"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?"
It had been so many years since I had met Gokudera. We had practically grown up through teenagehood together, serving Tsuna with our lives.
I had believed it was a game for the longest time. It was only when we were catapulted into that horrendous future that I realized that we weren't playing anything. I was really a part of the Mafia.
And so was Gokudera.
I wished for so long that I could have had the guts to confess to Gokudera. But at the same time, I was glad that I had not come out. Having feelings for someone of the same gender is so frowned down upon, I'm afraid I would not lose only Gokudera, but my friends and father as well.
I can't bring myself to leave my father alone. I feel like I'm letting him down. Ever since Mom died, I'm the only thing he has.
But I want Gokudera so badly.
Maybe that pain of rejection wouldn't be as bad as keeping it inside. I feel like I'm about to burst every day with this secret, just blurt it out in the middle of a crowded room.
I'm dying now. I can feel my life ebbing away through the bullet holes. I can see his emerald green eyes shining with worry.
"Oi, yakuubaka! Don't you dare die! You can't leave the Tenth alone!"
I can't stop it, Gokudera. As much as I want to. As much as I want to stay by your side, laughing like we always do. Well, like I always do.
I'm fading fast. Should I tell him now? I don't think I can. If he did like me back, I would die happy, but it would destroy him.
What's worse: knowing or not knowing?
"No, Yamamoto! NO!"
That scream. Did it really just come out of Gokudera's mouth? Maybe he does care, maybe I should tell him.
I take a deep breath, and I know it will be my last. I can feel that coldness tug at my mind.
"Gokudera… I love you…" the last word was a whisper.
I heard the muffled "I love you too…" before I succumbed to the blackness.