I know It's been a while guys. Here's the promised first chapter. Thank you for your support through the years!
Hot, molten, fire poured down my throat, filling my lungs. My hands clutched my chest as it expanded, and tears rose in my eyes. My head felt heavy and it sagged from side to side as I struggled to sit up, my mind nothing more that pooling liquid. My eyes were wide open and unseeing, as I struggled to catch my breath.
I was blinded by the pale yellow of RIn's dress, the feel of her small arms holding me together. My ears were consumed with the small snap of her neck, no louder that a distant twig breaking. I could see her lying small and broken on the cold asphalt, snow lightly landing on her body. I clutched my chest harder. It felt as if there was not enough air in the room, or in this world even. Nothing would replace what I had lost.
"Kagome?"
I turned my sightless eyes towards the voice.
"Inuyasha?"
My voice was the creak of an old wooden door, but I was too relieved to clear my throat.
I felt his hands on my shoulder, and he gently pushed me back down, before grasping my hands in his.
"Hey, Kagome. How do you feel?"
Like death.
"I'm fine, I'm just glad you're okay. I thought you died. I saw your body on the ground. And I- I just," I couldn't finish. Sobs shook me to the core and I felt myself being pulled into Inuyasha's arms. I buried my face in his chest. He lightly stroked my hair, but remained silent as the sobs turned into silent tremors.
I opened my eyes, to see Sango sitting in a chair beside the bed.
"You're awake," her smile was wide and I felt myself returning a small smile of my own.
Sitting up slowly, I took a deep breath, happy that the air felt cool.
"Where is everyone? Where's Inuyasha?"
Sango smile faltered momentarily, "They are in a kind of meeting. Don't worry about it, you've been asleep for weeks."
Weeks? I felt my stomach sinking.
"How many weeks exactly?"
Sango looked away, "After we found you, you slept for about three weeks. And it's been another two since you woke up last time."
"Five weeks? I slept for five weeks?"
"I don't think you were sleeping for all of it, you lost a lot of blood and there was a lot of internal damage from the Jewel extraction so I think your body was healing. Once we put the Jewel back inside of you, you stopped looking like you were in pain."
I stared up at the ceiling, trying to decide what that even meant.
"Kagome, I know this might be hard to talk about or remember. But can you tell me what happened?"
Memories flashed through my mind. Small vignettes of scenes, colors, and sounds. Then pain, and I clutched my chest as tears pooled in my eyes.
Rin.
Rin was dead.
My eyes flashed over to Sango's, her eyes were also wet with unshed tears.
I took a deep breath. I had to tell someone what happened. They had gone five weeks already without knowing Naraku's warning. It was dangerous. They deserved to know.
"Uhm," I cleared my throat and pushed myself up slowly.
"I was following Inuyasha outside and a-"
"Why was Inuyasha outside?" Sango interrupted.
I flushed, remembering the feel of Sesshomaru's lips on mine. And how I had kissed him, thinking he was Inuyasha. I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach and the feeling of my heart stopping when I saw Inuyasha standing there watching me.
"We had a fight," I said, avoiding Sango's gaze, "So I followed him outside to apologize. But I got lost, and I was wandering around looking for him."
"Kagome, Inuyasha never went outside. He just went to his room, " Sango said, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
I felt myself mirroring her expression, "But Sesshomaru's assistant told me he went outside. He accompanied me until I got lost."
Sango sat up straighter, alarmed.
"Well I saw Inuyasha's corpse and then Naraku and that red eyed girl ambushed me. And then Rin showed up, I don't know how she got there, she must have followed me," I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
"They held me still and he put his hand through my stomach, and when he couldn't take the jewel he," I felt my heart breaking all over again, and my voice hitched in my throat," He killed her and told me that he would kill everyone I love, that he would come back for the jewel and destroy me."
Sango's lips were pressed into a firm line as she nodded.
"I need to speak to Sesshomaru, I'll tell him what you told me," Sango said rising to her feet.
The door opened, and there he stood, his face cold and neutral. His eyes swept over the room before they came to rest on me. I felt an involuntary shiver go down my spine, his gaze chilled me to the core.
"I heard her. We will avenge Rin's death," His voice was even, strong, deep, and unaffected. He didn't seem the least bit upset saying her name.
"Sango, you will follow me, there are some things we need to discuss," His eyes bored into mine, "You will stay here. You are not to leave this room."
I nodded, the look in his eye left me paralyzed. He looked briefly to Sango.
"Go to the study, I wish to speak to Kagome, alone."
Sango nodded, before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"You are weak," he said turning his unwavering gaze back to me, "You have already accepted this role, and now it is time to play your part."
His voice was even, there was no emphasis, no insults. He was stating facts, or at least that's how he made it sound. He adjusted the cuffs of his dress shirt.
"You have received this warning many times, but you are not to go anywhere alone. Until you are strong enough to take care of yourself, you will be treated like the weak child you are."
With that he was gone.
I felt the truth of his words settle over me. I am weak. I couldn't protect myself or Rin. And that poor girl died because I didn't listen, and I wasn't strong enough to even begin to save her. I felt myself dissolving into a puddle of tears.
Just like a weak child, I chided myself.
I angrily wiped the tears from my cheeks. I can't fall apart. Sesshomaru had told me that once before. He was right. I can't keep falling apart.
There was a knock on the door and I cleared my throat before telling them to come in.
I felt my heart stop as Inuyasha came inside.
He smiled at me and came to sit on the edge of my bed.
"How are you feeling?"
My eyes took him in. He looked the same, beautiful, rugged, long silver hair and golden amber eyes. Everything looked and felt different to me yet he was the same, and I was grateful. When I didn't answer his smile turned wry.
"Kind of a stupid question, huh?"
"Very," I said, with a small smile of my own.
We sat a moment in silence.
"Inuyasha, I didn't know it was Sesshomaru kissing me, I thought it was you."
He stayed quiet a moment.
"I don't care about that, I'm just happy you're okay."
I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. His eyes gave nothing away as I stared at him, hoping for some kind of clue. He placed a hand over mine and squeezed. It wasn't much, but it reassured me. I moved over in the bed, and he sat beside me, reclining against the headboard. I laced my fingers through his.
"Inuyasha, thank you."
"For?"
What wasn't I thanking him for? For being a great friend to me. For always being my comfort. For listening. For not asking me what happened.
"Everything."
He didn't say anything, just draped his arm around me and pulled me in close. I relaxed in his grip. I would allow myself this comfort, because once this moment ended, I would have to be more focused.
It was no longer about what I wanted to do, or about what I was willing to do, it was about what I had to do. I could finally understand Sango's sense of duty.
If I failed millions of children, just like Rin could die. Failure wasn't an option.
I stepped in to the hallway, happy to be outside for the first time in months. We were no longer in the city, but out in the countryside and I was dying for fresh air. Sango stood behind me, shadowing my every move as I walked the grounds.
Things were different between us, even Miroku kept his distance. Only stopping through to visit every once in a while. Inuyasha told me it was because they were both very busy, every one was taking Naraku's threat seriously. But I knew the truth. They blamed me for Rin's death. They were right to, it was my fault. I wouldn't be able to talk to me either. Since I woke up she was there to escort me from place to place, but we barely spoke.
"Sango, where is Rin's grave?"
Sango was quiet for a moment, "Well this was her first home, so she has been buried here on the grounds."
"Can you show me where it is?"
Sango didn't say anything as she began walking. I followed behind her, watching her hair swish as she scanned the grounds, ever vigilant. She walked slowly but purposefully and I followed behind her on clumsy feet. Her grave wasn't far, it was underneath a metal archway. Roses planted on either side of the arch, and I could already picture how beautiful it would be in a few years.
"I just need a moment," I said. Sango backed off, leaving me alone with Rin and my thoughts.
I sat beside her head stone, leaning gently on the metal archway. my mind brought up the image of Rin standing, her eyes wide with horror as Naraku placed his hands on either side of her head. I shook my head, wishing I could make myself forget that image. That was not the way I wished to remember Rin. I pictured her, smiling up at me in her pale yellow dress. I smiled, tears wetting my cheeks and salting my lips. I would never get to see her grown up. Unlike the roses I couldn't picture a 15 year old Rin. I will never know who she would have been. Naraku robbed us of her, and her, her future. She will never fall in love, never get a chance at a normal life. She will always remain twelve years old and smiling, innocent and young. I was sobbing, my knees pulled to my chest, my face buried in my hands.
Pain is cruel. It left me breathless, swept under in a wave a grief. And because this death was my fault, guilt would never give me any relief. I will always feel this intense pain. I could feel her thin arms around me, offering me strength, when I should have been strong enough to stand on my own. Maybe if I didn't seem so fragile, she wouldn't have followed me.
I let out a ragged, broken cry that left me gasping for air. I couldn't catch my breath, and I took shallow quick breaths hoping I could regain control. Sango came and knelt in front of me. Her eyes and face were wet with tears and she pulled me into a strong hug. I hugged her back, and the feeling of her body breaking under the pain, only made my heart hurt more. Sango's shoulders shook as she gripped me tighter. I rubbed her back, trying to offer her comfort, though it eluded me.
"Rin was like a little sister to me. And I'm happy you're okay Kagome... I just... I needed time."
"I know." Was all I could muster.
I held her, even as my own sobs quieted. When she was done, she pulled back, holding my hands in hers and smiled. I returned a small smile of my own.
"Sango, I need to be stronger. I have to be stronger than I am now."
Sango's smile faded in to a serious look.
"Kagome, you are already strong. You have to accept your power."
"I'm trying to wrap my mind around it."
"That's the thing isn't an idea, it's not something to wrap your mind around, this is life. This is your life. I know this is a lot, and new for you, but once you took that oath and accepted your position, your old life officially ended. And who you were before that moment, she's gone."
I let her words sink in. Sango squeezed my hands in hers.
"You have approximately six billion people to protect Kagome. That's a lot of lives, and unfortunately you're about 100 years late. There isn't time for you to adjust to the idea," Her voice was gentle, yet firm. She was right. I nodded, my voice failing me and words abandoning me.
"I think I need to see Sesshomaru." I said. Sango looked at me, surprise clear on her face.
"Are you sure?" She asked rising to her feet.
"Yeah, I am. I have six billion lives counting on me. But more importantly, you, Inuyasha, and Miroku are counting on me. I won't let you guys down," I said, standing up, and brushing the dirt off the back of my pants.
We walked side by side back to the estate. Though this house was smaller than the other two, it was still what I would consider irresponsibly the floor plan was much more open, and finding my way around was not hard. Sango walked with me to his study and left me outside his door.
I wished I was dressed more appropriately. I stood outside his office in grey sweatpants and a black tank top. I pictured him sitting there in his designer, suit without a wrinkle in sight, and I thought about going to change first. I sighed, he's definitely heard me by now, he already knows I'm here. I took a deep breath, counted to three and opened the door.
His office was modern, cold and hard like he was. And he sat in the middle of the room at his desk, practically blending into the grey decor. Though I knew he heard me, he didn't raise his eyes from the documents sitting on his desk. I paused at the door, before walking to stand in front of his desk.
I sat down in one of the chairs facing his desk. He still didn't look at me, and I sat there trying to figure out what to say. Where to even begin.
"I'm sorry that I failed to protect Rin," I practically blurted it out. He remained silent, his eyes still glued to the document.
"I don't know what she was to you, but I know you cared about her. And I'm so sorry."
He set down the papers abruptly and looked up at me.
"Rin was human and would have died long before me anyway, her eventual death was inevitable. Could you have kept Rin alive for forever?"
"No," I said, stunned into answering.
"Then her death was not your fault, you didn't kill her."
I don't know if I prefered him ignoring me or speaking to me. Both made me severely uncomfortable.
I felt myself squirm in my chair.
"What I am interested in, High Priestess, is if you are ready to avenge her. To prepare and do what it takes to do your job."
I didn't hesitate, "Yes, I'm ready."
"Even though almost everything about you and your life will change."
It wasn't a question. I thought about what Sango said. The person I was before has disappeared. She was wrong. The person I was, is dead. She died the moment Rin's breath left her body.
"Yes, no matter what. I'm ready."