Akane stared at the weird looking creature. It looked like a
floating pinkish-blue ball with various spongy spring-shaped limbs,
only each limb's bend looked different. A glowing red light from it's
middle indicated an eye or a mouth. She couldn't tell which.
She continued to stare at it for a few seconds, before realizing
she was still in the bath. She squealed and covered her breasts.
Everyone knew that magical advisors were perverts. Then again, the
very idea that a magical creature would come to her.
"You want me to be a magical girl?" Akane inquired.
"MMmmmyes." the creature hummed out, "You see, we've been
researching this dimension recently and it's sorely lacking in
guardians of a magical nature. I am Quartax, Dispenser of Powers."
Akane considered it. After all, being a magical girl was pretty
cool! And being a magical girl would prove to Ranma that she wasn't a
kawaiikune tomboy! After all, everyone envied the beauty of a magical
girl!
"Would I get magical powers?" Akane asked.
The Dispenser of Powers seemed to stare at her for a minute
before answering, "_YES_."
Quartax seemed to be glaring at her, as if reconsidering the
whole deal.
"What sort of powers would I get?" Akane queried.
"Well... I must test your mental state when you are relaxed to
decide. We'll reconvene in your room in a few minutes, when you are...
decent." Quartax responded.
Five minutes later, Akane was dressed and sitting on her bed.
Quartax appeared again, only this time, one of it's limbs held a small
bag, no bigger than the kind marbles usually came in.
"I have judged your actions and I present to you your magical
pen!" Quartax declared, reaching into it's bag and pulling out a white
pen with black spots.
Akane took the pen with a look of glee, "All right, world, here
comes Sailor Akane!"
"Um, no." Quartax interupted.
Akane blinked, then glared at the weird creature, "What do you
mean 'Um, no'?"
"Your senshi name is not Sailor Akane. It's Sailor Cow." Quartax
explained.
"SAILOR COW?!" Akane demanded angrily, grasping one of Quartax's
limbs and squeezing.
Had she known that the gesture was futile as Quartax's body was
made up entirely of Nerf particles, she might not have bothered, but
she didn't, so she did bother.
"You don't like it? You'd have the power to summon milk by
gyrating over buckets, squeeze tits from across the room just by making
kissing motions, create methane clouds from your anus, enlarge anyone's
breasts by fondling them, and you could devour and process any form of
plant fiber. It's really quite useful." Quartax stated, a bit shocked
at Akane's angry demeanor. Hell, Sailor Cow was actually preferred in
some universes over lesser powers like Sailor Fingernail Infection or
Sailor Backhair.
While the squeezing tits part sounded like the perfect revenge
against Ranma's other suitors, and the thought of enlarging her breasts
to an E-cup was VERY tempting, Akane was more than turned off at the
other more useless powers.
"And just how would creating a methane cloud be helpful?" Akane
asked.
"You could light it on fire, causing a large exPLOSIONGRRRHH"
Quartax's voice was changed as Akane grabbed his torso and squeezed
hard.
"NO! Absolutely not!" Akane snarled, tempted to throw the
creature across the room.
"Then release me, return the pen and I shall see if I can find a
suitable replacement." Quartax instructed.
Akane let the creature go and gave it back the Sailor Cow pen.
"Now give me something really powerful!" Akane demanded.
Quartax placed the first pen back into the bag and removed a
second pen that was colored Nothing. Akane blinked and looked at the
pen again, which was still colored Nothing. Akane decided not to look
at the pen.
"Sailor Void it is." Quartax declared, "You have the power to end
existence."
"And?" Akane inquired.
"That's it. You end existence and then you yourself die. In
fact, since the power is used the instant you transform, I don't know
why I even have this thing."
Quartax placed the Void pen back into the bag and removed a
third.
"This is Sailor Sex Appeal. Not very powerful, but you can sway
the hearts of those around you to desire you." Quartax stated.
"All right! I'll take it!" Akane said, snatching the pen away.
"The henshin phrase is 'Everybody Wants Me' and the command word
to activate your power is 'Take Me In Your Arms And Rock My World'.
Good luuuuck." Quartax told her.
Akane grinned and raised the pen high, "Everybody wants me!"
She transformed.
Her hair grew as long as it had been when Ranma first arrived at
the Tendo household, only it was a luscious blond and wavy. Red
lipstick coated her lips just so; her body shifted slightly to amplify
her slightly increased 'assets'; and her yellow sweater and dark blue
skirt changed into a sexy red cheongsam, similar to the kind Shampoo
wore to woo Ranma during that Reversal Jewel incident.
Akane giggled and raced downstairs to find Ranma, not really
noticing that she was moving slowly in her high heel shoes or
swaggering her hips in a sexy fashion.
Akane found her father, Nabiki, Kasumi and Genma watching
television in the living room, while Ranma practiced near the koi pond.
Akane smiled. Time to try out her powers. Just as she began to call
out the power's activation words, Ukyou walked around the corner and
Shampoo and Mousse leapt over the fence with a ramen delivery.
Quartax would have blinked if the process didn't shut off his
eyesight for several minutes, as Akane appeared back in the room and
slammed the door shut. She stacked her desk in front of the door and
moved her dresser in front of the window.
"I say, something wrong?" Quartax inquired.
"WHY DID MY FATHER JUST MOLEST ME?!" Akane demanded.
"Oh, Akane darling...." Ukyou's voice moaned through the door as
the sounds of a large group of people battering at the wooden obstacle
echoed throughout the room.
"Akane! I can't live without you!" Genma's voice followed.
"Oh, I thought you knew that the power affected everyone within
viewing or hearing distance. I'm sorry." Quartax apologized.
"DON'T APOLOGIZE! JUST TELL ME HOW TO BREAK THE SPELL!" Akane
whimpered as Shampoo and Mousse began reciting poetry that, while
rather melodic, was filled with sexual innuendo as Quartax noted.
"You simply have to will your powers away and you'll
detransform, breaking the spell." Quartax instructed.
Akane willed her powers away. A second none too late, either as
the door cracked. Her father's voice reassured her that the spell was
gone as he inquired, "Weren't we just in the living room?"
Akane breathed a sigh of relief and handed the pen back to
Quartax, "I've decided against it."
Quartax hummed in disappointment, but took the pen back and put
it in it's bag. The process was taking pretty long and he had other
candidates to imbue with magical powers, so he decided to fib a bit and
make the next three the final choices he would offer her.
"Well, I've only got three left." Quartax explained, pulling out
three pens, "Sailor Battle Athletess, Sailor Flower, and Sailor
Whoremonger."
"Sailor Whoremonger?" Akane asked.
"Yes, it's powers are based on whores, you see and-" Quartax
began.
"Stop. What about Sailor Battle Athletess?" Akane inquired.
"Sailor Battle Athletess has the power to perform any physically
based ability at it's limit, which includes that of insects, so you
could imitate an ant and lift over fifty times your own body weight.
You also can never be beaten in the realm of sports, in or out of
transformed state. Even if you would normally stink at it, you would
instantly be able to mimic any professional athlete." Quartax
explained, then looked downtrodden, "But there's a little drawback."
"What is it?" Akane inquired, as it would be really cool to be
able to swim for once. And being able to beat Ranma in sparring would
be cool too!
"You have to maintain a lesbian relationship. In fact, in order
to get a lot of the powers, you have to maintain a very STRONG lesbian
relationship. And we're not talking holding hands, we're talking your
powers and abilities are equal to how much you've experimented. For
the ability to win a triathalon, for example, you'd need to be having
naked foreplay on a regular basis." Quartax told her.
"Why?" Akane demanded.
"It's just how the powers were based. Trust me, if I had a say
in what powers I gave out, I would have one, but otherwise, it's all
I've got." Quartax told her.
Sailor Flower and Sailor Whoremonger didn't sound like her kind
of thing. Flowers were so... sissy-like and the idea of knowing what
whores did scared her.
"I guess I'll go with the Sailor Battle Athletess..." Akane
grumbled. Maybe Ranma's female side would count.
Quartax didn't really see WHY. Sailor Battle Athletess was the
WEAKEST of the three it was offering. After all, Sailor Flower had the
ability to regenerate her physical and energy reserves, she could never
be defeated while the sun or the moon was up, and she could never be
killed. Sailor Whoremonger came with a Kaiju-sized mech and allowed
her to make use of the knowledge of _any_ 'whore', including anime fans
who were 'whored' to their obsession, and that lead to a LOT of
information.
But it was Akane's choice.
"You're sure?" Quartax inquired.
"Definitely." Akane answered.
"I'm not taking it back, nor will I be around for you to call
upon after today." Quartax warned.
"Look, it's fine." Akane told the Dispenser of Powers.
In any case, it was up to Quartax to make sure Akane got a decent
start on building her power base. Quartax flexed it's powers and
restored Akane's room and door to normal, "All right. And to help you
along, I've selected someone who's personality is very compatible with
yours. Do your best, Sailor Battle Athletess."
With that done, Quartax vanished, never to return to Akane's
sight ever again.
"Mmmm, Akane darling...." Kodachi purred into Akane's ear, "Let's
play Hide the Dildo...."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Akane screamed.
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
End Rant:
"Why even bother?", you might ask. While the concept of giving
someone in the Ranma 1/2 cast senshi powers is certainly nothing new,
everyone always gives the people something that they can't change. In
this one, Akane must deal with her own selection.
In every story that Ranma joins the senshi, he's either a brand
new never-before-seen heroine (Sailor Ranko or Paragon), he replaces
Sailor Moon (Sailor Ranko or New Sailor Moon), or he doesn't need any
new powers (only a few fanfics have taken this route).
When Akane is given Sailor Powers, she's either a duplicate of
Sailor Mercury (i.e. having ice/water powers) or she's Sailor Hammer.
Not many ideas were actually made prior to actually writing about
them. Sailor Flower and Sailor Whoremonger actually sound pretty
powerful, when you stop and think about the POSSIBILITY of what their
powers might be. Just like Sailor Uranus. She's got the word 'Anus'
in her name, making her the 'butt' of everyone's jokes, however, she's
one of the more powerful Senshi, easily making the top 5.
Also, let us not forget that Sailor Saturn and Sailor Pluto's
powers were screwed up in the original version. Saturn (Kronos in
Greece) was the God of Time while Pluto was the God of Death and the
Dead. However, Sailor Pluto got the time powers while Sailor Saturn
got the death powers. What's up with that?
I guess Miss Takeuchi was trying to disrupt the more predictable
patterns. Plus, the idea of Sailor Pluto being ostracized would be a
little much.
Inspiration:
As for the inspiration for this story, you can thank DB Sommer
made "Failed Experiments In Magical Girl Creations", where Kasumi Tendo
becomes a barbarian (or something like that), when she was hoping more
for a Wedding Peach or Sailor Moon sort of deal.
Immediately following that, I found a joke list of Good and Bad
Senshi traits and that sort of sparked this.
A-kun, out.
floating pinkish-blue ball with various spongy spring-shaped limbs,
only each limb's bend looked different. A glowing red light from it's
middle indicated an eye or a mouth. She couldn't tell which.
She continued to stare at it for a few seconds, before realizing
she was still in the bath. She squealed and covered her breasts.
Everyone knew that magical advisors were perverts. Then again, the
very idea that a magical creature would come to her.
"You want me to be a magical girl?" Akane inquired.
"MMmmmyes." the creature hummed out, "You see, we've been
researching this dimension recently and it's sorely lacking in
guardians of a magical nature. I am Quartax, Dispenser of Powers."
Akane considered it. After all, being a magical girl was pretty
cool! And being a magical girl would prove to Ranma that she wasn't a
kawaiikune tomboy! After all, everyone envied the beauty of a magical
girl!
"Would I get magical powers?" Akane asked.
The Dispenser of Powers seemed to stare at her for a minute
before answering, "_YES_."
Quartax seemed to be glaring at her, as if reconsidering the
whole deal.
"What sort of powers would I get?" Akane queried.
"Well... I must test your mental state when you are relaxed to
decide. We'll reconvene in your room in a few minutes, when you are...
decent." Quartax responded.
Five minutes later, Akane was dressed and sitting on her bed.
Quartax appeared again, only this time, one of it's limbs held a small
bag, no bigger than the kind marbles usually came in.
"I have judged your actions and I present to you your magical
pen!" Quartax declared, reaching into it's bag and pulling out a white
pen with black spots.
Akane took the pen with a look of glee, "All right, world, here
comes Sailor Akane!"
"Um, no." Quartax interupted.
Akane blinked, then glared at the weird creature, "What do you
mean 'Um, no'?"
"Your senshi name is not Sailor Akane. It's Sailor Cow." Quartax
explained.
"SAILOR COW?!" Akane demanded angrily, grasping one of Quartax's
limbs and squeezing.
Had she known that the gesture was futile as Quartax's body was
made up entirely of Nerf particles, she might not have bothered, but
she didn't, so she did bother.
"You don't like it? You'd have the power to summon milk by
gyrating over buckets, squeeze tits from across the room just by making
kissing motions, create methane clouds from your anus, enlarge anyone's
breasts by fondling them, and you could devour and process any form of
plant fiber. It's really quite useful." Quartax stated, a bit shocked
at Akane's angry demeanor. Hell, Sailor Cow was actually preferred in
some universes over lesser powers like Sailor Fingernail Infection or
Sailor Backhair.
While the squeezing tits part sounded like the perfect revenge
against Ranma's other suitors, and the thought of enlarging her breasts
to an E-cup was VERY tempting, Akane was more than turned off at the
other more useless powers.
"And just how would creating a methane cloud be helpful?" Akane
asked.
"You could light it on fire, causing a large exPLOSIONGRRRHH"
Quartax's voice was changed as Akane grabbed his torso and squeezed
hard.
"NO! Absolutely not!" Akane snarled, tempted to throw the
creature across the room.
"Then release me, return the pen and I shall see if I can find a
suitable replacement." Quartax instructed.
Akane let the creature go and gave it back the Sailor Cow pen.
"Now give me something really powerful!" Akane demanded.
Quartax placed the first pen back into the bag and removed a
second pen that was colored Nothing. Akane blinked and looked at the
pen again, which was still colored Nothing. Akane decided not to look
at the pen.
"Sailor Void it is." Quartax declared, "You have the power to end
existence."
"And?" Akane inquired.
"That's it. You end existence and then you yourself die. In
fact, since the power is used the instant you transform, I don't know
why I even have this thing."
Quartax placed the Void pen back into the bag and removed a
third.
"This is Sailor Sex Appeal. Not very powerful, but you can sway
the hearts of those around you to desire you." Quartax stated.
"All right! I'll take it!" Akane said, snatching the pen away.
"The henshin phrase is 'Everybody Wants Me' and the command word
to activate your power is 'Take Me In Your Arms And Rock My World'.
Good luuuuck." Quartax told her.
Akane grinned and raised the pen high, "Everybody wants me!"
She transformed.
Her hair grew as long as it had been when Ranma first arrived at
the Tendo household, only it was a luscious blond and wavy. Red
lipstick coated her lips just so; her body shifted slightly to amplify
her slightly increased 'assets'; and her yellow sweater and dark blue
skirt changed into a sexy red cheongsam, similar to the kind Shampoo
wore to woo Ranma during that Reversal Jewel incident.
Akane giggled and raced downstairs to find Ranma, not really
noticing that she was moving slowly in her high heel shoes or
swaggering her hips in a sexy fashion.
Akane found her father, Nabiki, Kasumi and Genma watching
television in the living room, while Ranma practiced near the koi pond.
Akane smiled. Time to try out her powers. Just as she began to call
out the power's activation words, Ukyou walked around the corner and
Shampoo and Mousse leapt over the fence with a ramen delivery.
Quartax would have blinked if the process didn't shut off his
eyesight for several minutes, as Akane appeared back in the room and
slammed the door shut. She stacked her desk in front of the door and
moved her dresser in front of the window.
"I say, something wrong?" Quartax inquired.
"WHY DID MY FATHER JUST MOLEST ME?!" Akane demanded.
"Oh, Akane darling...." Ukyou's voice moaned through the door as
the sounds of a large group of people battering at the wooden obstacle
echoed throughout the room.
"Akane! I can't live without you!" Genma's voice followed.
"Oh, I thought you knew that the power affected everyone within
viewing or hearing distance. I'm sorry." Quartax apologized.
"DON'T APOLOGIZE! JUST TELL ME HOW TO BREAK THE SPELL!" Akane
whimpered as Shampoo and Mousse began reciting poetry that, while
rather melodic, was filled with sexual innuendo as Quartax noted.
"You simply have to will your powers away and you'll
detransform, breaking the spell." Quartax instructed.
Akane willed her powers away. A second none too late, either as
the door cracked. Her father's voice reassured her that the spell was
gone as he inquired, "Weren't we just in the living room?"
Akane breathed a sigh of relief and handed the pen back to
Quartax, "I've decided against it."
Quartax hummed in disappointment, but took the pen back and put
it in it's bag. The process was taking pretty long and he had other
candidates to imbue with magical powers, so he decided to fib a bit and
make the next three the final choices he would offer her.
"Well, I've only got three left." Quartax explained, pulling out
three pens, "Sailor Battle Athletess, Sailor Flower, and Sailor
Whoremonger."
"Sailor Whoremonger?" Akane asked.
"Yes, it's powers are based on whores, you see and-" Quartax
began.
"Stop. What about Sailor Battle Athletess?" Akane inquired.
"Sailor Battle Athletess has the power to perform any physically
based ability at it's limit, which includes that of insects, so you
could imitate an ant and lift over fifty times your own body weight.
You also can never be beaten in the realm of sports, in or out of
transformed state. Even if you would normally stink at it, you would
instantly be able to mimic any professional athlete." Quartax
explained, then looked downtrodden, "But there's a little drawback."
"What is it?" Akane inquired, as it would be really cool to be
able to swim for once. And being able to beat Ranma in sparring would
be cool too!
"You have to maintain a lesbian relationship. In fact, in order
to get a lot of the powers, you have to maintain a very STRONG lesbian
relationship. And we're not talking holding hands, we're talking your
powers and abilities are equal to how much you've experimented. For
the ability to win a triathalon, for example, you'd need to be having
naked foreplay on a regular basis." Quartax told her.
"Why?" Akane demanded.
"It's just how the powers were based. Trust me, if I had a say
in what powers I gave out, I would have one, but otherwise, it's all
I've got." Quartax told her.
Sailor Flower and Sailor Whoremonger didn't sound like her kind
of thing. Flowers were so... sissy-like and the idea of knowing what
whores did scared her.
"I guess I'll go with the Sailor Battle Athletess..." Akane
grumbled. Maybe Ranma's female side would count.
Quartax didn't really see WHY. Sailor Battle Athletess was the
WEAKEST of the three it was offering. After all, Sailor Flower had the
ability to regenerate her physical and energy reserves, she could never
be defeated while the sun or the moon was up, and she could never be
killed. Sailor Whoremonger came with a Kaiju-sized mech and allowed
her to make use of the knowledge of _any_ 'whore', including anime fans
who were 'whored' to their obsession, and that lead to a LOT of
information.
But it was Akane's choice.
"You're sure?" Quartax inquired.
"Definitely." Akane answered.
"I'm not taking it back, nor will I be around for you to call
upon after today." Quartax warned.
"Look, it's fine." Akane told the Dispenser of Powers.
In any case, it was up to Quartax to make sure Akane got a decent
start on building her power base. Quartax flexed it's powers and
restored Akane's room and door to normal, "All right. And to help you
along, I've selected someone who's personality is very compatible with
yours. Do your best, Sailor Battle Athletess."
With that done, Quartax vanished, never to return to Akane's
sight ever again.
"Mmmm, Akane darling...." Kodachi purred into Akane's ear, "Let's
play Hide the Dildo...."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Akane screamed.
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
End Rant:
"Why even bother?", you might ask. While the concept of giving
someone in the Ranma 1/2 cast senshi powers is certainly nothing new,
everyone always gives the people something that they can't change. In
this one, Akane must deal with her own selection.
In every story that Ranma joins the senshi, he's either a brand
new never-before-seen heroine (Sailor Ranko or Paragon), he replaces
Sailor Moon (Sailor Ranko or New Sailor Moon), or he doesn't need any
new powers (only a few fanfics have taken this route).
When Akane is given Sailor Powers, she's either a duplicate of
Sailor Mercury (i.e. having ice/water powers) or she's Sailor Hammer.
Not many ideas were actually made prior to actually writing about
them. Sailor Flower and Sailor Whoremonger actually sound pretty
powerful, when you stop and think about the POSSIBILITY of what their
powers might be. Just like Sailor Uranus. She's got the word 'Anus'
in her name, making her the 'butt' of everyone's jokes, however, she's
one of the more powerful Senshi, easily making the top 5.
Also, let us not forget that Sailor Saturn and Sailor Pluto's
powers were screwed up in the original version. Saturn (Kronos in
Greece) was the God of Time while Pluto was the God of Death and the
Dead. However, Sailor Pluto got the time powers while Sailor Saturn
got the death powers. What's up with that?
I guess Miss Takeuchi was trying to disrupt the more predictable
patterns. Plus, the idea of Sailor Pluto being ostracized would be a
little much.
Inspiration:
As for the inspiration for this story, you can thank DB Sommer
made "Failed Experiments In Magical Girl Creations", where Kasumi Tendo
becomes a barbarian (or something like that), when she was hoping more
for a Wedding Peach or Sailor Moon sort of deal.
Immediately following that, I found a joke list of Good and Bad
Senshi traits and that sort of sparked this.
A-kun, out.