Calling Turtles

Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or related characters. Just making that clear.

Also Mikey's a little over-excited in this one – just a warning.

Donnie beamed at his family who were seated around his new invention. Well, it wasn't really something new, for Mr Bell had invented the humble telephone over 100 years earlier. But that did not cut our brainiest turtle's enthusiasm for his latest project which was now finished and ready to roll.

"Isn't that from the phone booth the purple dragons trashed last weekend when we were on patrol?" Leo questioned, the phone box in front of him, did look familiar.

"Yeah," Donnie smiled back.

"Then what's it doing down here? Won't the humans from the telephone company be looking for it?" Leo questioned, not sure if this was such a brilliant idea to have a public phone in their lair.

"Leo, they would have just thrown this baby to the tip if I hadn't got Mike and Raph to bring this back for me."

Leo turned to his brothers, "You two were involved in this?"

"Oh bite the weenie Leo, Don said he could fix it and he did," Raph said.

"Yeah, besides we've always wanted our own home phone. Won't it be cool to have it ring and we answer it?" Mikey was just as excited as Donnie over the new addition to the turtle's home.

"Who's going to ring us?" Leo asked, he didn't see the point in Donnie's latest endeavour.

"There's Casey and April for starters," Raph began.

"They both have turtle-coms; they seem to use them just fine."

"But Leo, they can call us from a normal phone and the turtle-coms can be only used when we're not home."

"They already get used when we're not at home. I don't see the big deal."

"Leo, they run on batteries. What happens when the batteries die?"

"They got to battery heaven," Mikey chuckled, earning him a poke in the ribs by Raphael.

"We bring them back to Don and he has to charge them. Until they get recharged, we can't use the turtle-coms," Raphael said.

"Oh look who's such a smarty pants turtle today boys! Since when has Donnie been charging batteries? I've never seen him doing that, have you?" Mikey turned to Leo.

There was a cough, "Please continue my son", Master Splinter encouraged Don.

"Look, we now have a home telephone, so we don't need the turtle-coms on at home which will save the batteries. Also when we're out and want to phone home."

"Who you think we are, E.T?" Leo rolled his eyes he didn't see his brothers ringing home much. Usually when they took off, it meant peace and quiet for those left behind.

"E.T. phone home," Mikey did his impersonation to Raph, who just shoved him off the chair.

"I mean if one of us goes out and you know, might want lunch outside and so we can ring back here and tell the others," Donnie said.

"Yeah we all know you're not really having any lunch at Irma's Donnie," Mikey said, making kissing noises.

"It's true, little brothers are annoying," Donnie looked at his brother, who simply poked his tongue out.

"Michealangelo!" Splinter sternly advised Mikey to stop his childish behaviour.

"Besides, I am sure Master Splinter would feel much at ease to know that we can simply call him up and tell him where we are." Donnie said looked to Splinter, who just nodded.

"Really, I don't see Raph ringing up and telling Splinter that he's letting off steam down the southern parts of New York now, do you?"

"R-a-ph-e-a-l, phone home," Mikey pretended to be ET again.

"Knock it off or I'll knock you off!" Raphael grumbled.

"Look, Mikey, make your self useful, use this old mobile phone and call this number," Donnie said, handing a phone to Mikey.

"How come he gets to do it?" Raph cried, Mikey was just going to make a spectacle of him self - as usual.

"Oh, hee hee, I get to use the mobile and Raphie is jealous!" Mikey jumped up and grabbed his chair and went round to be next to Splinter – where he knew it was safer.

"Just call the number I just gave you, Raph if you want you can answer the phone," Donnie said, noticing his brother's upset of not getting a turn.

"I hate talking to Mikey as it is why would I want to hear him on the phone?" Raph said.

"Fine, Leo or Splinter would you like a turn?" Donnie looked to those he spoke to.

"Alright," Leo got up and stood next to Don, waiting for the phone to ring.

Mikey just sat there with the mobile, laughing at Leo.

"Mikey dial the number."

"Why am I talking to Leo on this phone when he's standing right next to me and can hear me talking to him?"

"Fine go into the kitchen and call the number," Donnie was annoyed at his brother.

Mikey bounced to the kitchen and they waited, and then finally they could hear Mikey's voice, though he was not on the main phone talking to Leo.

"Hey Leo, oh, I say Leo, guess what? You can't guess can you? Didn't think you can, but I know that I was voted the sexiest turtle by at least five popular magazines. Now there was Rolling Stone, Playboy, and Turtles Monthly – now that's our own magazine – this month's special has pics of Raph in the shower, doing well in the stock market that one. "

"Michealangelo! Come out here at once," Splinter called.

"Hang on, Splinter Sensei Dude wants to talk to me, see he wants to talk to me, not you. He knows I'm the bestest turtle in the world," Mikey walked into the room. Still talking to the phone.

He didn't notice that the real Leo was not even on the phone at all. In fact the home phone had not even rung.

"Yeah hang on while I just tell Splinter. I'm talking to Leo on the phone, want me to tell him if he's not home in 30 seconds I get to kick is butt?" Mikey then looked to notice that his brother was just standing there with his arms crossed – in true Leo fashion.

"Okay, he does know that I was only joking?" Mikey whimpered to Splinter.

"Give me that!" Raph snatched the phone off his brother and spoke into the phone.

"Who is this?" He growled into the phone, he rolled his eyes at his little brother.

"Mikey, why you little! He dialled the wrong number. Guess who bozo here just called?" Raph shot to his brothers.

"Who?" Leo and Don said together.

"Oh just the local cop shop!" Raph yelled into Mikey's face.

"Opps! Must have dialled the wrong number, sorry, bros," Mikey cried innocent.

"Good one," Donnie snatched the phone and ended the call.

"Yeah they wanted to know who the hell Leo was and which page number's gone the so called photos of me in the shower?"

"Your just a little ticked off right now, aren't you Raphie. Raphie, Raphie, Raphie, good old Raphie, you know you're my favourite turtle," Mikey began; h ran around the group of chairs away from Raphael.

"There had better not be any photos of me in the shower – or else!" Raph warned, as he grabbed his brother.

"Thank you Raphael, put your brother down now. I will deal with him in a moment. Let your brother finish showing us his new project," Splinter was tired of breaking up the fights. He was also wanted to take Mikey aside and give him a good talking to about his behaviour.

"Okay, I will ring and Leo – you answer." Donnie was now frustrated by Mikey's antics.

"Okay," Leo waited for when the phone rang.

"It works." Leo said into the mouth piece.

"That's not how you answer the telephone! You're meant to say hello, tell me who you are and then ask who I am," Donnie mumbled.

"Does it matter? I know who you are and you know it's me," Leo didn't get it when they had to role play.

"I'll show him?" Mikey said, before everyone gave him a dirty look and said no.

"If I find out there's such a thing as Turtle Monthly, I'll cut off what makes you a boy turtle, and then we really will have a sister!" Raph warned.

"Raphael," Splinter warned, "I do feel that you should all be polite on the phone. Leonardo and Donetello start again.

Next morning everyone in the Turtle household was doing their usual thing when the phone rang.

"It's mine!" Mikey raced to the phone, he only beat Raph because he was closest to it at the time. Raphael stood there defeated.

"Hello, yes this is the worlds favourite mutant turtle speaking as mentioned in at least five magazines, including Turtle Monthly, which you can now by directly from me for the cost of a medium sized pizza. That's right, if you buy me a pizza, I'll give you a magazine."

"There' no such thing as Turtle Monthly and Master Splinter told you to give up on that already." Raph told his brother.

"Damn! It's for Donnie. Get Donnie," Mikey ordered his brother.

"No, give me that and you get Donnie," Raph tried to snatch the phone out of Mikey's hands.

"So you want Donnie do you? Did you know that he's got this really ugly wart on his butt? Not that I look at his butt or anything, but well, when you grow up sharing a room with someone, you just can't help but notice the little things. "

'Mikey, Donnie hasn't got a wart, let alone on his butt. And you haven't shared a room with Don since you were 8!" Raph wrestled his little brother to the ground.

"What are you two doing?" Leo just looked down at his brothers on the ground with his arms crossed.

"Brotherly bonding, what does it look like?" Raph said.

"Hey can you get Donnie, I'm kind of a little busy right now, trying to get Raph off me," Mikey said.

"DONNIE!" Leo called out into the lair.

"Yeah," Donnie can into the room, holding a microchip.

"Hey Donnie, show us your butt. Raph says you got an ugly wart there or something. Now me and Leo have told him it's not true," Mickey said.

"I know nothing about any warts," Leo said, when Don looked at him.

"Mikey told Irma on the phone you have a wart on your butt." Raphael defended himself.

"Real mature guys." Donnie went and picked up the phone and spoke into it.

Mikey began to make kissing noises and rolled out from under Raphael

"Oh yes. Irmie, you can see my fat ugly wart on my butt any time. Oh Irmie that's not all I'll show you tonight," Mikey giggled.

Donnie took one look at his brother, "Hang on Irma, I have a Mikey to kill!"

"Um… this is the time I practice my ninja disappearing act, bye bye," Mikey took off down the other end of the lair, away from his brothers.

"Right, sorry about that, he's taken off."

"That'll be the phone!" Leo called, as he was trying to balance a book on his head. He didn't want to break his record concentration.

"You don't say?" Raph walked past Leo and picked up the phone.

"Yo, how'z it doing?"

"What did Master Splinter say about Manners on the phone?" Leo asked.

'What did Master Splinter say about you being a pain in the arse and you should mind your own butt."

Leo ignored his brother, until Raph looked at him again.

"What you looking at me like that for?"

"It's for you," Raph said.

"Who is it?"

"Oh just the Shredder making a social call, he wants to know how your mum is? It's April, stupid," Raph shoved the receiver into Leo's hands and walked off.

"Let's have a comp?" Mikey said, as he sat around with his brothers as they watched a movie.

"Why, you always loose Mikey?" Raph asked.

"Na, this one, I will win. You see."

"What kind of competition?" Leo asked.

"An answering the phone competition."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What's the point in that?"

"Who ever can come up with the best catchy phrase to answer the phone with, gets out of dishes for a week," Mikey said.

The other three paid notice of the "no dishes" part.

"What we have to do?" Raphael asked.

"Make up something, we get our judges to ring us up and they judge us on the phone answering skills."

"And who are the judges?"

"April, Casey and Irma. And I'm sure Splinter would vote if we needed him to do a tie breaker."

"Don't see any tie breakers happening Mikey," Donnie said.

"Oh come on guys, it'll be fun!" Mikey said.

"Okay, but only on one condition," Leo said to his younger brother.

"What's that?" Mikey said.

"You stop singing about doe a deer's in the shower!" Leo said.

"Yeah that seems fair enough." Mikey sat back in his chair, happy to have this kind of competition. Only his brothers didn't know he had already made up his answering line.

"When we got to have one by?" Raph said.

"Two days sounds fair enough," all brothers agreed.