AN: The lyrics in this fanfic are from the song "Like A Stone," by Audioslave, albeit edited to fit the Doctor and Rose. Please let me know what you think, I've never done anything like this before, so feedback would be wonderful. Thank you!
Disclaimer: I do not own the song "Like A Stone", the band Audioslave does. And obviously I don't own Doctor Who. If I did then Doomsday wouldn't have happened and the Doctor and Rose would still be together!
Like A Stone
The doctor stepped out of the TARDIS doors onto the sands of Dårlig ulv stranden, staring out at the dismal gray horizon. So this was Bad Wolf Bay. Well, the Bad Wolf Bay of this world. Sure, he'd had a vague idea about what it'd looked like; see one Norwegian beach seen 'em all, but really when he'd been saying goodbye….all of his being had been focused on her. Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth. So he'd called her, and so she was. And no one would ever know. No one but him.
Holding off the ghosts, at least for the time being, the last of the Time Lords walked down along the sandy beach, listening to the crashing of the waves and the shrieking cry of the gulls…An eerie accompaniment to the hollow beating of his hearts. It had been about five years since he'd said that botched goodbye to her. Well five years for her anyway. It had been just a bit longer for him. But then wasn't everything? Life, existence, call it what you will, he seemed doomed to a long round. Him, of all the life forms in the universe, saddled with the one thing he didn't want…Not any longer.
When he'd lost her that day something inside of him had snapped. Some intricate little piece of him whose existence he hadn't even gotten around to acknowledging. And that was fine, fitting even. They were both doomed now, to be apart throughout the rest of their lives. But damn if he would be separated from her in death. No, it was only a matter of time now.
And really, he thought, if he continued going on this way, it wouldn't be so very very long indeed. He was only about…oh say, 925 years old, give or take a couple of decades, and already on his tenth incarnation. Your average incarnation was supposed to last a good five hundred years or so each, again give or take. Really, he should be somewhere around 5,000 years old at this point…My, he was burning through them right quickly. Exactly how long had he been suicidal?
"No matter," he thought to himself, unaware that he was thinking aloud. "Doesn't really make that much of a difference I suppose." He would just be less careful than normal, if one could call his current lifestyle cautious.
He paced up and down the beach , hands in his trench coat pockets, kicking up sand, staring broodingly out at the horizon. So what if in this incarnation he put off the image of being a great deal more jolly than his last self, he could still do a killer brood when the occasion called for it. Finally, after what seemed like hours, but had really been a grand total of ten minutes, he paused, hovering over one particular stretch of beach.
Here, this was it. He was sure of it. He stood in a small abandoned cove, a spit of beach as desolate and unremarkable as the rest in its harsh beauty, merely several feet away from the sea edge. This was the spot where his image had stood, on this very beach in another world. And seen her for the last time. He could feel the residual energy that forever marred this spot sending off little waves of heat only another Time Lord would be able to feel. With a deep sigh, he flopped down to sit cross legged, and stare out at the pounding waves.
On a gloomy afternoon
In a room full of emptiness
Near the edge, I confess
I was lost in my memory
In a place, full of death
Knowing I will die alone
Remembering your hand in mine,
Going anywhere we wanted to go
Closing his eyes he was swept away in a tidal wave of memories. Te first time he'd seen her, in the basement of a department store, surrounded by the Auton. He'd almost left her, been tempted to keep on racing towards the roof in order to cut off the signal…but really, she was just a kid, he couldn't' just leave her to die…. So he'd gone back for her and just in the nick of time. He'd grasped her hand and looked her in the eye, and something inside of him had clicked. Where once there had been nothing but empty space, a spark had been lit. And that had been the beginning of it all. "Run," he'd told her. And she had. Not just then, but all across the universe. Running, running, running. Fondly now he recalled the time they'd hopped for their lives. How they'd laughed! Her laughter. Now there was a beautiful sound! It was a real laugh, not one of those annoying high pitched sounds that sounded rather like a bird calling out its death throes, but an honest cry of joy, coming from deep within her being and radiating outwards to shine in her eyes and her smile. Her smile. How many times had he turned round and seen her sitting there, smiling at him, doing that ridiculous little tongue tucked b between her teeth thing. He'd loved it when she'd done that. It was so cute, so human, so Rose. A pain filled smile tugged at his lips as he leaned back to stare up at the sky.
All those adventures they'd shared. Going places and doing things most ordinary life forms couldn't even dream of They'd run across stars, danced in a blitz, escaped from a black hole…and through it all she'd held his hand. He'd told her once, in one of his more brilliant moments, that the one thing you needed most of all to travel across the universe was a hand to hold. And he'd been right; but then again when wasn't he? He wished now he'd had the words then to tell her he needed her hand to hold, for no one else's would do. But like so many things, he'd let that moment pass them by. Quite like the time they'd kissed.
It had been an accident, of course, happening just before they'd gone to visit her mother…just before IT had all happened. It had been getting harder and harder for him to remain at a discreet distance from her, when really all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms tight and not ever let go. She'd sensed it to, growing a bolder, adding a whole new edge to their playful flirting. To this day he wondered if it had been an accident on her part at all. He'd been lying down, stretched out beneath the time rotor, making some minute adjustments to the TARDIS. He'd heard her come in and kneel down beside him. Heard, with his incredibly advanced Time Lord genes, her heart beat increase. Wondering what was going on, he'd shoved himself forward, swinging out from under the TARDIS, lifting himself up in one smooth motion…and directly up into her lips. She'd been leaning in so close, and had backed off barely enough to stave off a collision, but…the moan that spilled from his lips, as he remembered the taste of her, the heady breath of excitement that had spilled into him from between her parted lips, struck him hard in the hearts. Sure, they'd kissed before…if you counted absorbing a time vortex out of someone or them being possessed by a vain trampoline of skin with a purity complex a proper snog. This time had been different. There was no possessions or time vortexes involved, no urgent life or death demand behind it….was it so wrong of him to have secretly hoped there would be more to follow? But he'd known there wouldn't be, had felt the approaching storm growing in intensity with every passing day, so close it had begun to drive him mad from terror. Now, he wished he'd acted, even if it had been beyond him…he wished he'd had the sheer gumption to drag her back down with him and kiss her again, because now the chance was gone. Forever.
He closed his eyes tight against the threatening, tears, as visions of what could have been swamped him.
In your arms I long to be
Road by road, patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone, I'll wait for you there
Alone
Rose Tyler stared out at the approaching waves numbly, lost in her own little world. Five years. It had been five long years since she'd last seen him. Five years, 6 months, 12 days, and 18 hours to be specific. But who was counting? She didn't bother walking up and down the beach, not this time. She'd been here so many times before.
It was hard getting time off work, most of the employees complained bitterly about the lack of holidays available. But Rose always managed to find a way to come here at least twice a year, on their anniversaries. One to commemorate the day she met him, the second, the day she lost him.
She knew, as she settled down on the sandy beach floor, on the very same spot she'd stood on so long ago; for this spot was forever engraved on her mind and in her heart, how her silence and infrequent visits hurt her family. They were always there for her, Mum, Dad, Mickey, even little Michael, and for that she was grateful. But for all their willingness to try and help, they didn't understand. She had died that day on Bad Wolf Bay, when the Doctor had literally faded out of her life. Unconsciously, her fingers rose and twined themselves about the chain from which her TARDIS key dangled. She'd had it put on a necklace chain shortly before taking the job at Torchwood, wearing it at all times, no matter what. It burned her skin sometimes, often actually. And she smiled, a bittersweet smile, every time. Because she knew it meant he was thinking of her.
Sitting there on the sands of Bad Wolf Bay, with her legs drawn up close, her chin resting on her kneecaps, she drowned in her memories. Of the first time she'd met him, how they'd saved the world together. Watching the end of the world, eating chips in a crowded alien market, holding hands as they walked beneath frozen waves, hugging underneath a black hole…She was swept away on a tidal wave of memories, his voice seeming to whisper in her ear, little bits of advice and snatched snippets of conversations they'd shared, alternating between his ninth and tenth forms. She missed that, more than anything, even the traveling or adventures. That easiness between them, the knowledge that he was right there if ever she needed, and she for him. She wouldn't ever have that again, that knowing, couldn't have it with anyone. She'd told Mickey once that the Doctor hadn't been her boyfriend, that he was better than that. The bond between them…boyfriend was too paltry a term for what they shared.
She'd trusted him, before ever really knowing him. Just looking into his eyes, feeling his hand grasp hers…didn't matter how strange it was, it had felt right. For the first time in her life she'd felt something more stir deep inside her, and knew, without ever needing to say, that she had been waiting for him. Now she was waiting for him again, counting down the hours and days as they merged into years….waiting for the arms of death to claim her and wing her back to him.
And on my deathbed, I will pray
To the stars up above
To anyone who will take me to heaven,
To a place I recall, I was there so long ago
The skies were bright
The box was blue
And you led me on
Deep down what remained of the old Rose Tyler wept at the loss of her life. She was doing nothing more than bidding her time. Time until she died, and her body caught up with the rest of her. Her soul, her heart, all had died that long ago day, and now waited up amongst the stars she stared up at so often, beckoning her…calling out to her, reminding her that he was out there…somewhere…waiting. Just like her. He'd asked her once, believing the end was near, to live a good life. "Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life." For the first time in anything she had failed him. This was no fantastic life she led.. This seemingly endless waiting for a dark truth to be realized was barely even a good life. But it was the only one she had left after her fantastic life had been ripped away. He would forgive her this one flaw. After all, didn't he too share this flaw with her? He too counted down the ticks of the clock with as much anticipation as she. It was too late now for what ifs, too late for anything except the steady tick of the clock. But she knew she would see him again, in death. And there they'd follow up on all those missed moments.
She felt him, sitting just beside her, and a bittersweet smile graces her lips as she slowly lifted her head and locked her eyes on where he would be. Tears quietly sliding down her face, she reached out her hand…
In your arms I long to be
Road by road, achingly longingly
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone, I'll wait for you there
Alone
The Doctor felt her, laying down beside him, a few inches and a world away from him. Tears stung his eyes as he smiled at her, felt her smile back. It didn't matter that it had been nearly six years. Didn't matter that it would be a good hundred more, even if he was decidedly reckless, until he saw her again. He knew now what he had refused to accept then. He loved her, had been born to love her. It was as simple and as fantastic as that. By taking in the Time Vortex and becoming the Bad Wolf she had literally willed him to be. He existed because she willed him too. Wasn't she something? All that time he'd spent running about the universe hadn't been for nothing after all. It had all been for her. And he knew that he could search the universe a hundred times over and not ever find another Rose Tyler . Sure he'd had, and would have, other companions. But they would never be his Rose. Plain and simple as that. And really, he didn't want them to be. He was grateful for the brief span of time they'd been given, and though he still raged at the injustice of it all, he would indeed wander on, as he had before, waiting for her as before. Waiting to join her, so he could finally tell her that he-but she knew that already.
And on I reminisced
Until the day was done
And I sat in regret, of all the things I've done
Those words I never said
And all I couldn't save
In dreams until my death
I will wander on
They sat there together, not saying a word; there was no need really, for the whole day. Staring up at their different skies, hands stretched out and lightly touching, just barely, not focusing, for if they thought about it too hard the other would vanish. They held hands once more as the sun sank below the horizon and the stars appeared above. He traced the paths they created with his eyes, whispering their names aloud for her, remembering….
As the moon rose in the sky, he squeezed her hand, and slowly, with extreme reluctance, let it go, feeling her sigh in the gentle caress of the wind on his cheek. Tears burned his eyes as he raised his face to the unforgiving heavens and let out an earth shattering shriek of pain, hearing it echo in his ears as a similar cry spilled from her lips. The two screams bounced and echoed across the windswept beaches, merging into a heartbreaking song that would have brought tears to the eyes of any silent witness, had there been any.
Even as he surged to his feet, felt her struggle to stand, he cast one last glance back at where she stood. He saw here there, briefly, a hazy image. A young woman with long blonde hair and deep brown eyes, broken and lost, as wrecked as he, with silent tear tracks glistening on her pale cheeks. Standing there, staring at the twisted image before him, he felt another chain of grief clink into place about his hearts. After the time war he'd longed for death with all his being, seeking it as an end, a solution to the harrowing loneliness that was slowly suffocating him inside. Rose Tyler, his Rose, had breathed life into him, with all her bravery and enthusiasm for everything and everyone, seemingly without even trying. Now she was gone, and he dreamt of death once more. Perhaps what hurt the most though, was the knowledge that now she did too.
With extreme reluctance they slowly departed, sensing that it would be a long time before they would share another moment like this. she to the rover she'd rented, he back to his TARDIS. Though they each longed to stay longer, they knew neither couldn't. They'd jobs to do, duties to fulfill…until whatever invisible debt they owed was paid in full. And then perhaps they could rest together.
For now, he had monsters to fight, evil to eradicate, dastardly deeds to undo…and perhaps, if he was good, a death to embrace. He picked up his pace, walking quickly towards his fate, and began to whistle the tune to an old human song he'd once heard. Something about waiting like a stone. How apt, for were they both not doing exactly that? Each waiting for the other like a stone, until the time came when they need wait no longer. He slipped into the TARDIS, set the course for a galaxy billions of miles away…and said a mental farewell to the love of his lives, until they should meet again.
In your arms I long to be
Road by road, desperately
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone, I'll wait for you there
Alone….Alone
AN: Thanks for reading! Please review!