Cat's POV
"I just can't believe it's been 5 years…" I say sitting around Tori's coffee table with the rest of the gang. Every year, for the past 5 years, we have pizza and a movie night on this day. The day my mother died. Usually it resulted in a long night were everyone passed out at Tori's and nobody cared. Our parents trusted us enough, well theirs did. My dad died in Afghanistan 7 years ago. He was a good man, very loyal, very trustworthy, very patient, just like any amazing Marine should be.
"Yea… I miss her too Cat." Jade says wrapping an arm around me and pulling me in tightly.
My brother should be here any minute. He has to be one of the best people I have ever known. He's been there through thick and thin and I love him to death.
This whole get together thing on the day my mom died wasn't really to celebrate her life but to get my mind off of it. It was an excuse to get together, eat pizza and have fun. It kept my mind off of everything that happened that night.
About 10 minutes after the pizza get here, there's another knock on the door. I jump up and run to it. I grab the handle and rip open the door to see my brother standing there with a bouquet of flowers, all different color roses. He opens his arms letting me run into him. I warp my arms tightly around his waist and he returns the hug. He gives me a light kiss on the top of the head and says, "Hey kid!"
"Hey Kyle!" I say squeezing him again and finally letting go and stepping backwards.
Tori comes up. "Hey Kyle! What's up." She says smiling at him.
"Not much… But these are for you. Thanks for inviting me." He says handing her the flowers after taking 2 out. He holds the other two in his left hand.
H e takes one and hands it to me, "For my lovely sister… and the other for my other sister!" he says walking up to Jade and handing it to her.
She wraps her arms around him and gives him a huge hug. "I missed you Kyle!"
"I can tell." He laughs and returns her hug.
I hear footsteps from upstairs running. Kyle jumps up and runs over to Tori. He grabs another flower. "Oh crap…" Everyone starts to laugh.
"Kyle! Wow, what are you doing here!?" Trina says sarcastically walking down the stairs. Trina has had a crush on Kyle for the past 5 years when she first met him at my mom's funeral. She struts over towards him.
"And for you…" he says extending the rose. She looks up at him and smiles. "But remember… I have a girlfriend…" He say looking at her seriously.
"Yea yea, don't remind me!" She says and chuckles.
"Well, let's get this party started!" He says after walking around saying hi to all of the guys.
Robbie loved Kyle. And Kyle loved Robbie. He was convinced that me and Robbie were going to get married one day. He and Jade are the only ones who know how I feel about him… I mean the whole in love thing.
We all grab plates and slices of pizza. Kyle and I pour cups of soda while Robbie hands out the cups. Tori and Jade are putting in the DVD in for our movie night. After everything is handed out we all go and sit on the couches in front of the TV. I sit in between Kyle and Robbie on the couch and glue my eyes to the TV.
I can't concentrate on the movie at all. I know this get together thing is supposed to distract me but it's not working. I can't get her picture out of my head. I can't figure out why someone would kill her. Everyone loved her… And why can't they find her murderer.
I miss her more than anything…
Seeing as I can't watch the movie I get up and excuse myself. I walk up the stairs towards the upstairs bathroom. I shut the door behind me when I get in. I exhale deeply and walk over to the sink. I lean against the counter and look down into the sink. I take a few deep breaths before looking back up. No matter how long I stare at myself I can't figure it out. Why did this change me so much? I was a happy girl. I loved my life. Now she's gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't save her. I knew something was wrong that morning. Something just didn't feel right. I should have told her to stay home. I should have stalled her. I should have done something… It's all my fault.
I continue to stare at myself in the mirror and the tears build up.
"Why?" I question myself. "Why didn't I do anything…?" A few tears start to fall but I swore I wasn't going to do this. I swore I was going to stay strong… for my friends… for Robbie and Kyle.
I turn on the cold water and cup my hands under it. I lower my face and splash the water on it. Drips stream down my face. It stings my hot cheeks because I was crying. I turn the water off and look back up at the mirror. My face is less red and my eyes don't sting as much. Grabbing the towel I slowly patt my face dry. I hang it back up and take another deep breath.
I walk towards the door and open it. Turning off the light as I walk out, I see a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I jump a little turning on the hall light. Robbie is leaning up against the wall, with his arms crossed and his foot up on the wall.
"Hey." He says.
"You scared me." I say playfully hitting his arm.
"Sorry about that. Are you ok?" He asks me looking at my somewhat red face.
"Yea, I'm fine." I say turning about to walk away.
He grabs my wrist softly turning me around. "Trust me, I've learned that when a girl says they're "fine" they aren't… they're falling apart. Come on, talk to me Kitty Cat." He says giving me a smile.
"I know that today is supposed to distract me but… I don't know, I just can't seem to get my mind off of it… I mean… Can I tell you something?" I look up from my feet and at his face.
"Of course, what's up?" He says getting a little bit more serious.
"I knew. I knew something was going to happen that day." He looks at me worried. "I woke up, like I usually do to say goodbye before she goes for work. I woke up that day with this horrible knot in my stomach. I had this weird feeling something was going to happen. Something bad… I just pushed it off to the side. I didn't say anything… no one would have believed me anyway. I was an eight year old… Then when my brother gets the call and he tells me… I told him what I felt that morning and I broke out into tears. He told me it was ok, that I didn't know, that it wasn't my fault but I knew that if I said something, it wouldn't have happened…"
"But it wasn't your fault Kitty Cat. You didn't kill her!" He says trying to reassure me.
"Yea, but I could have stopped it…"
"How do you know… I mean I know this is a bad thing to say… but what if that person just came for her again… what if they had planned that if she didn't show, they would find her some other day…" He says.
"Yea… it could have happened… but what if it didn't. What if she were still alive."
"Cat you can't blame yourself. You know that!" He explains.
"ROBBIE! I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT!" I yell at him. Not being too loud but showing him I meant what I was saying.
"It was NOT your fault Cat! If you continue to blame this on yourself, it will tear you apart. There will be nothing that can help you. Not me. Not Jade. Not even Kyle…" He says sternly.
"All I had to do was hold on to her for a little bit longer. Ask her to get me something. Taken her keys. Start crying. It was that easy!" I completely block out what he was saying.
"Listen to me!" He says grabbing my hands tightly and pulling them to his chest. "I know it's a horrible thing to say… slap me if you want… but maybe… just maybe, it was meant to happen. Maybe her time was up. If that's what it was, there was no stopping it. No delaying it. No stalling it. Not you, not your brother. NO ONE! Cat come on… your killing yourself… you're hurting me, and your brother, and Jade… You think that we can't see, you think that you're hiding it… but we can see right through. Even if you kept her for a few more seconds. Even if you stalled her. It might still have happened. And you need to recognize that. You need to stop blaming yourself…" He stares at me seriously and refuses to let go of my hands. Instead he intertwines out fingers and holds my tightly.
With this sentence I break down, "It still would have been one more day… one more time to say I love you… one more time to say good bye… one more hug… one more kiss on the head… one more memory of her… one more… just one more…"
This story is definitely gonna be filled with emotion. So grab a box of tissues and maybe a punching bag too… but I can tell you this, it's gonna be good. So… new story… I hope you guys liked the first chapter. Oh and I named her brother Kyle because that's my cousins name. Their relationship throughout the story it going to be a lot like ours.
For those of you who don't know, I am a huge fan of the US Marine Corps. Most of my mom's side of the family is in the armed forces so I have a very high respect for those who fight for our country. Risking their lives for the people they don't even know, I don't respect anything more. So in memory of those who have falling fighting for us, don't just look at Memorial Day as a beach day. Remember the ones who died for you…
Semper Fidelis – USMC
Honor, Courage, Commitment – US Navy
Integrity First, Service Before Self, Excellence in All We Do –USAF
Semper Paratus – USCG
This We'll Defend – US Army
Happy Memorial Day!