The Lion Queen

Chapter I: The Fiesta

Yo-yo-yo, homey funk diggity G-dawg man. This is Scar da Gangstah, yo! I'm gonna tell you homeys out there 'bout da rockin' sockin' story o' craziness. It's called, "Da Lion Queen." Dig dat, homeys! Now, you gonna listen, and you gonna listen good. Now, you probably wonderin' why it's Da Lion Queen instead of Da Lion King. Well, you gonna find out! Scar da Gangstah has now been permanently removed from the job of narrator due to too much lingo .

Now this story is really strange, so just pay attention!

"Simba, there's something I need to tell you," Mufasa's ghost said to him. "You are a girl, and your mate, Nala, is your sister."

"That…that's not possible. I know her mother, and her mother isn't Mom," Simba replied.

"Actually, Nala was adopted," Mufasa's ghost replied, "but for now, LET'S HAVE A MEXICAN FIESTA!"

"YEE-HAW!" Simba shouted. "I'll go around the Pridelands and round up some guests!"

So Simba, the Queen of the Pridelands, searched for some guests. But the land had changed a lot since he, or really she, left. First, he went to Rafiki's tree. But it was chopped down, and in its place was an oversized garage. In the distance, she saw a 489-wheeler truck heading for the garage. Simba ran over to it and found out Rafiki was driving the truck.

"Rafiki," Simba asked, "is that you?"

"Yep, that's me. I'm a trucker now. And soon, I'm gonna have a baby. A boy, or a girl, or whatever's in between."

"You're pregnant?" Simba asked.

"Yep."

"Did you realize you were a girl too?"

"Nope, I'm a boy, and a pregnant trucker."

"Do you want to come to a Mexican fiesta?"

"Okay," Rafiki replied.

After having one guest, Simba heard something coming. Just then, a rhinoceros cyborg with plasma-cannon-ultra-omega-laser-blasting-destructo-ultima-fire-shooting-serial-killer-nuclear-grenade-launching guns on its sides came up to him.

"Hasta la vista, baby!" it said.

And then, a meerhog (meercat/warthog mix) came with an ultimate dissolver ray and shot the rhino.

Amazed, and slightly disturbed, Simba asked, "Who are you?"

"Timumbaa," he replied. "I want to take you to see Daddy and Daddy. They've been dying to see you again."

"Daddy and Daddy?" Simba questioned.

"Yeah, c'mon!"

Timumbaa took Simba to the place where Timon and Pumbaa lived.

"Guess what, Simba?" Timon said, "Pumbaa and I got married, and now we have kids!"

"How many?" Simba asked.

"482,456,123,947,411,919,562,099,230,146,853.6!" Pumbaa answered, "and they're all called Timumbaa!"

".6?" Simba asked.

"Yep," Timon said. "One of them didn't turn out right."

"That's…lovely," Simba replied. "Well, I have some shocking news too. I'm a girl, and Nala's my sister."

"You married your sister!" Timon and Pumbaa shouted in unison. "Congratulations! We never would have suspected it!"

"So, do you want to come to a fiesta we're having at Pride Rock?" Simba invited.

"We'd love to!" Timon, Pumbaa, and 10,000 Timumbaas shouted.

"Excellent!"

Then Simba dashed off to the outskirts of the Pridelands, in the elephant graveyard.

"Who wants to attend a fiesta?" Simba shouted at the hyena trio, who were now all married, drunk, hillbillies.

"Will there hic be lots o' beer?" Shenzi (the female hyena) said while retching up some vodka.

"Lots and lots of beer!" Simba shouted.

"YEE-HAW!" Shenzi replied. "Now you should go invite Scar! It ain't a party without Scar!"

I know that you know how Scar is different in this story, but read this part anyway! So, Simba went into the big elephant skull, which, for some reason, was wearing sunglasses and a Mohawk.

"Yo yo yo! Dis is Scar da Gangstah!" Scar said. And when he came out, Simba noticed that Scar was wearing a pair of sunglasses, a Mohawk, a gold chain necklace with a "$" medallion on it, knuckle rings with "BLING" and "BLING" written on them, a leather jacket, a skull tattoo, and a mane that looked like Elvis hair.

"You're Scar the Gangster?" Simba asked.

"Not Gangster, Gangstah!"

"Gangstah? You're Scar the Gangstah? What does gangstah mean, anyway?" Simba questioned.

"Gangstah is gangstah, yo!"

"I know, but what is gangstah?"

"Get with da program, homey!" Scar da Gangstah replied. "Gangstah is gangstah! And I ain't Scar the Gangstah, I'm Scar da Gangstah! Man, you a lamo, ya lamo! Yo!"

"O…kay…" Simba said, "but getting to the point, do you want to come to a Mexican fiesta at Pride Rock?"

"Okay, ya lamo! Oh, and guess what, you a girl! Ha ha!"

"Yeah, I know…" she mumbled.

At the fiesta, everyone came, but then everyone left five seconds later due to boredom. "Wait, come back!" Simba shouted. But they didn't.

Continued in

Chapter II