I felt his warm embrace engulf me as I dove into his arms. A tear was smothered by his shoulder as I buried my face onto it. This wasn't part of the plan, but it was too hard to resist getting that hug I painfully wanted. I felt his strong arms tighten around my body; he needed this as much as I did. I couldn't help it, my strong façade weakened and I let one tear fall after another. My body shuddered under the pressure, having been withdrawn in my sorrow for the past two weeks; it was too much for my body to cope with. The people staring at us soon disappeared from my nagging self-consciousness, I didn't care. At least I could be here, where I felt was right. He pulled away too soon, but I knew why. We weren't 'us' anymore. I saw the pain in his light hazel eyes; he didn't want this as much as I did. That's what I didn't understand. If this hurt him, why did he do it? I swallowed away the sobs as soon as I felt them knot in my throat, I could not weaken now. Not here. Not with so many eyes, so many damned eyes watching, judging. We were just two teenagers, nonetheless. What did we know of love? Except that it was lost? It was certainly lost. He didn't want to be here, it hurt him to see me hurt. So many fond and dumb memories nagged at me. I remember a time when loving each other wasn't out of pity or had any form of hesitation. Here he was, so close, and yet so far. Melodramatic, for me. I almost bit my tongue out as a consequence of the thought. I turned away, unable to hold his gaze. Unable to look at him, unable to stare upon his handsome face. I knew, after today, it wouldn't be long until he had another girl clinging onto the side of him, and he would enjoy it, too. I could have almost slapped myself, I knew him better than that. It wasn't that he used his good looks to his advantage, nor did he think he even had good looks. And would probably laugh at my thoughts, at the moment, but it was more the fact he had a personality that was unique to the male species. He was actually loving, and caring. There was just something about him that separated him from the rest. I couldn't explain it. My feet dragged across the ground, causing people to stare even more so. I tugged my hood over my head, pulling it around my face and stared at the ground, hiding myself, willing myself to just become part of the darkness. It wasn't long before my hood was tugged off my head. I glared at him angrily as I pulled my hood back up again. A cheeky grin spread across his face and he poked his tongue out at me in a cute way that made my heart melt. I didn't let it show in my face though. I muttered a telling off to him under my breath. It hurt, to know that this was it. After saying goodbye, this'll be my last. And I couldn't force a smile, the smile was long gone. He wasn't going to see it again either. I tried to remind him of that, but he merely shrugged. 'This was something he needed to do.' I wanted to hate him. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to let him know what he was doing to me, destroying me. But, even if I said that, it wouldn't make him change. He was gone. I bit my lower lip, again dragging back my tears that burned at my eyes. I wish I had never let him in, let myself be happy, let myself to be vulnerable. But he convinced me; he let me let him in. This pain was his fault. And I was so willing to let him back in again. I dug my hands deeply into my skinny jean pockets, looking daggers at a too curious passerby, who straight away flinched and hurried past. One with blue eyes couldn't make them look as hateful and cold as I could. A lump grew in my throat, one with such beautiful eyes couldn't also be capable of hurting, but he did. I dared a look, and he was staring. I tried to pull my gaze away, but I couldn't. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. That was it, that's all it took for the rock to melt. His gaze, his appearance, his close-ness. The tears fell, all at once. Everything I had held inside of me suddenly crashed out, for everyone to see what the wound had caused. I stopped, buried my face in my hands, and I let go. I let every content of my heart spill, to hold it back now, was just messy and dangerous. I sobbed every ugly sob I held back. My whole body shuddered in a way that was more or less dangerous. I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder and I didn't wait for an invitation to cry on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, but this wasn't out of love. This was pity. This was guilt. It felt horrible. I wanted the love back. It just made me cry all the more. The sobs came harder, I had lost control. I tried to pull away, and to turn away so I could tell myself some lie that will make everything better, but he held me in. It was horrible. I wouldn't stop, even with his comforting voice whispering things I didn't register into my ear. Trying to get me to calm down, to stop my tears, I knew they wouldn't stop. I tried to force it, to fake it. It felt like an age before it was just tears, no more crying, just tears. As I pulled away, I look away. I hid myself from him. He wouldn't see my pain. No one would see my pain. He tried to pull my head around, to face him but I just tugged away. Not wanting to walk away, just yet, still wanting to be close, but I didn't want to look at him. I'd cry all over again. I hated feeling so weak and helpless, just wanting to hide myself in his arms, and never have to leave, never have to say goodbye, never having to go somewhere else. His arms were my safe keeping, and now being there felt infected, felt wrong. I needed him, without him, my wound bled, and wouldn't stop until I was dead. It wasn't an obsession, or was it? I had no idea. All I knew is that he made me feel this way, to make my heart thud like a prisoner trying to break through the bars. He made it thud so hard, I was worried it would break my ribs, he made it so. So many things he did to me, he changed me, and he melted my strong hold as if it were butter in a microwave. He made me happy, like I had never been before, and I thought I made him that way. Call me selfish, I didn't want him to take my world away from me, and I was more than willing to fight for it. In normal situations. Why couldn't he understand that what he was doing was destroying me? Why couldn't he understand that he couldn't leave me, in this life or the next? It felt so unfair, that he sweep me off my feet then drop me to the ground. I wanted him to pull me him, bury my face into his chest so I could listen to the way I made his heart beat, and never let me leave. I wanted to reverse roles, so I held our relationship with my decisions, that way, we'd be together forever. It was all so, what I wanted. It was all so selfish. But love, is that not selfish? Here I was, learning about the ways of love, by loosing it. I exhaled an exasperated sigh, drawing a glance from him.
"Stay with me…" I whispered, my voice cracked and broken, just like everything else about me. He wouldn't speak, he just shook his head. Hearing my argument many times before, now it was still useless. Just like me. I couldn't help but put the blame on myself, if I was a better person, he wouldn't want to leave. All these thoughts, they were too much. They were no longer simple, they held so many complications. My phone vibrated in my pocket as a familiar tune began to play, the acoustics playing their love just as he had chosen. It was our song. I felt the pain tug at my heart, ripping another hole in it. Everything that reminded me of him pained me more. Created a bigger wound, running the knife deeper and twisting it all the more. I pulled my phone out, and saw what I dreaded. It was time to say goodbye. I looked up at him, completely lost. Completely broken. This was it, this was the end. Of us, of me. I never expected it to come; I expected time to stop to allow us to stay. I felt my heart stop, I felt my world stop. Everything came crashing down, and I just wanted to fall to my knees, fall to the ground, and never get back up. He held me up, he held me in his arms and before I knew it, I was crying again, absolutely sobbing. Like I never had before. I trembled against him; I turned my head and kissed his cheek lightly. This was goodbye. I would say nothing, I couldn't say anything. I pulled away, this was it. I had to leave. I had to go. He had to go. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk away, so allowed him to go. I watched him spin on his heels, drop his head and walk away. There was no hesitation in his step, there was no reluctance. He made his decision, and he was gone. I cried harder, people around me staring in concern. I was so willing to turn and punch any of them, turn and yell at him. I grabbed my brown hair through my fingers, grabbed it and tugged at it as hard as I could, concealing a scream that I so want to let go. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. It would make him angry. I wanted to run up behind him, hug him and never let him go. Never let him leave and let go of everything we had created together. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I had to hold it all inside. This was horrible. This was our goodbye, and my end.
"I love you, Arion. Goodbye, my love…" I whispered under my breath, watching him disappear into the distance. I heard no "I love you too, bubs" back, I heard nothing. I turned, tugged my hood tight over my head, and I walked. I continued walking, and I didn't stop. This was it. This was the end.