Why Me?

Chapter 1 – A Nightmare and A Run

Bucky woke up in panic.

His breathing was quick and rapid as he tried to calm himself. He looked at the darkened room around him. He slowly remembered where he was.

He'd had that dream again. The one that he always had. The one that he always woke up from sweaty and panicked.

It was back in the war. Their mission on the train. The moment that was always replayed for him in his sleep. The moment when Steve had fallen and he'd just watched helplessly.

Bucky glanced at the clock on his bedside table. He groaned and sat up in bed. It was too late to try to get back to sleep and even if he could get back to sleep he didn't want to risk having to replay watching Steve die again.

They'd returned to the base with the mission a success but with Captain America lost.

After much debate it was decided that Captain America had become too valuable a symbol to the American war effort to be lost. The most obvious candidate to replace Steve was unanimously agreed to be Bucky Barnes.

It was now two years since he'd been defrosted.

It was now two years since the battle of New York.

The world had changed so much whilst he was in the ice. That was still taking some getting used to. But to this brave new world Bucky Barnes was Captain America. Captain America was now an Avenger. The world has learnt that the history books were wrong, Steve Rogers was not the man wearing the stars and stripes uniform. Bucky found the celebrity status he'd gained to be disconcerting, he never knew what to make of it. Was it good or bad? Should he embrace it or resist it? However he was certain that he didn't like the way him being Captain America had seemingly erased Steve from being Captain America.

They still had the shield.

Whatever Zola had done to him had given Bucky increased strength. Not as much as Steve but better than nothing.

A new uniform could be made.

Bucky could become the new Captain America.

He'd agreed but on the condition it was kept hidden from the public that Steve was dead.

Bucky had got up, showered, had a coffee and decided that he might as well go out for a run. He ran where he always ran. Passing that guy who always seemed to be always be out running there.

"On your left."

Bucky passed him several times during his run. Each time saying "On your left."

At the end of his run Bucky approached him where he was sat recovering after his run with a slight grin on his face. "You didn't do too bad out there."

"Yeah, well not all of us can be super-soldiers. Dude, you just ran like ten miles in thirty minutes."

"Guess I didn't do too badly out there as well." Bucky held out a hand to help him up. "Bucky Barnes."

"Yeah, I kinda figured I was running with Captain America. I'm Sam Wilson."

A sad look feel over Bucky when Sam referred to him as Captain America. He knew that he was Cap –the whole world knew that now - but it still somehow hurt when people referred to him as Captain America, like every time he felt Steve's memory become just a little more forgotten.

Bucky was snapped from his thoughts by the sound of Sam's voice.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… Sorry… I'm just not used to everyone knowing I'm Captain America. It's kinda complicated… Hard to explain and understand…"

"It's because you lost your friend, isn't it?" Bucky nodded and Sam continued. "I get it. I was in the Fifty-eighth, Para-rescue. Night mission I lost my wingman Riley, nothing I could do it was like I was just in the air to watch. I get that guilt and regret you're carrying round with you."

"You're the first person I've spoken to who gets it, Sam." Bucky said with a slight smile.

"Coming back from war we've all got baggage, it's how we deal with that baggage that matters. Plus it can't be easy for you missing the 'good old days'."

Bucky shrugged. "Things aren't so bad now. You've cured a load of diseases, food is better now and you've got the internet. I can get a pizza delivered to my apartment without leaving my couch at any time, that's so much better!"

Before their conversation could progress any further a car pulled up to near where Sam and Bucky were talking. In the car was Natasha Romanoff. "Hey, fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil."

"You know I'm not that old, Nat." he said, rolling his eyes as he got into the car. Bucky glanced back at Sam. "Hopefully I'll see you again sometime, Sam."

With Bucky inside the car pulled off to take him and Nat to their mission. As they drove off Bucky kept thing about what Sam had said. Maybe he needed to stop living in the past.

Steve was gone.

The war was over.

The world had changed.

Maybe it was time to try and let go off his past and all that was holding him back. Not to forget Steve, he could never do that. But maybe he should stop seeing being Captain America as filling in for Steve but as a continuation of his legacy.

Lost in thought he tried to calm his racing mind. That was all great but right now he needed to think about the mission ahead of them. If he didn't he would potentially be putting his team at risk. He'd never do that.

Still Natasha's earlier mention of the Smithsonian had reminded him of that Captain America thing they had on. Maybe he should go to that after they'd finished the mission and see if it possibly helped him to figure out who he was and where he belonged.