I had originally planned this as a one-shot but I have a feeling it may end up a bit long for that so I'm going to post this in a few parts. I hope this is ok :-)
"And how is little Bellamy this morning?" Howard smiled as he stepped in to the staff area of the Mill. He was doing an awful lot more smiling recently, and while Mrs Tembe liked to put it down to her happiness project – which much to everyone's annoyance she had continued – in truth it was down to the woman who was sitting on the sofa.
"We are not calling the baby Bellamy Reid," It's a conversation they have had numerous times. Emma insisting that the baby will have a double barrelled surname, while Howard has moved on to thinking that the baby – regardless of gender – should have Bellamy as a christian name with Reid as the surname. She knows he enjoys this; pushing her buttons. It brings a smile to her face just thinking about it.
"And shouldn't you be at home anyway?" He switches to their other regular topic. She has been on maternity leave for coming up 3 weeks, and she has spent precisely 4 days of this at home; and those had been during the first week. After that she'd taken to coming to the Mill and undertaking any jobs that she could – usually while trying to evade Howard's watchful eye. She knows she should be resting, but she missed having people around her. She'd be fine the first day when Niamh had, had a day off and the second had been bearable because Ayesha had a late start for work but once she was alone, Emma had found herself at a loss.
"This little one was missing her daddy," She watches as his lips twitch as he tries to keep his smile for splitting his face in two. She knows that using the baby is the best way to get around him. In truth, she misses him too when he's not around. He has been a regular visitor to the house, to the point where the girls regularly joke that he should just move in – but he has only stayed the night twice.
"This is your fault," He awoke, stiff and sore unsure as to why he was on the floor and why he could hear Emma's voice. It took him a moment of two for him to come to his senses; to remember what had happened the day before. Emma had been so shaken in the hours after their appointment with Ruhma. He'd never seen her that way before, and it had scared him. He could still feel the way his stomach had dropped, when she'd been experiencing the abdominal cramps and told him that they needed to get to the midwife. He could still feel the areas on his hand where Emma had dug in her nails; part of him feared that she would have drawn blood. He looks down now, surprised that the crescent moon marks have now faded away; as though yesterday hadn't happened. It had been agonising, waiting for the midwife to locate the heartbeat. He half thought his own heart had ceased beating as stood there in the room, engulfed in silence. And then it had filled the space; the strong beat of the fetal heart. He'd watched as Emma had fought desperately not to give in to the tears that caused her eyes to sparkle.
When finally they'd been able to leave, Emma had been shaking. He'd wrapped his arms around her as they walked back to his car, and she had leaned her body against his, allowing herself to be guided for once. He'd wanted nothing more than to protect her, and their baby, to make sure that nothing like this happened again. He knew of course that there was nothing that he had done, but still … he feared that everything would disappear from in front of his eyes; the baby, Emma, the future that the three of them could have together. He wasn't even sure how that future was going to work, but he couldn't face the prospect of it not happening at all.
She'd been rather grudging in letting him stay. He had wanted her to rest for the remainder of the day, and he had taken pride in caring for her; in his own way. Even when Niamh and Ayesha had returned from their work day, and Emma has assured him that they could look after him even going so far as to point out that their qualifications; he had been determined. So she had relented, and he had ended up asleep on her floor. He is sure that he had been offered the sofa, but somehow this was where he had ended up. Now though, Emma seems to be annoyed about something and he has no idea as to what. She does, however, seem to be back to her normal self.
"I'm sorry?" she startles slightly at the sound of his voice, before spinning around to look at him. She is already pulling on her clothes ready for the day, and he is surprised that she hadn't woken up before. She is frowning.
"I can't do up my trousers," she narrows her eyes, pulling at the fastening of her trousers but she cannot get them to come together, or at least not in a way that is at all wearable. She is certain that when she was pregnant with Chris, she hadn't had this problem so early in the pregnancy, "If it wasn't for you .."
"You were there too," He retorts almost instantaneously, rubbing at his eyes in the hope that they will focus fully. She rolls her eyes, but he is distracted from that now. Instead his eyes have tracked down the trousers' waistband. Slowly he moves closer towards her, when he is close enough he hesitantly reaches out a hand to place it in the gap where Emma couldn't get the trousers to come together. He can't really tell if it feels any bigger than before, but it must have thickened somehow
"Howard," She froze at his touch, unsure of whether she should step back from him leaving his hand hanging or if she should allow him that contact with her body. She didn't want him to think that he could do this whenever he wanted, just because she was carrying his child and yet there was something about his touch, and how it made her feel.
"I'm sorry," his hand falls away of his own accord, and he shuffles suddenly aware of what he had done and the invasion of her body. Soon she will have a more obvious bump. He doesn't quite know how he will resist touching it, but he knows he will have too. Emma has made it clear that while they will be co-parenting this baby, they aren't together; that they don't work together as a couple. It would be different if they were in a relationship – the intimacy of touching her would be more acceptable.
"Looks like I'll be going clothes shopping," she sighs softly, turning back towards her wardrobe in the hopes of finding a pair of trousers that will fit. The bulge does prove that there is something there; that the little person is growing. As much as she fears her pregnancy becoming much more obvious, there is something reassuring about the slight change in her shape. No doubt Niamh and Ayesha will be up for a shopping trip, though they'll probably end up with more for the baby than for her. She smiles at the prospect. It might even turn out to be fun, "Give me a bit of privacy to change, Howard," she can feel his eyes on her. He coughs slightly and mumbles something before leaving the room.
Once he is gone, she closes her eyes for a second and sighs once more. She is conflicted. She doesn't know how to feel about him being here. It's easier when he isn't and yet it's almost harder at the same time. She allows the offending trousers to fall to the floor, and places a hand against her abdomen. If it wasn't for this baby, she wouldn't have this problem. Nothing would have changed. Things will never be the same again. And yet she wouldn't change it. She runs her fingers over the surface, imagining the baby floating around, oblivious to the havoc it was causing. She shouldn't want this, but she does.
"Has our little one been behaving?" Having made himself a hot drink, he settles himself down next to her. He dislikes missing out on so many things. He knows that Emma keeps things from him; not wanting to bother him particularly if she considers something to be trivial. There are things he knows about; the times he had overheard Niamh or Ayesha talking but there is more that is hidden. He doesn't fully understand her day to day struggles, nor does he get to help her quite as much as he would like.
"My bladder is a punchbag, but yes," She doesn't expand on it. She doesn't need to tell him that a well-timed movement can send her running for the nearest toilet, or that she has been caught short more times than she'd care to admit. He doesn't need to know these aspects of her pregnancy. All he needs to know is that everything is fine.
"Bellamy, you listen to your daddy," he shifts position so that he is nearer her abdomen. She glances around to make sure there is no one around to witness this spectacle, "you listen to me, you be good to your mum," he likes to have these one sided talks with the baby. Now that the pregnancy is so much more advanced he has abandoned the bump buds, preferring the more direct method. He has insisted on her playing music as well, not just his singing but specially selected tracks.
"Well, I'm sure that will work," She can't help the slight sarcasm that laces her tone. The baby wriggles within her, as though scolding her for her attitude towards its father. It seems that already the child is on Howard's side. Not that this surprises her really. The baby seems to know when Howard is around, even when Howard isn't talking the baby seems to respond to his presence.
"You know everyone knows right?" Niamh keeps her voice low, as she sits down next to Emma having been scolded for mentioning something related to the baby. At 19 weeks pregnant, there is a soft rounding of Emma's abdomen that is barely disguised by her clothes – clothes that had been purchased with the intention of hiding the bump but which drew attention because of how they differed from her regular attire. Still she hadn't officially confirmed to her colleagues – beyond Ayesha, Niamh and of course Howard – that she was expecting. She had reasoned with Howard that they should wait until the next scan now. He'd agreed purely to keep the peace, though she knew he wanted to make the announcement. In part so that the rest of the Mill staff could help in his quest to make sure Emma was alright, but also so that they understood why their workloads were increasing while Emma's shrunk. She'd argued that she could keep going as per normal, at least until everyone knew – and even then she wanted to pull her own weight; at which point Howard had made a remark about how she'd have extra bulk to pull – which had earned him a swipe with the papers she'd been holding.
"Not everyone .." she knows what she says isn't true. Karen has been trying to get her to admit it for weeks, and seems to have roped others in now as well. They try to trick her in to saying the wrong thing and she has almost slipped up a few times before catching herself. It does seem though that they've been leaving Howard alone, perhaps not having realised that he is the father.
"Yes everyone, "Niamh smiles, "We know you're worried about the scan but it'll all be fine" she sounds so bright as she talks. There is so much hope in Niamh, but Emma can only think about the things that may go wrong; the risks that are increased because of her age, because of how long ago her last pregnancy was, because of how she acted before she discovered her condition. There were so many things counting against this baby.
"You don't know that, the bab …" she catches herself as a bustle of movement announces the arrival of her colleagues. She isn't even certain what this meeting is about, only that Mrs Tembe had insisted that they all gather during their lunch hour. Niamh rolls her eyes but resists saying anything.
As Mrs Tembe begins to talk, Emma finds that her attention wavers. She cannot help but think about the lunch that she had been planning; this baby seems to enjoy playing havoc with her taste buds and she seems to be spending a ridiculous amount of time thinking about food. Ayesha and Niamh had barely concealed their disgust at some of the things she had taken to eaten, and had been utterly repulsed when she had told them of the things she had craved with Chris. She had enjoyed teasing them, even more so when she had pointed out that they both could have this to come.
"And I would like to thank you all," Mrs Tembe continued to talk, and Emma had no clue why she was thanking them. Chances are it was to do with the blasted Happiness project that they were all hoping she'd give up but she seemed convinced that there was positive results. She didn't seem to twig that there could have been causes other than her project. Around her, Emma could see the somewhat glazed expressions of her colleagues. They too were clearly disinterested, but Mrs T was entirely unaware of this and considered her audience to be captivated by what she was saying. It didn't seem to bother her that nobody else was participating.
When it seemed like Mrs T was getting close to finishing, Emma found herself gasping, hands almost instantly going to her abdomen even though she tried desperately to fight the instinct. She watched in almost slow motion as Howard sprang from his seat, possibly the furthest he could have sat from her, in order to come to a kneel position in front of her. She desperately tried to signal to him not too, that he didn't need to do this but Howard seemed entirely unaware.
"Emma, are you alright? Is the baby?" and in that moment she wished she could stuff the words back in to his mouth. This was not the way she wanted her pregnancy to be revealed, nor the identity of the father. She watched as everyone seemed to perk up around the room, suddenly alert to what was happening in front of them, "Do I need to call Ruhma? Has she been experiencing twinges again?" The last comment is aimed at Niamh, and it is only then that she really picks up the note of panic in Howard's voice.
"It's fine," she tries to sound calm, to dispel the moment. She wants nothing more than to get up and walk from the room but that will only cause the rise of conversation. She can feel the edges of her lips twitch up in a smile in spite of herself.
"You gasped, you …" he gesticulates her action of holding her abdomen, which she realises she is still doing. Carefully she folds her hands in her lap, "After last time, I really think we should get checked over," He still isn't quite over that experience, though he has tried not to crowd her too much.
"Emma," Niamh is leaning closer to her, "You need to tell us if something's happened," she knows its stupid but having such an audience isn't quite how she imagined this moment, but she cannot ignore the panicked face of Howard, or the concern on Niamh's. She sighs softly.
"A kick," she speaks quietly, "the baby kicked for the first time," she's felt the odd movement; like bubbles or the flap of a butterfly's wings but this is the first definitive movement that she can attribute to the baby. She watches as Howard's face lights up. His hand raises tentatively, before he allows it fall back at his side.
"Well this certainly is a happy moment," Mrs Tembe's voice fills the room, "and cause for a celebration," that is enough to break the moment and the room fills with chatter. Slowly Emma stands, and gesturing for Howard to follow her she makes her way to his office. With the door firmly closed, she takes his hand and guides it to the spot where she had felt the kick. She sees the hope and anticipation in his eyes, and she silently pleads for the baby to kick for daddy.
"Was that ..?" When finally the baby kicks, Emma is not quite prepared for the look on Howard's face. She isn't sure she has ever seen him look quite so happy, and with no attempts to mask the emotions. She nods not quite trusting herself to speak, because her own emotions have been a little erratic recently, "Hello little Bellamy," Howard has sunk down on to his knees, hand still pressed against her abdomen beneath her top. She cannot help but smile as the baby kicks once more, nor can she resist laughing along with Howard, "That's our little one in there"