I just want everyone to know that this was a very laborious task and I don't own Bleach at all.
But feel free to eat a couple of snacks and drink a little something before reading this.
I did when I made this, so enjoy yourself as you witness my workings.
By the way, the bold is me talking and whenever you see the narrator that would also be me.
Ah, the sweet and sexy anime that brings you supernatural hotness right to your television set cleverly named...Shonen Jump Bleach!
Ichired: Whoo! Bring on the babes!
Oh, we're bringing them. In all their powerful glory! Bask in the dynamic entrance of Japan's new hit show and its actors and actresses who have made the show happen. We're calling them the 40 hotties of this episode.
O-range-ni: I love you, narrator. You fulfill my deepest, darkest desires just by staying beautiful and using your tender voice to entertain me.
And we'll be entertaining the rest of the world with this delicate contribution to everyone else's dark, secluded desires by bringing you this from Unrestricted Asterisk…
[Backstage]
"So are we supposed to walk on the stage now?" Renji asks.
"We don't have a stage, babes," narrator answers.
"Wow, Renji. You actually realize we don't have a stage right after you enter the interview room," Rukia sarcastically says.
"Yeah, you…well… Shut up!" Renji defends, turning the other cheek.
"We are in front of like three cameras, you know?" Rangiku informs.
"Please don't even bother with them, Rangiku," Toshiro remarks.
"What's that supposed to mean, short stuff!?" Renji defends.
"Would the lot of you shut up!? We are in front of the media and you're arguing over nothing!" Nanao shouts.
"Screw you, glasses!" Renji defends. "I was asking a very important question because something else was on my mind at the time the people were talking."
"Something else or someone else?" Byakuya asks, secretly teasing Renji.
"We're gonna die tomorrow. Byakuya just made a funny, people," Ikkaku remarks.
"Unless he's making the correct assumption…" Yumichika says.
"Is someone distracting you, Renji?" Ikkaku asks.
"I hope not. That would worry me if you had suddenly taken ill because of someone," the narrator says, concerned.
Renji blushes then responds, "No one is distracting me. I just saw the lights flicker and a few loose wires before I came in here, that's all."
"Come, Renji. I know you better than that. You are being distracted by someone and the person is not very far away from you either," Byakuya says, eyes closed as he speaks.
"I'm not lying! Come on, Byakuya! Cut me some slack!" Renji pouts.
"You are a strangely easy target, Renji, but I never said you were wrong in being distracted by another force. It is quite all right with me," Byakuya reassures, crossing one leg over the other.
"Where the hell is the rest of the damn crew?" Rukia asks, checking her watch. "Isn't there supposed to be like 45 of us?"
"How many do we have right now?" Rangiku asks, looking at Rukia.
"Well, there's you, me, Byakuya, Renji, Toshiro, Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Nanao. That's only eight!" Rukia shouts, annoyed.
"Well, we'll just continue with what we have for now until the ones for the first hour come in," the narrator says. "It won't necessarily be a huge problem if just a few of you come in."
Noises faintly creep in the hallway of the interviewing studio. A couple of people seem to be chasing after someone who is about to enter the reserved room for the Bleach cast. The person bursts through the door, in a rush to get to his seat.
"Wait, wait, wait! I'm here!" Hanataro shouts, rushing through the door. "There were some girls asking for a picture. I'm sorry for the del—wait a minute. Where's everybody else?"
"They're not here yet, buddy," Yumichika informs, annoyed. "Might as well sit with the rest of us."
"Aw, you mean I ran down for nothing? That sucks big time, dude," Hanataro says, slinking in his seat.
"Did anyone call you to let you know they were coming?" Rangiku asks.
"Lolli and Lillinette said they'll be in as soon as their chauffeur gets through the tunnel and goes down Elysian Road to here. Chizuru called, too. She was behind me a second ago taking some pictures," Hanataro explains.
Noises faintly creep in the hallway again. A group of people quickly rush in the door, panting from the light jog there.
"Geezum! Could the traffic get any worse than today?" Lillinette complains.
"It might so don't push it!" Cirucci remarks. "Hey, Ms. Rogue. How's life treatin' ya?"
"Pretty nasty at this point," the narrator says. "Well, we have enough people on this end, so I'm gonna go and do my job in the other room while my partner comes in and interview you in here."
"Wait, so you're not staying with us in here?" Renji asks, disappointed.
"No, but there's a screen behind you that you can watch as the show progresses. This is the live version right now, and we'll broadcast the edited version in 2 days or so," the narrator explains.
"Tora, the opening theme is starting! We've gotta go!" the other interviewer says.
"I'm coming!" the narrator answers. "Okay, you guys. I'll see you at break, okay?"
The narrator leaves the room and runs to her station…
{Producers of the opening theme song}
Sexy, dirty, wet, hot
Hotties of the Bleach show
[Shonen Jump]
Hotties of the Bleach show
[Should've called it OxyClean]
The 40 Hottest Hotties of the Bleach show
*woman laughs*
{Theme song 1}
Oh god,
Where's my lollipop?
It's the sweet girl,
Miss Lolli
Coming in at number 40 is the lovely lady from the duo, Lolli and Menolli…
Ichired: Oh, my god. Dude, Lolli and Menolli were like the Salt N Pepa in the Bleach Exile forum. You could not see one without the other.
Yellow-san: Then the funniest thing is how her boobs were like ginormous and Menolli's were like basketball boobs.
shi~green: Yeah, like one would feed her boob fatty tissues in battle by absorbing energy and the other would just puff up her cute, little cheeks trying to make a killer attack and the air would zoom in the opposite direction.
GO BLUE!: I'm sorry, I'm still mesmerized by that rockin' body. Just give me a sec to recover.
Yellow-san: She had the long hair and light eyes and great skin and barely-there-armor. I mean come on. How can you not like a woman like her?
And the weirdest thing to like about her is she didn't last long enough in the series…
Ichired: Man, there was actual controversy on why Lolli didn't stay for like a good number of episodes rather than just that two or three.
Lolli: Well, I do remember when I and Menolli were first introduced to the plot and our roles. I was completely comfortable with not having so much attention for such a long period of time in the exile arc, but there were a lot of people who just wouldn't have it. I mean it had gotten hectic for like three weeks or so.
Even though Lolli and her partner, Menolli, weren't around long enough, she still remains one of the hottest women in the exile arc…
Lolli: I personally want to thank all my fans for choosing me as the hottest. Hugs and kisses for you all.
{Theme song 2}
What up ya'll?
It's Yamada,
Hanatarou Yamada
Coming in at number 39 is someone no one actually saw coming…
O-range-ni: Aw, dude. Just when you thought a guy couldn't get any wimpier, Hanataro comes along and steals your girlfriend. Then you're all like 'well, fuck, do I have to hide in a corner to get free sex or something?'
pUrPlE rOkU: I love Hanataro. He seemed so sweet and gullible and always helpful. He was like everything you wanted in a guy who isn't a jerk or sex-obsessed.
hachi MARIGOLD: I personally like Hanataro because if you tried to do some crazy sex position because he seemed nervous and a little scared at first he would just break out of his timid system and be like 'Oh, no, baby girl. We're doin' it this way!' And next thing you know the screws in your bed done broke, your hair all wild and can't comb it right, you got swirls in your eyes, your clothes inside out, you can't walk straight, and all that goodness. Hmph! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout daddy.
JU fuschia: I think the real reason why so many girls like Hanataro is because he plays the sensitivity cud rather well but he is also quite bold in what he believes. To most guys, he just seems like a pussy but to the girls he's the guy you want to fuck and keep fuckin' until he gets a bruise on his hipbone.
O-range-ni: But you know what? Hanataro also makes guys jealous because he's swoon-worthy. Number one, he's a friggin doctor, which means money in the bank, and number two, he can read poetry just to make out with your girlfriend and her sister and your mom if he wanted too. And that what makes him so lovable.
With someone as sweet as Yamada, who wouldn't want to try to dominate the medical heartthrob? And for that, Mr. Yamada, we salute you…
[BeHiNd ThE sCeNeS]
"Okay, guys, I think we're just going to listen to the first half before we move on to commercial break. They just got through with Lolli's stuff obviously," the interviewer says. "Tora finished her part and now…"
Aw, dude. Just when you thought a guy couldn't get any wimpier, Hanataro comes along and steals your girlfriend. Then you're all like 'well, fuck, do I have to hide in a corner to get free sex or something?' O-range-ni says.
The Bleach cast laugh at O-range-ni's words and Hanataro's face as he blushes then laughs too. Renji rolls off his chair and collapses on the floor laughing, and Rukia leans on Byakuya's shoulder, laughing.
"Oh, you're such the lady's man, Hanataro!" Ikkaku teases then laughs.
"Oh, really?" Hanataro teases. "Thank you so much, Ikkaku. That means a lot to me," Hanataro says, bowing and chuckling.
"Don't get too influenced, Hanataro," Toshiro teases.
"Wait, there's more, there's more!" Rangiku informs, trying to quiet everybody down.
I personally like Hanataro because if you tried to do some crazy sex position because he seemed nervous and a little scared at first he would just break out of his timid system and be like 'Oh, no, baby girl. We're doin' it this way!' And next thing you know the screws in your bed done broke, your hair all wild and can't comb it right, you got swirls in your eyes, your clothes inside out, you can't walk straight, and all that goodness. Hmph! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout daddy. hachi MARIGOLD says.
The Bleach cast really falls out laughing, including the interviewer. Renji falls out of his chair, along with Lolli and Ikkaku, and Byakuya covers his mouth so he doesn't laugh too loud or too hard.