Title: Colder Weather
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Rating: R
Summary: Blue eyes were full of promises and brown eyes were filled with hope.
Spoilers: Up to 2x16 "Original Song" But I kind of added in my own twists.
Note: So, I've had this song on my itunes for quite some time and this idea in my head since Sexy, but it wasn't until this song popped up while I was looking up Brittana graphics on tumblr that it hit me- I need to fic this. I apologize for the angst-fest but, let's face it. Angst is delicious.
PS: The song is "Colder Weather" by Zac Brown Band. I suggest you give it a listen. It's really emotional.
I. She closes the door before the winter lets the cold in and wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay; she's answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane.
"I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you."
Sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
What a lie.
Brittany could feel her chest physically caving in on her. She imagined this is what being crushed to death felt like. She watched as Santana finished fixing her hair and got up off the bed. She was saying something else, but Brittany couldn't hear anything other than her heart shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. She wondered for a split second if Santana could hear it too, but then Santana started re-applying her makeup and she knew the sound was lost on her.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to grab Santana's shoulders and shake her until she understood what she was feeling. What she had felt since they were 5 years old and Santana punched Puck in the nose for ruining her sandcastle and pulling her braid.
Love.
Instead, she lies still on the bed willing with every fiber of her being for Santana not to leave. For her to turn around and take it all back, dive back into bed with her and pick up where they left off. But with a final smack of her lips and a sultry wink, Santana was out the door.
The sound of the front door slamming rang out like a gunshot and she felt the bullet strike her right in the heart.
It wasn't enough. It was never enough.
II. She said: "You're a ramblin' man and you ain't ever gonna change; you've got a gypsy soul to blame and you were born for leaving."
"What are you doing with Artie?"
Santana was furious. Actually, Santana was beyond furious. When she saw Brittany all over Artie in the hallway it took everything in her not to roll his dopey ass off the nearest cliff.
Brittany didn't bat an eye. She continued to nonchalantly put her school books back into her locker.
"He's my boyfriend now."
"WHAT!"
Santana was well aware of the looks she was getting from the other students in the hallway. She didn't care. What she did care about was the fact that her best friend and lover was now dating some crippled loser that freakishly resembled an educational cartoon aardvark.
"What, what?" Brittany asked giving her a look that screamed Why-The-Fuck-Do-You-Care.
"You can't date him."
"And why not, Santana?" Brittany whirled around to face her with her hand on her hip and her eyebrow cocked.
Santana knew why not. Because she wanted her all to herself. Because she was in love with her and had been ever since they were 5 years old when Brittany had given her this endearing, smitten look after she punched Puck in the nose simply because he had ruined the blonde's sandcastle and pulled her braid.
Did she tell Brittany that? Of course not. She kept her mouth shut like always. Brittany made a noise like an angry cat and practically seethed out her next sentence.
"I'm with Artie because you can't make up your damn mind about me. And you're too much of a coward to stay with me so you run away all the time. And you won't ever change."
She slammed her locker shut and stormed off, leaving a dumbfounded Santana gasping for air.
III. And in the waitress' eyes he sees the same ol' light a shining, he thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him.
Sam Evans had blonde hair. Sam Evans had blonde hair and Santana needed somebody to make Brittany jealous with. He was attractive and he was an excellent kisser. He talked too much, but she could just tune him out.
But sometimes he would get this look on his face. Like a smitten little puppy dog. And Santana's heart would start to ache. Not because of Sam, but because the look on his face reminded her of the looks Brittany would give her. She would make up some excuse about homework or overdue library books and bolt.
It was all too much.
She didn't want to play this game anymore. She didn't want to dance around her best friend while they tried to one-up each other with stupid boys. But she knew the consequences if she were to give in. The looks. The whispers. She could practically feel the ice cold slushie dripping down her body every time she even considered coming clean to Brittany.
It was social suicide. She knew it. Brittany knew it. At least, she thought Brittany knew it. But it seemed like she didn't care too much about her social standing nowadays. Santana wished she could be like Brittany. She wished she could just throw caution to the wind and tell Brittany how she really felt but the truth was, she was a coward. Brittany had been right about that.
And of course Brittany was right. Brittany was always right when it came to her. She knew Santana better than Santana knew herself. But if she knew her so well, then why couldn't she see how she felt? Why couldn't she see how much Santana loved her?
Maybe she did. Maybe she did know and that's why they continued to play this game. Maybe Brittany was just waiting for her to give in and come back. Maybe, just maybe, she loved Santana too and was waiting for Santana to make the first move like she always did.
She couldn't make the first move. She couldn't go running back. Santana Lopez didn't go running back.
But then stupid Sam Evans would get that look in his eye.
And she made an exception for Brittany. Just like she always did.
IV. I wanna see you again, but I'm stuck in colder weather; maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?
Brittany was drunk.
Brittany was drunk and so was Santana.
So when Santana grabbed her hand and pulled her none too gently into Rachel Berry's bathroom, she didn't object. She let Santana press her against the wall and run her hands over every inch of her skin she could reach.
When their lips met, Brittany felt herself sober up fast and judging by the increasing intensity of their kisses, Santana was sobering up as well. Her body felt as if it was vibrating underneath Santana's persistent hands. And when one of those persistent hands found its way between her legs, she felt sparks all over.
Santana broke their kisses to look her in the eyes.
"I've missed you so much." She whispered. Brittany felt her chest constrict painfully.
She whimpered like a lost puppy and pulled Santana back in close. She didn't trust her voice to form the correct words so she settled for flexing her fingers against Santana's back in makeshift syllables instead.
Santana seemed to get the message because she pressed a soft kiss to her temple and continued to unravel her from the inside.
Afterwards, tangled together against the bathroom wall, Santana spoke the magic words.
"We should get back to our boyfriends."
Nothing had changed.
"Santana-"
"No, I know what you're going to say. But we can't draw attention to ourselves. You know that. I want to keep seeing you and this is the only way. Besides, it's not cheating-"
"-if the plumbing is different." Brittany finished their famous mantra and locked eyes with Santana. It was then that she saw it. Those sparks that had been winding their way around her body earlier had seemingly manifested themselves in Santana's eyes.
Santana pressed one last soft kiss to Brittany's lips before slipping out the door.
Maybe something had changed.
V. Well, it's a winding road when you're in the lost and found; you're a lover, I'm a runner; and we go round 'n round.
When Brittany suggested they talk about their feelings, Santana had no choice but to agree. She was tired of the two of them dancing in circles around each other. She knew she was in love with Brittany. And she knew Brittany was in love with her. She could see it in her eyes.
And yet it terrified her.
She knew what would happen if they became an official couple. The looks. The slushies. The bullying. She couldn't handle that. And Santana dealt with things she couldn't handle by running.
But that only made things worse.
So she agreed to Brittany's idea of talking to Ms. Holliday about their problems.
When Brittany had spat out "I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it" with more venom than Santana thought the blonde was capable of, it stung. It stung bad. And from that moment on, Santana vowed to work things out.
Santana had vowed at an early age to protect Brittany from anything and everything. But they weren't kids anymore. And in trying to protect Brittany from getting hurt by others, she was hurting her herself. Probably worse than any of those bullys could.
So she chose a song and willed herself the strength to perform it at Glee Club.
During the performance, Brittany's eyes never left her face. She watched a million emotions flicker across the girl's face almost like a roulette wheel. When the song came to an end, her expression had landed on pure, unabashed affection.
"Is that how you really feel?"
"Yeah" She choked out. Tears were pooling in her eyes. She willed them not to spill just yet, as she got to her feet and moved towards Brittany without thinking. They were like magnets. Forever in each other's gravitational pull.
As soon as Brittany's arms settled around her back, she lost it. The dam holding back her tears broke and they splashed down her face and onto Brittany's shirt. When they finally broke apart, Brittany's face was shining with adoration.
And then Berry opened her big fat mouth, spewing off something about "Sapphic charm" and Santana panicked. She lashed out without thinking. And despite her best efforts at shooting Brittany a reassuring look, the damage was done.
Brittany's face was a mask of insecurity again.
And just like that, they fell back into their vicious circle.
VI. And I love you but I leave you; I don't want you but I need you; you know it's you that calls me back here, baby.
Santana had every intention of leaving well enough alone.
Singing that song in front of Glee Club was enough.
But the problem was Brittany didn't seem to get the message. She still doubted her. Especially after her outburst because of freakin' Rachel Berry. And Santana couldn't just leave it there. Not after Brittany seemed to keen on getting her to express her feelings.
So there she was. Walking slowly and cautiously down the hallway toward Brittany's locker. There was no turning back now. This was something she had to do. A step in the right direction. Brittany deserved the whole world and the moon, too. And Santana was going to make sure she got it.
She spotted the blonde at her locker, switching out her books before her next class. She was so breathtakingly beautiful that Santana's stride faltered just a fraction. Why hadn't she thought of this sooner? Why was she so afraid?
She was never one to settle down in a monogamous relationship. But Brittany was her exception. Brittany had always been her exception. Everything she had ever had with anyone else paled in comparison to Brittany.
And yet.
She ran from her too.
She always had.
But that ended now. That ended today. She was going to make Brittany see. She was going to make Brittany see that all those other guys meant nothing. She didn't want any of them. She only wanted her.
Always.
She finally reached Brittany's locker and stumbled her way through a subdued "hi"
Brittany's head whipped around, and the confused expression on her face dissolved into one of affection.
"Hi."
"Can we talk?"
VII. And when I close my eyes I see you, no matter where I am; I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines; I'm with your ghost again.
It had been two weeks since she had touched Santana. Two weeks. The last time they had gone this long without touching had been in the 3rd grade when Brittany went to a sleep-away dance camp.
She began to feel like a zombie.
This wasn't right.
Santana had finally confessed her love, had told her that she wanted to be with her and only her, and yet here she was. Lying in her bed. Moping.
Alone.
All because she was afraid of hurting Artie.
When she had pressed Santana to explore her feelings, she assumed Santana would clam up and run away like she always did. But in fact, she had done the opposite. And at the worst possible time.
Santana had been far from understanding. She stuck with Sam and avoided her like the plague no matter how many times she tried to corner her to explain.
Granted, she wasn't in love with Artie. Not by a long shot. But it wasn't fair to just dump him and not be able to give him a legitimate reason. She was sure if he knew the truth he would understand. But she couldn't give him the truth. Or so she thought.
And then Santana had done the unthinkable.
She wore a shirt that said "Likes Girls" during their performance of "Born This Way" effectively outing herself to the whole Glee Club.
Now she was torn.
On the one hand, she wanted Santana with every fiber of her being.
But on the other, she was terrified Santana would take it all back and run away again at the first sign of trouble.
She finally decided to give up on thinking for the night and fall asleep the only way she knew how. By wrapping the blankets tight around her body and pretending it was Santana holding her close.
Closing her eyes, she pictured Santana's smiling face and fell asleep dreaming of happier times.
VIII. It's a shame about the weather, but I know soon we'll be together and I can't wait till then; I can't wait till then.
Sitting alone at a table decorated with way too much confetti in a gym filled with too many balloons and too many people, Santana began to rethink this whole prom thing. She had spent the entire evening exactly as she was now. Alone.
As what had to be the 567th slow song began to play, she considered cutting the night short and going home to watch re-runs of Spongebob to lift her seriously depressed mood. But before she could gather her purse and sneak out, her skin began to hum with familiar electricity that, despite the recent events, her body hadn't quite yet learned to shut off.
She felt soft and delicate fingers brush her shoulder. She braced herself before slowly looking up at the warm body now standing next to her. Brittany wordlessly extended her hand to Santana.
Santana stared at the offending hand skeptically, but Brittany merely tilted her head like she always did and Santana caved. Placing her hand in Brittany's she rose to her feet and allowed herself to be led through the sea of swaying bodies.
Brittany's arms wound around her waist effortlessly as she draped her own arms over Brittany's shoulders and around her neck. They still fit together perfectly. Santana's heart thudded against her ribs like a caged bird that could sense its true owner was near.
They fell into a gentle swaying rhythm. Santana rested her head against Brittany's shoulder breathing in the familiar feeling she had missed so much. She knew she was going to regret this went she went home alone.
As the song reached its crescendo, something shifted. Brittany's body was no longer swaying gracefully. Instead, the taller girl's movements became choppy and uneven. Santana pulled back and found that Brittany's cheeks were stained with tears.
Blue eyes met brown.
Suddenly, they were 5 years old again; Brittany the smitten damsel in distress and Santana the knight in shining armor. Everything was simple. Everything was easy. Everything was effortless. The pieces finally fell into place. Not a word was spoken and yet everything came tumbling out.
There had never been a choice. Brittany was in love with Santana. Only Santana. Brittany was merely afraid of hurting Artie's feelings. But she saw the resolution in Brittany's eyes. She had realized that in trying to preserve Artie's feelings, she had damaged the feelings of the one she cared about all along. And she was going to make it right.
Blue eyes were full of promises and brown eyes were filled with hope.
As the music came to a stop, Brittany leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Santana's temple. The two went their separate ways for the time being. Everything would be made right soon.
And Santana couldn't wait.