Author's note:

This is going to be a Light x L fanfic, it's kind of an AU (Alternate Universe) because I've changed the story a little, but that will be explained throughout the fic :)

Warnings: Angsty, very angsty, contains torture and shed tears!

Disclaimers: I do not own Death Note.

Light closed his eyes, tears burning behind his eyelids as his head hung down, his reddish-brown hair covering his eyes as well as the process of them slowly fading from red to brown again. He gained back his human feelings as he realized, he'd done it again. He'd hurt L again. He'd broken his promise. He'd injured the one he loved.

Through the door he was leaning against on the floor he could hear the tears falling and low sobs as L cried. He turned terrified as the memories of what he'd just done flooded back, how could he..? He couldn't believe he'd let his inner demon put his, his, hands on L. Light gripped his head and screamed out in rage, hearing the sobs continue even louder inside the room behind him. Light felt that either he was going mad or just completely insane, if he wasn't already that is.

He didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to treat L like that, making him believe he was nothing to Light. He'd tried so hard to fight the power inside him threatening to consume him from the inside. His heart, it felt hollow but still so damn heavy. How was it even possible for this to happen? Why couldn't he just for once manage to control himself?

He was hopeless, utterly hopeless. This tortured him, burning his soul, slowly crumbling it into pieces, destroyed him. He didn't even know if L was alright. What if he was bleeding in there? He bit his lip, tears blurring his vision as he let them roll down along his cheek.

Why the hell did he care? It was not as if he could help him, nor would for that matter.

Light shouted out as those thought corrupted his mind. Not again, no, not again, please, leave me alone, I can't let you hurt him like that again, I can't let you do that, not again..

He couldn't give up, he couldn't give in again, not now. He had to win this fight. His fight. L wasn't supposed to be in it, he wasn't supposed to get involved, he was not supposed to get in the way. Light had to get him away.. he had to destroy L no matter what. No! No, no, no, don't you dare, I can't hold on if you continue, leave me be, please.. Light pleaded, he felt the demon inside him claw at his insides, not stopping until it would have succeeded.

Not this time. Light fought, fought his own thoughts, those destructive thought were just mere warnings of what could be to come. He grasped onto himself, not daring to let go, not daring to let the beast from inside of him come out to play with his love again. L was his and his only. And Light would protect what was his.

Still you fail to contain me every day, why else would he be suffering in the two of yours bedroom right now with the door locked in fear of you coming in? Light heard the chuckling voice in his head. He pressed his eyes shut and grit his teeth, why was it so damn difficult for the damn demon to leave him alone? Light yelled again.

"Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!" he yelled repeatedly, standing up and walking in a circle whilst holding his aching head. He couldn't stand being mocked by the curse itself, knowing it was true what he was saying. He just wasn't strong enough, he.. he hadn't managed to contain it, the raging spirit inside him had controlled him as if he'd been a marionette!

He'd made Light do all these terrible things to L, so many times now.. Still, L always came back, he always stayed, only hiding a while after every time Kira arrived to recuperate from the fear, the terror. But after that he was back, he was silent and didn't always speak, but he was there. Always.

He did his best in trying to help Light come up with a solution, they'd been investigating days in rows, even avoiding sleep at certain times. Light was thankful that L still dared to have his company once Kira was away, they still did what couples did, they kissed, hugged, held hands.

Though, if Kira continued gaining capacity and connection to Light's body and soul, soon Light would be gone completely, turning into just a shell of who he'd been. The only thing that would be left of him would be how he looked, the rest of him.. would turn into Kira. He looked down at his hands, tears blurring his vision again.

He didn't want to end up like that. All he wanted was to be free from Kira, for L to be safe and protected. He guessed he'd failed miserably this far, but he could still turn that around. He still had the chance to change that, he could still win. He knew he could. L knew too.

Light took a few deep and calming breaths with his eyes closed. He could do this, no matter what Kira said to him, made him think, he would do all in his might to protect L and erase Kira from his mind. He was no longer just going to leave the job half finished, this time, Kira would be gone.

Light's eyes opened, slowly, he made his way to the door of his and L's shared bedroom. He knew the door would be locked so he wouldn't even try to open it. If he'd do that, it would probably only scare L further.

"Ryuzaki? Are you alright?" he asked low, voice soft as he spoke and then listening closely in case his lover would answer. He heard soft steps from behind the door and backed away a few of his own, hearing the lock turn and the door open.

"Light? Let's take him down this time, okay? I don't know how long I can go on like this.." L said low, looking up to reveal his tearstained face and broken expression. Light's heart ached at the sight, wanting to run forwards and embrace his boyfriend. But something held him back. L was scared of him. It hurt him very deep to know that, but that meant he had to be careful.

L knew that Light wouldn't hurt him, but what he also knew was that all Kira knew was how to hurt him. So honestly, he wasn't scared of Light really. Rather the demon himself.

So, being careful with every move, seeing L observe him hesitantly, Light stepped forwards and reached out. He stopped there, letting L either accept the hug or reject him. Light was fine with either, knowing it was hard for L to process this too. L slowly eyed him up and down, seeing his eyes brown unlike the fiery red that had infected the brunette's irises before.

He swallowed before taking a step forwards, letting Light's arms hold him as his own arms surrounded Light's torso and held him tightly. He felt tears dripping down onto Light's white shirt, feeling the soft fabric against his chin as he felt Light's hands pass through his black hair.

"This time we'll make it, for sure. Thank you L. For staying, you don't know how happy it makes me feel. I truly honestly love you, and I want him gone as much as you do, okay? I want you to know that." he whispered. L nodded as he hid in Light's chest, sensing the memories from just minutes away come back to torment him.

He'd been yelling for Light to return, but Kira continued to possess Light's body no matter what they did. It had hurt when his fists had gone down on L's body, when his hands had gripped his throat, cutting of the air. L had lost consciousness for a short moment, the oxygen running out. Once he awoke, he'd seen it, the happiness on his love, Light's face. The smile, but it hadn't been Light smiling, no, it had been Kira. Kira.

Kira.

L could still hear his laugh echoing in his own head. They'd tried everything that didn't imply too many risks. Everything and a lot more, but Kira was too strong. No one could defeat him, no matter whom it was or what power they possessed, Kira was stronger.

Kira, a killer, a mighty murderer, a cold hearted destructive demon that controlled Light whenever he felt like it. Light had suffered enough, but so had L. There were many options and tactics they could use except for the ones they already had but the thing was.. if they did fail those, the process of Kira taking over Light would only speed up and soon enough all Light would be, would be a killer. A heartless, selfish killer. That was a risk L didn't really feel willing to take. Even thought it had hurt him to say it, he had.

L's pale hands gripped Light's collar tightly, making the caramel haired boy look down at him. Light saw tears still rolling down from L's watery eyes, making his stomach turn inside him.

"You have to promise me something, I will never leave you, I can't do that, don't ever think otherwise, also.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for being this weak, it's just, I'm scared that if I fail in healing you, in destroying Kira, that I will lose you forever and never be able to get you back.. Please forgive me, Light.. I'm so afraid, if you only knew, I'm sorry.." L apologized low, pleading for forgiveness.

Light looked almost horrified, felt almost angry. How could L even dare to feel guilty for something like that? How dare he feel sorry for his own insecurities? He gripped onto L, holding his face close and staring into his eyes.

"Don't. Don't ever say such a thing again. How can you even apologize? If anything, I should be the one on my knees at your feet begging for forgiveness from you! I don't want to ever hear those words come out of your mouth again, L, this is all my fault, I'm the one to blame, not you. You weren't even supposed to see me like this, I failed you. I failed you and I can't even put words together to express how much I regret doing this to you, I should've left before we got any tighter, I should've protected you from me when I had the chance.. I-I should've.." Light struggled for words, how dare L blame himself? What about all the times Kira had gone out and hurt him? None of those times were his fault. Nothing that had happened until now was L's fault, how could Light convince him of that?

He was brought out of his misery called thoughts as he was pulled down, cool lips against his. He held L against him as they slid down along the wall, ending up on the floor with L in Light's lap. L held Light's face in his hands as they tenderly kissed, softly and gently pressing their lips against the other's. Light held him around the waist, keeping him as close as he could, he didn't want to ever let go.

That, though, was soon to be changed. Light heard a low laugh in his head, a low one at first, but soon decreasing in volume as he felt the ache in his whole body return. The fire inside him was reigniting, suddenly he felt like he was being bathed in flames. He knew this feeling too well by now. He pushed L off him, scared as he felt his limbs start to twitch on their own accord.

His eyes widened as he looked down at his hands, they were trembling violently. No, this cannot be happening again, not now.. He felt his heart beat race in his chest as he lost all contact with his body, only being able to watch through his own eyes as his body stood up.

Kira was back.

L looked up at him, eyes wide too. He was lying on his back in front of Light's now uncontrollable form. He found that Light's friendly chocolate brown eyes were no longer the same color, but now blood red again. He gasped, eyes tearing up even more as he tried to slowly crawl backwards.

This hadn't happened before, not twice in one day.

"I'm back now, did you miss me, L?" Kira asked mockingly, his voice deepening into a more dangerously dark tone as he smiled down at L, his grin wicked as he approached him. L was silent but he quickly looked around to see an escape. He was in the living room. The only way out.. was through the doorway behind Li- no, Kira. Behind Kira.

L felt his breath uneven in panic at the mere thought of what he would be treated like. He continued to push himself away until he was seated against the far wall of the living room. His eyes stayed glued to Kira's, observing his every move.

Kira's mocking gaze soon turned into a glare as the only response he got was silence. He groaned angrily, walking over to L seeing him make himself as small as possible. As if that would save him, Kira thought and chuckled in his mind. He crouched next to the slim man hugging his own knees, salty transparent drops of water leaving his eyes and cheeks completely drained. He slipped a hand under L's jaw, as if holding his face up for a kiss. That was not what he would do though, as his fingers wrapped around the slender and already bruised throat.

"When I ask you something, I expect an answer. Do you understand?" he hissed, leaning in close to the terrified individual. L didn't dare to hold his gaze, feeling that he would collapse under its intensity. He sat there paralyzed, feeling the grip around his neck tighten for every moment of silence. Kira repeated the last sentence louder, his voice showing that he was raging.

L didn't answer, he knew he couldn't. Even though Kira wouldn't be holding his throat, he wouldn't be able to answer. The fear was too strong, he couldn't hold onto sanity like this, he couldn't act like nothing was wrong, he was too scared. He was too scared.. too weak. I'm sorry Light, I can't.. I'll don't know how to destroy him.. I don't know how.. I need your help so much, I miss you, come back to me..he pleaded in his mind, praying for Light's return. He was roughly pulled up into a standing position by the demon version of his boyfriend, pushed against the wall. He heart was speeding like crazy in his ribcage, L could hear it. Kira gripped his throat harder.

"When I ask you something, my dear.." he started, lips by L's ear as he spoke with as much hate he could put into his words.

The air..

"When I do, you respond.." he hissed, making goose bumps rise upon the other male's skin.

It was..

"..and you'll respond to me with words.." he continued, his tone showing that he was yet not done.

Running out..

"..respectfully." he finished, making his point clear in showing the statement was over by pulling away slightly.

Again..

Kira knew that L was right in between consciousness and blacking out. He decided to wake the him up a little, what about.. a small push? L was soon thrown with a huge force against the wall to his side, back hitting the wall with a loud noise. He fell to the floor, knowing, that would leave bruises for weeks and maybe months. This demon, Kira, had throughout the time he'd been trying to gain complete access to Light's body developed a huge amount of strength, huge amounts, almost unnaturally.

L cried out, lying in a ball on the floor shaking. He'd had enough of this, his body had enough of this. He wouldn't last very long if this went on as it almost always did. His breath was ragged and he coughed as he regained some air, oxygen once again entering his system.

"You're not as fun as you used to be, L. I liked you better when you actually tried to struggle against me, it was even better to see the realization on your face when you remembered that you can't win over me." Kira mocked, a hand passing through his hair as he smiled and laughed at those entertaining memories of L actually trying to hit back, screaming at him to leave him be, to let Light come back, even threatening him at occasions. Sadly, it seemed that he'd already broken his fighter spirit. L wasn't and would never return to his true self after all these times.

Kira decided that he would use something else this time, thinking for a moment as he watched L trying to stand, only managing to push his upper body up a few inches from the floor before falling into a mess again. He cried out several times during the process, body and muscles aching in pain.

The demon boy licked his lips before he looked towards the door way, there was the door to the bedroom and the door to the kitchen as well as the hall with a few other doors. The kitchen.. his face broke into a smile as he entered the room made for cooking and eating. He looked around as his eyes caught one of his favorite tools. The silver, sharpened and glimmering blades.

He walked over, grabbing the one he felt like looked like the biggest as he walked back into the room containing the still hurting L.

Kira enjoyed seeing the fear on L's face again, at least a sign that he was still alive and aware of the danger involving being around Kira. This was what Kira enjoyed, the power he felt at the sight of such a vulnerable being, completely lost and terrified for their life. Kira loved being in charge, deciding and playing with other's feelings. It was what he did. And he would never stop or give it up for the happiness of this little couple. No. Light Yagami's body would be his, and there was nothing changing that.

This would be so much fun, he hadn't used these knifes for a long time. The slashes on L's back, chest and abdomen had probably already started to fade, Kira would make sure to fill them all in again.

Soon, they would be permanent.

Author's note:

Hope you liked it, please R&R if you want an update!

Have an awesome day,

Detonator :)