Author's Note: This series of oneshots featuring teenaged Sesshoumaru and Kouga at the Castle of the Western Lands invites you to bask in the pre-canon glory of adolescent youkai males (meaning they always have erections and are always looking for trouble). The first story is written by Talonsage and me in RP format. She is and will always be the skirtboy!Kouga to my faglips!Sesshoumaru. All other chapters are written by me alone, with a tip of the pen always to Talon for inspiring this wild fun through our co-writing.
Warning: Predictable yaoiliciousness and foul mouths in all chapters.
Slumber Party at the Castle
By Salome and Talon
InuTaisho, Lord of the Western Lands, lies in his ample bed with a satin pillow over his head. His youkai mate chuckles softly as she rests in his arms. "They're just boys," she says with soft self-assurance, running a fingertip down the muscled chest before her. "They'll quiet down sooner or later. Remember, you were young once yourself…"
"I still am," replies her mate, with a characteristic huff. He tosses the pillow and brings his mouth to hers for a breathtaking kiss…that is immediately interrupted by a sharp peal of wolfish laughter. Both Lord and Lady groan in unison.
Sesshoumaru's ample chambers are built for comfort and indulgence. The spoiled son of the Lord of the Western Lands lacks for nothing. The hardwood floor is covered with a thick, plush rug, hand-woven by servants who wish nothing more than to know their work is stepped on by the royal feet of the young Lord. Chairs are enormous, hand-carved, and well stuffed. His school desk is a slab of oak whose circumference nearly stymied those who had to get it through the doors and into the room. Sesshoumaru's suggestion that they simply enlarge the doors was, of course, taken as a command and obeyed. His bed is nearly as enormous as his parents', with hand-embroidered pillows strewn everywhere. At this moment, the inuyoukai and his ookami friend are pelting each other with these costly decorations, heedless of popping stitches and tiny encrusted gems flying this way and that. "Admit it," pants Sesshoumaru, "my place is so much cooler than yours, wolf."
Kouga snorts and flings another little pillow at the dog's head. "Fancier don't equal cooler, dog face. My place SMELLS better for one thing!! An' besides, if I were you, I wouldn't go bragging about my room to other people. It's GIRLY." He smirks and ducks an aerial assault of various hard and soft and pointy things, all aimed at his head.
Sesshoumaru keeps throwing anything he can reach from his nightstand (water goblet, candle, book, bowl of plums) as he barks, "Up yours, stinkboy. Knowing I have a classier décor than any mangy wolf is not the same as being GIRLY! And at least I don't still sleep with my parents—sissy!"
"HA!!! You mean your parents WON'T sleep with your fussy ass!! You kick all night long!! AND you hog the covers. You should be a HOG lord, not a DOG lord!!!"
"Heh, you're so jealous you shit green, cavedweller! You dream of being me and you know it! Your mama knows it! EVERYBODY knows it!"
"Oh PLEASE, Lord Pussy Pants!! I wouldn't be you if you rolled over and begged me to fuck your ass like the pussy you are!!" He snorts and makes his point by going over to the closet. "I mean...do you own ANY pants that aren't puffy? I've seen yer legs...they're not as sexy as MINE, but they're not hideous. The puffy pants do NOTHING for you, dog!!"
"Well well, who knew you spent so much time looking at me. Perhaps I should be flattered."
He grabs a shoe from the bottom of the closet with full intention to chuck it at Sesshoumaru's head, and then does a double take. "Are these...DIAMONDS on your fucking slippers? Oh man GAY DOG ALERT!!"
"So now suddenly you're the fashion police? Give me a break. Two words, wolf: Fur. Skirt."
"It is NOT a SKIRT!!! Jeeze, every time you open your mouth you bark like the puppy you are." He flicks his tail disdainfully. "Yer just jealous. You couldn't pull this look off with both hands and an army of official royal dressers."
"Pulling it off is exactly what I'd do if I woke one morning to the horror of being you, pisspants. I'd rip off all that rancid leather and flea-ridden fur and BATHE. For about a week. Without stopping. I'd get servants to take those rags and burn them. I mean, please: that sweatband reeks of stale sweat and could win awards for dorkness. And fur wrist- and anklebands to match your girly skirt? Come on! Even your armor is pathetic. No spikes at all!"
He rolls his eyes. "I don't need spikes to counteract my pathetic DICK, dogface. I notice that your spikes are MUCH smaller than your father's spikes..." He smirks and grabs his own crotch meaningfully.
"I had no idea you had such interest in my father, queerboy. I'll be sure to tell him! Wonder if your dad's even got a dick!"
"Why doncha go ask him and find out, faglips? I'm sure he'd be flattered that the Princess of the West wants to display her ass licking tricks for him. If I were you, I'd be careful where you point fingers. You wouldn't last a DAY as me, and you fucking well know it. The only smell you know is the fru-fru shampoo that your titless bathing servants massage into your pussy hair!!"
"I beg to differ: I wouldn't WANT to last a day as you. If we switched bodies, I'd commit suicide and my Papa would take one look at you and commit infanticide!" He launches across the bed and grapples Kouga, thoroughly convincing himself he is not grinding his cock into the wolf's as they tumble to the floor.
Kouga shoves back and pants, "Your Papa would take one look at me and REJOICE that he had finally been given the son he prayed to the gods for. One who's not a sissy pissy fag bitch!! MY Father would take one look at you, possibly fuck you to see if you were any good, then drop you off a cliff."
Sesshoumaru swipes and punches air beside the wolf's face. "Asshole! How dare you speak to me like that! You're lucky my father even allows you into the castle without insisting on fumigation first! And…and…at least your father would want to fuck me. Mine wouldn't touch you!" He wonders as he barks through these last phrases if Kouga has to face the same humiliating mounting rituals as he…
He digs his fingers into the space just below the dog's ribs...right where he knows there's a ticklish spot. "Oh please...if anything's infested it's those weird fluffy things you and your Dad drag around everywhere!! If I had a fluffy parasite taking up residence on my shoulder, I'd put a flea collar on the damned thing!!" He bucks his hips up. "You know damned well your father would fuck me in a SECOND. In HALF a second!! If I were you I wouldn't be able to walk I'd be getting fucked ALL THE DAMNED TIME!!"
InuTaisho suddenly bursts through the door, a substantial wooden paddle in his outstretched hand. "Listen, whelps," he says, tapping it into his open palm, "if you don't both settle down and go to sleep RIGHT NOW, neither of you is going to be able to walk for a week—and it won't be from 'getting fucked'!"
Utter and complete silence follow Lord Tai's pronouncement, and the room is fairly lit by wide golden and blue eyes. The pair isn't even tempted to whisper as they scamper for the opulent bed under the glare of the Lord of the West. "Much better. Good night boys, pleasant...dreams."