I don't own fruits basket, Natsuki Takaya gets all the credit for the wonderful characters. I just play around in her world sometimes.

Personals:

Single...Lonely and Descrete
Likes thoughtful evenings at home
is outspoken and strongwilled
looking for long term partners
an interest in extreme play a plus
curiousity in restraints a must
no hugging period
I am in charge of everything
I expect to be your God
call Jade at 555-555-1234

MOO
Call the laughingcow 555-555-5555

Wanted housekeeper
My housekeeper
You are the one for me Ms Honda
Call Snowman 555-555-5555
And, please, DON'T PICK THE DAMN CAT!

Single attractive male of regal bearing
likes warm cozy evenings at home
any home. Your home, hmmm?
looking for someone to curl up around
during those cold winter nights
must have knowledge of fashion
and appreciation for good tea
ability to perform all
positions in the Karma sutra a plus
call Taylormaid 987-987-6543

Haori had just finished packing his medical bag and was on his way out the door. Ms. Tohru Honda, the girl of the family's growing affections, seemed to have a slight fever. There weren't going to be any chances taken. Before he could make his way through the door, his childhood friend Aaya came running GAYLY into the office,

"OH HATORI! This must be the day cupid made just for me!"

Hatori gazed over stoically, mentally maneuvering his way past him. "Why is that Ayame?."

"Just gaze into this ad of pure exotica, pure romance, just gaze with your soul and not your eyes Hatori! This is the one for me!"

Hatori looked into the personal ads and came up with a sigh, "Aaya. Once again," he pushed past him, "That's your own ad!"

Shigure comes running up with the paper in his hand Kyo and Yuki right behind him. "Ha-san have you seen it yet?" he asks breathlessly.

"Seen what?"

"It seems that someone has been having fun placing personal ads in the local paper, someone besides dear Aya that is." Shigure explains waving the paper around in front of Hatori's face.

"Let me see that." Hatori grumbles snatching the paper from Shigure's hand. He begins to read …

Single physician
spends many sleepless nights
fussing over a dying god
looking for a long term commitment
that doesn't involve flea baths.
Ideal match must like children
small animals and marine life
be prepared for the best night
you will never remember
call Dr.dragon 555-555-5555

Wanted: high school girls
Call Dirtydog 123-123-4567

Single male
likes sunbathing and long naps
looking for a woman who doesn't
rub me the wrong way
Must love cats and milk
Also hate leeks
if you are the one who can make me purr
call Kyonkitchi 555-555-5555
AND SHUT THE HELL UP!

They are all reading it over and shaking their heads. Except for Aaya; who's in the background jumping around saying, "Ooooo! I like this ad! The one about the regal bearing!"

Wanted: Will you be my mommy?
Call Snugglebunny 555-555-5555

Be prepared for some hot monkey loveif you have a nice set of coconuts
we can swing together
call Junglefever at 555-555-5555

Got Milk?
Call Thelaughingcow 555-555-5555

Wanted: someone to be my prescioussss
Call Sweetsuey 555-555-5555

Wanted: total idiot
Someone to take as much
crap from me as I can dish
out without complaint
call Bitchnag 555-555-5555

Desperately looking for effeminate
purple haired male. Yukkkiiiiii she
dumped me again call meeeee.
Thelaughingcow 123-123-1234

Hatori walks by early in the morning drinking coffee in his robe. He looks down and sees the paper with that one ad circled a billion times with hearts around it. He crumples it violently and stuffs it in the trash.

AN: You can tell which ads were placed by Haru by looking at the phone numbers.

Also a challenge: make your own personal ads and pm me so I can read them too. It can be any anime not just fruits Basket.