Dear John,
Yes, I know that I'm dead. Am I really dead though? You saw me jump, but did you see me die? I suppose you think you did. It's all to the good, really. Moriarty was going to kill you, Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade. I suppose you wonder why I jumped anyway. Lestrade was the first one to give me a chance. To allow me to use my brain in a way that would keep me from being bored. I'm sure Mycroft had a hand in it, to get me off the drugs, but Lestrade did eventually begin to trust me on his own. Even though he doubted me at the end. And Mrs. Hudson. Any other landlady would have kicked me out. Shooting the walls, fluids everywhere, experiments, but she was patient. And took care of me, even when she really didn't have to.
And then there's you, John. After all I did, all I said, you stuck by me to the very end. You listened to me dissect your life in those first few minutes and was amazed. I did my worst, mostly because I was sure I'd just drive you off, you see. Better immediately than get lulled into a false sense of security. But it didn't drive you off, John. Because you're so good. You thought I was brilliant. Everyone else saw a nutter, a showoff. But you saw brilliance. And that is why I began to work with you. You saw beyond my overly cocky exterior and to my true self. You always believed in me. You believed in me when you shot the cabbie, when you were covered in explosives, the countless times when I left you behind both mentally and physically, you believed in me when I first had my heart broken(yes, I have a heart), but most importantly, you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I told you that you were wrong about me. That all of Moriarty's lies were true. And you still refused to believe me. Listening to you tell me to stop saying those things and just get down off of St. Bart's, broke my heart. Worse than Adler ever did or could. It was all I could do to jump. I wished with all of my heart that you didn't have to see me jump. Or land. I know how it feels, John, somewhat at least.
Emotions.. They never got in the way before. But, then again, no one realized how much I care for you. Mostly because I didn't know myself. Not even during the incident at the pool. Not until I had to make you watch me jump. Seeing you down there just gave me a huge, unexplainable ache in my chest. I honestly felt like there was something broken in there. Not exactly my heart though, more so my soul. You're the best blogger anyone could ever have. I miss you dearly. Soon that will come to an end though. I'm sure that you'll punch me when you see me, I would almost be disappointed if you didn't. I'm sorry I had to hurt you, John, but suffice it to say that I hurt myself in the process. I hurt you to save you. If it had been for any other reason, I never would have jumped. Ever. Between the two of us, we could have cleared my name. But the gun was at your head. And I couldn't let you die. I just had to hope that you wouldn't die anyway. Live, John, live for me.
Sherlock
P.S.- Look up
-SH