France's neck. "This is my combat uniform! It's not like I wear this on a regular basin!"
"Doesn't change ze fact that it is severely out dated!" France groaned, while trying to release himself from Britain's grip.
But Britain refused to let up, "it's your fault we were captured in the first place! If you would stop wearing that ridiculously loud cape ensemble, then we'd never have been spotted by the enemy!"
"Hon, hon, hon. Maybe life for you won't be so bad here. At least you'll get to dine on something other than your terrible cooking," said France with a wicked grin.
"How dare you speak of my cuisine in such a way, you wine drinking buffoon! Forget this war! We're about to fight another 100 years' war, where I'll serve you your own ass on a fucking silver platter!" screeched Britain, lunging forward.
France easily dodged Britain and delicately flicked his golden locks.
"I could have sworn I was ze one who served you. I won that war, no? However, if you'd like to bare your ass and serve it to me, I won't stop you!" said France suggestively.
Britain immediately stopped his assault and moved as far away from France as possible. A look of pure horror spread across his face.
"You disgusting pervert! Keep away from me and my backside!" he ordered.
But France continued to advance towards the cowering Britain.
"Come now, Britain. You have no need to be shy. We can bare our asses together. Would that make you feel any better?"
"Your destruction is the only thing that would make me feel better!" shouted Britain. "D-don't come any closer!"
"Vould you two shut-up?" an angry voice rang from behind them. "I can hear your nonsense all the vay down the hall! It's driving me insane!"
The two prisoners were startled to find a young blond haired, blue-eyed man staring at them through the balls. His arms were sternly folded across his chest as he fiercely held the two in his gaze.
"Germany," Britain spat. "You've got some nerve showing your face here! But you'll never get away with this! The other Allies will surely come to rescue us!"
"Really?" asked France.
"I don't bloody know, you wanker!" Britain loudly whispered as he turned to his cellmate. "But we don't want him to know that!"
"Ah, I see," said France, nodding his head. "We shall scare him into letting us go, then get the heck out of this dreary country!"
"Uh….ignoring the fact that I can clearly hear your conversation," said Germany, as he raised an eyebrow. "I've already made contact with the Allied countries."
"What did they say?" Britain inquired.
"Ah, vell it went something like this,"
….
While Britain and France were being held captive in Germany, the Allies were busy; doing God knows what, in the Allied Powers' headquarters. While China was straightening up the main office, he heard the phone ring and rushed to answer it. He was very shocked to receive this call.
"Hey, I receive shocking call!" hollered China, with the phone still to his ear. "You guys had better come quickly!"
"Oh, I wonder who it could be," asked Russia.
"It's Germany!" China answered.
America came into the room, pushing a cart fool of greasy burgers.
"Sup Dudes! Did I hit the jackpot or what? Can you believe they were having a buy 2 get the 3rd one 25 % off sale at Burger Palace? Where's Britain? I wanna show him my mountain of burgers!" he exclaimed like a giddy little school girl.
China furrowed his brow, "well that is problem. He and France have been captured by the axis."
"Wow, really? That sure puts a damper on things," America pouted plopping down in an empty seat in front of the desk.
"You know, America, we should probably go save them now," asked Russia with a smile. "They're probably in a lot of danger."
"Hmmm, save Britain and France or sit here and eat a shitload of burgers," America contemplated while stroking his chin. "A tough decision guys, but we're gonna have to do what's right!"
…
"And that's basically what happened," Germany explained, an enormous sweat ball slid down the back of his head.
"How could they? I knew they wouldn't be quick to rescue us, but I didn't think they'd be so blunt about it!" shouted an enraged Britain. "They will rue the day they ever turned their backs on me! Rue it!"
"You cannot leave me in here like this! I'll die in these pitiful surroundings!" France whined, while biting down on his handkerchief. "I am a delicate creature that deserves to go free!"
Enter those lovable brothers, who may or may not have been loosely based off the Mario Brothers, Italy and Romano!
"Hey, you dumb potato eater! What the hell are you doing in here! Isn't it time you got back to your boring German home?" shouted Romano.
"Yay! It's Germany! Germany's here!" shouted Italy with excitement.
The moment the two brothers spotted their newest prisoners, they began screaming with horror.
"Oh no! It's France and Britain!" shouted Romano, diving behind his younger brother. "Keep them away from me!"
"G-Germany! Why did you capture them?" Italy stammered. "Do you hate us now? They'll catch us and do mean things to us! Britain might make me eat his food again!"
"Oh, don't be silly. There's absolutely no vay they'll get out of this cell. It's completely escape proof," said Germany with a satisfied smile.
"But Germany, they just did," said Italy, pointing towards the cell.
Germany abruptly turned around only to find the cell completely empty. There was nothing but a tiny hole dug in the middle of floor.
"Scheiße!"
He immediately ran out the dungeon. Italy and Romano glanced at each other before chasing after Germany.
"You bastard!" hollered Romano. "Get back here and protect me!"
"Germany! Don't leave me behind!" cried Italy.
….
While Germany was distracted by the Italy brothers, France and Britain managed to dig a tunnel right through the floor without Germany even noticing. Silly Mr. Germany!
"Keep digging! They'll catch up to us!" ordered Britain, digging away.
"This is absolutely disgusting! I've got dirt all in my cloak!" complained France, crawling his way through the tunnel. "I cannot go on in such an undignified matter!"
"Oh, stop your whining! You think I enjoy this sort of activity?"
"Hmmm, digging through the Earth like a mongrel? I believe this activity suits you perfectly," said France, slyly.
"When we get out of here, remind me to kill you!"
The two bravely continued digging through the narrow tunnel until they finally hit daylight. Wow, looks like they got out pretty easily!
"Just a little further," said Britain to himself. "A little bit further!"
"Oh hurry it up already!" France ordered.
The two of them popped out of the ground, covered in complete filth.
"Finally! We're free of that horrible prison!" Britain exclaimed.
"Not quite," said Germany standing over them with an awful scowl.
"It is Germany—again!" shrieked France as he tried to dive back into the tunnel.
"Oh no you don't!" shouted an angry Germany, grabbing the two men by the collar. "You two are going back in your cell!"
"But Germany, couldn't you just let Britain and Big Brother France escape? They're so scary!" whimpered Italy from behind.
Germany began dragging his new prisoners back inside Italy's house. "Of course we can't let them escape. Ve found them snooping around your lands, so now we must capture them. That is the vay it works."
"Hey, watch it! You are scrunching up my cloak!" France snapped.
"Mark my words, Germany! We will get out of Italy and I wouldn't want to be you when that happens!"
"Oh, I'm shaking in my combat boots, Britain." Germany responded. "From here on out, there von't be no more escaping!"
Italy and Romano watched as the two were once again hauled off by Germany.
"I really hope they escape again!" whispered Italy.
"Shut-up, you stupid Moron!" replied Romano.