The ANIMECHRONOMICON adventures
by
kasyblack
A/N: A tidbit of semi-self-insertion. May or may not become Mary Sue-ish. Hopefully won't.
*8*8*8*
PROLOGUE
It was as stupid death as possible. Or at least, so it seemed. The rain was pouring on the street, supposedly meaning that at least the nature would mourn my passing.
It was a deliciously boring life with a lot of potentially life-threatening situations which got resolved for the better and, again, quite a boring end.
It has ended because of my stupidity and a dangerous habit of reading while crossing the road. Or maybe it was that stupid book's fault. It was looking all clean and shiny right next to my mangled body which was rather suspicious considering it got splashed by the great amount of my insides… On the other hand, it was raining.
Still, the book had a fishy air about it, now that I thought about it. I mean, how many books are rumored to deliver instant death upon completion? Granted, I heard the story about it only once in the discussion with my acquaintance who loved all kinds of the urban legends and seemed to be collecting them in order to seem even more creepy than he already was… So I had really paid it no mind.
The book was named ANIMECHRONOMICON and had a really stylish silver-gold designs. And let's not forget the price. It was only five dollars! I mean it was a really neat big cool-looking book with the story behind it at the cost of a cheap "Bestselling" garbage in Marshalls or Sears. I just could not fathom why nobody had bought it before me. Though maybe they preferred human company to the rumored "murdering book"'s. Reasonable behavior, now that I thought about it.
As I got home – well, my present apartment I lived in being an underpaid international student worker – , and unpacked my purchases. It was then that I noticed one funny little thing… the rumored creepy volume had my name on the inside of the cover. Now, normally I am easy to be turned from calm to panicking about things. I mean, I watch television. They seem to get off by filling our heads with murders, the politics and similar dirty stuff. I even watched the X-files when I was five, then when I seven, and you know what that show makes you feel like. A bug in the god's field of vision… Or a piece of slime. Though one thing it makes you feel like for sure, and that is unprotected. Crazy feeling. Unpleasant and terrifying feeling. And addicting in its motivational potential…
But something strange happened… it did not worry me at all. It seemed as if I forgot about my name being written on the item I had just bought for the time being. Right until the moment I died…
The rain began to stop. A police car pulled closer to a place I was floating above. A pudgy young policeman seemed to resist an urge to vomit, if just barely. Not that I blamed him. The bodies really aren't supposed to bend that way, unless during a well esteemed orgy… not that I ever had one… what a waste.
It was strange. I always imagined dying would bring me into the state of 'everpresence' – meaning make me one with the supposed God – or at least I'll be one with nothingness, lost for the rest of eternity. It did not happen, at least immediately. Maybe I'd have to wait for forty days, as the monks of Tibeth believe.
Or there is a possibility that Death was coming after me. What would it be like? Pratchett was correct about the emotional detachment issue of the dead, I guess. Maybe he was correct about the other thing, and Death's name was Bill Door, and he had a horse named Binky and a granddaughter named Susan? Now that was a funny thought.
"The ID states her name was Alexandra… I mean, Oleksandra S. Works… worked at Six Flags. Had a key, a phone and twenty bucks in the pockets, and that's all"… 'Hey, I had ninety!' Either he had not found them or pudgy cop is more coldblooded then I thought… Not that it mattered in the long run.
Suddenly, the air around started to contort, displaying a lovely clichéd figure in a concealing hooded cloak appearing out of nowhere.
- GREETINGS, OLEKSANDRA. SHALL WE PROCEED TO OUR NEXT DESTINATION? – It seemed that even considering the lack of emotions, some thing just give you chills no matter what. The figure's voice was definitely one of these things.
- So the "what you believe in is what you get" stuff is true, then? – sounded a tidbit incredulous reply.
- YES.
- And what DID I believe? I mean it's not like I really believed in Heaven or Hell all that much… Maybe in Hell, but I really hope not enough for actually ending there.
- YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU WERE A GREAT BEING WHICH CHOSE A BORING LIFE TO LIVE IN FOR ONCE AND WHICH WILL BE REBORN WITH ITS KNOWLEDGE INTACT BUT HAVING OR DEVELOPING SEVERAL UBERCOOL ABILITIES AND SHALL PROCEED TO BECOME A GREAT HERO, THEN SHALL BE REBORN AGAIN.
- Umm… I did, didn't I? – It was really surprising that my jaw have not managed to hit the ground… Though I was really sorry about not having the ability to sweatdrop like some kind of the anime character.
- BELIEF IS A POWERFUL FORCE. CONSIDERING YOUR TRUST IN YOUR POST MORTEM SUPERIORITY THE UNIVERSE HAD CREATED A SPECIAL INSTRUMENT FOR YOU TO REACH IT.
- Wha… the book? You mean, the ANIMECHRONOMICON? I could really be born again and then become a hero? Like in saving lives, girls 'n boys in danger, distressed kittens and worlds kind of hero?
- YES. AS LONG AS YOU ABANDON YOUR FEARS, YOU ARE ABLE TO BE ALIVE AGAIN.
- What the hell is this book, anyway?
- WELL, …
And with that, the contortion in the air was gone, and the two figures were gone too. We vanished just as the ambulance had pulled closer and the rain proceeded once again "with passion"… As for HIS answer – for some reason, as long as I am alive enough to write it down, I am unable to repeat – or remember, for that matter – anything The Death had told me after our disappearance. On the other hand, it's not like it really matters until it does, is it? And it's not like we won't know it one day, one way or another…
I only remember some of the rules bestowed upon me. I shall be born again and again, and again. I shall be able to remember most of my lifes with practice. And I shall have to work on my skills – so there would be no deus ex machina at least for a while. And, of course, I'll be the hero… and my choices shall rock the worlds off hinges… I shall save and destroy… And I really should work through all of my personal issues for the pending nine month before my birth…
"Hey! What do you mean, nine…" – and that were my final words before heading right to the Next Great Adventure. Rather lame, but it's not like I could afford the speechwriter during my short trip through the underworld. Not with their billing rates, at least.
Okey-dokey, and that is all, folks… for the prologue, at least.