Urteil
It's amazing how humans can adapt so easily. Even now as I'm looking down on them I see them going through the daily motions of life. There isn't an inkling of fear in their eyes. Isn't it strange? They are being constantly attacked by creatures that they have branded as divine beings: Angels. But I suppose that the only way that they can keep a normal sense of life is to try and forget all their pains and horrors and look for a bright future.
Impact has come and gone, my mind and body is covered in scars of the horrors that were laid before my eyes. The cries and screams of every single living being on earth crammed into my head. I can still see them when ever I close my eyes. Rape, torture, murder, and, all the crimes I committed against humanity. I look down at my hands and feel them tremble, it doesn't fail. Every time I look at them I see the blood dripping off of them.
My shoulders hunch over as a sob threatens to burst forth from my throat. My old mantra repeats over and over in my head, giving me little comfort.
I don't have anyone anymore; I needed to get away from them. I can't even look at them; every time I look at them I see their pain, their anguish, and their darkest secrets that they don't wish anyone to know.
My so called father, he did all this, he's the one responsible for all my pain. He wanted a god to take him to his lost wife.
In the end I turned out to be his god. I had the fate of humanity within my fragile hands. But something unexpected happened. I just didn't get humanity's pain in my head. I was also shown my pain, my betrayal to my children, my betrayal to my god.
The delusional old fool manipulated me to suit his schemes, he knew what I was. He found me and molded me into the tool he required. But there was one thing he didn't take into account, the human ability to love. His wife loved me with her life. She treated me like I was her own. But in the end she knew what would happen, she knew I would wake up one day and see what has become of my paradise for my children.
My children, how much I love every single one of you. So independent, so strong…yet fragile, my only regret is not doing more to protect you.
I look up at the heavens as the skies darken and thunder rumbles. A feeling of longing and heart ache echoes through my body.
Is it so wrong to love my children my lord?
Almost like a response the skies open up and rain begins to pound the earth.
My head lowers as my chin nearly touches my collar bone. Finally the tears start cascading down my face as I wrap my arms around myself, wishing I wasn't so alone, wishing that I didn't have the fate of this planet on my shoulder…wishing I didn't exist.
"Hey mister, are you okay?"
I turn my head right to face a small child; she couldn't have been more than five years old. Her curious face peeking out through a bright yellow plastic hood that is attached to her rain coat, my eyes wander down to her hands to notice she is carrying a bunch of flowers in her hands.
I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my long trench coat and lower my frame until I am face to face with her
"I'm fine, just sad."
She blinked at me twice before coming close to me and touching my cheek, her fingers trailed my last tears down my face.
"Don't be sad mister, my momma said that being sad is bad for you" she smiled at me.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I find myself asking
Her smile falters a bit but it holds steady, she looks at the flowers in her hand and she holds one out to me.
"My momma went to heaven when those things were attacking, I'm here with my teacher to pick some flowers and give them to momma"
I slowly reach my hand out to accept her flower, she giggles at me when she notices that my hands are shaking. I'm left openly staring at her; I look at her eyes and see the life inside them, so carefree. I turn my head away from her and drop my hand to my side before I can grasp the flower.
"Don't be sad mister." she repeats her earlier words.
I gasp as two small hands try and wrap around my frame and her tiny body is pushed up against me. I can't help but drop to my knees and hold her against me as sobs wrack my body. Her arms are small but for now they are my bastion. After what seem like eternity I pull away from her.
"Here mister: a present. Whenever you are sad, think of me dancing like a monkey" she gives me a toothy smile.
I can't help but smile back at her; I feel warmth starting to spread through out my whole being. The actions of this little girl would always be in my mind.
She looks over her shoulder suddenly before backing away from me.
"I have to go mister; my teacher is calling for me. I think she's worried" she runs off waving at me.
I tentatively wave back at her until she leaves down the stairs leaving the lookout point. My eyes look down at the flower I'm holding in my hand, my eyes harden as I look up at the sky.
I won't abandon them, do your worst.
The thunder increases with intensity around me; I can feel my feet slowly leave the ground as I take to the air. The wind is whipping my clothes and hair around me. I smile to myself as I think back how a little girl provided me, and the world with hope.
My name is Shinji Ikari and I'm done running away.
Authors notes: Well there you have it, just an idea that was floating around in my head for a while, i originally designed this for a one-shot but, i may continue if i have the free time, and get enough requests for it to be continued.