"Mama, when is Mommy coming?" My five year old daughter calls out to me from the living room where she is playing with her toys. Sighing, I put away the last of the dishes and look at the clock before making my way to Chiara. It's fifteen past five in the evening, she should have been here forty-five minutes ago.
"I don't know, monkey. She must be busy today with work, but I'm sure she'll be here soon." I answer, annoyed that I had to make up excuses for my ex-wife. Chiara frowns and focuses on the barbies in her hands.
"She's always busy." I hear her mumble. My heart breaks at the sound of her little voice sounding so dejected. As a mother, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for the little girl in front of me. But getting her other mother to do the same was not something I could easily give my daughter.
"Do you want to draw her a picture to give her when she comes?" I try to distract her. Her face immediately lights up, hazel eyes looking up at me in excitement, her light brown curls bouncing as she nods her head. Sometimes I think this would all be easier if Chiara turned out with my eyes, plain brown. Instead I had to be constantly reminded of the other woman who made up the other half of Chiara's genes.
"Mrs. And Mrs. Fabray, welcome. Please make yourselves comfortable while you wait for the doctor." The receptionist greets us, opening the door to a very modern office. Everything is made out of glass, allowing the bright light to shine through. The room is in pristine condition, it sets off a 'no-nonsense' vibe that sets me on edge. My wife grabs my hand and smiles at me reassuringly. It was just like her, she knew the second I started getting nervous and I loved her even more for it. She takes the lead and brings the two of us towards white chairs waiting for us in front of the desk, never letting go of my hand. I settle into the surprisingly comfortable seat, crossing my legs to stop them from shaking.
"I'm scared too, Rachel. But this is what we want, right?" My wife admits. I've always admired her ability to hide her emotions. While I was a jittering mess, she was the strong one; calm and collected. I smile up at her and respond to what she said.
"Of course, Quinn. We talked about this. I want this. It's just...scary." I end lamely. Quinn's hazel eyes soften, then she leans over and places a simple kiss on my forehead.
"That's why we have each other." She reassures me, her words simple yet exactly what I needed to hear.
Before I can respond, an older man in a white lab coat walks in. The two of us stand up immediately as he approaches.
"You two must be Mrs. And Mrs. Fabray! What a pleasure." He greets with a broad smile, shaking my hand firmly and then Quinn's. "I'm Dr. Stephanelli, I'll be over seeing the procedure." He explains. Despite his welcoming attitude, I only become more nervous with his presence. I'm grateful for Quinn's composure as she takes the lead.
Dr. Stephanelli takes a seat at his desk, and folds his hands in front of him. "So you two want to have a baby?" He states more than questions. My stomach drop at the word 'baby'. Quinn's smile broadens as she nods her head.
"Yes, of course. That's why we're here." Quinn answers, with some sass in her voice. The doctor chuckles lightly before opening a file and looking through it.
"Well, we can help you with that." He says, still looking through the file. "It says here in your application that the two of you are twenty-four and twenty-three. That's pretty young to be starting a family, don't you think?" He continues, I notice Quinn crossing her legs, a small sign that she's been displeased.
"We expected to be on the waiting list for at least a few more years, we knew of the high-demand your services attract. However, when we got the call, my wife and I talked it over and decided there was no need to wait any longer if this was something we both wanted." Quinn eloquently explains, the doctor nods with a smile.
"Excellent! I just needed to be sure this was something the both of you were certain of, it's a huge commitment." He explains, and we both nod seriously. This wasn't a decision the both of us took lightly. I had spent many nights without sleep pondering over and over on whether this was the right choice. But whenever I woke up and saw the face of the woman I loved sleeping so peacefully, I knew I wanted nothing more than to have another little version of the woman I already loved so much.
"We may have only been married for a year now, but I've known Quinn for so long. We know what we want." I finally speak up. I'm uncharacteristicallyquiet today, allowing Quinn to do most of the talking. Despite the fact that it's all I've been able to talk about since we got the call. The woman next to me squeezes my hand and smiles.
"Alright then, let's get this started." The doctor announced, leaning forward. "The procedure requires that we use the whole eggs of one of you, and the stem cells of the other participant that we'll need so we can use both of your DNA." The doctor explains. But we both already knew this, having done plenty of research myself, laying it all out in a simplified power-point to make sure we were all on the same page. Quinn rolled her eyes and pretended not to pay attention, but I knew she was. She cared about this just as much as I did. We were going to have a baby. And unlike other same-sex couples before us, this one would be 100% ours, thanks to modern science. It was a new procedure, having much controversy surrounding it, causing many religious people to cry out in protest, but that didn't stop us. We knew this child would not be a 'demon child' like the religious extremists proclaimed. It would be a baby, with no one else's genes in it but Quinn and I's.
The doctor continues to explain everything we needed to know, and asks us many questions we answer readily before his next one.
"As you might already know, we can also insure that your child inherits the desired physical traits you wish to pass on. For example, we can guarantee she'll turn out with your hazel eyes, Mrs. Fabray, if that is what you please." He states, but Quinn immediately shakes her head.
"We'd like this to be as natural as possible. Let nature decide, and surprise us." Quinn says, almost laughing at the irony of it. But you secretly hope the child ends up with Quinn's beautiful hazel eyes, not my boring brown ones.
"Very well. That is all I need to know. We should be ready to begin the procedure by the end of this week," The doctor informs,"Soon you will be welcoming your new baby into your lives."
"Mama, the door!" Little Chiara's voice interrupts my thoughts. It's been fifteen minutes, my daughter had been happily drawing away while she waits for her other mother. She is now standing up and pointing at the door in excitement, knowing she's not allowed to answer it herself.
"Wait right here, sweetheart." She nods and waits as I reach the door and open it up. Quinn is on the other side, looking flustered, but stunning, as usual. It almost annoys me how beautiful my ex-wife is, clad in her perfectly ironed blouse tucked into her black pants and expensive heels. Her perfect blonde hair was tied up in a bun, no longer the pink it was when we first met in college. I, in contrast, look like a homeless person in my washed-out t-shirt and sweat pants.
"Hey." She greets cooly, looking behind me into the apartment. I block her way and glare at her.
"You're late." I confront, starring her down. I refuse to let her get away with her negligence this time.
"Yeah, sorry, I was called into the head office last minute. I tried my best." She excuses, sounding almost annoyed with me.
"You haven't seen your daughter in three weeks because of your 'work' trip to who knows where, and then you show up late?" I hiss. Quinn stares at me indignantly and is about to retort when a little voice is heard behind me.
"Mommy?!" Chiara's childish voice breaks through the uncomfortable tension. If it wasn't for the undeniable smile on Quinn's face at the sound of her daughter's voice, I would have sworn she had forgotten about the child who held half her DNA.
"Well I'm here now. So can I greet my daughter?" She asks stiffly. I roll my eyes and move out of the way, watching as Quinn bends down to catch Chiara when she comes running into her arms. She wraps her arms around her tightly, lifting her up and spinning the little girl around the room. I can't fight off the smile as I hear my daughter's elated giggles filling the room.
"Mommy, stop or I'm gonna puuuke!" Chiara squeals. Quinn slows them down but keeps her in her arms.
"You're so big, little bird! I'm going to have to start calling you big bird now!" Quinn jokes. Chiara laughs and shakes her head.
"Noo, you're the big bird! I'm still small, see?" Chiara says, wiggling out of her mother's grasp and walks towards the kitchen entrance. She leans backwards on the frame covered with lines that measured her height throughout her five years of living. "I haven't grown since you last saw me. You just think I did because you forgot." She explains. Quinn walks up to her and makes a surprised face.
"Really? Wow, I guess you are still my little bird." She exclaims, lightly pinching her cheeks. Chiara giggles and throws her arms around Quinn's neck, burrowing her face in the woman's shoulder.
"I missed you, Mommy." I just manage to catch my daughter's quiet mumble. Quinn's face falls, and I'm almost glad to see it. I wanted Quinn to know what she's doing to her child.
"I missed you too, sweetheart." She responds, pulling the girl closer.
"Then why do I not get to see you much?" The girl asks, moving away from Quinn to look her in the eyes. My ex-wife was never one to break in front of people, but if there was anyone who could crack through her hard shell, it was either me or the little girl in front of her.
"I'm busy with work, honey. Your mommy has many many people who need her to do things for them. So I have to work really really hard, so I can get money to buy you all kinds of nice things, like all your toys and stuff." Quinn tries to explain to the five year old.
"I don't care about toys. I don't need them. I just want you." Chiara proclaims. Quinn doesn't respond, looking at her child silently. I take this as my cue to cut in.
"Monkey, why don't you show your mommy the picture you drew her?" I suggest. Chiara nods and runs over to her colouring table. Quinn avoids my gaze while she waits for the little girl. She soon comes running back with the paper in her hands, a smile now on her face as she passes the drawing to her mother proudly. Quinn holds it up and examines it, letting me see it too. What I see takes me by surprise. Chiara had drawn a picture of a little girl and two women on each of her sides, each holding one of her hands. They look like a family.
"This is you, Mommy." Chiara points to the older figure with yellow hair. "And this is me, I'm the little one. And that's Mama!" She exclaims, obviously proud of her work.
"That's really nice, little bird. You're getting better and better at drawing! Soon your drawings will be shown in the Louvre!" Quinn praises. Chiara looks at her with a confused expression.
"What's the Loov?" She asks in her childish voice.
"It's this important building in France, where a whole lot of famous art is at. Like the Mona Lisa. Do you know what that is?" She asks. Chiara nods enthusiastically.
"That's the painting of the smiling woman!" She exclaims, Quinn nods.
"That's right, kiddo! You're really smart, you know that?" She compliments the girl. Chiara's eyes lighten up. Sometimes I wanted to cut Quinn completely out of my life. Forget about all the pain and anger she brought me and just leave it in the past to continue my life with this precious little girl. But when Chiara looked at her other mother like that, eyes full of love and admiration, I knew I could never do that to the girl who was the most important to me.
"Can we go there one day?"She asks, full of hope. I'm about to cut in, let her down lightly. However Quinn speaks first.
"I don't see why not, my love. Why don't you put that on our list?" She proposes, referring to the list of promises the two decided to make. If it was written, there was no doubt Quinn would do it. One of the few redeeming things she has done for her daughter. Chiara nods her head enthusiastically.
"You, me, and Mama can all go together!" She says, Quinn immediately looks to me. I sigh and shake my head.
"Let's talk about it another day, monkey." I tell her. Chiara looks up at me with calculating eyes. It sets me off edge. My daughter is a lot smarter than most kids her age. She could read right through people. She understood that we weren't like other families. We hadn't been one since she was a year old, before things got bad. Before I made the decision to leave Quinn.
It's one in the morning, she is sleeping soundly in the crib next to my bed, finally asleep after hours of crying. I'm exhausted, but I can't will my eyes to sleep. The bed is empty beside me for another night in a row. I don't expect her to come tonight. She could be out there lying in a ditch and I wouldn't know. At this point, I'm not really sure if I care any more.
My eyes begin to close when I hear the door open and close. I shut them tightly before opening them and getting out of bed. I walk towards the apartment door silently where Quinn is putting down her purse and jacket, revealing the small black dress she's wearing underneath. She turns around and jumps in surprise when she sees me standing there.
"Jesus, you scared me," She breathes, placing a hand on her chest. "I didn't mean to wake you sorry."
"This is the fourth time this week you come home this late. And the week before then you were out of the country for three weeks doing who knows what." I confront her, crossing my arms and staring her down as best I could. But all I really want to do was cry. I'm tired. My feet hurt from carrying Chiara all day, trying to sooth her crying. My head hurts, I haven't gotten a proper night's rest since my wife decided to become MIA. I'm raising our daughter on my own, but what makes this so hard is how much I just miss my wife.
"You know how this business works. I don't enjoy being away from you guys, but it's what I have to do to support us." Quinn explains as if she's talking to a child. She moves into the washroom, leaving the door open while she washes off her make-up. "And I can't let my my father down. Not again." She throws over her shoulder. It shoots me right through the chest.
"Is that what we are? A disappointment?" I barely manage to get out while tears threaten to pool over. Quinn looks over at me with an exhausted face.
"You know that's not what I meant." She sighs, going back to her routine. Hurt is replaced with anger as I march right up to her and yank the tooth brush out of her hands. She stares at me with her mouth still open in surprise.
"No, Quinn. I don't know what you mean." I almost yell, glaring up at the taller girl.
"Rachel, please. Let's just go to bed and talk in the morning." Quinn tries to placate me, her hands on my shoulders.
"Will you even be here in the morning?" I almost laugh sardonically, "No, we're doing this right now, Quinn. No more hiding and pretending everything is okay."
"What do you want from me?" Quinn asks, looking genuinely lost. I almost want to shake her and scream, but I don't because I have a little girl in the other room and I really don't want to be waking her.
"I want you." I say with a small trembling voice. Quinn's face immediately softens. She moves in closer and takes my face into her hands.
"You have me, silly." She whispers, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before wrapping me in her arms. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, closing my eyes and allowing myself to enjoy my wife's presence, which has become such a rare commodity. "I promise you, things will get better. I'll be here for you and Chiara more." Quinn's soft breath brushes my ear as she runs her fingers through my hair soothingly. "We just have to hold on for a little bit longer." Quinn continues. I bury my face into her chest, trying to hold the tears back. "I'm so close, Rachel." She says, pulling me back so she can look into my eyes. "My father was hinting at me the position of executive director of the company all night. He's slowly letting me back into his life. I promise you Rachel, things will get better." She promises, giving me a quick peck on the lips before going back to the bathroom sink. "Now go back to bed, I'll be there soon." She instructs with finality. I stay put for a few seconds too long, before complying and going back to our bed. A few minutes later I feel the bed dip as a new body joins me. Once Quinn is still, I turn around to face her. But she is turned away from me. I watch as her body rises up and down slowly. I close my eyes shut but don't get any sleep that night, each second spent warding off unwanted tears.
Five months and an impending divorce later and I remember. I should have told her to write it down.
"Can I keep this?" Quinn asks her daughter, holding up the drawing. Chiara nods and smiles. "Thank you, little bird. Now it's time for my present." She says, reaching into her purse to pull out a small, velvet box. My eyes widen when I see the object, knowing already it must be some expensive jewellery. Chiara takes it from Quinn's hands carefully, opening the box with some struggle, Quinn helping her out. Her face is in awe when she sees the object inside. In there lies a small, dainty gold chain with a small bird pendant attached.
"Do you like it?" Quinn asks hesitantly, as if this little five year old girl is making her self-conscious. Chiara nods, eyes never leaving the opulent present. "Good, I'll help you put it on." Quinn's long fingers take the delicate chain from the box and puts the chain around her daughter's neck, joining the clasp together. Chiara fingers the pendant now lying on her chest, she gives her mother a big smile.
"Thanks, Mommy. It's perfect." She says, wrapping her arms around the legs of her now standing mother. Quinn pats her head.
"Hey, munchkin, why don't you go pick a movie to watch with me and I'll be right there?" Quinn tells the girl, who immediately runs into her room to look through her mountainous collection of DVDs she had bought for her.
"That was...a very expensive gift, Quinn. You didn't have to do that." I tell her.
"I hope you don't mind, I wanted to get her something nice to make up for not being there." She explains before biting down on her lip nervously. I sigh, knowing somethings up.
"What's wrong, Quinn." I ask, not feeling up for any bad news right now.
"My dad, he's opening up a a new branch of the company in Australia. He wants me to go and finalize things over there...I leave after this week." My ex-wife confesses, gulping nervously.
"Next week? Quinn, Chiara's birthday is next week." I remind her, my patience wearing thin. I wasn't going to just let her disappoint her daughter again.
"I know, but I was thinking! Maybe...Chiara could stay with me this week?" She asks tentatively.
"No, absolutely not." I shut her down immediately, refusing to even consider her proposal. Quinn's apprehension is replaced with anger that I'm all too familiar with.
"Why not? You can't do this. She's my child too, Rachel." She argues.
"Really? Was she your daughter when you forgot to pick her up from school and left her waiting until I got a call from work telling me that MY daughter has been waiting for an hour to be picked up? Was she your daughter when the baby-sitter waiting for you to relieve her almost quit because you never showed up? Was she your daughter when you fly out of the country every other month because you've decided your work is more important?!" I spit out, poking an accusatory finger at the woman. "How on Earth can I trust you with her when I'll constantly be worrying if she's sitting in a room somewhere in your empty house?!"
Quinn opens her mouth and closes it, her eyes narrowing at me. "I can fight you on this, Rachel. I have a much better lawyer now." She threatens. I want so badly to slap her right now, but I don't because she is, after all, my daughter's mother.
"But you won't, Quinn." I call her out, stepping back. "You won't, because you know what's best for that little girl, and you're not it." I conclude. I've achieved what I wanted, Quinn is now looking at me with that hurt expression that use to make me crack but I won't because this is what she needs to hear, I keep telling my self.
"Mommy?" I hear the said mentioned's voice as Chiara's little head pokes out from her room. "I picked out a movie." She informs her coyly. Quinn gives me one last look before joining her daughter, picking her up and walking her back into the room. Sighing, I rub my temples, feeling a headache coming on. I walk over to my study room, and open one of the desk's drawers to pull out a pill bottle of pain killers. Dry swallowing a couple, I sit down and get to work on my teaching plan for my class on Monday.
It's approaching eight o'clock and I know it's time to get Chiara ready for bed. Putting my papers away, I make my way towards my daughter's room. Opening the door, the sight that greets me makes my heart melt. Quinn is lying down in Chiara's bed, the little girl snuggled up tightly against her side, her head resting on Quinn's chest as she sleeps soundly. Quinn's arm is wrapped around their daughter securely. She looks down at her with the most adoring smile, stroking her daughter's hair rhythmically. The movie is long over, the TV screen showing the menu page of what appears to be Frozen 2. Quinn looks up at me when she hears me enter.
"She's really knocked out, didn't even stay awake to watch the ending." Quinn notes, going back to looking at her daughter. I almost miss her next words, "Sometimes I can't believe we created such a perfect thing." She all but whispers. I sit down on the edge of the bed and place a hand on Chiara's back.
"She's the one good thing that came out of all of this." I respond. Quinn looks at me sharply.
"Do you really think that?" She sighs, making eye contact with me.
"It doesn't matter what I think anymore." I answer, looking away from her piercing green gaze.
"Right, okay," Quinn murmurs, moving slowly out of Chiara's grasp, "I should get going then."
A small whimper escapes the sleeping child's mouth as she reaches out for the departing body.
"Mommy..." She cries in her sleep. I move in and take Quinn's place, bringing Chiara into my arms. She snuggles into me, content with the new replacement.
"You see this? This is what you're missing out on." I look at her pointedly, running my arm down Chiara's back. Quinn swallows before nodding her head, leaning down to give her daughter's head a kiss.
"Good night, little bird." She whispers, before walking to the door. Before she leaves, she turns around to say one more thing.
"Chiara wasn't the only good thing for me." She stated, looking at the floor briefly before looking back up at me, "I'll come and visit her again this week." She finishes before walking herself out of the apartment, leaving me with her words. Her proclamation took me aback, but I always knew Quinn wasn't the one who wanted to separate. I guess she must have more good memories about our time together than I do. But that's all they are, memories. Nothing was ever solid with her, she was water when I needed earth. She was constantly in motion when I need to grow my roots. I find myself wishing I'd told Quinn to write her promise down. Then maybe things would have gotten better.
A/N: So this is a conversion of my fic on another site. I've added some stuff to make it more applicable to these characters. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue converting, only if I get interest. So let me know!