Disclaimer: I own nothing!
After watching the latest episode: "I forgot to remember to forget" I was struck with inspiration. This story was totally inspired by the song "Fade" by Staind. If you haven't heard it, look it up!
Peyton stared at Lucas's retreating back, fighting the urge to call out to him. When she was certain that he was gone, she let out the breath that she had been holding and began to shake as the sobs racked her body. She remembered their last real conversation like it was yesterday.
"I want to marry you someday Lucas, I just need some time." She had said, the joy seeping from her voice as she noted the defeated look on Lucas's face.
If she had known then that Lucas would quit on her because of that, she would have jumped at his proposal. Hell, she would have jumped through fiery hoops if it would have saved her from the pain she had lived with since.
"Get it together Peyton." She sighed under her breath, as she wiped her eyes. She quickly gathered up her things and headed home. She half-hoped that Lucas would still be in the parking lot, waiting to talk to her. Her shoulders slumped as she hit the cool air and saw an empty parking lot, save for her own car. She slowly climbed into the car and turned the music up as loud as it would go, hoping, in vain, to drown out her thoughts.
There were lights on when she pulled up in front of the house that she and Brooke were living in. Peyton took her time parking the car and walking up to the door. She really needed to talk to Brooke, but she knew from experience that a drunken Brooke didn't always give the best advice.
"P. Sawyer! What took your scrawny ass so long?" Brooke laughed, as Peyton came into the living room. Peyton took note of the nearly empty bottle of liquor in Brooke's hand.
"I got held up with Mia." She lied, trying to muster a smile.
"Yeah well, while you were playing counselor, I was scoring hot bartender's phone number!" Brooke screeched, waving a piece of paper around. Peyton nodded quickly, trying to hold the fake smile on her face.
"That's great Brooke. Listen, I'm gonna go to bed. I have to meet Mia in the morning." Peyton said, hoping Brooke would accept her excuse.
"Fine, Ms. Party Pooper, I'll just sit here with Jack, or is it Jim?" Brooke asked, staring, in confusion, at the bottle in her hand.
"Have fun with what's-his-name." Peyton called over her shoulder. She took the stairs two at a time and all but ran to her room. She threw her bag down on the floor and flung herself across the bed, hoping to muffle the sobs. At some point, she fell asleep, but it was a restless sleep filled with nightmares.
The next morning her alarm clock woke her easily, for once. She rolled over with a groan and turned it off. She could hear Brooke singing off-key in the shower. She shook her head as she made out the ancient pop song that Brooke was butchering. It never ceased to amaze her that she and Brooke had stayed friends for so long when they were so fundamentally different.
"Come on, sunshine, you're going to be late!" Brooke called as she rapped on Peyton's door.
"Yeah, I know." Peyton answered softly, not really caring if she was late or not. In fact, she didn't care about a lot at this point. She slowly drug herself out of bed and grabbed the first pair of jeans and the first shirt that she came in contact with. She changed quickly and threw her hair back in a low ponytail and went down to meet Brooke.
"Wow, going for the grunge look today?" Brooke asked, cocking an eyebrow up when she saw Peyton's wardrobe choice.
"Yeah, something like that." Peyton agreed, as she surveyed the contents of the refrigerator. She didn't see anything that sounded good, so she sat down at the breakfast bar to wait for Brooke to finish eating.
"Okay. Hey, can you drop me off at the store? I'd drive, but I'm kinda hiding out from Victoria." Brooke asked, shrugging her jacket on.
"Sure." Peyton replied, glad for once that Brooke was chatterbox in the mornings. Peyton mentally checked out of the conversation before they even left the house. She had been dissecting the moment when she had told Luke that she still loved him, over and over in her head. She tried to remember if there was any hope or happiness in his eyes, but she could only remember how sad he had looked.
"Peyton, Earth to Peyton? We're here, are you coming in?" Brooke asked, snapping Peyton out of her thoughts. She glanced around and saw that Brooke had already exited the vehicle.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm just a little…" Peyton trailed off, not sure exactly what she was.
"Worried about Mia? Don't be. I'm sure she'll come around." Brooke smiled, reassuringly. Peyton nodded, not quite meeting Brooke's eyes. Peyton followed Brooke into the store, intending to go through the back to her office. She wasn't watching where she was going and she bumped into someone, nearly knocking them to the ground.
"I'm so sorry." Peyton apologized, bending down to help the girl up.
"It's okay Peyton." Lindsey answered, brushing her skirt off. Peyton bit her lip as she finally noticed Lindsey and Carrie, Hailey's nanny. Brooke was standing behind Lindsey, making wild gestures that clearly told Peyton not to engage in drama with Lindsey here. Peyton felt frozen to the spot. She knew that she should apologize to Lindsey for the way that she had spoken about her, but she couldn't bring herself to apologize to the one person that had everything that Peyton wanted.
"Lindsey, are you ready?" Lucas asked, walking into the store. He stopped suddenly when he saw Peyton. Time slowed for Peyton, as she glanced from Lindsey, perfect Lindsey, to Lucas, her Lucas, and back again. Without a word, she tore through the store and ran to the sanctity of her office. She was dismayed to find that not even her office was safe anymore. She could remember exactly how he had leaned against the door, the path he had walked towards her and if she tried really hard, she could almost smell the cologne he had been wearing. He was haunting her, and there was nowhere that she would be safe. How can you run from your memories?