The perfect girl
Disclaimer: I don't own Joker/Clover/Heart no kuni no Alice
O.
Perfection is only a form of Obsession.
(But even knowing this she turns her head away and continues to dance with the world, slowly losing herself)
I.
People who seek to be perfect are like comets in a sky full of stars. They continue to run, only leaving behind stardust and broken dreams, never slowing down even if this means their annihilation.
Tragedy runs in their blood, they are born from ash.
(Beauty swirls in ancient circles, meaning is lost in time)
II.
Her sister is the epitome of perfection, she is sure of this. Everything she does is gorgeous and right, the eyes are enchanted by her beauty and the heart stolen by her kind words.
All Alice heard since she was little was to be more like her sister, to be prettier, more graceful and gentler.
To be Perfect.
Maybe if things had been different, if her parents hadn't said those words, if people hadn't seeked her friendship only to be near Lorina, if someone had said that they loved her exactly like she was, maybe then her fate would have been a happier one.
But life isn't made of "If only", just of crude truths that can be pushed aside and not looked upon until the music stops and everyone see.
(Her path had been traced from her very birth)
III.
It isn't milk to be spilled but the dinner's soup and for a moment, while drop after drop the greenish puddle on the burgundy Persian rug enlarges, everything was silent and Alice tastes freedom for the first time.
Then the brief illusion shatters and she can see the walls of the dining room, the long table, the shocked expressions of her parents and sisters, and the dish of soup that she has thrown on the ground when the rage had become too much to be restrained between clenched jaws.
But it is her own image reflected in the mirror on the wall in front of her, the look in her eyes is of Doom.
Iced water washes over her and for the first, and last, time, she screams.
(The sound reverberates like an earthquake, but it is even more destructive because her world isn't only shaking.
It is crumbling into dust.
She knows and yet she is falling headfirst in the Rabbit Hole without hope of ever coming back)
IV.
"What is Perfection?", she asks to herself.
(What do humans mean with that word?)
After a long time thinking about it she reaches a decision. Perfection means being the most beautiful, graceful, strong and intelligent.
Only a person at time can be perfect and she says that it is fine, she doesn't have to be the one, all she wants is to be near her sister even if she has to always see her back.
She has work to do.
(She covers her heart with chains and squeezes hoping that it stop to ache.
She strangles her own emotions and never cries again)
V.
As she watches the only man she loved give his heart to her sister something in her broke.
(The chains squeezes a bit more and her eyes grows a little harder)
She smiles and congratulates the happy couple as the wind sings mournfully and the sky sheds cold drops that resemble too much at tears.
She wasn't enough but will get better.
(For having what you desire you have to be ready to pay the price)
VI.
Books are flung in the air at the wake of her rage, she trashes the room until it seems a place where armies have fought and shed the blood of countless generations. Her breath is labored because now that she is alone she doesn't have to hide her feelings any longer and even that is wrong wrong wrong since she shouldn't feel anything.
She is destroying all what is on her path because if she doesn't the one that will be destroyed is her.
She hates it! She hates it all!
Why are things going so? Why does she feel like she is losing her mind and her thoughts seem trapped in an endless loop?
She strikes and the looking glass is smashed into pieces that only reflect imperfection in its every cruel side and fashion as her blood is dripping in a slow flow on the floor.
She turns away and with her back facing the red stained glass she finally decides. Gray will do her no good, you can't transform defective things like her in perfect beings, no, you simply can't.
She will erase herself and build her person anew, born from ashes she strives for the stars.
(As she leaves a trail of stardust behind her she is)
Reaching the door knob she thinks that maybe if her sister hadn't interrupted her lesson with her tutor and showed her astounding intelligence then things wouldn't have gone like that. The thought flees away as fast as it had come and a pleasant smile is already placed on her lips.
(She doesn't know how to feel but it doesn't matter, maybe it never mattered in the end.
Bones are blanched and flesh has fleed)
VII.
The new dress is beautiful, its color is blue ice with pure white pearls. Alice doesn't spin in it again and again until her vision blurs and she falls on the cool pavement with sweat on her skin and honey in her chest.
She just stares at it with half closed eyes while a little smirk (was it always that large?), graces her face.
(Alice smiles but her mouth is all harsh angles and jagged teeth, her lips whisper saccharine words as they eat souls)
VIII.
Her white rabbit is licking her fingers, it tingles and his red eyes are crumbled barriers through now the ocean of adoration and love is flowing.
She is tenderly caressing his white ears and even as her touch moves a bit lower, and she feels his pulse, her hand is still soft.
A swift move is all it takes and the neck snaps with a strangely final sound.
(With it window are closed, lights turned off and the door is closed forever)
It had to be done, she cared far too much for the creature and if she was to be perfect all the ties with her old self had to be severed.
She doesn't even let herself hold it for another second, the still warm body is tossed on the ground like a broken doll that had had its strings cut.
Her heart doesn't tremble and her breath's pace doesn't change. The transformation is almost completed now.
(She feels like the powerful goddesses with the scissors of the Grecian myths, she cuts cuts cuts and armies fall into oblivion. She can almost taste victory, its unique flavor coates her tongue with sweet promises)
IX.
The twin dolls with hair of the color of wine (or is it blood?) seem to watch her amused, even if their faces are forever stitched into a frown and a smile there is something suggesting that they are maliciously laughing at her.
Their eyes are glinting with a sinister light in the half shadow reigning over the room and they seem to ask one question, "What are you, Alice?"
(Her silence is deafening, it speaks lauder than words. She sighs and accepts.
The civil war is lost and weapons are deposed)
X.
Now she has been catalogued as the brightest girl in Oxford, her grades are perfect and she kindly helps anyone that is in difficulties.
Her appearance is impeccable and her movements are as graceful as her personality is lovely. People say that she is perfect and admire her but all what she can feel is cold.
She is never sad nor angry, her smile is just of the right measure (so perfect that who doesn't know her might think it is fake) and her laugh has just the right pitch.
Her skin is marble and her eyes hard gems, she looks at herself in the mirror and wonders how people can't see beyond her façade, but then she turns around and laughs, it is full of sparkling icicles that make think of dark forest and new forged crowns.
(The truth is plain to see but the time passed and the snow has fallen on the ground covering everything with its white mantle full of deceptions.
The black coffin is open and waiting with wonderful promises of rest, you follow the flute until the song ends and you are lost)
XI.
As she looks into her sister's tears stained eyes she sees fright (or is it pity?), they are imploring her of not doing that, of not crossing that line.
For the first time in her life Alice is disgusted by Lorina, Perfection can't feel emotions and most of all it can't cry.
Her sister is Defective, she can't be perfect.
All it takes is a quick slash of the sword and the head with wide open violet eyes and long brown ringlets gracefully falls.
There can be only a perfection at time, her heart becomes dust and her eyes diamonds. (They maim and cut, always thirsty for more blood to spill)
Alice is Perfect.
(She isn't a falling star anymore, now she is a black hole, destroying everything in her path.
The most beautiful monster ever made.
They see but they no longer are. The eyes are glassed over and the hands cold, yet the screams can still be heard in the empty house.
The stardust has become acid rain.
The World melts screaming)
(O.O)
Hiya guys!
I didn't think that I would have finished this one-shot anytime soon but thanks to a torment of two days (and the subsequent lack of electricity) left me with little choice for not bore myself to death. It is incredible how seeing the fallen trees outside the window and being able to only hear the wind creating a mini tornado is useful to the inspiration.
I hope you like this one-shot and in case you want to leave a review it will be appreciated (a bit more than "appreciated" really XD ) but unfortunately I won't be able to answer back. Sorry…
This story has been the most difficult to write for now and it still isn't exactly what I wanted so I will probably rewrite it in a far away future when my vocabulary will be larger and I will be able to express what I think better.
It is dedicated for who feels like they have to be perfect and strain themselves to do always better, it is tiring in the long run and you inevitably finish losing yourself and not realizing it until it is too late. Sometimes people have to rest, take a breath and stop to worry for a second, because, even if it can be detrimental at the moment, it will help with keeping your sanity.
Good day!
A/N= A Special Hello to Elise the Writing Desk and Dazzy Dizzie, you guys rock! XD