Spoilers: It's set sometime post episode 7x12 so it's spoilery if you haven't seen the end of season 6 and after 7x12

A/N: I haven't been on or writing fan fiction itself for a good few years. I kinda lost the knack and with university and other stuff I just didn't have the time or inspiration to get back into it. This was written in a few hours last night when out of the blue I just had to write. This is what came out! I also adore Mark/Lexie but haven't written them before so let me know what you think :) Also for anyone who has read my gossip girl stuff I just want to say thank you again for the support back in the day, it meant a lot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters on the show, nor do I have any rights to ABBA, Seasme Street, Rocky, Jaws, Sound of Music, Grease etc although it would be an ecletic mixture if I did.

Lexie was humming the theme from Seasme Street as she left to get a late lunch. One of the young patients she had been overseeing had been watching it and now it was stuck in her head. She didn't mind too much though, humming for her was therapeutic. In fact, it had been one of the only things that had kept her at work in the first few weeks after the shooting. When she returned from a few days of personal leave she had naively thought she was ready. Yet from that first day she'd get to a corner in the hospital corridor and find her heart start thumping and a surge of panic paralyse her senses as if her body was bracing itself to confront a stand off with another dead-eyed gunman. With her position (crappy) on the hospital totem pole she did a lot of grunt work (she was a pushover) which meant a lot of speeding around hallways. The emotional toll this alertness took was exhausting, so she'd hum to herself to try and distract her mind from the looming fear of death that seemed to attack her momentarily throughout the clincal labyrinth. Needless to say, she got worse (being committed to a psych ward was not something she'd be telling the grandkids) before she got better.

And she was.

She was just also without Mark. Again.

She had hummed to herself until her throat was sore after their break up.

He was having a baby with his ex-fuck buddy turned lesbian best friend who he just had to screw again and screw her over in the process. It was like a bad sitcom and she was playing the bitchy baby-hating girlfriend that the audience boos before never being seen past episode one. That's how she felt although she knew she was justified in being angry.

Mark was stepping up to be a father but she had dumped him angrily and was now either avoiding him (humming to theme of Jaws) or making snide remarks and storming off (to the theme of Rocky) and then afterwards always feeling so awful and petty she had to shove something sugary down her throat before she could hum or think about anything else.

She knew she was behaving like a petulant child as soon as she had ignored him or berated him. It was just as soon as she saw him, all the civilised, mature things she had practiced saying to herself were swallowed up by the aching hole of hurt and confusion that always arrived at the very moment she so wanted to be gracious. It didn't help that Mark always took whatever verbal abuse she threw at him with a detached expression and then the next day would still try to be nice. It made the gap in age seem even more of an issue when she was suddenly the tantrum brat and he was the indulgent adult. So not fair!

The climax of the Seasme Street theme hum ceased immediately when she realised Mark had stepped into the lunch line behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know it was him, the hairs on the nape of her neck were already standing up in what she had hoped was a porcupine-like defence against his pleasant-attack and not arousal. She knew his smell anywhere, a mixture of cologne, soap and something else she could detect but not name.

"Can I buy you lunch?"

She didn't dare look back at him, she could tell he was addressing her by the half resigned half joking tone that infuriated her like nothing else. Well to be fair, not nothing else, any Sloan-tone would probably have her seething at this very moment. She began humming again automatically to try and distract her mind from forming an acerbic retort but this only illicited a low chuckle from him. God that noise was a turn on. Spiteful man!

"Did you hear me Lex? Or should I talk like Elmo?"

"Will you just stop it? Stop with the jokes, stop with the talking, in fact. Lets just stand in line together in silence like normal co-workers."

She still wasn't looking at him, it made her feel better to hurt him without actually seeing the effect but he at least was actually silent. Victory!

Of course there was general noise, it was a hospital cafeteria at lunch time but somehow his silence was louder than any clinking glasses or murmurs. She could swear she picked up on his breathing. She wished she couldn't hone in on him so easily, she could even imagine him doing the fidgety thing he did with his hands when he was agitated. At this rate she could have an entire relationship with Mark Sloan in her imagination, one where he wasn't going to be a dad and she didn't hate loving him.

Jackson jogged up to her and startled her out of her dour musings.

"Hey babe, can you get me a soda? I'll pay you back later."

He wiggled his eyes at her suggestively before pecking her on the lips and dodging in and out of tables to find his seat. He obviously hadn't noticed Mark behind her (they weren't advertising their weird sex-friend status) or he would die of shock that she wasn't yelling at Sloan and more importantly, keep the bedroom-eyes (he worked them really well) to a minimum.

Guilt gnawed at her (she tried to pretend it was still hunger pangs) but she didn't know why, she wasn't with Mark anymore! She was a free agent with a ridiculously hot housemate with fantastic abs, the cosmos was practically asking her to get it on!

She felt it before she saw it, she turned around and Mark had gone.

"Come on admit it, you liked it."

She wanted to poke him in the stomach or pinch his check he was that cute all hunched up and supposedly put out.

"I did not like it!"

"Yeah you did, you sung along!"

"It wasn't out of enjoyment, it was brainwashing!"

Lexie giggled and slipped further into her boyfriend's lap.

"Mark ABBA is more your generation than mine so don't pretend you hated Mamma Mia. Besides, I know your I'm-trying-not-to-give-anything-away face even if you were good liar. You wouldn't need that face if you hated it, you were deliberately steeling yourself not to grin, I know you!

"Are you calling me old AND incompetent? I am not making you my special hot chocolate now."

Lexie kissed his jaw and made soothing noises as he rubbed her back despite supposedly being affronted. When he huffed dramatically she stifled a giggle. God she loved him. He had done his self-termed 'boyfriend-duty' (anything girly he had to reluctantly witness or partake in) and watched the musical DVD with her. It had amused her to no end that he struggled not to clap his hands along to the music.

"Mark?"

"WHAT?"

"Did I mention how much I love you and your enjoyment of musicals?"

She knew mentioning the L word would have him smirking happily, she hadn't said it for so long into their relationship (she didn't believe in saying it until absolutely sure) that it always meant something to him when she did.

"It's only this one, it's not like I'm going to be sitting through anymore just so we're clear. Other than the Sound of Music, I grew up dreaming of screwing Julie Andrews. It was the nun thing."

Lexie gaped, attempting to be scandalized that he had sexualised one of her favourite childhood movies but this was Mark, she was used to it, even found it strangely endearing.

"Ahh so you admit you liked it."

"She-demon!" He was laughing though at her triumphant expression and made her his special hot chocolate anyway.

"What are you humming?"

"Huh?" Jackson tried to pull her closer against him but she just wanted to sleep on her side of the bed. Sex with Jackson was great but she didn't fit in next to him the way she did with Mark and attempting it only made her feel empty and resentful of everyone.

Stupid Mark for ruining everything.

Stupid Jackson for making her feel immediately bad after having made her feel blissfully blank.

Stupid her for noticing the differences.

"I said what are you humming Lex?"

"I wasn't was I?"

"Yeah you were, I think it was Waterloo."

"Oh."

"You're on Dr. Sloan's service today."

Lexie stared at Dr. Bailey. She hadn't slept well (she was sure it showed) and this was the last thing she needed.

"Have you forgotten how to utilize the English language this morning Dr. Grey?"

Dr. Bailey had mastered the scary-impatient scowl. It was efficient at reducing Lexie to a self-conscious mess.

"I, uh, no I mean - Dr. Sloan?"

"That's right, all your colleagues are already assigned since they got here on time. You don't get a choice in the matter so the sooner you act like a professional the better."

Had Bailey been spying on her playing hide and seek with Mark? She tried not to feel paranoid.

"Absolutely Dr. Bailey I'm on it."

Walking around down the corridor to find Mark and get her instructions felt almost like it did right after the shooting. The anxiety of the unknown on the next turn. She wasn't sure she had the moral high ground anymore, there was only so many weeks she could get away with being a bitch to him before it was no longer self-righteous anger and became petty vindictiveness. Plus he now knew she was sleeping with someone else. The confidence she had had that was galvanized by betrayal and pain was slipping away.

"Dr. Sloan I'm on your service today. What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to check the bandages on Mrs Yazdani in 209 and then pick up the post-ops here and go through them and then do charts. I'll come find you if I need anything else."

He picked up his chart and walked off without even glancing her way. His tone was blank and she couldn't read the parts of his face she could see (which was unusual). She doubted he'd be needing her. What was worse was that there was a trail of perfume left behind him. She felt sick.

April was checking her appearance meticulously in the mirrors of the first floor bathroom when Lexie barrelled in to wretch in the sink.

"Woah Lexie are you alright?"

She could only shake her head as her heart prepared to explode out of her chest. Her arms and legs felt like they were going to lock up so she collapsed heavily on the tile and grabbed her knees willing herself not to die. She couldn't die unhappy in a hospital bathroom with the man she loved moving on with someone else! Suddenly she couldn't breath as she flung her arms out to reach for nothing in particular as she gasped in blind terror. She couldn't even rationalise that she was in a hospital next to a doctor to calm her down. She was going to pass out!

"Lexie! Breath in okay? Breath in for the count of three, hold it for a second than breath out for the count of five okay? Don't think just do what I said. Count with me."

April was crouched on the floor next to her clasping her sweaty hands as she kept time for Lexie to stabilise her breathing. Within a few minutes the alarming sensations had passed and she immediately hugged April in relief.

"You saved my life! I adore you!"

April wiggled awkwardly out of her grip and straightened her scrub top but she smiled warmly.

"You weren't dying you were having a panic attack. I used to get them all the time in med school before exams, they aren't a big deal when you learn how to cope with them. Do you know what set you off? At one point I got so bad anytime I smelt coffee I'd start to feel anxious because I associated it with all-nighters."

"Really? I think I'm just a bit stressed-"

"-with Mark and the baby, you and Jackson and your fuzzy relationship status, being late for work."

Lexie couldn't help but smile at April's attempt to be helpful.

"Yeah that kind of stuff."

"I have to get back to work but will you be okay? I can get Meredith or someone on break to come and sit with you?"

"I'll be fine, go."

"Okay."

"April? Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Three hours later and Lexie felt comparatively better, she had been given mind-numbing tasks to do (go figure) but today that had been a blessing. Mark came back before lunch to pile more charts on to the desk and was about to leave again when she finally decided to speak up.

"Mark-"

"When you address me you should call me Dr. Sloan, I'm your superior and I'd appreciate if at work you acknowledge that from now on."

The way he looked at her would have broken her heart if it's remnants weren't already all over the floor of the bathroom. His eyes were cold, his jaw set and she couldn't read if his detached expression this time was real.

"Of course."

She stared at her shoes, too sad to say much of anything else. All her anger had deflated, the fire had been doused with whatever crappy perfume he was wearing.

"So what did you want to ask me?"

It was now or never.

"I just wanted to say I get it. I've been horrible to you recently, not that you didn't deserve a lot of it but I want you to know that's done. So I'm not going to bite your head off about anything or anyone that may have happened recently but I'd appreciate if you didn't ignore me."

"You mean like you ignored me in the cafeteria line?"

"I didn't ignore you!"

Technically that wasn't a lie, she was focussed on him the whole time.

"Oh no wait then you snapped at me, my mistake."

"That's what I'm saying I wont do anymore! Didn't you listen? God you're annoying!"

Okay so not all the anger had dissipated.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! You get all sulky about me seeing Jackson when you're bonking who knows who! Talk about hypocritical! I did it because I was miserable but I guess you're doing just fine."

"Again, what?"

His hands were on his hips which she knew he often did when he was trying to control himself. Just hearing Jackson's name had him clenching his jaw even tighter. She guessed he thought if he acted like a statue he couldn't be touched. She, on the other hand, was being to crumble. The more she thought about him sleeping with someone else the more she felt the lump in her throat that signalled the onset of embarrassing tears. Way to act professional.

"You! Perfume! Liar!"

The welling tears were beginning to blur her vision and she leant back against the nurses' station for support. Mark rolled his eyes but grabbed her arm firmly and steered her into a quiet space beneath the stairway, probably so she didn't cause a scene (why didn't she think of that?)

"What nonsense are you spouting Grey? I'm not certainly not the liar, telling the truth was what got us into this situation in the first place!"

She began to cry openly now at his anger, wishing she'd never opened her mouth so she didn't look like such an idiot. She hated the thought that he no longer respected her. She had dumped him, taken up with someone else and now she was scolding him for doing the same? Maybe she really was a child.

"Lexie, breathe okay?"

He placed a steadying hand on her shoulder and as she looked up at him she caught a flash of emotion before it converted into a scowl. His hand didn't move though and it gave her the strength to continue.

"I'm trying to be mature and okay with you having a new girlfriend I know it's ridiculous after everything. I'm trying to tell you that I'm trying."

He smiled grimly.

"I'm glad you're not going to rip me to pieces anymore but I am concerned you may lost the plot again."

"Mark!"

"Too soon?"

"Shut up!"

She slapped his chest and somehow they both found themselves grinning in amusement. She really wanted to kiss him but the stench of perfume was a bittersweet reminder she couldn't.

"Well I should get back to the mountain of charts you left me, it's too exciting to be left alone for long."

They both smiled sheepishly at each other, neither sure what had just happened.

"Okay well I should get back to my imaginary girlfriend."

He turned on his heel and was rounding the corner before her brain kicked in.

"You don't have a girlfriend?"

She didn't care that there was distance between them, that several nurses were thinking of putting on popcorn, that she probably looked ridiculous and strangely out of breath.

"Unless you've decided to give us another shot then no."

His incredulous expression and insulted tone that she'd assume he'd moved on so fast had her trying to suppress her relief although she was pretty sure it was transparent on her face.

"But you stink of every perfume known to man!"

Mark groaned.

"I took Callie shopping yesterday to buy baby stuff but we ended up in cosmetics where she made me try on every perfume she liked because she was paranoid if she put them on she might get an irritation and somehow harm the baby. Pregnancy makes women insane. She didn't even buy one in the end! I showered but the damn crap is still stuck to me."

Before she could talk herself out of it she was running towards him at full pelt. She didn't even check to see if he'd catch her, she trusted he would. He looked shocked and confused and downright adorable as he held her more tightly than was necessary (or comfortable) but she didn't care. She fit.

"I love you."

His mega-watt grin nearly had her squinting but she found her own lips pulling back to mirror it.

"I know. Just like you know I love you too, God help me."

"I want to work this out, it's a total crazy mess but I'm a total crazy mess without you."

"I noticed."

He pinched her butt and she kissed him like he was he was the breath she had needed earlier and if his response was anything to go by, she was pretty sure he had needed her just as much. Ironically she had inhale before she could say anything else but he spoke first.

"Lexie, are you going to still feel this way in a few hours when the relief of knowing I'm not screwing some other woman has worn off? When you go through your list of pros and cons and find the cons stack up? Because I don't think I can be dumped a third time and recover."

His earnest, vulnerable expression would have decided in his favour even after a stupid list. Lists aren't life, breath is life, Mark is her life.

"No third time. Just you and me. And a baby. I'm still working that last part out but I'm not living without you."

"Promise?"

Jackson could be worked out, the three parent new age family situation Mark had developed could be adapted to.

"Promise."

"About time."

He kissed her again and she forgot the mess ahead, she only felt peace.

As she lay in Mark's arms resting against his chest that night she thought she might have worked out what Mark's last undefinable scent was. It was her.

The way he touched her, so reverently and slowly burned her up inside in a way no other man had ever been able to come close to. It was like her nerve endings came alive again under the magic of his fingertips. It had terrified her for a long time how consuming sex with him could be. His worship of her body and the way his eyes pierced through her at the same time could only be described as otherworldly. She always ended up exhausted in most delightful way. Mark had affectionately nicknamed her 'Lexie mush' during this period because she usually ended up blissfully incoherent, cuddly or sappy right after.

"So when did you realise you weren't going to do any better than me?"

Lexie rolled her eyes and attempted to turn over and slide out of his reach but he was too quick and gripped her waist to his side. She knew 'Lexie mush' was being used against her but when he kissed her forehead gently she settled back into him.

"But seriously, when did you know? When did you know I was 'it'?"

She knew he wanted reassurances from her, to perhaps gauge the likelihood of her changing her mind. She thought back and it startled her when she realised the answer.

"When I had a gun pointed at me, I was sure I was about to die and I thought of you. They say your life flashes before your eyes, but I only saw you, I think I saw my future instead. It's weird that only now do I remember that, I guess for the longest time I tried to forget."

Mark was silent for a long time, he was always hesitant to bring up the shooting but when she thought of that horrifying moment right now she felt a contented certainty. Even in her darkest moment he had been with her. She knew that wouldn't change.

"And you?"

She tried to smile to elevate the sombreness by moving on top of him so she could look him directly in the eyes and smile.

"Well if it wasn't right now then I think it was the first time I heard you humming grease lightening to yourself. There were people around looking at you and you didn't even notice, you even had this whole hip thing going on that was a huge turn on and when you broke out the air guitar I was sold."

Lexie burst out into a fit of embarrassed laughter.

"Holy crap when was this? I don't even remember doing it!"

"A couple of days after I first had you on my service."

"That was forever ago! You couldn't have known then, we hadn't even dated!"\

"When you know you know, okay I didn't know what it was I knew at the time but there was a feeling there that I'd never had before and only later did I realise what it was."

"But it couldn't be love."

"It wasn't."

"Then what?"

"Kismet."

Lexie felt tears welling again.

"Why did you have to be so romantic? You know I'm a total sap."

Mark shrugged his shoulders.

"Eh, I dig it."

He leaned over to turn off the light and pulled the covers up to cocoon their naked bodies as his arms went right around her.

Lexie didn't hum.

A/N: So what did you think? Please R&R!