A/N: I'm back! Well not for long :( I'm still having a hard time finishing up Demented and Deranged, but I will get that done. This is just a one-shot inspired by the sad picture that degrassi writers released of Grade 11 Clare. She honestly looks so sad. If you haven't seen it, check out effyeahdegrassiwriters . tumblr . com the picture should be there. So, yeah read and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do own Degrassi AND Aislinn Paul. HA!
Melancholy
Summary:
It's a new school year. Clare Edwards is a whole different person. She's no longer the happy, cheerful girl she once was. Now, she's lost, broken, and misses her sister. Things are just oo hard for one girl.
"I'm sorry, your sister is gone."
Nothing.
No tears, no sobs, nothing. Emotionless. Clare Edwards is gone. Gone from the real world, her thoughts and feelings; gone.
Arms are wrapped around her. Her mothers tiny arms engulfed her emotionless daughter, her father's arms wrapped around his family as Glen and Jake are sitting on the chairs with sadness in their eyes.
The Clare Edwards now, is nowhere near the Clare Edwards she used to be back when she was ten years old. When Clare was ten, she was a witty little girl that loved to mess with her older sister.
"Why are you so addicted to writing a dumb blog no one reads?"
Darcy rolls her eyes at her little sister.
"I'm not addicted and people do read it. There's a whole online community of people who are one hundred zillion times less annoying than you are."
Clare had a mischievous smirk on her face and said, "It's a good thing you have friends somewhere, even if they are invisible."
Darcy threw a pen at her little sister in annoyance and Clare scoffed and giggled.
Their relationship was a love/hate relationship. They had their moments where they would be so annoyed by each other or they had those bittersweet moments that proved that they loved each other.
"Nobody's gonna find out. I'll punch them." Clare said with a smile to encourage her broken sister.
Darcy looks at her little sister and smiles. For once in the past few days, she felt happy.
"You're good, Clare." Darcy sniffles, "You're really good."
Clare gives her sister a look of sadness, "You are too, Darce. You just got a little turned around."
"I'm not sure if I can I show my face around Degrassi anymore."
"You can do it, I believe in you, Darce. Okay?"
Darcy nods as Clare grabs hold of her sister's hand.
"Okay."
Clare and Darcy lean into each other and enjoy a peaceful silence.
Clare went months without seeing her older sister. There were many moment where Clare wished that Darcy was there to take her side and fight the battles of her parents.
Clare Edwards is in grade 11 and she's miserable. Things are different. Way different. She's the new definition of 'the walking dead'.
Clare goes around school like a zombie. She has a regular routine everyday. Sleep, wake up, eat, go to school, come home, do her homework, eat, and then sleep, continuing the cycle of her now normal lifestyle.
Clare wants nothing to do with Alli or Jake. Adam is too busy with his own life to notice how unhappy she is. Bianca is still kind of new to the comforting thing. Her parents are no help considering they too are just getting over their eldest daughter's death. Eli on the other hand is watching from a distance.
He sees the lack of emotion in her eyes. Her new posture, the way you can tell she tries to cover up her dark circles with concealer, and the way she spaces out in the middle of class.
He even noticed the way she takes bad grades now. Ms. Dawes gave her a C- on an essay they had to write about their perception of a picture painted by Blue Chesex, a former student. She took the C- without a question or a fight.
One morning, Clare is walking in the sports wing of the school and she notices a picture frame of Darcy Edwards. It's a picture of Darcy in her old cheerleading uniform, posing with a bright and cheery smile on her perfect tanned skin.
One simple look and tears are beginning to form in her eyes. She doesn't even care that people see her crying. If it were months ago, Clare would have fought to hold the tears back or run to the bathroom.
Now, she already knows people see her as the new broken Edwards daughter. So why hide it? People stop and stare at the saddened girl as they notice she's looking at her sister.
Clare walks to class with her head hung low, eyes averted to the ground and her new red polo already stained with tears, mascara, and eyeliner.
She's the only one in class and she doesn't even acknowledge the teacher saying good morning. She's doing what she does best, which is just being there.
She doesn't move a muscle as she feels the presence of the one boy she doesn't feel like talking to at the moment. Eli.
"Hey."
"…"
No response, as usual.
"I heard about Darcy."
"…"
Who hasn't?
"Listen, I know you're hurting. But maybe if you talked to me-
"Leave me alone." She says in a monotone voice. She didn't even look at him. She continues to look at the empty space on her desk.
"Clare, you have to talk sometime."
Clare finally moves her eyes to look at him dead in the eyes.
Eli gasps a little as he sees what has taken over the girl he loves.
Red, puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, dead expression, and a look of annoyance. This wasn't even remotely close to the old Clare.
"I said, leave. me. alone." Clare's look in her eyes are dark and looks as if the exorcist has taken over her body.
Eli nods and stands up without another word. He walks to the door slowly. He turns around right before leaving the grade 11 history class. He watches as she continues to look at the empty spot on her desk and doesn't move her body once.
"….You know, Clare. If you need me, even at four in the morning, i'll be there. Don't hesitate to call me. I'm not going anywhere."
"…"
And with that said, he leaves with one last look at this emotionless ex-girlfriend.
.
.
.
.
"Clare, sweetie, you seriously need some sleep." Bianca's half sister Tori says to Clare.
Bianca and Clare are in the living room of Bianca's house. Bianca didn't want to be at Clare's house because Bianca didn't want Clare in such a sad environment.
Clare was depressed enough as it is, she didn't need the stress of her mother and Glen's lovey dovey acts or seeing Alli backstab Clare in her own house.
Bianca and Clare first hung out at the cabin during the summer. They were both at the lake when Bianca took sudden interest in Clare's charm bracelet she got for her 16th birthday from Darcy. It had a charm of a butterfly, the cross, a heart, and a charm that says sister forever.
After a long chat they didn't notice that it was getting dark so they decided to head back to the cabin. They got lost on the way and caught Jake and Alli kissing in front of the fire.
Clare felt betrayed and Bianca felt sorry for Clare. So, Bianca and Alli switched rooms so that Clare and Bianca were roommates for the rest of the trip.
Clare and Bianca grew an odd friendship where Clare would tame Bianca's bad habits, and Bianca would let Clare's inner wild child venture out.
It all stopped when Darcy passed away. Clare didn't feel like going out and having fun with Bianca like she used to, and Bianca didn't complain.
Bianca's father passed away when she was eight years old, and she knew the feeling of losing a favorite family member. Clare stayed quiet and was always looking at empty space.
Bianca didn't want to lose another friend, so she tried her hardest to comfort Clare. Clare always told Bianca to hang out with Imogen, but Bianca did not want to leave her all by herself.
"Tori, shut the fuck up." Bianca snarled at her half sister.
Tori was an outgoing grade nine and she always tried looking at the goodness of life. She was nothing like Bianca, but they did share certain traits.
Tori apologized to Clare as she wrapped her blanket more tightly around herself.
"It's okay, Tori." Clare tried to smile, but failed miserably. It came out more as showing her teeth instead of a genuine smile. "I already know I need more sleep."
Bianca punched her little sister in the arm and gave her a dirty look.
For the rest of the saturday night, Clare, Bianca, and Tori stayed in the house and watched t.v., read magazines, and made lasagna for Bianca and Tori's mom.
Clare had her dad pick her up and take him to the condo where he was living in. Clare found forgiveness in her father for cheating on her mother. She eventually met her fathers girlfriend, and found a soft spot for her.
Randall Edwards girlfriend was a fresh looking thirty nine year elementary school teacher. She was a short brunette that had a body of a twenty six year old. She was sweet and really loved Clare.
Clare sluggishly walked to her bathroom and took a long hot shower. Her eyes burned from being up so long, her body ached, and her head was pounding. She got out of the shower and put on her most comfiest pajamas.
A big Dead Hand t-shirt that she stole from Eli, and red and black male plaid pajama pants. They were her cousins pants, but she stole those also. They were old, worn out, and soft. They made her fall asleep in an instant, but that night she didn't fall asleep at all.
Clare stayed up tossing and turning. Her dad gave her some warm milk to help her fall asleep but it only worked for half an hour.
Every time she closed her eyes, she would see Darcy. She would see Darcy with her green purse, her denim skirt and floral top, and her sandals.
Clare looked at her clock and saw that it was three in the morning and she only managed to get in thirty minutes of sleep. Clare soon fell asleep at around four o'clock.
She felt weight next to her on her bed, and she looked to see who it was. She turned to her side and smirked.
"Darcy, what are you doing here?"
Darcy smiled and moved the bangs out of her little sister eyes, "Just paying a visit to my favorite sister in the world."
Clare smiled and said, "You mean your only sister?"
Darcy laughed and nodded. Both sister laid on their backs and looked up at the ceiling. Randall's girlfriend put up glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of her room.
Darcy took hold of Clare's hand interlaced their fingers together. Clare felt the warmth of her sister and she smiled.
Clare smiled a big, genuine smile. It has been months since she last smiled. It has also been the first longest conversation she's had in months.
"Clare, you need to stop being sad."
Clare frowned and said, "How? I can't just flip a switch."
Darcy squeezed Clare's hands and said, "Clare, I hate to see you this way. You're not living life."
Clare scoffed and said, "So what? Am I dead to?"
Darcy nodded and said, "You sure do walk this planet as if you are dead." Darcy turned her head, and Clare followed suit, "Clare, you're only existing, not living."
Clare had a tear fall from her eyes as she took in what her sister was telling her. "I don't want you crying anymore. You're missing out opportunities to hang out with Bianca and be with Eli."
Clare frowned and said, "What if I don't want to be with Eli?
Darcy smiled and said, "Then your pants better be on fire, because you're lying like a mad fool, sis."
Clare giggled and turned her head back to face the ceiling. "Goodnight, Darce."
Darcy squeezed her sister hand and laid her head next to her sisters head, "You know I love you, right?"
Clare smiled and said, "I know."
.
.
.
.
The next day, Clare hung out more with Bianca and they had a blast. For the next week, she tried her hardest to be happy and smiley. Everyone believed her. All but one.
Eli could see past her fake cheeriness. When she told him good morning on monday, he noticed how big her false smile was and forced her voice was. It broke his heart as he watched her put up a fake happiness.
The next couple of days, he watched as the look of happiness on her face didn't follow her eyes.
On saturday night, Clare lay in bed in her comfy Dead Hand shirt and plaid pajamas pants. She fell asleep a bit easier and she dreamt of Darcy. Or her.
Clare saw herself with long brown hair, beautiful tanned skin, a beauty mark just under her right eyebrow, and wearing Darcy's old cheerleading uniform.
Clare was walking in the hallway as she came off as this happy, popular, beautiful teenage girl. But in truth, she was broken apart. In a blink of an eye she saw herself again but in the showers of the school.
She was on the ground, blood flowing out of her wrist, tears coming out of her eyes, and Bianca trying her hardest to help out her friend.
Clare then saw something that made her cringe and cry. It was Darcy on an old looking bed, her normally tanned skin, was washed out, she looked skinnier and breakable.
Clare watched as Darcy closed her eyes and lay perfectly still. Clare woke up in tears and rushed to her cellphone.
She dialed the number she knew by heart. She waited a couple seconds until the person she called said, "Clare, are you alright?"
She sniffled and said, "Remember a few months ago you said if I needed you at four in the morning, I could call you with no hesitation?"
Clare rubbed her eyes and continued to cry, "I need you."
"I'll pick you up. Put on a jacket."
.
.
.
.
Eli picked up Clare from her fathers condo in eight minutes and brought her back to his house. They both sat on the Goldsworthy couch and he gave her a cup of coffee.
"Three sugars and two creams. Just the way you like it."
Clare took the coffee and took a sip of it.
"Thanks, Eli."
Eli sat across from her and he watched as she looked at empty space. Color was slowly catching up to her cheeks since the coffee was nice and hot.
He smirked as he watched her close her eyes and enjoy the heat of the coffee mug.
"Thanks Eli. For everything." She opened her eyes and he saw -for the first time in months- those bright blue eyes that he loved.
"No problem."
Clare looked around the room and slowly looked at the boy who she knew would always be there for her. The boy she knew that still had some screws to tighten and still loved. She saw the same boy who said she had pretty eyes, and who was slowly putting himself back together.
"I'm not…exactly ready to tell you everything."
Eli took her hands and said, "I've got time. I'm not going anywhere."
Clare squeezed his warm hands and smiled genuinely. She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek.
"Well, when we were younger, Darcy and I had this bunny that we both really loved."
Eli stayed up her for the rest of the night as he listened to her talk on and on about her childhood with Darcy.
By, six o'clock, Clare's body was resting on Eli's body as she gradually talked softer and softer, until he hear nothing.
Cece came walking down the stairs and saw Clare and Eli on the couch, and Eli whispering to the sleeping Clare.
She smiled as she listened to her son whisper sweet things to the girl she knew he loved.
"I'm glad you're back, Clare." Cece watched as he yawned and then said, "I love you, Clare Diana Edwards."
A/N: Did you liiiike it? I really hope something else happens the rest of this season. Give my favorite character her own storyline god dammit! Eli and Jake who? Parents divorce what?
Review please!