And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.
X
The girl twirled easily in his arms as he worked quickly to unzip her clinging, strapless number.
"Hold still," he whispered as he flashed his most charming grin, revealing sharp canines, "or else I might rip your dress. I really like your dress."
The girl giggled, the alcohol still making her dizzy with excitement. "Hurry, I can't wait any longer," she purred, boldly grabbing his crotch, rubbing the hardness which was beginning to peak through the cloth of his pants.
"You know," he said, running a skilled hand along the length of her inner thigh as the other pressed into the arch of her back, "When I met you a few hours ago, you were much shyer."
"A few hours ago, I wasn't as drunk." He smiled, happy that she was aware that this midnight rendezvous would mean little to either of them in a few hours.
He let his hands roam her body before using his teeth to unzip the front zipper, watching in earnest arousal as the dress surrendered to her pronounced curves. A brief image of toned abs and lean biceps flickered behind bouncing breast and wavy red hair, but he closed his eyes against the image, instead fixing them with unmistakable intensity as he bent down onto his knees.
The dress fell ceremoniously to the floor, shuffled by the girl's frantic steps back to lie upon his plush, king-sized bed. He growled as he nestled his head between her spread legs. She moaned instinctively, his warmth roasting her like hot embers.
"Yes," she breathed huskily to the dark air, eyes glazing over as powerful tremors rocked her body, edging her forward until she began seeing spots of glowing whites beneath her eyelids.
During his ministrations with his tongue and fingers, Naruto had succeeded in removing his pants, slowly pumping his hard length in the palm of his right hand. His hips jerked forward as his mind raced to remain in the present.
But his efforts were fruitless as shrill feminine purrs faded into husky masculine grunts, as supple female flesh morphed into firm male muscles that stretched and flexed in the milky moonlight.
Naruto groaned at the failure of his efforts, groaned more frankly at the failures which had become customary, transient trysts.
X
At length, Naruto could no longer conceal his whorish ways from those who frequented his abode. Kiba, who stood in his doorway with a face expressing both amusement and skepticism, was a prime example of this.
"We've slipped back into the primordial practices of our forefathers, have we, Naruto?" Kiba surveyed the scene with pleasant satisfaction. There was only one clueless, albeit banging, babe this time, contrary to the last time Kiba had gone to Naruto's apartment for a wake-up call. "…although it's not like you to bed only one girl a night. Are there any hiding underneath the covers?" Kiba asked rhetorically, looking behind cushions and throw blankets for show.
The girl looked offended, glancing back at Naruto who stood at the fridge dressed in only navy green sweats. The girl, however, was dressed in even less, wearing only a white comforter as clothes.
"Kiba, what's up?" Naruto laughed uneasily for a few seconds. "Have you guys met? This is," he pointed at the girl, trying desperately to remember a name, "uhm –"
"—just leaving, " the woman responded, huffily gathering her things and quickly throwing on her discarded dress from the evening prior. Kiba stepped aside to allow the girl out, laughing as the door slammed shut behind him.
"You're an asshole, you know that right?" Naruto angrily dug through his fridge, searching for something suitable to eat that wasn't from weeks ago.
Kiba shrugged, "I call it like I see it. This is the…what, fifth time I walked into your apartment to find one or more scantily clad woman doing the walk of shame?"
"What does it matter?" Naruto asked, quite intelligently so, as he didn't see a problem with it one way or the other. These casual one-nighters weren't serious, and the girls he brought home knew that from the start.
"Nothing's the matter with it. I'm just sayin', but I didn't come over here to preach. We got to go."
"Go where?"
Kiba threw an orange at Naruto's face, which Naruto dodged easily enough. "Shikamaru's graduation ceremony, idiot! I can't believe you forgot! It's only been on your calendar for 3 months!" Akamaru, who Naruto hadn't noticed despite the dog being over 3 feet tall, barked encouragingly.
"THAT WAS TODAY?" Naruto spun around, willing the clock to push back about 30 minutes. The clock didn't budge. "Fuck."
X
"Dude, you smell like sex. Guilty sex."
"Shut up."
"Both of you shut up, you imbeciles." Sakura glared harshly from her seat next to Naruto. Kiba could hardly stifle a chuckle before the president of Harvard extended his formal greeting to all the "proud parents of the world's most intelligent and motivated young adults."
"Intelligent? Sure. Motivated? I can think of a few graduates who fail to meet that requirement," Naruto whispered astutely. 'I know a few proud parents who are missing as well,' Naruto thought ruefully, glancing at one individual whose expression was hidden by the tilt of his graduation cap and his dark hair.
The speeches closed after what seemed near a decade. Graduates began walking the stage in alphabetical order, each beaming with self-satisfied joy at having finally completed what would be the most challenging years of his or her life.
"Shikamaru Nara." A loud shriek erupted from four seats away from Naruto's ears. Ino was standing on her feet, cheering in celebration at a rather embarrassed looking Shikamaru, who now walked the stage. Kiba glared enviously at Shikamaru.
"Bastard doesn't get to look embarrassed with such a hot girlfriend like that."
"I heard the hottest chicks actually suck in bed," Naruto offered consolingly. Chouji grimaced.
"As Shikamaru's best friend and unfortunate roommate, I have to disagree. If you could hear them every night…" Chouji shuddered. Kiba tried to harass Chouji for more details before Sakura eventually caught wind of the conversation and chastised them for being rude and indecent, slapping them on the arm for good measure.
Soon, the last half dozen graduates began walking the stage. Naruto waited with baited breath for the final name on the roster – the valedictorian, the prodigy, and the single most important person in his life.
"Sasuke Uchiha." The twenty one year old stood up silently, walking gracefully and confidently across the stage as a respectful applause bounded off the walls of the antiquated, gothic hall. Naruto stared at him furtively, willing him to cast a glance his way, but secretively glad when no such return came. He would have been too guilty to smile. Regardless, Naruto felt his heart knock erratically against his ribs, the air in his lungs suddenly too thin to breath; his blood felt like acid searing the path it coursed through his body.
"Sasuke, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be gay?"
"I have an inclination it would be just like being straight, only with men."
"Shut up. Just think about it. Would it be weird?"
"I don't know. I'm not gay."
Lights flashed and shimmered like the reflection of sequenced cloth as photographers from various magazines and news companies competed for the best photo of the brilliant physicist and rumored soon-to-be Nobel laureate Sasuke Uchiha shaking hands with the president of Harvard.
One notable flash was missing – one more personal and probably proud flash. Naruto wondered grimly if Fugaku would have smiled on this day.
X
Naruto never gave a half-assed hug, so Shikamaru was unsurprised when Naruto just about tackled him in true Offensive Tackle form as soon as the ceremony was over. "Here's my favorite Poli Sci genius!"
Just as Naruto began sprouting Shikamaru's praises, Ino was already over smacking him away from her beau. "Yes yes, I'm sure Shikamaru appreciates your deeply moving flatteries, but I've got to land a big one on this fella. Sorry, I'm just a bit too horny right now to be polite," Ino semi-joked before pulling Shikamaru into a eating kiss, using one hand to grope the graduate's back while the other one reached up to entwine itself in Shikamaru's hair. Shikamaru seemed to put up a bit of resistance before giving into Ino's idiosyncrasy for exhibitionism; she had a penchant for public displays of affection.
Sakura scoffed, "in front of his parents no less. That girl is shameless."
Kiba sneered. "You're just jealous she can pull off a dress like that," motioning to the skin tight, black and beige stripped dress that maintained some modesty with sleeves and a scoop neckline that hid most of Ino's generous bust. "I'm surprised Shikamaru isn't doing her right here in front of all the parents."
"Well it wouldn't be hard since the back of her dress is already in shreds," Sakura retorted, clearly flustered by Kiba's comments about her best friend. Naruto ignored the two who continued to exchange jabs in favor of searching for Sasuke.
He motioned through the crowd, watching in bitter disappointment that he hadn't one of these.
"What do you mean you're dropping out? You're a bigger idiot than I thought."
"College isn't for me; don't worry about it. I'll be fine."
"How do you think you're going to get a job, Naruto? You may have the charisma of a small puppy, but charisma isn't going to land you a decent job, even if you blow the manager."
"Oh suck my dick, Sasuke. "
"Tell it to your homosexual life partner; I have no interest. What are you going to do then? Write for a living?"
"Maybe; I make a lot of money ghost writing as it is. Plus my bartending always makes a pretty penny."
"Pretty pennies are rare, and they always get dirty in the end."
"Do you enjoy making weird metaphors during normal conversation? I'll figure it out; I always have."
Naruto cringed at the memory, having almost been fifteen months ago. Sasuke was the only person to figure out that Naruto preferred cocks to hens. Too bad he never figured out it was who he preferred, as opposed to what.
Naruto finally found Sasuke in the parking lot, loading his graduation gown and hat into the trunk of his car. He stood for a moment, trying to memorize the image before him. Four months had passed since he had finally gotten a good chance to look at Sasuke – all of Sasuke – instead of just a fleeting vision, a distant blur, a newspaper clipping, or a grainy image on "RateMyClassmates . com" Sasuke looked exactly the same: still unearthly gorgeous and somewhat alien with his feminine yet distinctly masculine features, still uncommonly pale even living in New England, still unbearably stoic as his dark eyes snapped up to meet his.
All the synapses in Naruto's brain stopped firing immediately as he made eye contact with his best friend. Sasuke stood expectantly, as if waiting for Naruto to speak some brilliant truth as to why he so suddenly ditched him unceremoniously with a hasty email that read:
Can't be friends any longer. Bye.
Naruto
Sasuke had no such luck. Naruto had a reason, but it was neither brilliant nor noble. For once in his life, Naruto was a coward. A coward before and a coward now, as he turned and sprinted away, trying to will the last four miserable, guilty months of his life away.
At last, Naruto managed to run to a park bench nearly two miles away. Sweat collected at his hairline; he swiped it away but to no avail. It wasn't the heat, it wasn't the exercise. He was sweating from the internal inferno that boiled his blood relentlessly the last four months. No amount of water or prayer could quench the fire that burned every cell of his body.
"What the hell? What the hell do you mean we can't be friends any longer? Have you lost your damn mind? I knew you were stupid, fuck, maybe even retarded, but you're insane. Who the hell ends a friendship via email?"
"I thought I told you not to talk to me anymore!"
"This is ridiculous. I gave you two weeks to get your shit together, but enough is enough. I wasn't even being an asshole this time; I haven't done anything!"
"It's not what you haven't done, but what you won't do!"
"What? That doesn't even make sense!"
"Just because you're a so-called genius doesn't mean you'll understand everything. Face it, you're not going to know everything. Maybe I just got bored of you. You're not the center of everything, Sasuke."
"What? I don't even GET you right now. You're completely crazy."
"Kind of like your brother, huh?"
"Fuck you. Fuck you forever."
"I wish…" Naruto groaned, letting his head loll back until it thunked against the wooden edge of the bench. That had been a low blow; Naruto knew it when he said it, but the longer Sasuke was around…he just couldn't handle it – couldn't handle being so close but not being allowed to touch, having to talk but always remaining silent. It was easier to run away, to turn his back.
"It's not what you are, Sasuke," Naruto moaned gently, "but what you aren't."
But it was wrong. So incredibly wrong that Naruto felt it in every leaded breath he took, in every iron step, in every mercurial sleep he slumbered. The anxiety would kill him before he could rest peacefully. Alcohol had dulled his brain for first few weeks, random sex cured him for a few hours, but eventually, the guilt and longing would come back, each time more fierce than the last.
X
"Yo, where'd you go? You just disappeared like Houdini."
"Sorry, I thought I'd visit an old friend before he left." Kiba was acutely aware of just who Naruto spoke of. To be honest, Kiba almost suggested to Naruto that they skip out on attending Shikamaru's graduation ceremony – Shikamaru wouldn't mind –, but Kiba thought better of it, betting that the obvious reason would only further Naruto's awkwardness.
Kiba tipped back a beer, seated at Naruto's kitchen counter as the host popped opened another bottle of Corona.
Kiba had become rather depressingly regular at Naruto's humble dwelling after his friend had cut the chords with Sasuke. Kiba never knew why Naruto did what he did when he did it either. Any other time would have made sense; the Uchiha was a real jerk when need be, but Naruto never considered calling it quits before. In some odd, perverse way, the two were made for each other. Neither functioned very much at all without the other, almost like how high and low pressure made wind.
So what had happened four months ago? Kiba never found at. As far as he could recollect, Sasuke had been more accommodating than usual at that time, so Kiba found it even stranger that things happened the way they did.
All Kiba could vouch for was what a miserable little mutt Naruto had been the following months. His bartending became a little too convenient for him, and he had found more than dozen pair of forgotten panties half hidden under pillows or couches during his visits to Naruto's. During those times, he had heard more than he desired about the Uchiha as well, from how he liked to cook his tomatoes, to how his right hand twitched when he had a nightmare, to how many times he cleaned his face a day.
"Did you know what Sasuke plays the cello? Of course you did."
"No, actually, I did not –"
"I never really liked classical music before. It's so stuffy and boring. But when Sasuke plays it, it's like I can understand it."
"You need to sleep. Or maybe eat. Or maybe look into a new brain – one that's Sasuke free."
"No seriously. Have you ever heard him play? It's glorious. It's like a beautiful language or something. It's almost inhuman. He told me once that what he can't put into words, he can put into music. Sometimes I know him better through what he plays and how he plays it than if he tried to tell me, not that he ever would."
"Of course the prick can't communicate unless it's through something that only pussies learn."
"Hey, don't diss it until you hear it."
Kiba had lied that time. He had heard Sasuke play the cello once, and it was beautiful. Beautiful in its perfection and its soul, the way the sounds seemed to weep or laugh, crackle like electricity, burn like fire, or flutter like the wind. Lied it was for wimps as well – he wouldn't fight Sasuke unless his life depended on it, and even then maybe not; it might be better self-preservation because Sasuke was scary. He'd seen people fight Sasuke before; it was like watching someone fight their own reflection, only their reflection was the better, faster, smarter.
He tried once or twice to get Shikamaru to track the Uchiha down and get him to fess up, but Shikamaru could only report equal, if better kept, misery from both sides. It seemed that Sasuke was intent on keeping alone.
"This has nothing to do with you. This is a personal matter between Naruto and me, and it would serve you better to leave me alone."
"Do you even know why Naruto cut you off?"
"Kiba's got a point, Sasuke. From what I gather, you have no idea either. So this is all a gigantic waste of time and energy if neither –"
"– I have an idea, if you must know."
"You do? Then why aren't you doing anything about it?"
"…there's nothing I can do about it but wait until he comes to his conclusion himself."
Kiba never told Naruto about this encounter. In retrospect, maybe he should have.
X
Naruto sighed, instantly relaxing his muscle as he sank into the comforting softness of his bed. But still, he could find no solace for his mind. His thoughts spiraled in his brain like a washing machine, the humming drone making it impossible to think clearly.
He bit his lips, churning the day's events repeatedly as he tried to think of alternate solutions. 'What could I have done differently? Why did I run away? Fucking grow some balls!' he scolded himself.
The answer was clear, but Naruto could hardly admit that he was scared. Fear screwed him in, made him vomit from the fear that Sasuke would say no, would curl in disgust from his touch. Fear made him panic, shut up when all he wanted was to scream out. He hardly knew himself anymore.
He was not a coward; he could be many things, but a coward? The thought made Naruto reel in shock. He'd been hiding, avoiding Sasuke all because he was too scared for himself. He'd hurt Sasuke in self-preservation. He wasn't just a coward, he was an egocentric coward.
'I should just confess. Stick to my guns and let the chips fall where they may. So what if he's not gay for me? We can still be friends…'
Naruto would give anything to right this grievous wrong he had committed, but he was scared. Maybe Sasuke didn't even want to be his friend anymore, least of all his boyfriend. The phone rang.
It rang,
And rang.
Naruto glanced weakly at the phone, but felt no inclination to move. His body felt as though he were filled from crown to toe with small metal pellets that weighed him down. Naruto thought to himself. He would confess; he would do it. All he needed was a little encouragement. All he needed was self-motivation. It had never been a problem before; in fact it was usually so easy. So why was it so hard now? He needed a sign, anything to convince him repair wasn't hopeless.
The call went to voicemail.
"Yo, so sorry I ain't here right now. I'm probably off being awesome, fighting crime or something. So leave a message and maybe I'll take some precious time to return your call. Later. BEEP."
The line remained quiet. Naruto listened intently as the soft electrical static hummed softly, amplifying the suffocating silence. Then he heard it, the first arpeggio, a flebile note, creep softly through the still air like the paws of a shadow cat, dancing vibrations beginning to take life.
Then another, and another, each chord resonating all at once passionate, resolute, and tender. The sounds of cello floated through the phone, filling the apartment with a caminando that ebbed like the tides of the ocean's waves.
Each note drew Naruto closer and closer to the phone, the magnetic vibrations crescendo into an explosive dissonance before dissolving away into a melodic lull, the final stroke like the mournful knell of a church bell.
"Welcome back, Naruto," came the voice from the other side.
He knew. He always knew.
X
One day I really need to plan a story and edit it accordingly.
The story came together as I wrote this, so forgive the obvious lack of planning and coherency. I don't know why biblical sayings inspire so much immorality in me either. Sasuke playing the cello largely inspired by other writers, who made it so beautiful I had to incorporate it here somehow.
I recommend The Swan Saint-Saens played by Yo Yo Ma or Bryon Tosoff's "With You."