"ZEN! ZEN! ZEN! ZEN!" The crowd cheered on as I ended my performance. They cried for my name so loud that I swear I could feel my ears burn with their passion for me. I looked at the crowd one more time as the curtains slowly close down in front of me. My eyes randomly search the crowd and I spot Jaehee. She doesn't scream for my name but she gives me a small smile and I smile back at her. The crowd screams for my name louder than ever and finally the curtains fall down before my feet.
"Good work, Zen."
"Well done, Zen. "
"Congratulations on another amazing performance, Zen."
"You also, good job." I tell them back as I walked towards the backstage. Inside the dressing room I could see piles of gifts from my fans. Bouquets of flowers, chocolates, fan letters, gifts, everything. I couldn't help but giggle as I randomly picked one letter. "What kind of greeting is this?"
"It's good to see you again, Zen" a very familiar voice called for me. I turn around and see Jaehee standing by the door. "You came again. How was my performance?" I asked her jokingly. "It's superb as always. The manner you carry out your emotions is very wonderful that the audience, including myself, could not help but be moved to tears," she responds. It was a bit hard to believe but apparently Jaehee is really my fan and it's good to know that I can move people like Jaehee, at least I know that I am good at something despite my shortcomings. "Well, are you here because of that? I heard from Yoosung and Saeyoung. They wouldn't stop bothering me about it. Yoosung kept calling me. I think I got over 100 calls from him just this morning, that little punk."
"I'm sure they just want to be sure of your attendance." Jaehee added. She moves forward and hands me what I've been dreading the moment you left me. "She really wants you to be there," she tells me as she dropped it on my hands. I know. I know what I have to do. It was very simple, it wasn't just that easy, "I'll think about it," I replied. Jaehee smiles sadly. "We all hope to see you there, Zen," she adds, then she excuses herself and left. How could I go there? What kind of face should I show her? I'm not yet ready and I don't think I will ever be ready. I looked at the invitation and my heart dropped, "Why are you such in a hurry?" I murmured looking at the wedding date. "Just 3 months and you're going to be no longer within my reach."
You have no idea, how much I dreaded for this day to happen. Reminiscing on how we met, I remembered how sassy you were in answering our suspicions and how you easily won us over with your wit. You were such a fresh of breath air in our gloomy lives since that incident. Along the way, I knew we had a connection. You were very kind and considerate to me, but you were also with everyone. I tried my best to impress you and you would casually laugh at my attempts. I wasn't sure if you were genuinely laughing with me or at me but it didn't matter since I could hear your sweet laugh. It was intoxicating. It was my drug. I was ready to take on the world if you could just be mine but you picked him over me or maybe because I wasn't enough.
3 months have passed and it's finally your most important day. I wore my best tuxedo, made sure that my hair is perfect, and polished my shoes until I could almost see my reflection. I take a look at myself in the mirror one last time. If it were the me in the past, I would probably make a comparison of Adonis and I, but I didn't have the heart to do it. I practice smiling and congratulating you but I noticed my lips tremble. I immediately covered it with my hands and I ran to the bathroom. I washed my face quickly, took a deep breath, looked at the mirror, and chanted, "You're an outstanding actor. You're an outstanding actor. You're an outstanding actor," slapping my face I gave myself one last pep talk, "You're an outstanding actor now go out there and be one!"
Being part of the groomsmen, I watched you walk down the aisle and you were exquisite. You were lovelier than anything my eyes had laid on but you didn't even glance my way. Your eyes were clear, focused, and warm as you looked towards your future. I held it in. I had to look away as you held Jumin's hand and tried to compose myself. Inside my head, I kept repeating that I am a professional actor. I took a few deep breaths and slowly looked at you two. When you recited your vows, I couldn't help myself from deluding that it was meant for me. I closed my eyes, and listened intently as you said,
Meeting you was a one in a million chance. We live in such different worlds but the universe somehow made it possible that we would meet and be together. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for the unconditional love that you have given me that doesn't ask for anything in return. No matter what happens, regardless of the number of cats we adopt or the number of random cat projects you are willing to take, I will always be by your side. Starting today, I will give you my entire life. I will give you a reason to be always happy every day. My heart and soul is full of joy to know that I am marrying my most beloved.
I opened my eyes but you weren't looking at me. At least, not anymore. So please forgive me for looking away and crying when you kissed him at the altar looking so radiant and happy. My lips and shoulders started to tremble that I had to excuse myself among the crowd of cheers and congratulations being given to you. I walked as quickly I could away from the crowd while I was still able to control myself that I nearly ripped the hinges off the men's restroom when I got in. I shut the door, locked it and slumped against it. On my knees, I let out a silent scream of pain and regret as the tears overflowed from my eyes like a broken waterline. It took me good 3 minutes to compose myself before I felt that I was ready to face you again. I opened the door and saw Saeyoung, Yoosung and Jaehee waiting for me. They all gave me a small smile. "What are you doing here?" I asked them but I already know.
"Hey, you're not the only one who is broken hearted in this ceremony, okay?" Saeyoung said then I noticed that his eyes were a bit puffy. Yoosung was worst though so I just giggled and tackled both of them with each of my arm, "We're so going to get drunk later this evening" and the three of them agreed while Jaehee just nonchalantly tells us that the car is waiting at the back.
We didn't really talk much at the car, probably because we were dreading the reception but then Yoosung just had to break the silence, "We… we have to congratulate them! Jumin will definitely make her happy plus they have us to protect their happiness, okay?"
"Hey, hey, hey. Don't go around making promises," Saeyoung says but when he looked at the window I could see the determination that he would definitely protect them. "That's right, Yoosung. You can't just make some pact like that suddenly," I teased him and Yoosung starts to argue but we laughed it off. Saeyoung continued to tease him some more and I joined in. It's good to be able to still laugh with these clowns. I wonder if I could do the same when you're around. As we were nearing the reception area, Jaehee then asks suddenly, "Zen, I apologize if this is sudden but I couldn't help but notice that your relationship with her goes much deeper than the rest of us. It's alright if you don't want to share but I think it would help you a bit more to open up rather than keeping it all."
I also thought the same, and Jaehee is sharp as always, "I wouldn't really call it deep. I…" smiling I tried to put on my best smile but I couldn't hide the sadness from my voice, "I still love her. I think she had feelings for me but I was too stupid to realize how much she means to me. The moment I allowed her to leave was the moment I realized the magnitude of what I've lost and I'm too much of a coward to do the things I should've done."
In the reception, I was finally able to smile and act better than I did on the church. Yoosung got tipsy and started crying. He was also about to punch Jumin, which me and Saeyoung fully support. You were so, so, so beautiful that I think I will never get over this. It was finally the time for your first dance as a couple. Looking at you and Jumin dance, it was a very hard pill to swallow, but you really look very good together. I emptied the wine I was holding in one gulp and felt my throat burn. "Don't get tipsy too. I can't carry you and Yoosung out, okay?" Saeyoung said so beside me. "Since when were you there?" I asked him. A little while ago, before the first dance started, I left the table to get a glass of wine from the bar and then the dance started. "After all this time, I still can't say goodbye to her so," Saeyoung made that impish smile that he always does when he's about to do something bad, "I've decided not to move on and just keep on loving her!" He then runs off and forces his way between the couple. He immediately takes your hand and dances. Slowly leaning towards your ear, I think Saeyoung just went back to 707 because the moment he returned you to Jumin, you were blushing beet red. Saeyoung then walks off but not after giving me a signal that I should also dance with you.
I lost.
I put the wineglass down and slowly made my way towards you. I could see Jumin immediately get defensive that I chuckled. "Hey there Mr. Trust fund kid. Congratulations on your wedding."
"Thank you. You can leave now." He replies curtly. I want to punch this guy on the neck.
"Is that anyway to treat your VIP?"
"Don't fool yourself thinking you ARE one. The only reason you're treated as one is because you're a member of RFA and also an actor. I don't want any ruckus on this day, especially because of you." Man is this guy super annoying but when you started to laugh, all my annoyance disappeared. "I'm happy that you guys are such good friend still." Just hearing your voice just renewed my resolve on what I wanted to do today, I immediately grabbed your hand and led you to the dance floor. I stuck out my tongue on Jumin first before I faced you.
God, you are so beautiful… and very happy. I'm glad. "Zen?" I continue to smile and dance with you. Just like this, I want to treasure this moment. Just let me believe that this our happy ending. I noticed the wedding crew that took videos and pictures. I'll have to ask them a copy of this dance. "Zen?"
"Ah, sorry. I was a bit preoccupied." You tightened your hold on my hand, "I'm glad you could make it. You have to be happy, Zen." You're so sly. The only way I could be happy is this way but I could never tell you that so I agreed with a nod, "You too." I responded to you and you gave me your happiest smile and that was enough to last me lifetime.
Author's Notes:
Hello again, everyone! It's me and I wanted to take a break from my main fanfiction so I decided to make this one. I actually got the idea while I was listening to a song, can you guess what it is? This is my second attempt on making a one-shot but I would appreciate any feedback on my writing on what you thought about the story overall. My story is still on the works and I am always finding times to have inspiration to continue writing it. I hope this one will give you same emotions I felt while I was writing it. ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡