This is a little something I have had sitting in a folder for a very long time, takes place after the finale.
It was the night after everything when Castiel appeared out of nowhere, like a dream. Perhaps this was a dream. Dean didn't know, Dean didn't care. Castiel was dead, none of it mattered.
Slowly Castiel walked over, stumbling steps on the cracked pavement of his thoughts, tripping up slightly with each tap of his shoes upon the floor. Was it floor, really?
Blue eyes met his as Dean found the courage to look up, raise his head from the sight of those stupid leather shoes that Cas loved to wear all the damn time. This couldn't be real, and yet Dean could feel it, he could feel Cas's eyes boring straight through him, cutting right through his heart.
"I'm sorry," a choked out response, as his hand rose of its own volition, only to hit a wall, fingers trapped open, wanting, no touching, it seemed. He was a picture trapped in glass, that's all.
Cas cocked his head to the side in that infuriating way that Dean had come to recognise, to know, even, if he searched deep enough inside of him, to love.
"I don't understand," his voice was fragmented, washing over Dean in crystal pieces through the wall between them, and, if this was a dream, Dean thought, it was a freakin' realistic one, Cas's voice had not lost its gravelly tone. "You're sorry?"
"I," Dean falters, he can't quite put into words what he wants to say, and Castiel's ragged yet powerful gaze on him isn't helping, especially when he looks up and Cas is closer, right before him, yet still behind that wall.
"You don't know what sorry means," the words weren't vicious, but final, weren't bitter, but rung out with an undertone that signalled the end.
"I have always come after you Dean. I gave everything for you. I killed," Dean thinks he can see a speck of emotion in Cas's eyes before they become a blank blue wall again. "I killed my family Dean. Do you even know what that means? I have fallen from grace, fallen from my duties, fallen from everything and turned my back on my father. I can't even comprehend everything I've done. I honestly don't even know why I've done it."
Dean can't even look into his eyes, he doesn't know what he'll find, but he can hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears, signalling that subconsciously, he already knows what Cas means.
"I'm God. I was your God and still I didn't feel good enough for you. Can't you see Dean, everything I did was for you! But you were so oblivious, always wanting more, always wanting me to snap my fingers and save the day, to stand by you, to betray my family, to turn my back on everything for you. You never thanked me, and I don't know why, but that hurts," Dean can hear Cas's ragged breathing , but can't lift his head, not even now. " I came when you called, I will always come when you call. I can't help it, everything I've done….I had to save you. No matter the loneliness, no matter the price I paid, the price I'm still paying."
Dean's breaths turn ragged too, and he notices his cheeks are wet, how long have they been like that? When did he start crying?
Castiel was dead, dammit!
"Cas," he places his palm against this window, reaching out to touch, to hold his angel, even though he can't, his chest heaves as the name rattles from his lips.
"I love you Dean, there's no words, this is how it was always going to be, ever since I raised you up," Castiel placed his hand up against the glass, smiling sadly.
"I fixed you, and then you broke me."
There was no words. In that brief moment, in a dream, Dean realised, and as the handprint slowly burned, fading from his arm, after he had thought they had won, he had lost.