Characters do not belong to me, they belong to Matsuri Hino (樋野まつり).

I got the title of this song from a Within Temptation song, I thought it was very fitting for this story- so title isn't mine either.

"So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind
So many years have passed, who are the noble and the wise?
Will all our sins be justified?" - Within Temptaion;; Hand of Sorrow

,

You know this is no longer reality when everything seems to make perfect sense; or at least, that's what I thought. Now, looking back at everything about my human years; absolutely nothing made sense, no matter how many times I replay every memory in my mind. All my emotions: fear, longing, love, hate, discontent means so little now. Even to this day I wonder what would happen if I never pursued any knowledge about what happened to me before the age of 5 or if I never accepted Kaname's wish to be his lover. Would I still be hoping that he's alright? Would I still be a vampire? Would my heart have lead me on a different path? There are so many questions I know I will never get an answer for. I think I'm okay with that because it gives me something to dream about when I sleep. Yet, somehow I think I would still be in the same situation I'm in now because no matter what I would have to keep the pure bloodline going.

I'm a pure blooded vampire, the strongest of our kind. My mother and father died when I was only 5 years old because of my crazed uncle. I'm not to sure how my father died but my mother died after suppressing all of my vampire instincts and even the vampire in me. All my memories came back after Kaname turned me back into what I was originally meant to be. Everything is still pretty new to me, even after all these years. Granted, it's only been about 4 but it's still hard to go out into the sun and the smell of all the human foods I used to eat kinda make me sick.

For the longest time I thought that I knew who I would spend the rest of my life with. The more I thought about it or even pondered on the thought; I came to realize I wanted something more. In theory, I have everything I want and more but it seems to be never enough. No longer does Kaname's blood fully quench this relentless thirst, no longer do I dream of what a child with Kaname would look like, no longer do my dreams completely revolve around my onii-sama. Now, even more of my world revolves around one person. Zero Kiryuu, who is now my enemy. So for the sake of Kaname and the bloodline, I'm left pretending that everything is okay. I guess this is my own personal hell that I'm doomed to suffer though for all eternity? I don't know.

I heard the nearly silent footsteps come up the hallway and I made sure to have a pleasant smile by the time he walked up to the door. Seeing his smile sends a shock of guilt right through me knowing that he'll never satisfy me the way I do for him. "Welcome home, Onii-sama! How was your council meeting?" I managed to ask in my normal, welcoming tone. My eyes followed him as he took off his coat and set down his brief-case. Within a matter of minutes I felt him wrap his arms around my waste and sigh, pulling me closer to him.

"The meeting seemed to drag on for an eternity, Yuuki. All I could manage to concentrate on was coming home to you." His voice was velvet smooth and his scent seemed like a dull fire inside my throat. As he talked; I held in the urge too sink my teeth into his pale, beautiful neck. The whole feel of Kaname holding me against his body made me feel relax in a strange way. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him just knowing it was something I had to do.

"Kaname-sama, what was the meeting about anyway?" I dared to ask him since we were still half way on the subject. "Was it really that bad?"

I heard him chuckle quietly as he released me from his iron grip, "It was just a normal meeting about the peace at Cross Academy and how the Headmaster still believe in the idealistic world that vampires and humans can get along and live side by side." I felt Kaname place two fingers under my chin to tilt my head up toward him. "Besides, we're still a long ways away from planning our wedding and its only three months away."

"Oh! I forgot to tell you, Onii-sama; Ruka and I were planning on going out sometime this week to look for a dress." Smiled the best, most convincing smile I could up at him and watched his eyes glimmer. Glimmer with what, one could only guess. Was it out of lust? Excitement? Hunger? Happiness? If only I could get into his head. "It's bad luck to see the brides wedding dress before the wedding, so, your not invited this time." I managed to laugh a little as he pulled my face closer to his.

"Oh?" He replied with a gentle tone as he slowly cupped my face in the palm of his hands, like I was a fragile lily. "What am I suppose to do when your away?"

"Well," I began softly, knowing what was soon coming. "you can always begin working on the guest list and picking out invitations? I'll probably end up picking the first dress that catches my eye anyway, so it shouldn't be a whole day trip …unless Ruka decides to have me try on every dress in the store." My arms snaked around his neck as I took a step closer to him, closer to my impending future. "Besides, you know the only two I want at our wedding."

"Sayori and the Headmaster?" Kaname asked me as he moved his head down enough so I could taste his breath on my lips. I knew he wanted to say the name of the one person who I wanted to be there, but he held off.

I nodded softly and decided to stop playing this game of avoidance and closed the space between us, closing my eyes. I felt his hands hold my face tighter as his lips crashed against mine in a wave of gentle fury, I could tell he was controlling his emotions; let alone his undying thirst. My hands moved up to his and moved them down to my waist, feeling his fingers grip the cloth of my shirt tightly.

I broke the kiss with a soft sigh and looked up at him; seeing the normally chocolate brown color of his eyes tinted crimson. As each second passed the crimson only became more pronounced, his hunger consuming him. "Kaname-sama," I began softly as I heard a slight rip of fabric from Kaname's fingers clinging to the fabric of my shirt. "I know very well that your hungry."

Kaname just looked at me with a painful look on his face as he backed me up against a near by wall. Quickly enough I felt his tongue lick the skin of my neck then without haste I could hear the dull piecing of his fangs penetrating my skin. I knew, deep down, he hated to do this, but it was never the same as the time before. This time he pulled me as close to his body as possible and I dug my fingers into his shoulders; both for support and strangely enough from ecstasy.

It felt different then when Zero would suck my blood. Zero was rough, taking in all he could without realizing I was getting light headed. In the end though, he always had a remorseful look on his face and hated himself for what he had become. Kaname is completely different, only taking enough to last for a couple weeks. Secretly, I was grateful for that. When onii-sama was done, he pulled out his fangs gently and made sure my bite marks closed before releasing me.

"Yuuki," Kaname began to speak before I held a finger up to his lips to stop the rest of the sentence from coming out.

"Onii-sama, you say the same thing every time and I always reply with the same thing. "No it didn't hurt" and "I'm fine really!" So don't worry." I said with a small laugh as he pulled me to him again. This is my future, and I have to get used to it; sooner rather then later.

YAY! My first chapter is done~ hopefully this time I'll actually continue with this story! Yeah, I have grammatical and punctuation errors but I'm trying ^^;; I'm thinking this will turn into YuukixZero in later chapters- I support both YuukixKaname and YuukixZero~ SAYANARA 3