Leah sighed as she dropped her bag onto the cold floor of her apartment. Her empty apartment that was far too large for one woman, designed instead for a small family in mind. She pulled her long hair out of the bun she kept it in, the flowing locks were the only thing that paid homage to the small town girl she'd been on the reservation.
She ran her fingers through it, the ghost of a memory when it wasn't her hands that were the only ones threading through the mane. She scoffed knowing it was a dumb memory.
A foolish memory.
A child's naïve dream that two adults tried to play out and couldn't. It was like trying to bring a dying rose back to life by drowning it in water long after the vibrant red had turned to black and the leaves had withered wilted and turned to crunchy pieces to be lost in the cracks of floors and shredded under the heels of shoes.
Just like her marriage.
Seven years.
She did the math in her head.
Seven years and 4 months. She gave that man her life.
Seven years and three children later she goes from being the love of his life to the bane of his existence.
She hit herself. She had been so stupid. Bringing more kids into their world when they couldn't even handle each other. Thinking somehow he would be happy if she gave him the kids he wanted. The family he wanted.
He was smart. He had gone to college. Community college. When he was done, he was ready to settle down and start a family. He wanted to be the family man his father never was right there in Lapush.
She had graduated high school and was ready to leave. East coast leave.
So they argued and he followed her because she was the love of his life.
Or that's what she told him and he caved.
Seven years and they had returned home 4 times. The first was six months after their oldest daughter was born. The second when Seth graduated high school. The third was for Christmas when their second child-a boy- was barely a year. And the fourth was for her father's funeral.
She vowed never to come back after that. She didn't care that she had made this vow on behalf of her whole family. And she wasn't sure if anyone back home had even known she'd given birth again. Perhaps he had told them.
By that time resentment had built up within him.
But it wouldn't be until the firm she worked for went bankrupt and her doctor confirmed what the five sticks she had peed on had already told her, that she got the secret abortion.
And he told her he hated her.
Because she hadn't known that he had made a friend at the clinic she went to.
On Monday she had been his wife. On Tuesday she had been sick. On Thursday she was nothing but that woman he was living with and she didn't see him all weekend.
The next Monday she was served the divorce papers and his job 'suddenly' transferred him back to Washington.
The next 18 months would be a series of court battles that somehow she was losing slowly but surely even though her revenue was building up again.
First she'd lost her son to him and then her youngest daughter. Then she was allowed split custody over their oldest but as of last week she had only visitation rights on every other weekend.
When she went into court all the judge saw was a business minded woman who didn't care enough about her kids to be to court on time. But how was she supposed to secure her kid's futures if she couldn't hold a job?
Here she was using one of the best lawyers in the area and he was using the legal equivalent of "homeboy from way back" and she was losing.
She was losing to him.
The aggravated sound that tore from her throat surprised her. She kicked her pumps off and collapsed into the nearest chair. For a long moment, the only sounds she heard was her own shallow breathing and the whirring of the ceiling fan she had forgotten to turn off before she left earlier.
And the worse part was, it wasn't even that she was more successful than he was. Somewhere he had fallen out of love with her. She saw it happening. And she didn't care. She came home from work as he would get ready to go and she got lazy about their relationship. She knew he was used to old school thinking; home traditions where a wife actually worked to please her man.
But Leah was tired. She figured she had given him a good 3 or 4 years of happiness. She didn't feel like doing more than that.
Feel.
Maybe that was the problem, she didn't feel much of anything. Or she just didn't want to face those feelings.
She sat a moment longer just thinking in the darkened apartment, wondering how everything could have gone so wrong. At the same time she toyed with an idea that she swore she would never consider. Her father had once told her there was power in Clearwater blood. She remembered those words as his casket was lowered into the ground. It surely must not have been power enough to stop him from dying prematurely. Or maybe the power was just too strong for his weak heart.
She was in her walk in closet digging through the drawers that had never been unpacked before she knew what she was doing. The pouch she found with the stones and yellowing paper still inside the same place they'd been since her parents gave it to her for her 16th birthday and probably before then.
She sat crossed legged on her much too large bed, her blazer being shed in the process. The stones were in one hand and the incantation of her people's language in the other.
She chanted them quietly yet with a firmness trying to bat away the feeling of foolishness that threatened to overtake her and stop the process.
Then she was done.
She glanced around the bedroom, the still silent empty bedroom.
Then her phone buzzed in her pocket.
"Hello?"
"Ms. Clearwater, sorry to bother you but Mr. Sam Uley is on the phone and he said something about a change in court date. He sounds upset." Leah dropped the contents of her pouch on the bed with a sigh.
"I'll take care of it Anna. Just patch him through to my cell."
"Yes ma'am." It only took a few moments for another call to come through. She answered without saying a word.
"You have a lot of nerve Leah Clearwater taking me off of Melody's emergency contacts at school. You know I'm the only one-" She pressed the end call button and headed back to her bedroom. She couldn't deal with this today.
She hoped the next day would be better.
But she doubted it.
She woke up to sunlight streaming through her window. She groaned rather comfortable being tangled in her covers.
With an arm around her waist.
"Mommy!" She jumped up at the voice. Looking towards her doorway she was just in time to see her little boy burst into the room and dive for her bed. Only to be caught by- "Daddy, no!" Her boy giggled as Sam grabbed him and began tossing him up and down on the bed.
"Matthew, mommy's probably still sleepy." Sam tossed her a look before whispering loudly towards their little boy. "You know she's such a sleepy head." Matthew laughed in agreement.
Leah was frozen thinking that maybe she was dreaming but she could literally feel her sleep fading away which meant she was indeed awake. And Sam was in her bed. With the child she had been separated from the longest.
"What are you doing here?" Sam realized she was serious immediately so he looked on in concern. He shooed their only son from the room with a conspirator's wink before turning back to his wife.
"I'm off work today, remember?"
"No, I meant-"
"And you promised to only work half a day today because it's our anniversary." He raised an eyebrow as her forehead crinkled. She glanced at the clock on her desk and saw the date. It was indeed their 7 year wedding anniversary.
What happened to the 4 months she had yesterday?
"Lee-Lee?" The use of her nickname startled her in a way that it shouldn't have. She hadn't heard that since the day little Marissa was born.
"Right," she agreed to his previous statement. "Half a day."
"What's wrong babe?" He moved closer to her on the bed, pulling her toward him easily. He was stronger than she remembered.
"Nothing. I'm just a little confused." Again the eyebrow rose. "Feels like I lost a few days."
"I know. It feels like just yesterday we were sending Melody to preschool." He didn't understand she hadn't meant it like that. The reverse in fact. But she didn't want to correct him. She glanced at the clock again. It was Thursday. She figured she shouldn't worry him more than need be so she decided to proceed as if it were a normal day. A normal pre divorce day.
"I guess I should get Melody up and ready for school and feed Marissa." Sam froze. Had she said something wrong already? "What?"
"…Who's Marissa?"
Leah felt like she would throw up.
"Lee-Lee you sure you feel alright?" His hand came over to touch her forehead but she backed out of his hold quickly. She wanted to scream at him. How could he not know their youngest daughter? Their third born. Their baby? She wanted to question him on it but she couldn't, seeing the true confusion in his eyes. "Lee-"
"I'm fine," she said with jerkier movements than she intended. "Just um, it was just a slip of the tongue. How long do you think Matthew has been up?" She wasn't listening to the answer as she got up to move to her-their-closet. "I think I'll make blueberry pancakes for him. He loves those."
"Strawberry."
"What?" She whipped back around to look at Sam.
"Matthew. He loves strawberry pancakes," he explained slowly.
"No! He loves-" she stopped. She was slowly putting the pieces together. This wasn't the same world she was in yesterday. "You're right. Strawberry. He loves strawberry." She agreed far too quickly, wanting more than anything to leave the room.
Since when did she not know her son's favorite breakfast food?
Since never that's when.
This was some cosmic joke: a world where she only mothered two children, her son is an early riser who loves red fruits instead of blue, and where her husband loves her, period.
She was out of the bedroom and in the kitchen before Sam could respond again. Thankfully she heard their shower start to run so she knew she had a few minutes to herself.
"Mom?" She turned around, seeing Melody standing by the refrigerator.
"Yes baby?" she asked thankful that her oldest was still as she remembered.
So far.
"Can I have pop tarts for breakfast?"
"Yes," she agreed far too happily. "Frosted cherry right?" Her daughter nodded and she relaxed. At least not everything had changed.
In under 30 minutes both of her children were sitting at the table, Melody working on her second poptart and Matthew was finishing up his "big kid" pancake. She was working on bacon when Sam entered. She tried not to tense or show her discomfort but she felt like she was an imposter somehow.
Sam didn't notice her discomfort or he ignored it when he moved behind her to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Smells good."
"Crunchy bacon just like you like…right?" He chuckled.
"That smells good too." she only lightly blushed, flattered by the compliment. He reached around her to grab a piece straight off the skillet. He tossed the piece back and forth in his hands before dropping it quickly in his mouth. It burned his tongue slightly but he didn't really care. He smiled brilliantly at her before turning to the kids. "How are the hotcakes kiddo?"
"Gooshd," he said with his mouth full. Sam ruffled his son's hair before looking at his daughter.
"You got pop tarts out of your mom?" Melody only shrugged as if she were just as surprised. Sam turned back to his wife. "You're sure you're alright."
"I'm fine Sam," she said exasperated. She immediately turned back to the stove. She had watched the scene with a mix of adoration and uneasiness. This was the type of family scene she hadn't seen in 2 years.
"If you're sure." He straightened his shirt. She realized that he was dressed rather nice in a casual kind of way. She hadn't seen that outfit before. "I'm gonna head into the office for a bit. See you later." He kissed her again and she nodded absently. She would have to figure out what the kid's schedules were without giving away that's what she was doing. But it wasn't until she heard the car disappear down the street that she remembered.
He didn't work today.
He had said that hadn't he?
Did he still work for the construction company?
Or maybe he was employed somewhere else. That outfit was too nice for a day of work on the yard. He'd been wearing cologne. Hard labor yielded sweat and sweat yielded must. Must and cologne did not mix.
Maybe he had a promotion so he had a corporate job. He did say office. That had to be it.
But he always said office even when he wasn't working office jobs.
Her stomach turned in knots. He wasn't going to work. He was lying.
She slammed the spatula in the sink, making both kids jump at the sound.
"Mommy?" It was Matthew that spoke first. She didn't turn around at his voice. She cringed.
She didn't bother to go into work. She sent Melody to school and played with Matthew for most of the morning before the babysitter came to pick him up. She sat in her room wearing her little black dress waiting for Sam to return.
He came into the house and called her name. She didn't bother to answer. He finally made it to the bedroom.
"You're wearing the black dress," he noted happily. She didn't acknowledge him. But she had heard the happiness in his voice when he came in the door.
"Who is she?" Sam faltered.
"What?"
"You heard me." Leah turned to face him. "Who. Is. She."
"Who is-"
"The slut you're cheating on me with!" She had shot to her feet in rage. And all she had to do was look into his eyes and know she had caught him. "That's what I thought."
"Lee-Lee-"
"Don't touch me!" She shoved past him, into the closet. Obviously whoever she was in this world, Leah Clearwater was a joke. She happily played the oblivious wife to an obviously cheating husband. Sam never bothered to stay fit for her, to look good for her. Stay strong for the job maybe but it was the wife that worked to stay fine for the husband. She knew there was someone else. Maybe a few. Probably younger than her.
It didn't matter, there was no way she was going to stay here a moment longer knowing he was cheating on her. She wasn't going to fight for a man that obviously had no thought about keeping her and only her.
She found the stones in the closet again. Sam was talking but she ignored him. She gathered a few items and the car keys.
"Leah, where are you going? Let me explain-"
"No need. I'll be gone by morning." She opened the door and slammed it behind her. She scoffed when she saw the huge SUV in the driveway instead of the old Ford truck she was used to. When she got to the driver's door she heard his voice again.
"Isabella." She paused getting in the SUV. "Her name's Isabella." The way he said her name with so little emotion and gave her up so easily told her more than he probably wanted.
"And before her?"
"Tanya…and Kate." She rolled her eyes.
"Like father like son huh?" He tensed. "Have a nice life, Sam." She slammed the door before peeling out of the driveway. Sam had gone as far as the edge of their driveway. She knew he wasn't going to come after her.
She didn't stop driving for 45 minutes and only because it started down pouring rain. She pulled out her stones. Said her incantation and fell asleep hoping she'd wake up to a better day.
She woke up back in her bed. The lights were off and she was alone. She rubbed her arms as if trying to rid herself of the morning cold and the emptiness.
She figured she was back. The stones experiment hadn't been good.
Then she saw it.
It was a toy Optimus Prime Transformer on her bedroom floor. Which meant even if her son wasn't there right then, he had been recently. As in earlier than 16 months recently.
Her phone rang. It read Sam.
"Sam."
"Leah, Matthew and I are headed home. I got tied up at my mom's house." She frowned. He was in LaPush. With Matthew. "I'm making good time, should be there in a few hours. But it's raining something horrendous out here." A few hours, obviously she wasn't on the east coast anymore.
"Be careful," She said as more of a warning for the fact that her son was in the backseat of whatever vehicle he was in. The argument from the previous day was still heavy in her mind even if this Sam probably had no idea it existed
"Yeah. Listen, Leah we need to talk when I get there." She could hear the seriousness in his tone.
"What about?"
"I really think it should wait until I get there."
"Just tell me, Sam." She heard him take a breath.
"It's about Emily." Emily? Her cousin Emily? She hadn't talked to her cousin in years. Or maybe it was different in this world. Maybe they were close here.
"Has something happened to Emily?"
"No, nothing like that." Sam placated her fear quickly.
"Then what-"
"We're together." Leah froze. She didn't make a sound for a long time. "Lee?"
"You're together. You and Emily are… together." She swallowed. She had already been faced with his infidelity but last time it was faceless strangers. Now it was someone with a name, a face, and blood relation.
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"About 8 months. Ever since I started bringing Matthew down to visit. She was at your parent's house and…" he trailed off. "Leah you know we've been growing distant for a year now at least."
"How long have we been married, Sam?" she snapped.
"5 years." She halted her next words, ready to yell 7 and realizing that maybe it wasn't so in this world.
"Five years and two kids and you decide now is a good time to-"
"Leah I didn't mean for this to happen, you know that. I thought we were good but you make it so hard to love you sometimes-"
"It's hard to love me?" She was on her feet. No longer sad but more enraged. "It's hard to love me? I'm your wife Sam! You're sexing up my cousin on the side and it's hard to love me?"
"This is why I wanted to do this in person."
"Oh don't you get all high and mighty with me Sam! I can scream and yell if I want to."
"Which you obviously are."
"Sam you can go to Hel-"
"SHI-!" She heard the squeal of tires and a crash before the phone went dead.
"…Sam?" The phone beeped as the call ended. She stared at the device in her hands in horror, not wanting to believe what she had just heard. Or what she thought she heard. She tried calling back.
"Hey you've reached Sam's cell. Leave a mess-"
She tried calling her parent's house. No answer. Then she tried Sam's mom. She even called Emily. No one picked up.
It would be three hours later when she got the call.
Confirming that her adulterous husband and her only son were dead.
She woke up to the same ceiling as before. Her eyes weren't red from crying all night even though she had been.
The bed vibrated along with her cell phone. She looked at it. And frowned when she read the caller id.
"Hello?"
"Lee-Bear." The air left her lungs with a whoosh at the voice. "Hope you aren't just waking up. The day's a wasting. Remember the early bird-"
"Gets the worm. I know," she finished." Dad?" She was still shocked. She looked around quickly for the clock, needing to know the date. It was the same but then she saw the year.
She thought losing 4 months was crazy. Now she had a few years gone. As if she hadn't lived it yet.
"Lee-Bear?"
"Dad!" she said a little too loudly. She was so confused. "What's um what's up?"
"I was just calling to tell you that Matthew and I are headed your way."
"My way?"
"Yeah we got on the interstate about 2 hours ago. " Alarms went off in her head. This was too familiar. "I figured you would still be sleep if I called when we left."
"Where's Sam?"
"How should I know? He's probably doing something unfaithful with Emily. Speaking of, has that divorce been finalize yet?"
"Grampa lemme talk ta momma." Her heart clenched as she heard her son in the background. She couldn't do this again.
"Hold on kiddo. Lemme talk to mom first and then-"
"Dad! Get off the road!" She yelled desperately. A memory was fading fast. Soon she wouldn't even remember why she so urgently needed her father to stop driving. "Just pull over or something. I'll come get Matthew."
"Don't be silly Leah. I'm perfectly capable of driving Matthew home."
"Dad!"
"Oops." She heard a few sounds "Hold on Leah. I dropped the phone." She heard a few grunts for a few tense moments as her father tried to feel around for the cell phone. She tried yelling for him but then she heard the horn. "Oh! God Al-"
The call ended so suddenly that she didn't have time to even comprehend her son's brief scream and the loud crunch of metal before the tears were already flowing.
When her mom called her, it was to tell her that her son was in ICU and her father was dead. The truck driver said Harry swerved the car at the last second to take the brunt of the impact on his side of the car.
She was halfway home and pulled over on the side of the road wondering how she had just traded the life of her husband and son for that of her fathers.
The stones became like a drug. It was like she had a gambling addiction, just knowing that it'll be a winner next time.
It would take three more altered days before she lost her son completely. Sam and Emily met younger and younger, this time they hadn't even lasted long enough to conceive Matthew.
She was a single parent living with her younger brother in his off campus apartment at UW.
"Leah, I got lab tonight so I called Claire to watch Mel while you're at work."
A one bedroom apartment. He gave her the bedroom so that she and Melody could sleep in the Queen sized bed. He slept on the couch in the living room where the tv, and his desk were. In the apartment that he was using his scholarship money to pay for.
"Lee?" She looked up from where she was sitting on the edge of the bed rocking the sleeping toddler in her lap. Seth had popped his head in the doorway. She saw his eyes immediately. They had deep set bags under them He looked exhausted physically. Of course he would be. He was trying to study for school and she had a baby here with them.
"Yeah. Thanks." Seth frowned at her whispering. Even at his current state of stress he was still concerned for her.
"Lee-Bear what's wrong?" She broke down instantly. She clutched onto Melody tighter trying to stop the tears but Seth was already by her side. She was older. She should be taking care of him, not the other way around. Why was she here? Where was Sam?
Why did she keep doing this to herself?
"I'm fi-"
"Don't say you're fine. You're obviously not fine. You're crying." He pulled her in for a hug being careful not to squish Melody. "You're crying," he whispered again almost as if he couldn't believe it himself.
"Seth what happened?" she choked out. She felt him tense.
"What do you mean?"
"Everything. Why am I here? What happened?"
"Lee, you know what happened-"
"Just tell me." She looked up at him through bleary eyes. "Please." At this Seth pulled back from her.
"You and Sam eloped before you could graduate. You got pregnant, dad died, Sam left you for Emily. And Mom-" he paused not wanting to continue. Leah glanced back at him again. Was her mother also dead here? Did she have to live with the loss of both her parents? That could be the only explanation as to why she wasn't living with her mom.
"Mom what?"
"Mom kicked you out of the house," he said in a rush. Leah wiped her eyes, confused. Her mother wasn't that cruel was she? She looked down at Melody.
"Because I'm a single parent?" The bed shifted when Seth got to his feet suddenly.
"You know very well that isn't why she kicked you out, Leah." Leah looked at him knowing at once he was angry. "Stop trying to play the victim all the time."
"Seth, what did I do?" Seth titled his head and crossed his arms as if he couldn't believe she was making him say this.
"You became a stripper. You're still a stripper and who knows what else. Do you know how hard it is for me to know that's what you're doing with your life? You had a brilliant mind Leah. And mom she accepted that because she knew you were doing what you felt you had to, to take care of you and Melody but then you had to go and screw that up when you tried to seduce Fred."
"Fred?"
"Her new husband. Our step father." Leah gasped. "Though you don't see him that way, obviously." She was a whore, of the worst kind. Her mother probably saw her with the same disdain she had for Emily.
When it was clear Leah wasn't going to say anymore, Seth left the room. Moments later she heard the main apartment door open and close. She stopped rocking Melody and placed her on the bed.
She placed her head in her hands as she realized the hopelessness of her situation.
She wasn't going to get back home. Somehow fighting custody battles in court for 3 kids seemed a lot more manageable than being practically homeless with only one child. Everyday seemed worse than the last but she couldn't stop hoping that the next would be better.
She spent hours tidying the apartment. Seth hadn't come back and Melody stayed asleep. When she was satisfied she had cleaned every nook and cranny she grabbed the stones.
Then the apartment door buzzer buzzed.
"Yeah?" she asked before pressing the listen button.
"It's Claire."
Leah pressed the button to unlock the building's front door. She only had to wait about a minute before there was a knock at the apartment door. She glanced in the peephole seeing the distorted view of Claire. She wasn't a woman. She was a teenager. And she was Native.
She unlocked and opened the door. Claire walked in. Then Leah realized who it was. Emily's kin. But she hadn't remembered the girl being so old.
"Seth said you were probably working late so I can stay with Mel until one of you gets back."
"Won't your parents be worried about you staying out so late?" Leah realized she couldn't be older than 14. Claire smirked.
"Seriously Leah? I'm probably safer here than on the Rez. Between my pops using me as his own personal punching bag and the boys thinking they own the place."
"Boys?"
"You know Jake Black and his posse. They vandalize everything. Emily says it's cause they're bored. And it doesn't help that I live right next door to Quil." Leah shook her head. It was only then that she could see bruises on Claire's arms and that she had lots of makeup caked on her face. She was either growing up too fast or she was covering up more unsightly bruises. Leah went with the latter.
"I'm not planning on going into work tonight." Claire froze and frowned. "But you can stay here if you like." The younger girl relaxed.
"You don't normally care that much about me. I figure 'cause I'm related to Emily but thanks anyway." Leah's heart clenched. She was obviously cold hearted here. Melody woke up crying and Claire jumped at the chance to go to her. Leah chose instead to head to the bathroom. She wasn't about to spend another day in this world.
She pulled out the stones.
And she woke up pregnant. Very pregnant if the protruding stomach blocking her view wasn't enough of a hint. She sat up with a heave and looked around.
This wasn't Seth's room. Nor was this an apartment. It felt like a house. But the room was small and vaguely familiar.
"Sam?" she called. There was no answer but she heard a sink turn on so she figured he was in there. She looked around for a clock but it was an old digital that didn't tell the date. She felt around for her cell only to be surprised when she pulled out an old model and not her smart phone.
"You say something?"
She looked up and froze. Standing in the doorway was no Sam.
But Jacob Black.
A taller, older version of Jacob Black than she was used to.
He was in black pajama pants, shirtless, showing off his slight muscles, with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.
"Where's Sam?" His eyes darkened immediately and he stopped brushing his teeth. That was obviously the wrong thing of her to ask.
"How should I know?" He turned and went back into the bathroom. Her heart raced. She rubbed the stomach again, wondering what she was carrying inside of her, specifically whose baby was this. She could almost here the viciousness in how he spat the paste out of his mouth before returning to the bedroom. He crossed his arms, obviously waiting for her to speak. Whether he wanted an explanation to her question or not, she wasn't sure.
"What day is it?"
"Friday. Why?" He would allow her to dodge for now. She glanced around the room once more feeling oddly vulnerable in this state. She was in a man's bed, a man that wasn't Sam, and she was pregnant.
"Am I allowed to go to my house?"
"Since when do you ask for permission to leave babe?" Ah, so she was with Jacob. "You usually just ignore me and go anyway." He chuckled but she could hear the dark tinge to it. It wasn't a happy laugh, it was almost bitter.
"I'm not," she snapped. "I'm just making sure my mom hasn't banned me from home." At this Jacob frowned. "What?"
"Sue would probably ban Seth from the house before she would even think about getting rid of you." The statement didn't settle well with Leah. That didn't make sense. Everyone loved Seth. Seth was mom's favorite. "You were just there yesterday though. Don't you think you should be taking it easy?"
"I'm lying in a bed, don't know how much easier I can take it." She shuffled awkwardly to get to the foot of the bed and stand up. Jacob watched her amused before he walked over to help her to her feet. She stumbled a bit falling more into his hold. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell he gave off, the heat of his skin and the strength of his arms.
It was so unfamiliar though. It wasn't Sam. He wasn't Sam.
"Jacob-" She was cut off when the sound of the front door slamming was heard. Jake muttered something under his breath before he pulled away from Leah to go check out what was happening in the living room. Leah followed slowly, being reminded of why she always felt like an invalid during the last trimester.
"Hey Lee." Lost in her thoughts, Leah looked up when she reached the living room. Only to see her not so little baby brother staring back at her. His voice was deeper, he was taller, ripped almost like Jacob, and he had a dangerous edge to him.
She didn't like that one bit.
"What did you do to him?" she bit out, zeroing in on Jacob and confusing the two males in the process.
"To who?" She ignored him choosing instead to walk towards her brother. She took his face in her hands as she looked him over like a worrisome mother. This wasn't Seth. He was all smiles and laughter. The only reason he would change was because Jacob changed. He followed him too much. She turned back to Jacob standing in front of Seth as if to shield him.
"Stop poisoning my brother with whatever bad boy stage you're going through!"
"Lee-" Seth started but Leah stopped him with a hand. Jacob only blinked.
"You feelin okay babe?"
"Stop asking me that!" She was sick of hearing it. She wasn't even sure if he had asked her that already but it was always everyone's response. "I'm fine! Just stop trying to make him be like you!"
"Leah I'm not a child." She turned around, shocked that Seth even had the audacity to talk back to her. To challenge her. "And Jacob isn't making me do anything. You should be a little more grateful."
"Grateful?" She asked incredulously. All she could see was her easily impressionable brother following Jacob like the puppy he was. "Grateful for what?"
"Seth how about you come back later so I can have a moment with your sister." Seth gave her one last dark look before he went right back through the door he had just came. When the door shut Jacob spoke. "What's this all about?"
Leah turned to face him slowly. Her anger had dissipated some but it just left her confused. What was she supposed to say? She woke up in another reality and she had no idea about how this world worked? She didn't know what was going on? That she didn't understand how she could be Jacob Black's girl?
"I think I'm just going to go back to bed." She moved to leave but he stopped her.
"No, I want to know what's going on." There was no room for argument. "First you wake up asking about Sam and now all of a sudden I'm the bad guy corrupting your brother." She had looked down at her stomach when he mentioned Sam and Jacob frowned. "I thought we had agreed that she was going to be my daughter."
Leah's head snapped back up at the statement. She could see the hurt in his eyes but she could sense the barely contained fury in his voice.
"How-" she cleared her throat when she felt the forming knot prohibit her speech. "How long have we been together?"
"Seven months." He stepped closer to her. Sensing that she wasn't asking the question to make a point but she was genuinely curious as if she really didn't know. "Leah, are you sure you're-"
"Don't." She stopped his question and his movement with a hand on his chest. "I'm fine. I'm just a little confused is all."
"Did you hit your head?" He feared she had developed some type of amnesia during the night. He didn't think that was a side effect of pregnancy, or at least he hoped it wasn't. "Remember you found out you were 6 weeks along but we were already dating by then. You said you would marry me and I would raise the child as my own." Her mouth went dry. The word marriage swirled around in her head.
"Then it is Sam's."
"Deena's my daughter," he insisted. Some part of her mourned the loss of Melody just as she felt Matthew and Marissa slip through her fingers without her knowledge. "Do you really think Sam would even be there for you? After he broke up with you in front of the whole danged reservation at your mom's birthday party!" Her heart clenched. She couldn't understand why she couldn't hold onto that man.
Jacob took her in his arms seeing the turmoil on her face.
"I'm sorry. I just, it makes me so mad when you bring him up." She felt safe in his embrace. Secure. She wanted to push the thought away but Jacob was there and Sam wasn't and even though she still had an inkling her brother's change was his fault, this was the only reality she actually thought she might be able to handle.
But she was still so confused.
The child that should have been Melody, was now Deena the child that she and Jacob would raise. Together. But that didn't make sense. Sam loved his children. He wouldn't abandon them.
Maybe he was really different in this world and he despised her enough to want nothing to do with the child they created together.
Or maybe he just didn't know.
"Does he know?" She was careful not to speak Sam's name around Jacob. Something about the other male made Jacob resonate pure rage and for the life of her she couldn't think it was just the fact that he had hurt her.
Jacob pulled away from her to look her over before answering.
"You really don't remember do you?" Leah slowly shook her head. "You dated Uley since high school. He broke up with you but he had already been cheating with Emily. You came to me. And we started dating. And then you found out you were pregnant. Genetically, that child is a Uley. But we've decided she's going to be raised a Black."
"I didn't force you into this did I?" He chuckled.
"Naw, babe. If anything you tried to force me out. I think you tried to break up with me 6 times after you found out. I didn't let you." He kissed her forehead.
For the first time in what felt like years she fell asleep that night content.
Then she woke up to arguing.
She double checked, she was still in Jacob's bedroom, and she was still pregnant. She hadn't said the incantation the night before so nothing should have changed.
She followed the sounds of arguing into the living room but stopped when she heard Jacob and another female.
"How many times do I have to tell you to keep your sorry hide out of this house?"
"I live here too-"
"You live with that trash you call a boyfriend. Mom is probably rolling over in her grave looking at you. You disrespect her you disrespect dad you-" Jacob pulled back not wanting his anger to get the better of him. "This is the last time I'm going to say it. You stay outta this house! You're not welcome here!"
"Dad wants me here!" Jacob chuckled darkly.
"You're even more disillusioned than I thought if you really think dad wants you here now. You dropped out of school to play house with Paul Akia." By this time Leah had come into view of the room. Jacob's back was to her but she could see that the female was his sister Rachel. "You truly think either of our parents would be happy knowing you're sleeping with one of Uley's dogs?"
One half of the Black twins noticed her immediately.
"Looks like you're content to sleeping with his sloppy seconds."
"Get. Out." Rachel smirked in her direction ignoring Jacob's order for only a moment while Leah clenched her fist prepared to shoot back a remark. "Get OUT!" His booming voice made both women jump. Rachel turned and practically ran for the door slamming it shut on her way out. Jacob didn't turn to face her immediately. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."
"Why do you hate Sa-him?" Jacob ignored her slip. He kept his back to her. At first she thought he wasn't going to answer.
"He killed my mother."
He grabbed his jacket and walked out of the door leaving her there frozen in place without one cohesive thought.
"Leah, what's up?"
"I need to talk to you. Can we meet up somewhere?"
"Sure where?"
"Dad's grave."
Leah snapped the phone shut. She would have to leave now since she planned on walking to the cemetery. The rain was only sprinkling so she wore one of Jacob's hoodies.
Seth was already there when she arrived.
"What did you not want to talk on the phone about? If this is about yesterday-"
She held out an open hand revealing the stones. Seth frowned.
"Leah, what are you doing with those?" He knew what they were. He glanced back and forth between her palm and her eyes before she retracted her arm.
"I need to know what's going on."
"You've been using those." She looked away. "And they worked. Leah, the colors are dimming…" he stepped forward when she refused to look at him. "How many times?" Still no answer. He grabbed her shoulders. "Leah this is serious, how many times have you used them?"
"I don't know, a half dozen times maybe more." A hand came to rest on his head as he stumbled away from her. "Seth I don't know what to do just please tell me what's going on. Why is Sarah Black dead? And what does Sam have to do with it?"
"Did you ask Jake-"
"He said Sam killed her. He was arguing with Rachel this morning about her dating Paul and-"
"Sam was at Jared's party about a year ago. He was drunk, not wasted but enough that he probably shouldn't have got behind the wheel of a car. He only had 5 blocks to drive so no one stopped him. Jake's mom was sitting their trash on the curb and Sam came around the corner and-" he took in a slow breath. "He lost control."
"Was I still with Sam then?"
"Yeah. But you took Jake's side. The whole reservation kind of split. Sam apologized but what's an apology when someone dies. Sam didn't like that you sympathized with Jake and you figure that's when he started cheating."
"Paul sides with Sam, is that why Jake is mad at Rachel?" Seth rolled his eyes at the mention of the Black sister.
"Rachel started dating Paul only recently. She's angry that people had been looking down on her because she's not like her mother. She and Rebecca are rebels. Everyone sympathizes with Jake but they tend to forget I guess that Sarah was their mother too. So Rachel lashed out and is with Paul to make Jake angry."
"That's really messed up."
"Tell me about it," he grumbled turning back to their father's grave in the process. His hand came to rest on the strong marble. "What was so bad?"
She glanced away from the muddy ground to look at him.
"What?"
"That you thought you couldn't handle it? That made you use those stones." She thought back to her original world. The others were starting to meld together but she could still remember that life clearly.
"Sam hates me there. And he has our three children." She sighed. "I'm unhappy." Seth only nodded in understanding.
"Are you gonna leave again?" He asked. He knew on some level she had to be considering it.
"I don't know. I'm afraid. Afraid that if I do, tomorrow is gonna be worse than today."
"Maybe it isn't all bad." He turned back to face her and pointed at her stomach. "You have your child. Even if it is Sam's. Jake loves you. I'm sure you can be happy with him." She turned away. She had only ever seen herself with Sam. With the divorce she had figured that was it. She wouldn't look for love anymore. She just wanted her children. She could be content without him as long as she could still have them. "Why does he hate you?"
The question caught her off guard. It occurred to her that maybe Sam didn't hate her here. That he loved someone more than her but he didn't hate her.
"It was my fault." It was something she had admitted to herself long before that moment but she didn't want to tell him. She didn't want her brother to see her in a different light.
"Please don't leave." He was pleading with her she realized. "The power's almost gone. If you leave, nothing good will come of it."
Even if she was originally from a different reality, she was still his sister and he was still concerned.
"I won't." She could be happy here, somehow, she would find contentment for her brother. "I prom-" She was cut off by his cell phone ringing.
"Jake?...Yeah she's here…He's what? When?...Arg! Okay I'm on my way." He slammed his phone closed.
"What's going-" He grabbed her arm to pull her towards his car. She pulled out of his hold not one for the manhandling even if it was her brother.
"Come on. Paul and Jared jumped Embry. Jake's furious."
She stayed silent the entire ride, realizing the unfamiliar rage in her brother's demeanor. He sped back to Jake's house, a few cars were parked out front. When Seth led her inside she was greeted by Jake's booming voice.
"I'll kill him before he lays a finger on anyone else!" His father was taking a step back at his son's statement. Jake looked around to see Leah standing in the doorway. Her eyes were focused on the bleeding and battered Embry Call lying on the sofa. Her mother was assessing his injuries while Quil stood protectively near them.
"What is he doing here?" Seth bit out and it was then Leah noticed the other male in the room. Jake sighed.
"Brady's had a change of heart apparently. He interfered when Uley's goons were messing up Embry."
"And Collin?"
"We're not attached at the hip," Brady ground out at Seth's relentlessness. "I can make decisions on my own." Seth didn't seem inclined to believe him but he acquiesced.
Leah was still dumbstruck by Jake's statement.
"You're not serious are you?" All eyes turned to her. "About killing Sam?" It didn't matter that Jared and Paul did the deed. They were obviously ordered to do so by Sam.
She couldn't believe she hadn't figured it out earlier.
They were gangs. The whole matter surrounding Sarah's death had turned them into gangs.
What did that make her?
"You can't talk me out of this Leah." Jacob roared. "They were gonna pull a blade on Embry. This isn't going unpunished. He wants to hurt my brother I'll kill that mofo where he stands!" Her heart plummeted.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't watch Jacob kill the father of her child. This was going to turn into something a lot bigger than two families with bad blood between them if Jacob went through with this. He was too young and she wasn't going to watch him destroy everyone's lives like this.
She cast one last look at Seth who had been watching her silently during Jake's tirade.
"I can't let you do this." She muttered and took off for the stairs to the bedroom, surprisingly dodging Seth's arms and calls for her despite her size. She slammed the door closed and locked it. It was only a few moments before both her brother and Jake were at the door. Banging and trying to coax her out.
She pulled out the stones.
"Lee please, you promised. You said you would stay."
"Stay?" she heard Jacob's worried voiced. "Where is she going? Leah, where are you going?"
"Leah, please!" Her brother sound near tears. "You're going to end up regretting this."
"I already have." She answered too quietly for them to hear. Maybe she couldn't make her life better at this point but she could save them from this. She said the incantation and closed her eyes. She missed the bright glow from the stones and how they withered into dust in her palms.
"Leah!" She woke to someone banging on the bedroom door. She felt groggy and she had a headache. She felt like she'd had a dream but she couldn't remember any of it. She rubbed her head. "Leah! Get up! You have patrol."
Patrol. Right.
"Gimme a minute," she called back to her brother. His pubescent voice aggravated her sometimes. She frowned as a hand threaded through her short hair. She still found herself wanting to move an errant strand behind her ear only to remember the lack of length. She looked at the calendar noticing that she should have been starting her cycle today but to no avail.
Three months and nothing. No blood. No cramps. No cravings. No moodiness.
Okay there was always moodiness.
The Council had brought up the idea that phasing froze her body. Sam had suggested she was barren. She grit her teeth in pain, embarrassment, shame. Sometimes she felt this unknown pang of loss not for the children she would never have but almost as if for the children she had already lost.
It was stupid of her to feel that way, she'd never had children.
She'd lost Sam to Emily before he had officially proposed to her.
She'd lost her femininity to some mystical legend and her child bearing years along with it.
She'd lost her father.
And it felt like everyone around her was happier.
Telling her to get over it. Telling her to move on. That it wasn't the end of the world. Sometimes she didn't even know why she felt so bitter. Why she felt so angry. It was like she was harboring the pain from others, as if there were other feelings there left unresolved. But she couldn't figure out what they were.
"Why would he leave me for Emily? For Emily! She's my cousin. They're both just-AGH!" She flipped over a chair in her rage as her father looked on.
"Hey now," he said coming to stand next to her. "I know you don't want to hear this. But you'll get through it. You'll grow into a strong woman and you'll be more than fine. Heck you might even look back on this and laugh someday and wonder why you bothered to get so worked up." He patted her shoulder. He was right… she didn't want to hear it but she listened anyways because he was her father and she respected everything he said.
"How do you know?" He gave her an incredulous look.
"Baby girl I know because you're a Clearwater. And there's power in Clearwater blood."
She both smiled and scoffed at the memory.
"Leah! Patrols!" She rolled her eyes at her brother's incessant voice. "Sam gets angry when we're late and you need to relieve Quil so he can go see Claire."
Some power.