hp roadtrip by a true
snape fan
INTRODUCTION:
ME: Ok as we all know J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter cast. Some one owns " The Blair Witch Project, I own the Backstreet Boys CD, Universal Pictures owns the Bates Motel and Norman Bates, and my mom owns the car. Right quick run down......
READERS: Nooo!!!!!!!! On with the story!!!!
ME: I'll get there if you let me tell you the run down!
READERS: Make it snappy, Snape Fan!
ME: * sighs * Thanks. Ok the cast is ME,* some readers get up and leave* HEY GET BACK HERE!! * they return to their seats * along with HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, MCGONAGALL, DUMBLEDORE, & SNAPE
* readers stare at me oddly *
ME: On with the story.
A HARRY POTTER CROSS- BETWEEN
( aka:A Whole Mess of Comedy)
By Snape Fan
* ME, HARRY, HERMIONE and EVERYONE ELSE are in the car. HARRY HERMIONE, and MYSELF are singing to a Backstreet Boys CD *
SNAPE: * looks at clock on dashboroad * Will you three quit singing? It's nearly midnight and some of us are trying to sleep.
ME: * grips steering wheel tightly * I know, Snape, but I...* yawns * ... Am the one driving.
HERMIONE: * taps me on the shoulder * You trade places with me and I'll drive.
* car stops, I, go to the back of the van and HERMIONE pops into the driver's seat *
SNAPE: * to Dumbledore * I'll trade places with you.
DUMBLEDORE: * snores loudly *
* SNAPE leans forward to see MCGONAGALL reading by wand light *
SNAPE: Minerva?
MCGONAGALL: Fat chance, Severus.
* car starts up again *
ME: Looks like your stuck sitting next to me, Snape.
Snape: I didn't even want to be in this Fan Fiction.
MCGONAGALL: * whacks SNAPE with book *
HARRY: * stops singing * Are we there yet?
HERMIONE: No
RON: * wakes up * Where's the doughnuts?
ME: * eyes closed trying to sleep * It's not morning yet, Ron.
RON: Oh, can we stop at a hotel or something?
HERMIONE: Well, that's up to Snape Fan.
SNAPE: * shocked at my pen- name * Minerva PLEASE trade places with me.
MCGONAGALL: Nope.
HARRY: * looks out window * Hey the Bates Motel ,vacancy
ME: * snaps awake * What?!, Oh no not this place maybe a Best Western but not here!
* Norman Bates walks over to HERMIONE's window *
N.B.: Looking for a room?
ME: No.
HERMIONE: Yes.
N.B.: * eye twitches * 12 rooms, 12 vacancies, we have showers in every room too.
HERMIONE: Well that's nice, we could book a few rooms,by the way, what's your name?
N.B.: My name is Norman Bates.
HERMIONE: Sure we'll take seven rooms,Norman.
ME: Uh, sorry Norm, but * nods to HERMIONE * we can't stay here.
N.B. Suit yourselves * walks up to the motel *
* I sigh with relief, EVERYONE ELSE stares at me open mouthed, DUMBLEDORE snore loudly again *
ME: WHAT?!
SNAPE: You, Missy, just cost us a good night sleep.
ME: * shocked * A good night sleep?! I just saved our lives!
MCGONAGALL: What are you talking about, girl?
ME: * looks crazy * Norman Bates is insane! Have any of you seen the movie 'Psycho'?
RON: What's a movie?
HERMIONE: Moving pictures
RON: Oh,
HARRY: Yeah I saw that movie a woman checked into that motel and ...Well, died
ME: Bingo, and the same thing would've happened to all of us.
* silence for a few minutes, DUMBLEDORE snores loudly again. SNAPE punches him awake *
DUMBLEDORE: Uh..Quidditch Practice!
ME: Rigggghhhhtttt. Yo, Hermione park the car at the nearest camping ground. My, word what am I saying?
MCGONAGALL: Park the car at the nearest camping ground.
* Norman bates pops out of the back of the van *
N.B.: No, she meant she can't understand why she said the word camping.
ME: * sees SNAPE's wand in his pocket and grabs it *
SNAPE: Hey!
ME: stupefy
* Bates blacks out in the back of the van *
ALL: Wow,
SNAPE: *stares at me shocked at the idea of a Muggle knowing how to work a wand * Give me that ! * grabs his wand back *
ME: Sorry,* fake cough * ' Snap'
SNAPE: annoyed * Why you little....
HERMIONE: Hey, Snape, no language in the car.
SNAPE: Derrrrrh...
ME: * sticks tounge out at SNAPE* Hermione if your tired let Harry drive, I'm going to sleep.
*****
2 hours later
ME: Wh..* wakes up to see that I'm in a tent. HARRY,RON, and the teachers are eating breakfast at a picnic table,HERMIONE walks over to me* What time is it? * searches for glasses *
HERMIONE: 9:00, Pop- Tart? * she holds out a Pop-Tart*
ME: * still wakeing up* Thanks *yawns* Hey, what are we going to do with 'Nutty Norman' * points to back of the van*
ALL: * shugs*
ME: *reaches into backpack, and pulls out a roll of Duckt - Tape * Snape, Dumbledore, please get Norman ,Harry find a tree.
5 minutes later,
ME: * singing* La, la- Duckt- tapeing Norman to a tree, -la- la Ducket -tapeing Norman to a tree.
SNAPE: She's lost it'
ME: You just ain't whistlein' Dixie!
RON: Yup, she has lost it.
SNAPE: I want Duckt Tape her to a tree.
DUMBLEDORE: Why?
SNAPE: She's annoing.
ALL: * groan*
ME: Hey, I'm out of Duckt Tape!
* cast of the Blair With Project enters*
HEATHER: Do you need ducket tape?
ME: YES!
* MIKE tosses me a roll of Duckt tape*
ME: Thanks,
JOSH: No, prob.
MIKE: Hey Norman Bates.
HEATHER: Bates?! Where?!
HARRY: Calm down, hey he's waking up.
ME: HIT THE DIRT!!
* EVERYONE HIDES *
NORMAN: Mother,Mother Normy's home!
ME/HERM.: *giggle* Normy * giggle*
MCGONAGALL: Why's he raving about his mother?
ME: I told you he's insane. He thinks he's at home with his mother* shudders*
MCGONAGALL: What's so bad about his mother?
ME: His mother's been dead for over twenty- five years.
HERMIONE: * gasp*
* I get out and walk over to NORMAN holding a big and thick book*
NORMAN: Hello, Mother.
ME: * pretending to be his mother* Hello, Norman. I'm surprised at you for locking me in the furit celler.
NORMAN: I'm sorry, Mother.
ME: Good boy, * whacks him with the book* I have no son!
NORMAN: What did I ever do to you, Mother? * blacks out*
* EVERYONE comes out form hiding*
ALL: OKKKKK......
SNAPE: I think they're both nuts.
Heather: Is, he dead?
ME: No, sorry.
JOSH: Whack him again!
ME: Anyone who wants to wack someone, go right ahead
* MCGONAGALL,is reading a Reader's Digest,SNAPE, sees it*
SNAPE: Can I see that?
* MCGONAGALL hands him the magazine*
SNAPE: Thank you, * Whecks ME with it*
ME: OW!
SNAPE: Serves you right.
ME: For what?!
SNAPE: One you called me Snap and two you wouldn't let us stay in that hotel.
ME: Hey, I still have a few folls of ducket tape left.
*SNAPE shuts up* MCGONAGALL: Can I have my magizne back?
* SNAPE throws it at her* Snape: I'll be in the van.
ME: Someone didn't have coffe this morning.
SNAPE: IT WAS DE-CAF!!
ME: To- shay. Let's get this stuff picked up.
* getting packed up *
DUMBLEDORE: Why isn't he helping ? * points to Snape*
ME: Not a morning person no doubt.
SNAPE: Right
* ME and the H.P.CAST get in car*
HEATHER: What do you want us to do with 'Normy'
ME: Leave him taped to the tree.* talking to H.P. CAST * Alright whose driving
ALL: You.
****
1 hour later
* ME HERMIONE AND HARRY are singing to a BSB CD again*
SNAPE: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
ALL: NO!
SNAPE: Someone curse me now!
HARRY: Gladly,
DUMBLEDORE: Why?
SNAPE: Those three are driving me nuts!!
RON: Yeah, Snape's right you three sing BAD, OOF!
* HERMIONE slaps him*
ME: * talking to SNAPE* If I hear one more word out of you, Snape,you are going to end up like Bates, comprenda
SNAPE: Yeah,yeah,yeah,* pulls out a book called "How to get out of a car full of idiots"*
MCGONAGALL:* puts her magaize down and looks at the book SNAPE is reading* I'll trade you books.
SNape:There's anthor one in the back of the van.
* MCGONAGALL dives into the back of the van*
MCGONAGALL: YES! Found it. Sweet freedom from Reader's Digest HAHAHA!! * laughs like a lunatic*
SNAPE: Um, Dumbledore is she...?
DUMBLEDORE: car trips make her nutty.
ME: Welcome to my life Mgonagall Hello still there?
HARRY: Uh-oh
*stops car*
ME: * outside the car* I found her
McGONAGALL: * on the roof of the car, singing* Show me the meaning of bein' lonely
ME: Guys?
ALL: * inside car* WHAT?!
ME: I'm going to need help.
****
45 min. later
* Back in the car*
HEMIONE : Do you think that duck tape will hold her down?
ME: Don't worry.
MCgonagall: *TAPED TO HER SEAT SINGING* Truela- ru -la - rula
DUMBLEDORE: Where are we going again?
ME: Eruope.
I'LL NEED REVIEWS IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT !!
YEAH AND THE SONG 'TRUELA-RU-LA-RULA' BELONGS TO THE SHOW 'TITUS' ON FOX.
snape fan
INTRODUCTION:
ME: Ok as we all know J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter cast. Some one owns " The Blair Witch Project, I own the Backstreet Boys CD, Universal Pictures owns the Bates Motel and Norman Bates, and my mom owns the car. Right quick run down......
READERS: Nooo!!!!!!!! On with the story!!!!
ME: I'll get there if you let me tell you the run down!
READERS: Make it snappy, Snape Fan!
ME: * sighs * Thanks. Ok the cast is ME,* some readers get up and leave* HEY GET BACK HERE!! * they return to their seats * along with HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, MCGONAGALL, DUMBLEDORE, & SNAPE
* readers stare at me oddly *
ME: On with the story.
A HARRY POTTER CROSS- BETWEEN
( aka:A Whole Mess of Comedy)
By Snape Fan
* ME, HARRY, HERMIONE and EVERYONE ELSE are in the car. HARRY HERMIONE, and MYSELF are singing to a Backstreet Boys CD *
SNAPE: * looks at clock on dashboroad * Will you three quit singing? It's nearly midnight and some of us are trying to sleep.
ME: * grips steering wheel tightly * I know, Snape, but I...* yawns * ... Am the one driving.
HERMIONE: * taps me on the shoulder * You trade places with me and I'll drive.
* car stops, I, go to the back of the van and HERMIONE pops into the driver's seat *
SNAPE: * to Dumbledore * I'll trade places with you.
DUMBLEDORE: * snores loudly *
* SNAPE leans forward to see MCGONAGALL reading by wand light *
SNAPE: Minerva?
MCGONAGALL: Fat chance, Severus.
* car starts up again *
ME: Looks like your stuck sitting next to me, Snape.
Snape: I didn't even want to be in this Fan Fiction.
MCGONAGALL: * whacks SNAPE with book *
HARRY: * stops singing * Are we there yet?
HERMIONE: No
RON: * wakes up * Where's the doughnuts?
ME: * eyes closed trying to sleep * It's not morning yet, Ron.
RON: Oh, can we stop at a hotel or something?
HERMIONE: Well, that's up to Snape Fan.
SNAPE: * shocked at my pen- name * Minerva PLEASE trade places with me.
MCGONAGALL: Nope.
HARRY: * looks out window * Hey the Bates Motel ,vacancy
ME: * snaps awake * What?!, Oh no not this place maybe a Best Western but not here!
* Norman Bates walks over to HERMIONE's window *
N.B.: Looking for a room?
ME: No.
HERMIONE: Yes.
N.B.: * eye twitches * 12 rooms, 12 vacancies, we have showers in every room too.
HERMIONE: Well that's nice, we could book a few rooms,by the way, what's your name?
N.B.: My name is Norman Bates.
HERMIONE: Sure we'll take seven rooms,Norman.
ME: Uh, sorry Norm, but * nods to HERMIONE * we can't stay here.
N.B. Suit yourselves * walks up to the motel *
* I sigh with relief, EVERYONE ELSE stares at me open mouthed, DUMBLEDORE snore loudly again *
ME: WHAT?!
SNAPE: You, Missy, just cost us a good night sleep.
ME: * shocked * A good night sleep?! I just saved our lives!
MCGONAGALL: What are you talking about, girl?
ME: * looks crazy * Norman Bates is insane! Have any of you seen the movie 'Psycho'?
RON: What's a movie?
HERMIONE: Moving pictures
RON: Oh,
HARRY: Yeah I saw that movie a woman checked into that motel and ...Well, died
ME: Bingo, and the same thing would've happened to all of us.
* silence for a few minutes, DUMBLEDORE snores loudly again. SNAPE punches him awake *
DUMBLEDORE: Uh..Quidditch Practice!
ME: Rigggghhhhtttt. Yo, Hermione park the car at the nearest camping ground. My, word what am I saying?
MCGONAGALL: Park the car at the nearest camping ground.
* Norman bates pops out of the back of the van *
N.B.: No, she meant she can't understand why she said the word camping.
ME: * sees SNAPE's wand in his pocket and grabs it *
SNAPE: Hey!
ME: stupefy
* Bates blacks out in the back of the van *
ALL: Wow,
SNAPE: *stares at me shocked at the idea of a Muggle knowing how to work a wand * Give me that ! * grabs his wand back *
ME: Sorry,* fake cough * ' Snap'
SNAPE: annoyed * Why you little....
HERMIONE: Hey, Snape, no language in the car.
SNAPE: Derrrrrh...
ME: * sticks tounge out at SNAPE* Hermione if your tired let Harry drive, I'm going to sleep.
*****
2 hours later
ME: Wh..* wakes up to see that I'm in a tent. HARRY,RON, and the teachers are eating breakfast at a picnic table,HERMIONE walks over to me* What time is it? * searches for glasses *
HERMIONE: 9:00, Pop- Tart? * she holds out a Pop-Tart*
ME: * still wakeing up* Thanks *yawns* Hey, what are we going to do with 'Nutty Norman' * points to back of the van*
ALL: * shugs*
ME: *reaches into backpack, and pulls out a roll of Duckt - Tape * Snape, Dumbledore, please get Norman ,Harry find a tree.
5 minutes later,
ME: * singing* La, la- Duckt- tapeing Norman to a tree, -la- la Ducket -tapeing Norman to a tree.
SNAPE: She's lost it'
ME: You just ain't whistlein' Dixie!
RON: Yup, she has lost it.
SNAPE: I want Duckt Tape her to a tree.
DUMBLEDORE: Why?
SNAPE: She's annoing.
ALL: * groan*
ME: Hey, I'm out of Duckt Tape!
* cast of the Blair With Project enters*
HEATHER: Do you need ducket tape?
ME: YES!
* MIKE tosses me a roll of Duckt tape*
ME: Thanks,
JOSH: No, prob.
MIKE: Hey Norman Bates.
HEATHER: Bates?! Where?!
HARRY: Calm down, hey he's waking up.
ME: HIT THE DIRT!!
* EVERYONE HIDES *
NORMAN: Mother,Mother Normy's home!
ME/HERM.: *giggle* Normy * giggle*
MCGONAGALL: Why's he raving about his mother?
ME: I told you he's insane. He thinks he's at home with his mother* shudders*
MCGONAGALL: What's so bad about his mother?
ME: His mother's been dead for over twenty- five years.
HERMIONE: * gasp*
* I get out and walk over to NORMAN holding a big and thick book*
NORMAN: Hello, Mother.
ME: * pretending to be his mother* Hello, Norman. I'm surprised at you for locking me in the furit celler.
NORMAN: I'm sorry, Mother.
ME: Good boy, * whacks him with the book* I have no son!
NORMAN: What did I ever do to you, Mother? * blacks out*
* EVERYONE comes out form hiding*
ALL: OKKKKK......
SNAPE: I think they're both nuts.
Heather: Is, he dead?
ME: No, sorry.
JOSH: Whack him again!
ME: Anyone who wants to wack someone, go right ahead
* MCGONAGALL,is reading a Reader's Digest,SNAPE, sees it*
SNAPE: Can I see that?
* MCGONAGALL hands him the magazine*
SNAPE: Thank you, * Whecks ME with it*
ME: OW!
SNAPE: Serves you right.
ME: For what?!
SNAPE: One you called me Snap and two you wouldn't let us stay in that hotel.
ME: Hey, I still have a few folls of ducket tape left.
*SNAPE shuts up* MCGONAGALL: Can I have my magizne back?
* SNAPE throws it at her* Snape: I'll be in the van.
ME: Someone didn't have coffe this morning.
SNAPE: IT WAS DE-CAF!!
ME: To- shay. Let's get this stuff picked up.
* getting packed up *
DUMBLEDORE: Why isn't he helping ? * points to Snape*
ME: Not a morning person no doubt.
SNAPE: Right
* ME and the H.P.CAST get in car*
HEATHER: What do you want us to do with 'Normy'
ME: Leave him taped to the tree.* talking to H.P. CAST * Alright whose driving
ALL: You.
****
1 hour later
* ME HERMIONE AND HARRY are singing to a BSB CD again*
SNAPE: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
ALL: NO!
SNAPE: Someone curse me now!
HARRY: Gladly,
DUMBLEDORE: Why?
SNAPE: Those three are driving me nuts!!
RON: Yeah, Snape's right you three sing BAD, OOF!
* HERMIONE slaps him*
ME: * talking to SNAPE* If I hear one more word out of you, Snape,you are going to end up like Bates, comprenda
SNAPE: Yeah,yeah,yeah,* pulls out a book called "How to get out of a car full of idiots"*
MCGONAGALL:* puts her magaize down and looks at the book SNAPE is reading* I'll trade you books.
SNape:There's anthor one in the back of the van.
* MCGONAGALL dives into the back of the van*
MCGONAGALL: YES! Found it. Sweet freedom from Reader's Digest HAHAHA!! * laughs like a lunatic*
SNAPE: Um, Dumbledore is she...?
DUMBLEDORE: car trips make her nutty.
ME: Welcome to my life Mgonagall Hello still there?
HARRY: Uh-oh
*stops car*
ME: * outside the car* I found her
McGONAGALL: * on the roof of the car, singing* Show me the meaning of bein' lonely
ME: Guys?
ALL: * inside car* WHAT?!
ME: I'm going to need help.
****
45 min. later
* Back in the car*
HEMIONE : Do you think that duck tape will hold her down?
ME: Don't worry.
MCgonagall: *TAPED TO HER SEAT SINGING* Truela- ru -la - rula
DUMBLEDORE: Where are we going again?
ME: Eruope.
I'LL NEED REVIEWS IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT !!
YEAH AND THE SONG 'TRUELA-RU-LA-RULA' BELONGS TO THE SHOW 'TITUS' ON FOX.