Chapter 1

Alistair was five miles away from Vigil's Keep when he saw the smoke rising over the hillside. Six days ago he had received a rushed note from the Commander of the Grey, Gabriella Cousland, delivered by bird messenger that informed him that the City of Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep had been attacked by darkspawn. The note stated that both the City and the Keep had withstood the attacks, but both were severely damaged, and had taken heavy casualties. Ella, his nickname for the commander, said that she was headed to Drake's Fall to force a final confrontation with both "The Mother", an intelligent and conniving Broodmother, and an highly intelligent darkspawn emissary, named The Architect.

Several months ago, Ella had started to report the appearance of talking darkspawn, The Mother and The Architect. Talking darkspawn was the craziest thing that he had ever heard of and he worried what these unknown elements would mean to their upcoming battles... her upcoming battles since he was no longer fought darkspawn with her. When they had traveled together a year ago to defeat the blight things were much simpler. Darkspawn were evil, mindless tainted creatures…go kill them, end of story. Talking darkspawn! The very thought of them gave him the creeps, not to mention the dreams he had endured because of the taint.

By the Maker, he prayed that she would be back safe and sound by the time he arrived. He wanted, no, needed to see her, to hold her, and to set things right between them. As right as he could make them considering their screwed up circumstance. The last time he saw her was right after she had arrived at Vigil's Keep. She had been cold, distant and eager to see him leave. Her attitude towards him had been very unexpected. The letter she had written him when she had left him in Denerim had broken his heart, but her written words were not cold, they were tender and loving. However, that love was not present when he arrived a month later at the Keep to welcome her to Amaranthine and officially announce her as Ferelden's Warden Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine. If that love was there, then it was well hidden.

Eight months later, the pain still penetrated his heart and left a sick feeling in his stomach, as he remembered the night she left. Prior to her departure, everything had been going his way. Their engagement had been announced at the Landsmeet, shortly before they had defeated the Archdemon. They had ended the Blight and managed to survive. Life was good. He had begun to think that this whole King thing wouldn't be so bad as long as he had her by his side.

The night that she left, Alistair had argued once again with Arl Eamon about his impending marriage to Ella. Ever since the Landsmeet the Arl had been adamant that marrying Ella would be the end of the Theirin bloodline. Eamon was insistent that he renounce the betrothal.

"Alistair, if Bella wasn't a Grey Warden she would be the perfect choice for you. She comes from the second highest noble family in all of Ferelden, second only to the royal family, but you even said yourself that it would be hard for a Grey Warden to have a child due to the taint in your blood, but for two Wardens together to conceive would be next to impossible." Eamon had yelled at Alistair in exasperation.

"NEXT to impossible, but not IMPOSSIBLE," Alistair yelled back. "I could marry some nobleman's daughter and still not be able to conceive a child. I would rather spend the rest of my life trying to produce an heir with the woman I love, than with someone I don't even know. And if we are unable to…"

"But the odds are better for a child to be conceived with someone who doesn't have the taint!" Eamon interrupted. "It's your duty to your country to provide an heir to the best of your ability."

"I will not lose her over this, Eamon. She means too much to me. I can't do this" Alistair said as he waved his hand around at the elegant study, "without her."

"Then have her stay on as the Grey Warden Council to the Throne. She will still be at court and you could still see her when you can."

"What? Andraste's ass, Eamon, are you suggesting that I take her on as my mistress? She deserves more than that. She is the Hero of Ferelden she deserves to be my Queen and to rule beside me. If it weren't for her defeating the Archdemon there wouldn't be a Ferelden to rule." Alistair retorted and then continued, "I don't need a mistress, I need a wife. I need Ella! If someone had told you to leave Isolde because she was Orlesian, you wouldn't have even entertained the idea."

"Isolde and I weren't the rulers of Ferelden. If we didn't produce a child it wouldn't lead to civil war. Is that what you want Alistair? Another civil war? Because that is what is going to happen if you don't have an…"

There was a loud bang just outside of Alistair's study door. Alistair walked into the hall and a potted plant had shattered on the floor, but there wasn't anyone in the hall except for the guard.

Alistair turned to him, "Did you knock over that plant?"

"Nooo, your Majesty!"

"Then how did that plant fall?"

"I have no idea. One minute it was on the pedestal and the next minute it was on the ground."

"There was no breeze or strong wind that came down the corridor?"

"No, Sire."

Alistair stepped further into the hall. Both Ella and their assassin friend Zevran were experts in stealth and concealment. Either one of them could have been outside the door and listened to the exchange that just took place. He turned back to Eamon who now stood in the doorway he said, "Eamon, I am finished with conversation. Please continue to move forward with the wedding plans. If you can't or won't handle those arrangements then I will find someone who can." And with that he headed towards Ella's rooms.

Alistair would have never thought in a million years that he would be able to stand up to Eamon like that, but Ella had built that kind of confidence in him. She believed in him and because of that he believed in himself. He would not give her up. They ask too much.

Alistair walked past the shattered pot and began to pick up his pace. If Ella had heard that conversation she would be upset and he didn't want her to do anything rash. He needed to talk to her, to reassure her as well as himself that everything would work out as long as they were together. They promised each other that no matter what, they would stay together. He quickly walked to her rooms on the east wing and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He was about to head to the library to look for her there when he saw Nora, Ella's handmaid, at the end of the hall.

Alistair called out to her. "Nora!" She turned towards him. "Have you seen Ella?"

"Good evening, your Majesty. My Lady wasn't feeling well and went to bed about an hour ago."

"Oh…okay.. thanks." Alistair said with relief. "I'm sorry to hear that she isn't feeling well. Please let me know if she is unable to make it to breakfast."

"I will. Have a good evening, Your Majesty."

"You too," he replied.

So if it wasn't her in the hall so than it had to have been Zevran. He would make sure that he spoke to Ella in the morning before Zev had an opportunity to, but Alistair never had the chance to explain. The next morning Nora knocked on his study door just as he was about to sit down for breakfast. "Come in." Alistair called out.

Nora timidly entered the room. "Good morning, your Majesty. Lady Cousland asked me to deliver this to you" and she handed him a sealed piece of parchment.

Alistair took the letter from her. "Thank you, Nora" and turned away from her. The formality of the sealed letter made the bile in his stomach rise. He heard the door softly close behind him as he quickly tore the letter open. Spots of ink ran down the page where dried tears had landed on the paper.

My Dearest Alistair,

Due to my clumsiness last night I am sure that you are aware that it was me outside your study, and that I overheard your conversation with Eamon. This is not the first grievance that I have heard about our plans to marry, and I know that it wouldn't be the last. I know that you don't want to hear this, my love, but Eamon is right. We didn't fight to end the blight and to put you on the throne just so that the Theirin bloodline would end with you. Marrying another noble whose blood isn't tainted will give you the best chance to produce an heir and secure your throne.

Wynne once said that love is always selfish in the end, but I am here to prove her wrong. True love puts what is best for the other person ahead of one's own needs and desires. My greatest need and deepest desire is to be your wife, the mother of your children and to spend the rest of my days loving you, but that is not where fate is leading us. Your duty to the throne and Ferelden, and my duty to the Grey Wardens demands that our story ends here.

I am sorry to say all of this to you in a letter. I know it's the cowards way out, but I know once I looked into your handsome face and those beautiful eyes of yours, I would lose all my strength to do what I know must be done. Please remember that I will love you always, and if you ever truly need me I will be there for you.

All of my love,

Your Ella

Alistair felt his heart tighten in his chest and his stomach lurch as he re-read the letter for the third time. If he had eaten breakfast it would have been all over the floor by now. As he read the letter again his own tears mixed on the page with her dried ones to create new streaks down the page.

Once he had composed himself he sat down at his desk to write her back.

My Love, my Life, my Ella,

I don't even know where to begin. I think I am still in shock that you would leave me this way, after we swore to each other that we would stick together no matter what. Through all the battles that we have fought together, the numerous injuries that I have sustained, some of them even life threatening, none of them compare to the pain that I am feeling now. I don't know how to go on without you by my side, but I must find a way because you have asked me to.

However, I need you to know that you are wrong and I think you have lost your way. You have allowed others to influence your decision about us. You stood up at the Landsmeet and declared before all of the nobility of Ferelden that you would be my Queen. Even if we never produced heir, and it wouldn't be from the lack of trying, you would have been the best Queen for Ferelden because you love this land and its people, and you always seek to do what it is best for them.

We succeed in defeating the Blight and the Archdemon because we stuck together, we supported each other, and we desperately held onto and loved each other. We could have ruled Ferelden together and made our life together work. As long as we were together we would have found a way like we always did. I think the part that is breaking my heart the most, is that you didn't have as much faith in us, as I did.

You have my heart, you have my soul, and you have my love always.

Alistair

Alistair had sealed the letter and sent it by bird messenger that same day to Vigil's Keep so that it would be there when she arrived. He hoped that she would read it, realize her mistake and come back to him. That together they would make it work. That didn't happen. He waited four long weeks before he heard from her. Alistair had begun to wonder if the bird had been injured during it's flight or someone at the Keep had misplaced the letter, but then one day resting on top of all of his other correspondence was a letter from Vigil's Keep. His heart raced as ripped open the letter, but her reply was strictly Grey Warden business. No acknowledgment that she had received his letter, that she had broken his heart, just a Warden report. From that point on, that was how all of her letters had been. Nothing personal added, just the cold hard facts Ma'am.

Was this her way of coping, her way of helping her moving on? He thought so. Normally, she was very logical with her decisions, but during their travels together he had seen her emotionally close herself off at times, when she dealt with a painful situation or problem. He had been on the receiving end of that coldness once before and had hated it, but the thought of making amends with her is what pulled him through that time. He hoped that he could make amends once more. Even if they didn't marry, he needed her friendship, her guidance and her wisdom to help navigate the Ferelden court. She was the only person that he completely trusted. Well, maybe except for Wynne.

"Your Majesty…. your Majesty….Alistair!" Wynne yelled at him and shook his arm pulling him back to the present.

"Huh? What? I'm sorry Wynne, I was lost in my thoughts."

The elderly mage gave him a sympathetic, but motherly look as if she knew where his mind had been. "I was just trying to tell you that the Vigil's Keep is right down the hill and by looks of it the Keep took quite a beating in the battle."

He looked down on Vigil's Keep. The smoke that he had seen early and further away was now heavier and darker, as if the fires had only recently been put out. There were long ladders propped up against the outer walls of the Keep that would have allowed the darkspawn to climb up and overrun the battlements. The outer walls of the Keep looked like they had held, thanks to Ella's foresight to use dwarven craftsmen to reinforce the Keep's walls. However, the main gate was splintered into hundreds of pieces, leaving the Vigil open for all to enter. She should have used Ironbark for the gates he thought.

"Maker, have mercy." Alistair mumbled to himself and then thought, "Please let her be alright. Please let her be alive."