Stupid Boy

I beg of you to read the note at the end.

She wants to be angry at him. She wants to be angry at Astrid. Mostly she's angry at herself. Maybe she should've waited just 20 seconds longer to find them. Maybe she could've saved herself the hurt. That wouldn't have stopped it from happening, it still would've happened. She just wouldn't have known. She could continue to have no idea what was going on between the two behind closed doors.

Maybe she could've picked up on the signs. How when Astrid was around, Cara seemed to fade to the background in John's eyes. How all of a sudden she was shut out of his mind again. Maybe it was only fair, she never let him in. If she had let him in maybe he wouldn't have turned to Astrid.

It's blame. It's all blame. Her anger she can't focus it on them, only herself. Her chest is heaving, she wants to cry but tears don't come. Is this how he felt when she and Stephen had slept together? Like his whole world just exploded. Like his heart had been torn out and smashed to pieces.

Was it the same John that told her he loved her? Was it the same John she had given everything too? No, it wasn't. She should've known. He had changed when he lost his powers. He wasn't the same guy she had fallen in love with years ago. Not that she was the same girl. They had grown up. They had grown up even more since Stephen joined the picture. How complicated everything had become. And part of Cara would do anything to go back in time. Back before Stephen.

Her mind reels, too many memories. They're all flashes. Her and John's first kiss. If not for the monster that had been Tyler, John likely would've been her first kiss. The first time John had taken her topside for sex. It was all flashing back to her. And it was killing her slowly.

It felt like someone had their hands wrapped around her throat. The room spun. She couldn't breathe. Her heart felt like it had been torn out of her chest. She felt completely crushed.

She snaps out of it, if only for a second, when the door opens. She had been hiding in the bedroom they share. Why wouldn't he come looking for her there? Was he even looking for her? Was he looking for a more quiet place for himself and Astrid?

"There you are," he says with a flash of that smile. That stupid smile she had first fallen for. She can't bring herself to speak. She doesn't know what to say.

"Stephen and his family just left. They took Astrid with them. The others seem to be winding down for the night. It seems like I was the only one that noticed you had left."

"Astrid," she questions quietly. She wonders if he heard the crack in her voice. He shoots her a confused look. Neither of them say anything. The silence surrounds them for what feels like hours. Cara is the first to break it. Her voice cracking at every word.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know perfectly well what," she snarls. Maybe can fake anger for a few moments instead of complete and utter heartbreak. He didn't say anything. She wanted so badly for him to be confused. Maybe find out it was just a one time mistake.

"When. Were. You. Going. To. Tell. Me. About. You. And. Astrid." This time it isn't a question, but a statement. A statement she was scared to hear the answer to.

"Look Cara. It's-"

"I walked in on you. You had your tongue down her throat. Are you trying to play some game? Have two girls, and dangle them at the end of a rope?"

"Cara it's not like that."

"How is it not like that John? If it wasn't like that, why are you kissing her if we're still together?"

"What about you and Stephen?"

"Don't throw that back in my face John. I came clean to you about that."

"Why are you even assuming that what you saw tonight wasn't just like that? A one time mistake."

"If it had been a one time mistake. I wouldn't have seen the looks you've been giving her since you lost your powers. You used to look at me like that. I just wish I hadn't been so stupid and realized it sooner. So tell me, when did it start? When did you plan on coming clean? Or at least when would you have the courage to break up with me?"

She watched him standing across the room from her. His mouth slightly agape. He looked like he was searching for the answer. She wasn't sure if she'd like what she'd hear if he found one.

"Cara I-"

"You know what? Save it John. Leave this room. Leave our hideout. Just get out. I never want to see you again."

She wasn't sure where he would go if he actually left. There were plenty of places to hide down here. She just wanted him gone. If he wanted his things he could always sneak in when she was gone. He didn't try to question it. He didn't speak. He just left. He listened to her for once.

She heard the bedroom door slam shut and she sat on the edge of the bed they had once shared. It was then she finally managed to cry.

I don't feel like John would intentionally try to juggle both girls. I do however feel like he would have a really hard time actually dumping Cara. Because I do think she will always be someone he loves. I accepted a long time ago they aren't going to be endgame.

And I'm just going to be a forever bitter shipper.