Author :: Natalie Rayne Crow
Date :: 7/15/11
Summary :: Harry's finally married Ginny, the girl of his dreams, so why wasn't he happy? And what does Draco Malfoy have to do with it all?
Warnings :: Slash (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)
Word Count :: 1,443
Song :: "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol
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We'll do it all, everything, on our own.
We don't need anything, or anyone
Harry tried his hardest. Hell, he tried harder than his hardest. It was his Wedding Day… He should be happy, shouldn't he? He was finally a part of the Weasley family. Ginny, the girl he'd dreamed about on his Horcux adventure, was his wife. It was what he'd always wanted, wasn't it?
So why the hell did the walls keep threatening to close in on him? And why the hell was sorrow and regret gripping his heart in a painful way?
The guests and greetings seemed endless; everyone wanted a chance to congratulate the famous Harry Potter, Chosen One and Vanquisher of Voldemort. Everyone wanted the chance to shake his hand and gush about how 'happy they were for him' and how 'they never doubted him, no matter what Rita Skeeter had written'. He didn't believe a bit of it. But Ginny was positively glowing in all the attention; Harry wondered why he hadn't seen it before: Ginny strove for attention. She'd get it anywhere she could. Even now, she paraded her new husband around, bragging silently to the world that Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, was hers and hers alone. She'd gotten him, and now that she had him, no one else could have him.
So it was near midnight when he finally got out of the Great Hall – they'd decided they'd hold the reception party at Hogwarts; it was Harry's home, after all. He ran a hand through his already messed up hair, the strongest bottle of alcohol he could find in his hand as he stepped outside, onto the steps that led into the Entrance Hall. He'd told Ginny he needed some air; she didn't care, just reminded him they were leaving in an hour by portkey for their honeymoon.
Harry shuddered at the word.
It took him a few moments to realize he wasn't alone. A rather pale figure sat on the steps, staring absentmindedly up at the nearly-full moon. Harry knew instantly who it was: the white-blonde hair, pale skin, and grey eyes were hard to forget.
"Malfoy?"
Draco jumped and turned around to glare at Harry, "Potter."
And for some reason, Harry found himself sitting next to the blond, silently offering the bottle of some sort of Wizard's alcohol Harry hadn't cared enough to figure out the name of. Nodding his thanks, Draco took the bottle, taking a swig of the burning liquid before handing it back to Harry, who took his own gulp, wincing at the slight burn in his throat.
"I haven't seen you since…" Harry trailed off, not wanting to even mention the war.
"I've been busy, Potter. And apparently so have you… Congrats, by the way." Draco's drawling voice held a bitter edge in it, making Harry's lips twitch at the familiarity of it.
"Thanks."
A comfortable silence fell between them as they passed the bottle back and forth. It was Draco who broke the silence this time.
"So… I heard you were an Auror now."
"Yeah. You wanna know somethin' though?" Harry turned to look at the blond, an eyebrow raised in a way that reminded Malfoy alarmingly of himself, but Draco nodded all the same. "I hate the job."
That struck Draco speechless, his brow furrowing slightly. He'd thought Harry'd wanted that job… Hell, the whole Wizarding World had. "Then why do it?" He found himself asking.
Harry paused, sighed, and took a rather long drink from the bottle that didn't seem to run out of its contents – it was charmed to refill itself, after all – before he answered quietly. "Ginny wants it, and everyone just seems to expect that I want to be an Auror. So I figured, since I've already done what everyone else has ever expected me to do anyways, why not just one more time?"
"Then what'd you want to do?"
Harry looked at him in surprise before shrugging. "Surprisingly, not be a Quidditch player. I wanted to travel to some place that didn't know me, maybe spend some time living in the Muggle World. Just… you know, take the vacation I've deserved for the last seven bloody years."
"So why not just do it?"
"Do what? Go on vacation?" At Draco's nod, he laughed bitterly, shaking his head and running a hand to his rebellious hair. "I actually am, to France. 'Cept it's really my honeymoon. Is it weird I'm afraid of that word?"
"I dunno. Is it weird I don't think you're in love with the little Weaslette?" Draco raised a slender eyebrow, his eyes silently daring Harry to lie to him.
"I love her!" But when Draco's eyebrow only went a little higher, Harry sighed. "I thought I did… What's wrong with me?"
"A lot of things, Potter. But right now? You just realized you don't love your wife anymore. I don't think you really ever loved her. I think you've been running from something this whole time, Potter. Haven't you?"
Harry couldn't focus; now that they were looking at each other, Harry's eyes kept falling to look at the blond's lips. So when Draco finally stopped talking, Harry's mouth attacked his in a rather sloppy and slightly-drunk kiss. It took him a few minutes before he reacted, and instead of pushing the dark-haired boy away like Harry had hoped he would've, Draco kissed him back. There wasn't anything special about it; it was sloppy and searching. But if either were to admit it to themselves, they would've added passionate and the best damned kiss they'd ever had to the list.
It was Harry who pulled away, his eyes wide with regret and self-hatred. "Shit… Shit! I just got married and I'm already cheating on her… Shit!"
Draco just watched Harry a second before standing up. "I should go…" He whispered, looking anywhere but Harry's emerald eyes.
When he turned to go, Harry caught his wrist, making the blond turn in silent questioning. The three words both wanted so desperately to say were on the tips of their tongues. They'd wanted to say it for years, but for some reason they couldn't say it, didn't dare say it.
"I… I'll see you around, right, Draco?" Harry asked, wincing at the pleading tone in his voice.
"I lo-… I look forward to the next time we meet, Harry." Draco shook his head at himself.
Harry nodded once, searched Draco's silver eyes once more, before letting go of the blond's wrist, turning and walking into the castle, back to the wife he couldn't even love anymore.
Draco watched him go, his fingers rising to his lips gently. "I guess I love you, Potter…" He mumbled to himself. Shaking his head, Draco walked to the gates, deciding Apparaition would be best, never once looking back to see what he was leaving behind.
Why couldn't he have just figured it out earlier? Hell, death seemed better than the pain that refused to release his heart. But neither could admit it.
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Harry had promised himself that if he couldn't fall in love with Ginny again in a year, he'd end it, for her sake. But by that time, Ginny had gotten pregnant, and Harry didn't dare leave her now. Besides, what the hell did he think would come out of a relationship with Draco Malfoy? They'd probably just strangle each other within the first week. And anyways, he had a reputation to uphold, didn't he? All of those people who'd 'never doubted him, no matter what Rita Skeeter wrote' would surely turn on him when they found out that not only was he gay, but he'd went and fallen in love with a known Death Eater like Draco Malfoy, wouldn't they? No, nothing good would've come out of it. But he did take Draco's advice. The day he'd found out Ginny was pregnant, he'd quit his Auror job against his wife's many protests.
And Draco? He didn't dare say it either, but for other reasons. He needed an heir, so therefore needed a girl, which Harry Potter definitely wasn't. And Harry seemed happy. It'd been all over the papers, Harry's first kid's birth. And despite the bitterly painful lump that'd lodged itself in Draco's throat, the blond decided he should be happy because Harry was happy. Besides… Draco never considered himself good enough for Harry anyways, no matter how much he insisted that wasn't the case. After all, what kind of Chosen One would fall in love with an ex-Death Eater like him?
I don't quite know how to say how I feel.
Those three words, are said too much. They're not enough.
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Author's Note :: First attempt at Slash =]
I'm debating on whether or not to add more Oneshots. All of them would be unrelated, of course…
Anyways, review please? =]