Having found out that his precious daughter was spending her after school hours with half a dozen teenage boys, Ranka decides it's time to have a little talk.

The Real Rules

It was a little after seven when Haruhi got home. Between Hosting hours, cleaning the club room afterward, and the nearly hour long bus ride home, she was thoroughly grateful for her dad's evening shifts at work. They meant that he wouldn't know how late she usually was, and thus, wouldn't worry about her. He worried too much about her as it was, and she was nearly sixteen. Even teens who hadn't been taking care of themselves for a decade generally had some independence by her age. She sighed as she inserted her key into the apartment door, then scowled as she found it unlocked. "He must have forgotten to lock it when he left," she mused. To her surprise however, there in the kitchen, fussing with the teapot, was Ranka.

"Haruhi!" he sang as she took off her shoes. "I have the night off!"

The girl smiled briefly before her brow creased in worry. "That's great, but is everything ok?"

"Of course! I barely see you all week, so when Misa-chan asked to pick up an extra shift, how could I say no?"

Haruhi smiled more brightly at that. "That's good then. Here, make room, I'll start dinner."

Ranka willingly relinquished his place at the stove, taking a seat at their small table while he watched his daughter slice vegetables and meat for a stir fry. As she rinsed the rice, he asked casually "Do you usually get home this late?"

"Not really. There was just a bigger mess today thanks to the idiots running around like a pack of wild dogs." She shook her head, scowling at the memory. Three tables overturned and everything on them scattered all over the floor. She was just lucky nothing broke. "So I had to get a later bus today."

"Idiots? You mean that Tamaki insect?"

"Him, the twins, even Hani-sempai got in on it today. I swear, these rich kids are gonna be the death of me one of these days." Rice started, she tossed the vegetables and meat in a marinade. It would take much less time than the rice after all, and time to just talk with her dad (at HOME, WITHOUT him being a drama queen the way he was with any kind of an audience) was always something she cherished.

"I see. So Haruhi, I think it's about time we have an important talk." Despite the makeup and elaborate hairdo, this was clearly a Ryoji moment.

"Sure dad." Haruhi poured tea for each of them, then looked to her father expectantly. "What's on your mind?"

"It's about those boys-"

Haruhi interrupted him sharply "Kamisama, dad, is this The Dating Talk again?"

"Now Haruhi-"

"Because I know all of it already."

"Please, Just-"

"No dating til I'm thirty. No kissing until the twenty first date."She rattled off the list deadpan, her tone giving no indication of whether she agreed with her father's insane requirements or not." No sex til my fifth wedding anniversary. You're too young to be a grandpa. Boys are all scoundrels who can't be trusted to think with their brains. I need to make sure I'm safe from them. Am I forgetting anything?"

Ryoji straightened in his chair, and smiled at his only child. "No, love. That's all the rules I gave you in middle school, alright. You have such a good memory, just like your mother did."

Haruhi got up to start cooking. "Then WHY, oh father-my-dearest, do you feel it's necessary to go over them again?" Barely heard by the other occupant of the room, she added, "Even if I might think about maybe possibly wanting to date someone someday..."

In a flash, Ryoji was behind Haruhi, hugging her for all he was worth. "Oh my darling, don't you get it?"

"Gah, dad, you're choking me," Haruhi squirmed out of the paternal death grip, then turned to look at him. "Get what?"

"Those rules? the ones you just rattled off?"

"What about them?"

"Those aren't the real rules."

"Huh?"

"Those are not the real rules."

"What do you mean, dad?" Haruhi's voice took on a hard edge.

"Oh sweetie, those were just an excuse for you to get out of dating until you're ready. I saw how focused you were on schoolwork in middle school and how much those pesky little boys were bothering you asking you out every other week. So I gave you a way to decline gracefully."

"Da-ad! I'm perfectly capable of telling people no-" Haruhi's voice had a bit of a whine to it when her father cut her off somberly.

"Because there are some boys, not all by a long shot, but some, who refuse to listen to a girl. and it takes having a man to back her up to get them to listen." He released a sigh. "Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible to tell who they are until it matters."

Haruhi shook her head, dishing their dinner. "Ok. I still don't see where being a man or woman really makes a difference, but I'l take your word for it for now. So what are the "real rules" that I apparently need to know now?"

Ryoji reclaimed his seat, relishing the savory smell of their dinner before beginning. "First rule. You can date anyone you want, provided that person wants to date you. But for the sake of my heart, please no one more than three or four years older than you are." He watched his daughter cringe at the idea of dating someone that much older than she herself was. "Second rule. You tell me when you're ready to start thinking about dating, whether it's a 'go out a couple times and see where it goes' or a more permanent thing, and we'll get you on the pill."

"Woah, dad. I think that's a little fast..." Haruhi was reeling from the implication.

"No sweetheart. I'd rather be prepared for something that isn't likely to happen than have something happen and leave you with a choice between your family and your ambition." He looked at her for a long moment until she nodded her agreement. With a smile, Ryoji continued, "Third rule. You tell me who you're dating and when, and if you go on more than three dates with the same person I want to meet them." Haruhi seemed a bit less put out at that one. "Last rule. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing more than you're comfortable with. Ever. Whether it's the first date or the fiftieth, you don't owe anyone anything but your honesty."

Haruhi thought about this one for a moment, remembering something she'd overheard some boys on the soccer team talking about. "So... If I kiss a boy, and then decide I'm not ready to go there yet..."

"Just tell him you're not ready, and don't do it again. Is there something I need to know about?" The protective papa was clearly primed to emerge...

"Not me. I just heard some of the boys in my class talking the other day, and they seemed to think that if they could get their girlfriends to kiss them, they'd just eventually fall into their beds."

Ryoji relaxed, and took a minute to consider how explain to his still naive daughter. Eventually he smiled.

"Haruhi, if you loan someone 50 yen, does that mean they have permission to rummage around in your purse whenever they want to?"

Startled at the seeming abrupt change of subject, Haruhi shook her head in a vigorous denial. "No, of course not."

"And isn't your person a little more valuable than some old purse?"

Her expression soured. "Depends on who you ask."

"I'm asking you."

"Well then, yes, of course."

"Well there you have it." Meal and discussion finished, Ranka set his plate aside. "Now, shall we go out? I heard there's a sale at that lovely boutique where i found that pretty sundress."

Putting the dishes in the sink, Haruhi smiled over her shoulder at her father. "Well dad, you know I love spending time with you, but I don't want a new dress."

"But Ha-ru-hiiiii-"

"Dad, you just told me not to let anyone pressure me into doing things that make me uncomfortable. And those frilly dresses make me VERY uncomfortable."

Fin

A/N: After MUCH looking, I couldn't seem to find anything here that has Ranka giving Haruhi any version of the dating talk. So I decided to make one.