Annie
I am upstairs, in Finnick and my bedroom.
It has white walls and a huge master bed. They bed was so soft; sometimes Finnick and I would spend days in it, only coming out to eat. Finnick had one wall removed and out in glass instead, so every morning we could wake to see the beautiful waves that moved into our private beach. On the wall opposite our bed, there are a series of closets where we keep Finnick's many outfits, hand-picked by his stylist. He despises most of them.
I hear a huge chorus of cheers and applause and it could only mean one thing: Finnick is back.
I run down the stairs, trying not to trip. Finnick has been for a month for this year's games, but, just like every year, it has felt like forever.
I hide behind the couch, trying not to be seen by the crazy swarm of fangirls outside. President Snow doesn't allow us to tell anyone about our love, or the fact that we live together and sleep together, too.
The front door opens and my Finnick comes in, looking dashing as ever, his hair slightly messed up in the usual fashion, he is wearing a shirt that didn't have any buttons, showing his chest, and his eyes are as green as the District 4 ocean. He smiles at the crowd of women and girls and even winks at some, causing them to faint.
Watching got harder every time.
He finally closes the door and falls on his knees. I rush out from behind the couch I was hiding in and go to him.
I kneel in front of him, holding him close. He hugs me back, his tears wetting my shirt.
"It's alright, Finn, they're gone, it's over. You're home." I say.
"Annie, this time it was worse."
"It's all right Finnick, I'm with you now, and you're all right." He nods and wipes his tears away, standing up. "Let's have a cup of coffee and we can go to bed, ok?" We walk to the kitchen and I open the drawer where keep the sugarcubes. He loves sugarcubes.
I give him the sugar so he can out as many as he wants in his coffee. He puts in about ten, a sure sign of his sadness. If he outs more than eight sugarcubes, it's because he needs sweetness. He then puts six sugarcubes in my coffee, exactly six. I ask him what I ask him every day when we drink coffee and he gives me six sugarcubes.
"Why did you put six sugarcubes in my coffee?" He smiles, like he did all those years ago.
"Because you're a six-sugarcube kind of girl." I smile back at him and sip on my coffee.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" I ask, knowing he would tell me if he isn't. He shakes his head slightly but I don't see it. Instead I see Cora, shaking her head at me.
"You know I can't, Annie." I have forgotten what Cora is talking about.
"Can't what?" I ask.
"Move the wedding to today, Shell." She smiles jokingly. "Have you been paying attention?"
"No, sorry." I smile back at her, but I can't stay long enough to learn what she had been talking about. All I see now is Finnick, stroking my cheek with his hand.
"Annie. Annie come back to me. Come on, Annie." He says softly. I nod to show him I'm back and he smiles.
"How long was I Away?"
"A minute or two." I look down at my coffee, but there isn't a mug anymore. Finnick must have put it away.
"I'm tired, let's go to bed." I say, rubbing my eyes. I am tired. I'm tired of having to let go of my Finnick twice a year. I'm tired of watching the news and seeing headlines like: Finnick Odair's New Love. I'm tired of him coming back to me depressed and sad.
We walk upstairs, hand in hand. We enter the room and Finnick immediately goes to the bathroom. I know he needs to take a shower. He likes to try to wash off the memory of his clients.
"As I was saying, we can't move the wedding to today just because I'm excited! The wedding is one week from now and you need to help me pick the dresses." Cora says.
"Is Finnick coming?" I ask. I don't know why I ask though. Why would Finnick Odair want to come to my sister's wedding?
"Finnick? As in Finnick Odair? Have you hit your head or are you making a joke? Because that sure isn't funny." She frowns at me and then the door opens.
I'm back in my room, sitting on the bed. I look at the clock we keep on one wall. Ten minutes have passed. I decide to check on Finnick. When I come in I find him with a towel around his waist so he's only half-naked. But he's scratching his arms and crying violently.
The expression on his face is that of awful determination. His arms are raw and full of marks. I walk towards him but he doesn't stop. Finally, I grab both of his arms and gently pull them away. Then I kiss each arm, one at a time, on their raw spots. I put them at his sides and quietly kiss him. When I pull away my face is wet with his tears.
"She was the worst. It was her again; Garcia." He whispers.
"That bitch." I hiss back, knowing I don't curse unless I'm cursing at something or someone who's been terrible to my Finnick.
"She, she invited her friends over the second time. It was awful, Annie. Five girls, tearing at me. At the same time. It hurt so much, Annie. It hurt so much… All I would do is smile and touch them and kiss them, I couldn't do anything else. It was horrible…"
"You're safe, now. You're in District 4, away from the Capitol where the only person who can touch you is me. You're ok now."
"I wish we could get married." He whispers suddenly. I wish. I wish it so much.
"You know why we can't." I remind him.
"Well, you know what? Fuck the Capitol! I love you more than I love anyone! I want to be with you eternally!" He pauses and thinks something over, then he gets on one knee and takes my hand. He clears his throat and all his anger is gone, replaced with an obvious love. "Annie Cresta, I love you today, I will love you tomorrow, and I will love you forever. So, I'd like to ask: Will you marry me?" My eyes fill with tears, maybe all those times we talked about the future, about a little house by the sea, about rings on our fingers and children playing around us, will come true, someway, somehow. My eyes fill with tears, maybe we couldn't have it all, maybe we'll be imperfect for the rest of our lives, but maybe we'll be imperfect together.
"Yes."
Together we walk back to our room and he puts on his pajamas. We enter the bed, our sanctuary, where nothing can hurt us, where we are together for our little infinity.
I put my arm on his bare chest, he likes to sleep without a shirt because it's hot here in District 4. He puts his arms around my waist and we inter-cross our legs. This is how we've slept every night for the past five years. Except for when we occasionally make love. And when we do, it's special, not like the women in the Capitol do with Finnick. He will ask me if I want to and I always say yes, and then we spend the best night in a long time. He's always gentle and so am I. I don't yank on his hair or bite him so hard he bleeds or hit him so hard he gets bruises, like the other women do. That's why he loves me and not them.
I drift off to sleep and I don't get any nightmares. That's new, considering I've woken up screaming for the past month, feeling the emptiness of the bed.
To wake him, I kiss him several times, softly. His breathing is no longer even but his eyes are still closed and I know he's not really asleep.
"Think that would be enough." I whisper, delivering a kiss that is sure to be making him want more. His eyes flutter open and he smiles. Then I feel something on my stomach and double over, laughing.
"Stop! Please!" I plead, but he keeps tickling me where he knows I'm most vulnerable. "I'll kiss you however many times you want! Just stop!" I say, gasping for air. He finally stops and I fall back on the bed, exhausted.
"Now, about those kisses." He says and I can hear the smile in his voice. He goes on top of me and we kiss, feeling no need to get air.
"Alright. I'm hungry." I say. He gets up and puts a shirt on and I put on some pants. Three years ago I decided to ditch my pants and just sleep in underwear. We go downstairs and are surprised to find Mags sitting there.
"Hello, Mags!" Finnick says. This year he went to the Games with Gabriela and hadn't seen Mags for three weeks.
"Hello, Finnick. I made your favorite breakfast, cake." Finnick's eyes widen as he goes to hug Mags. Mags is like a mother to us. She's the kindest, most comforting, and most considerate person in Panem. "It's a shame I can't stay. I have to go visit Gabriela before she wakes up. Have fun, you two." She smiles and leaves.
Finnick and I sit down and devour the cake. It's delicious.
Finnick suddenly gets that faraway look in his eyes that he gets whenever he's remembering the Capitol.
"Annie…" I take his hand. Tears start falling from his eyes as they meet mine. "Annie, it was so much worse this time. The Games, two people won." I gasp, knowing I'd misheard. No two people can win the Games. Never. "The tributes from 12. They won together."
"No they didn't. Finnick, that's impossible." I say, trying to get him to see reason.
But my Finnick never lies.
"Yes, they did. The girl, Katniss Everdeen, she volunteered for her little sister, do you remember that?" I nod. "The boy, Peeta Mellark, is desperately in love with her. She pretended to be in love, too. Anyone paying attention could see it wasn't real. Peeta almost died because he almost ate some poisonous berries. Katniss stopped him in time but they kept the berries to use them against their enemies. When everyone else was dead and they were the last two, Katniss refused to kill him. She- she pulled out the berries and said they would both eat them at the count of three. Seneca Crane said they had both won and they were pulled out." I gasp. They were both dead already. At least inside.
"They're going to punish them."
"Yes they are, Annie. But they sure punished me. Everyone in the Capitol got excited. Too excited. I was sold twice as much." He started getting choked up with tears. "They touched me so much, Annie. They bit me and hit me. One of them, she took out a whip. It was horrible." He starts crying for good now, tears flowing like rivers from his green eyes. I get up and walk to him, taking him in my arms like he would always do with me.
"There is a good side to it, though." Finnick says when he's calmed down. "People are fighting. They know Katniss didn't pull out the berries for love. They think it was an act of rebellion."
Half a year later…
I hide behind the couch with Mags. Finally the door opens and my Finnick comes in, as dashing as he was when he had left two weeks ago. He closes the door and Mags hurries to shut the blinds. When she's done I jump out and go hug Finnick, who is there to greet me with open arms. I jump into them and he lifts me into the air, twirling me. He puts me down and we kiss. He tastes sweet, like he always does. A flavor due to the massive amounts of sugarcubes he consumes. We break away and Mags hugs him.
The TV turns on automatically and I hear Claudius Templesmith say:
"Everyone, tune in for the announcement of the Quarter Quell!" Finnick and I hurry to the TV while Mags takes her time. The Capitol seal comes on and we hear the anthem. Then I see the horrid president that I hate clear his throat. Someone comes up and hands him a box, where I know the card is. The card will tell us what horrible Hunger Games we're going to have this year. I know I will cry for the kids later, but for now, I just watch, a knot tying in my stomach.
"To show, that even the strongest among us, cannot overcome the power of the Capitol…" A cold feeling washes over me. "…This year's tributes are to be reaped from the existing pool of victors."
I can't process it, but I see Finnick, his face red, standing next to me. He's throwing plates and mugs at the TV and yelling and I've never been more afraid. The china makes a horrible breaking sound as it hits the wall behind the hologram that we call a TV. Mags has stopped knitting and is now looking at the president with a stunned expression.
And then it hits me.
I'm going back to the Arena.
I put my hands over my ears and scream. Scream so much it hurts my throat. I curl up into a ball and scream and scream and scream, drowning out the words of the President. It can't be true. It can't be true. It can't be true.
I don't stop screaming, and the tears don't stop either. At one point, I just pass out.
When I wake up, I'm lying in bed with a wet piece of cloth on my forehead. Finnick is holding me, and Mags is holding my hand. They're both crying silently.
At first I don't understand because Mags never cries, then I remember about the Quell and the Games and the announcement and the President and I start screaming again. I scream and the tears return and I scream until I pass out again.
This time, when I wake up, I'm not with Mags. But Finnick is asleep beside me, his face red and full of tears. I know now what is going to happen. Snow wants to break us, to kill us, to torture us. He wants to break us apart. But I want him to know that it's going to take a lot more than an arena to separate us.
I slide out of bed, trying not to wake Finnick. But his senses and reflexes are too strong and he opens his eyes the second I move.
"Annie." He whispers. He wants to cry. I do too, but I have no tears left. Isn't that sad? I can't cry anymore. And I suppose he can't either.
"Finnick." I whisper back. He turns to face me, and I see all the pain behind his eyes. We hold each other, our eyes closed. We just hold each other.
We stay there for hours, hearing the sea and knowing that when we opened them again, the sky would be dark. Finally, Finnick breaks the silence.
"They're going to pick us. I know they are. The results will be rigged or something, but they will pick us. Snow probably can't wait to see us die. Don't worry, Annie. I won't let anyone hurt you, ever."
"Stop! Just stop talking about the Arena! Please!" I say, covering my ears. I don't want my Finnick talking to me about the future. It hurts, hurts, hurts. But all that is washed away:
It's just the water and me. I can hear nothing but my own heartbeat and the waves. I float, weightless, on the ocean and let it carry me. I let my hair and white dress fan out and I remember someone telling me that I look like an angel when I do this, but I can't remember who. It must have been someone really sweet.
I'm back in reality, in Finnick's arms.
"I'm so sorry, love. I didn't know it would hurt you. I'm sorry, Annie." Finnick whispers in my ear.
"It's ok. It's not your fault." Finally, he breaks. He sobs into my shoulder, and I comfort him like I do every time he cries.