Title: Lying to the Camera
Fandom: Ace Attorney
Characters: Klavier/Apollo, Ema, Trucy, Phoenix
A few times he did
Q: Who do you love the most?
Klavier winks, coyly, at the camera, and it's the only warning his manager gets before the next scandal (or, at least, a sudden influx of keysmashing from netizens) is reported in the tabloids. "My fans."
Then: "A movie star."
Then: "My brother."
Then: "My music teacher."
Then: "My best friend."
Wrong, on all accounts.
Q: What's the biggest mistake you've made recently?
"Quitting the music scene," says TV-Klavier, rolling his eyes. "I was bored half the time in court."
"Bored?" Ema hisses, jabbing an accusing finger at the TV. "He skipped out on work when it was convenient for him, that asshole!"
"The couch at the DA's, though," says Klavier, "was the best."
"I thought he hated that couch," says Phoenix, idly rubbing circles across a hyperventilating Apollo's back.
"He did," says Ema, sulking as Klavier laughs, "he just didn't like it when Apollo wasn't on it."
Q: Can you cook?
"Definitely," says Klavier's voice, from the playback.
Klavier winces, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. "I can boil an egg and make instant ramen, darling?"
"You mistake salt for sugar. You think oyakodon is just frying chicken and a couple of eggs together. You can't tell the difference between mincing and dicing. Stop lying on TV," says Apollo, making it a point to bang around a few pots and pans. "Now my sister thinks you're some sort of culinary genius and wants you to cook dinner on Tuesday. Do you want me to die?"
"I'm not that bad," says Klavier, mildly affronted.
"Do you want me to die," says Apollo, brandishing a knife at Klavier's direction.
"Ah," says Klavier, "point taken."
Q: What kind of person were you in grade school?"
"I was a total nerd," says Klavier. "I played the piano and I didn't have a lot of close friends and I kind of stalked my brother all the time."
His expression crumples; his smile twists into something bitter. The interviewer stammers out an apology and chooses not to pry. The same, however, could not be said for the pity party a few hours later.
"There are so many things wrong with that statement," says Trucy. "I'm even conceding the nerd thing because you kind of totally are, only ten times sexier," (here Phoenix makes a distraught noise at the back of his throat), "oh, sorry daddy - but if I remember right that TV special of yours had, like, one thousand people claiming to have a crush on you as a kid."
"And I think more than one already qualifies for lots of close friends," says Phoenix. "But you had more adoring worshipers than that, huh?"
"Also: all the time?" Trucy says, sounding sympathetic but still disapproving. "Either you were projecting your passive aggressive tendencies or you're kind of delusional." A pause, and it's only then that Trucy has the audacity to look ashamed. "Mr. Gavin."
"Great, wonderful, thank you for the input," says Klavier, "but if I remember right, I was asking for a proper way to crawl back into Apollo's good graces rather than a blow-by-blow account of my numerous errors."
"Sorry," says Phoenix, "it's more entertaining to laugh at you instead."
Q: Have you ever posed for a racy magazine before?
Klavier catches himself before he purses his lips; he smiles at the interviewer instead, to hide the near-instinctive grimace.
"Once, a few years ago," says Klavier. "It was for some magazine that was popular, then - what was it called? One of those high-brow fashion magazines."
"E-?"
"Yes, that one. I remember freezing in the studio in the middle of November because I was mostly naked save for a bed sheet." He laughs, almost self-deprecatingly. "I got a cold afterwards."
"Ah, I remember that one now. You had your entire age group in hysterics over that one, didn't you?"
"I wouldn't say everyone," says Klavier. "Some of my friends were cool with it."
"And the rest?"
"Wouldn't talk to me for a week," says Klavier, sighing.
Later, when the article is published, Ema calls him. "I'd like to remind you that you didn't get a cold because it was inJune, and you were wearing shorts underneath that - yes, I checked with Apollo, so don't interrupt - and we didn't talk to you because you were always gone."
"Since when were you my friend," says Klavier, almost spitefully if he weren't so charming.
"Ha, ha, bloody fucking ha," says Ema. "I'm gonna go cry to Apollo now, so if you were expecting anything today, never mind that."
"How cruel," says Klavier, even if what he really means is cockblocker.
"I take pride in that," says Ema, and hangs up.
One time he didn't
Q: Will you ever pose for a raunchy magazine in the future?
Klavier smiles, stroking the ring on his finger. "You'd have to ask my boyfriend about that."
Apollo, predictably, says no.