Chapter One
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Dean wasn't sure what made him glance up at that precise moment, but glance up he did, just in time to see a nondescript puce-coloured Honda streak by, overtaking him at top speed as he was gearing up to take the turn into Lisa's drive-way.
The car wouldn't have held his attention for more than a second if not for the glimpse he got of the driver's curiously familiar silhouette. It made his heart still for a second before resuming its regular beat.
"Sammy!' his soul cried out, but Sam was in the Cage and couldn't hear.
He exhaled heavily, passing a trembling hand over his eyes. Even weirdly shaped bushes and trees were beginning to take on Sam's semblances, let alone car-divers!
Everywhere he looked, Sam was there staring back at him, at times with a dimpled smile, at times sporting a worried frown, or worst of all with his young face twisted up in the throes of agony.
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Dean had foolishly thought it would become easier with the passing months; that fulfilling the promise Sam had extracted from him would compensate in some way for allowing his little brother's self-sacrificing leap into the pit.
Yeah, well shit to that!
If he could turn back the clock, he would change everything. Never would he let Sam precipitate into the dark eternity of torture at Lucifer's hands; the friggin' world could burn first!
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It was no use kidding himself.
He'd been to hell, he knew the score, and the images of his little brother suffering like he had at Alastair's hands, kept him from falling asleep each night and caused him to scream himself awake from horrific nightmares whenever his exhausted body switched itself off in desperation.
Lisa would hold him then as she would a child, shushing him softly, and he was grateful for her touch, but she could do nothing to fill the missing part of his soul that cried out for Sam.
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He pulled into the drive-way. Lisa had said she'd be late home tonight so Dean had shopped for the ingredients to cook up spaghetti with meatballs and tomato sauce.
He'd found that cooking soothed him, though perhaps the series of shots of whisky he gulped down as he fussed around the kitchen helped a lot.
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Dean had been trying, trying really hard, but he knew the time had come to leave.
Lisa had taken a broken stranger into her home and into her bed and he was grateful to her.
Sure, he and Sam had saved her son from the changelings, but still….
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He felt like a bastard at the realisation that what had truly kept him here so long had been the promise made to Sam to go and live the apple-pie life.
Staying with Lisa had also given him the opportunity to store and consult the ever increasing pile of books and papers he was sifting through trying find a way to rescue Sam from the Cage.
So far he hadn't had any success. There was no precedent for getting a human out, but as long as he lived he'd never stop trying.
'Trying' was his new best friend. All he did recently was try, but staying here was getting him nowhere.
Maybe on his own, he'd do better.
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When Lisa came home that evening, she took one look at him and at the perfectly set table and she knew.
"You're leaving, aren't you?"
Dean stared in surprise, upset to have to address the question so quickly. He'd wanted to tell her later, after dinner, when Ben had gone to bed.
He didn't know if he had the courage to face the boy.
"Uh, yeah," he said feeling like a douche, but he'd made up his mind and nothing was going to change it, nothing Lisa could say anyway.
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She shrugged off her jacket, letting it drop onto the couch.
"Can't say I wasn't expecting it."
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Dean came around the table towards her.
"I'm sorry," he began but Lisa took a step back.
"Yeah. Me too. But if you're gonna leave, just... go, Dean. Don't drag things out even more. It makes it all the more difficult."
Dean hesitated, studying her. This wasn't going as he'd planned but Lisa's expression was firm.
"Okay, if that's what you want."
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She sighed then, her face crumpling.
"No, it's not what I want, but then it's never been about that has it? Whatever brought you here, it wasn't because you loved me or wanted to build a life with us.
Before you go, will you tell me why you came, Dean? The true reason."
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Dean was torn between answering and lying, but she deserved the truth, so he tried to be as gentle as he could.
"Sam asked me to. He thought it was what I wanted. He needed to know I'd have someone to look out for me after he was gone. He made me promise to come to you and live a normal life."
She nodded. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"
"I'm sorry, Lisa. Truly. You deserved better."
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"It doesn't matter, Dean," she said tiredly.
"I'd convinced myself that maybe with time you'd settle down, that Sam would fade a little in your memory, enough for us to become a real family, but that could never be, could it? I was kidding myself.
I listened to you all those nights calling out to him through your nightmares.
I don't know what it is that binds you so strongly to each other that even death can't sever. All I know is that Ben and I can't compete with Sam."
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She turned and walked out of the room, but not before Dean saw her eyes glaze over.
He gave the set table one last look, went to the garage and ran a hand over the Impala's gleaming body. He'd already transferred his stuff to the trunk. He was ready to go.
"I guess it's you and me now baby until we get Sammy back."
The car remained silent but Dean couldn't deny the irrational burst of hope that filled him. Maybe tomorrow would be the day he'd get his brother back.
TBC