Boiling hot tears poured down Buffy's cheeks while she sat on the bathroom floor. The pain throbbed in her with her pulse. Buffy put the blade against her skin and opened up a crimson line, letting the blood flow out, carrying the pain with it. As she felt the pressure go down, she sighed with relief.

At first, she'd only done this now and then. Tempted by the array of sharp weapons she kept, Buffy longed to know what it felt like to be cut, to bleed. But even as the knives she kept in her trunk staved off the demons of Sunnydale, they also staved off the demons in her own mind.

Once the bleeding stopped, she cleaned her arm and put her shirt back on. She only wore long sleeves, now, even though it was summer. She feared the day her friends would find out about her hidden shame.

Her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't even eat the onion rings at The Bronze. She stepped onto the scale and saw that she'd lost another five pounds. Soon, she would waste away to nothingness, which was what she wanted to be.

Another night, another vampire.

"Buffy look out!"

Buffy dodged the punch from the vampire, but tripped over a branch and tumbled to her knees. The vamp leaned over her, ready to bite, and she heard Willow and Xander yelling. Thoughts flashed through Buffy's mind: how fitting this would be, to be murdered by a worthless vampire while her friends watched. They would know who she really was, then.

But at the last moment, Buffy drove the stake through the vamps heart.

"Oh my Goddess!" Willow said, running over. "Buffy, are you okay? You could have been killed!" She grabbed on to Buffy's arm, squeezing tight, and Buffy winced. Willow pulled up Buffy's sleeves and saw the cuts on her arm. Some were old scars, beginning to fade, but others were fresh and new.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed. "What happened to your arm?!" Xander ran over to look, and Buffy felt naked, ashamed.

"I'm fine," she lied. "It was just a demon."

They looked skeptical, but said nothing as Buffy got up and tried to run. But she couldn't, and her vision dimmed as she crumpled into a heap on the ground.

When Buffy woke up, she was at Giles's house, lying on the sofa with everyone gathered around.

"W-what happened?" she asked.

"You passed out!" Willow said. "We thought you were dying!"

Giles's huge face loomed in. "Have you eaten, Buffy? You look so thin. I know you've been busy with slaying, but you must remember to eat."

"I know," Buffy said. She sat up quickly, and watched as the faces of her friends danced around her. "I forgot to eat lunch today. That's all."

Xander handed her a cheeseburger. "Just eat this, Buffy."

Haltingly, she took a bite. She knew she could throw it up later. They would never know her secret.

When Buffy got home, there was a letter waiting for her. She recognized the handwriting on the envelope, and she opened it with shaky fingers. The letter inside was written in blood.

Dearest Buffy,

You can never escape.

Buffy screamed and threw it in the trash.

AN: What is Buffy's horrible secret? Will her friends be able to save her? And who wrote her the letter? I know there's some really heavy stuff in this story, but I think it's important for people to write about this stuff realistically.