-1All I Can Do
What if...
all I can do is wonder? Wonder if you loved me even half as much as I completely adored you?
My heart sped up, just before you rounded that corner to face me. I knew you were there, no matter how quietly your feet fell upon the ground. A smile graced your lips, silently reassuring me that you didn't think horribly of me, like how I imagined you did sometimes. It's really a shame you had to ruin it with...
"What's up, midget?" you teased, I remember. I always remembered. Oh god how I hated that nickname. I AM NOT A FUCKING MIDGET. I felt like I really needed to make that clear, even though I knew you didn't mean it. Besides, if I ever really got annoyed, I could always just make fun of that ridiculous napkin over your nose...sorry, I didn't mean that. It's sexy. Really.
And, of course, instead of ignoring you, I had to say something.
"You're an ass, Reita." I didn't mean that either. Again, I think you knew that.
But it was exchanges like these that really made me wonder if you... liked me. More than a buddy to go drinking with at two in the morning, more than your best friend who always beats you at Super Smash Bros. I wasn't desperate for your love, I was just curious. It was the kind of love that wasn't eating me whole, the kind that wasn't something that was unbearable. After all, we were busy with our tour. And really, who in the world has time for a relationship, or even a crush when you have a tour to attend to?
Still, I couldn't help but wonder.
The rest of the band didn't help, they all somehow figured out my secret. (I got teased about that big time, by the way. I had to bitch slap Uruha when he said, "Awww the midget looooves band-aid man!") There were more than a few occasions where I was left locked in an enclosed space with you, well I'm sure you remember. You were there. To this day, I still firmly believe that I heard snickering from the other side of that retched door!
Anyway, as time went on, the more of my mind you took over. It was strange. Fanservice wasn't exactly fanservice anymore. It was...Rukiservice. I enjoyed it more than the fans ever could. And, of course, I still couldn't help but to wonder, to let my mind stray to sensual scenes starring...you. Suzuki Akira. You are the dirtiest angel I have ever seen.
After months of rubbing against you at every chance I could get (on stage and off), you had consumed my entire mindset. I noticed every little thing about you; how you had changed, no matter how little. Much to my delight, you had stopped calling me midget. Hoooray! But did you call me Ruki-sama like I had recommended all band members to address me? Well...no. You called me...Ru-chan. It was a step up from midget. And that's all that counts.
Now this is the point where I felt cautious. The sudden change in my nickname had spurred so many ideas in this twisted little head of mine. It was far too easy to convince myself that you had feelings for me. But I didn't want to get my hopes up, and that's the truth. I thought that being alone would hurt less if I accepted that you didn't feel the same way about me sooner than later. Besides, I didn't even know if you...played for the same team that I do. Get what I mean?
Each night, and even each day for that matter, all I could do was wonder.