OS Blindspot
Title: Listen to your heart
Characters: Reade and Zapata
Summary: What if Reade heard Tasha and Patterson's talk in the hospital at the end of 3X14? What if he couldn't forget it? What if he finally opened his eyes?
Story:
It was late and the day was hard, but Tasha was still in the hospital. The young woman felt relieved that her friend will be completely okay rapidly. Only she did not feel the bravery to at her place. It was too quiet, too empty, silent and impersonal. The brunette had decided to stay with her colleague even if she was already sleeping when she arrived. At a point, Zapata started to search for something in her bag, and she saw Patterson awake.
"Sorry I didn't wake you today?" She asked quickly. It never was in her intention.
"No, it's fine."
"Who is that from?" The policewoman asked looking at the wonderful flowers on the table.
"It came from Jack"
"Nice no more of that baby's breath. Did you call him?"
"Yeah, we are actually going out tonight. Do you think this is cute? Maybe I just should cincture this with a nice belt. Yes, I promise you I will call him." The blond head joked kindly. The two young women started to laugh. It felt good to be happy after everything happened.
At the same time in the corridor, Reade was heading to his friend's room to see how she felt but he stopped when he heard the laughter. The young man was happy that his two partners had a good time. After all that they had endured recently, he didn't want to ruin the moment.
"Fine and I have something for you too but it's not as fancy as Jack's flower," the pretty brunette said before pulling out a cigar box of her bag. She showed her to her best friend smiling weakly. The computer specialist looked at her surprised and intrigued.
"I think the hospital will don't like if I am smoking."
"No, it's for Reade. I am officially his best men." The Hispanic answered sadly.
The deputy director, always behind the door, tensed when he heard his name. He was surprised by his best friend's tone. I could hear the pain in her voice. What surprised him, even more, was the answer of his other colleague. Edgar realized that the pretty blond knew about his teammate something and their relationship that he didn't know.
"Tash' are you serious?"
"It's the right thing to do."
"You should tell him how you feel. I am serious. When I was out I realized we all repeating the same mistakes and I saw things."
"Yes, you said with all the tattoos and Roman," the two young women laughed again thinking about this really strange dream.
The cop felt troubled. What did Tasha have to say to him? Why was she so sad and scared? After all, they always told everything to each other so why would it be different? Moreover, it seemed to be linked to his wedding. On one hand, he held back to go into the room to ask for an explanation but in other hands, he couldn't help but keeping listening because he knew that she will never talk to him voluntarily. Reade couldn't blame her he just wanted to be here for her because he couldn't support to see her so unhappy. Tasha meant and always meant more than anyone for him and whatever he did wrong he wanted to fix it.
"Okay but just please think about it?" She insisted on watching her kindly.
"Fine but it's only because you almost died," the pretty Hispanic allowed even if she didn't mean it. She would never be able to confess her feelings to her best friend. She was too scared to lose him, to ruin everything. After all, she already had a chance.
"Tasha I am serious you should think about you and your happiness on this one. If you didn't say anything and accepted to be his best man you should be able to be present at the wedding and buried your pain. This kind of feel it's not like a headache. It's not going to disappear only because you don't want them to be here."
"What should I do? I'm not going to see him and say, "I didn't tell you but I'm crazy in love with you since something like three years and I can't forget you". I can't tell him that when he asked me to be his best man. All that matters to me is his happiness. I had my chance two years ago and I missed it so even if it's painful I would only be his friend because I don't want to lose him."
Edgar stopped breathing. Tasha was in love with him, he didn't believe it. It was impossible. She had pushed him away two years earlier. Moreover, it was Tasha. She couldn't have fallen in love with him. It was not her style; he was not her type. Besides she was his best friend he would have necessarily realized. When I thought about it he realized things had changed since they worked together again especially since Hirst' case. Reade was completely lost, he didn't know who he could believe, what he had to feel. The young man loved his girlfriend, but he couldn't help wondering if it was the right way. Even if he had muted his feelings since she had rejected him, he still thought about his colleague, wondering what would have happened if she hadn't left or if he tried to retain her. Sometimes he even imagined living with her. The policeman was enmeshed in a whirlwind of emotions but when he heard the question posed by the young computer scientist. He couldn't help but listen again.
"Can I ask you why you rejected him when he kissed you?" The young brunette looked at her colleague with tears in her eyes. She knew that Patterson asked everything to make her talk because she had to talk if she wanted to feel better. Patterson was right only Zapata kept quiet her love for Reade for so much time.
"I lost someone. We were only twenty but we both went through hell. Honestly, I don't know if it would have lasted but I loved him as I never loved before. When Reade was injured and I was waiting for him to wake up in the hospital, I realized that I was really in love with him. I realize too that I couldn't lose him. All the sensations I had buried returned. I felt butterflies in my stomach, the feeling of permanent well-being but also fear and pain. When he kissed me, I was completely panicked. I was terrified so I left and after he came back to work he told me it was the pain killers. I thought it was just better, that at least I would not be heartbroken again."
"Did you really think that go to this wedding wouldn't break your heart?"
"Of course, I do. I know that since he showed me the ring. Oh god, this night I thought I was going to give up. You know when I left for the CIA I thought that it could be good to take some distance but every time my phone rang I just couldn't stop hoping that it was him. I hoped he called to say that he missed me as much as I missed him. So yes, it's painful but the hope is worst. I can't go back in this, so I am not going to talk. Moreover, Megan makes him happy more than I never would do."
"I don't agree. You are amazing Tash' and you deserve to be happy, but I think we both went through a lot of things recently, so I stop for tonight. Only don't believe that I am going to watch you suffer without acting. I am not going to give up."
"You never give up anything."
The two young women laughed again. Zapata dried her tears and thanks to her best friend. After a few minutes, the computer specialist succeeded I convince her friend to get some rest at her place.
When he heard that Reade, still chock and lost, went out to his lethargy and left his hideout. He took a deep breath and went into the room. The deputy director tried to do like he didn't hear anything.
"Hey Reade, what are you doing here so late?" The young Hispanic asked her best friend trying to seem normal. She stood up and took her bag.
"I just want to see you before I go home. How are you?" Edgar asked Patterson.
"I am feeling better thanks. It is nice to be here."
"It's normal we all were really worried about you."
"I understood when I should almost threat her to convince her to go home." The pretty blond teased Tasha.
"What do you want you are really popular? The day was hard I going to go to get some rest. I will call you tomorrow." The pretty brunette smiled to her colleagues then went rapidly because after everything happened she couldn't be so close to him.
The deputy director looked her go and sit in front of his friend. His mask disappeared immediately.
"You heard everything," Patterson said that rhetorically because it was more than obvious. She would prefer a different situation, but she wanted to take advantage of this to reunite her best friends.
"I really didn't want to spy but when I heard the tone of her voice when she announced she will be at the wedding I couldn't resist. I needed to understand why she could feel so much pain."
"I wanted this to happen differently but maybe it's for the best. Tasha would never confess that to you. What do you think about it?"
"I am engaged, Patterson."
When she heard that the blond understood that will be more complicated than what she planned. He was completely in denial. She decided to act step by step.
"You didn't answer my question. We are going to make simpler when you kissed her two years ago did you had feelings for her?"
"Of course, I had feelings. I was in love with her or I never took a risk like that."
"Fine and did you feel the same when she left for the CIA?"
"I think yes."
"So, what didn't you try to make her stay? Damn Reade, you just pushed her, and you did like she meant nothing to you."
"To me, Tasha was always the kind of person who does what she wants to do. I never imagined that she suffered so much and not a second that my happiness was her priority. I am feeling so stupid. I said to myself that she deserved better than me and I never thought that she reckoned the same about her."
"It's not stupid after all she never talked about her past. She suffered a lot we all know that and it's kind of obvious."
"I know, and I already knew that it's just that if only she could see herself as I see her everything was simpler."
"What would be simpler and how do you see her?"
"You are a damn stubborn person you know."
"Reade please you have to answer!"
"Honestly I don't know my life, her life, our relationship. If I understood how she felt I would say to her how wonderful she is. I would say to her how much I love her smile, her eyes, her voice, her humor, her smartness, and bravery. Oh god, I would say I can't resist to her laugh. I never saw someone so beautiful, smart, strong and with a damn good heart. If I knew I would say that I love her."
Patterson smiled sincerely when she noticed that he used the present and not past to talk.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Edgar asked intrigued. He didn't understand what happened.
"You really don't understand what happened. You love her. You are in love with Tasha. That explains why you were mad when she left, why it was awkward when she let Megan and why you feel so bad now. It's obvious and you have to see that and act in consequence. She suffers you too and this is unfair for Meg."
The policeman looked his friend shocked. She was right. He was in love with his partner for years and it never ends.
"God I am an ass," he took his head in his hands.
"No, you are not. Love is scaring and complicated we all screwed up sometimes. The only things which really matter are that you take the good decision."
"I need to go. I need to see her."
"Wait you want to do this tonight. Are you sure?"
"You heard her. She felt really bad I can't let her in this state of mind. I have to talk to her. I have to explain."
"Globally you are right, but I think you should talk to Megan first and then after this crazy day Tasha may need some rest."
"Are you sure?"
"It's your decision and I respect it whatever happens, and I understand that it hurt to see Tasha like that but yes I think it's better."
"I trust you on this."
"Okay so go, you have a lot to do?"
"Yeah, I know. Is it okay for you?"
"Absolutely you heard the nurse I need some rest."
"Thanks for everything honestly I don't know how we would do without you." Reade gave her a careful hug grateful for what she did.
"I know I am vital." The young woman laughed watching her friend leaving. She did know what will happen, but things are going to change. It's going to be lively, but it was for the better.
Edgar left the hospital and made his way to the parking. He wanted to go home to talk to his fiancé. He felt bad for what he did to her. He proposed to her and then he broke up a week later. It felt awful. Only on another side, he couldn't keep faking. It was unfair and she deserved better. She deserved to be loved like he loved Tasha. When he arrived outside of the hospital he noticed his coworker alone on a bench. The policeman wanted to check if she was okay and in a couple of seconds, he forgot his promise to Patterson. He couldn't support to seeing her like that. For the first time since he met Zapata, the young man had the feeling that it was too much.
"Hey, are you ok?" He whispered worriedly. The brunette jump surprised. She reacted only a few seconds later.
"Reade yes I am fine don't worry. I just needed to get some fresh air before I go home. I am going to go now." The Hispanic wiped her tears, took her jacket and her bag. She stood up quickly in order to leave but he stopped her. He held her by the shoulders. They were now facing each other. Only inches separated them. Edgar hadn't moved his hands and was watching the young woman tenderly. He couldn't see her like this, her face was ravaged by tears and she tried to hide her confusion. His heart was literally broken. The policeman couldn't believe he hadn't noticed anything. Usually, he could read her like an open book and she never let go easily.
"No, I am not going to do this. I am not going to let you go in this state of mine and don't tell me you are fine because I know you cried."
"I swear it's nothing it was a hard day that's all." She lied troubled by their proximity. Zapata looked away. She was scared of being absorbed by the captivating brown eyes of her best friend. The intensity and sweetness of his eyes made her melt. No one had ever looked at her like this.
"Stop to fake Tasha. I know you and I know there is more. Please let me help you."
"You can't Reade. Believe me, you can't help me. So please let me go and go home to find Megan. She probably waited for you." She answered with bitterness and sadness. She released herself from the grip of her teammate and started to leave. Only she was quickly caught by his colleague.
"Look, I know you want to make me feel better, but I need to be alone so please do not make things harder than they are and let me go," the pretty brunette said with tears in her eyes.
"No, I am not going to let you go, not like this."
"Why?"
"Because the last time I did it was the biggest mistake of my life," Edgar answered talking about their kiss and her departure for the CIA. The young woman remained speechless. She wasn't sure she understood the hint, not sure what to do with it. Almost immediately Reade walked over her and gently caressed her cheek. Seeing that she didn't protest the young man released a few locks of hair from her face, passed his hand behind her neck and drew her to him for a sweet kiss. When she felt the lips of her teammate land on hers Zapata stopped thinking. She was capable of nothing but enjoying the moment. She felt his lips move in rhythm with hers, his hands around her waist. After a few seconds, their tongues met and their kiss became even more sensual, deep. Edgar, meanwhile, had never felt anything like it. Of course, he felt guilty about Megan but being with Tasha was so natural. They were in osmosis, a perfect harmony that only needed to exist. It sounded so good that he could not help but keep going. About two minutes later the two young people had to break up for lack of air. Realizing what had happened, the young woman left him abruptly.
"Tasha!"
The beautiful brunette ran away and returned home as soon as possible. She didn't know why she answered that kiss. Obviously, it had been wonderful and for the first time in a long time, she had felt like home. Only he was engaged, and he asked her to be her best man. God, why did he do that? The Hispanic thought he probably had compassion for her. For him, this kiss was probably a reminiscence of the past, a past that had never really existed. Zapata took a shower and went to bed, still troubled. The pretty brunette didn't really know what she was going to do, but she knew she would have to make radical decisions quickly if she did not want to suffer as in the past. She fell asleep again, crying, not really knowing how to fix the mess in her life. Reade, after regaining his senses, also went home. He felt guilty. He should have listened to Patterson. Only he had seen her so fragile, so vulnerable because of him. Edgar had cracked. When he arrived, he saw his fiancée on the couch watching magazines about marriage, he realized that he had to tell her now. He sat next to her, looked at her and began to speak. A few hours later Megan had returned her ring and had left the apartment with most of her belongings. The young Indian had been very sad and angry only she had confessed that she suspected it. She had noticed the exchanged glances, the natural complicity. The assistant director spent the rest of the night wondering how he was going to fix the situation so as not to lose the woman of his life.
For both partners the following week had been punctuated by a few cases, paperwork, meetings and visits to Patterson who was bored at the hospital. They did all of this carefully avoiding crossing each other. At first, Reade had tried to talk to his best friend only she was running away like he had the plague and it had become very embarrassing. He did not know what to do, so he also started to avoid her while waiting for a solution. Obviously, it intrigued Jane and Kurt, who worked with them daily and were quick to talk to their bedridden colleague. Together or separately the three young people had tried to make them talk only it had not given anything. They were both dumb about what had happened between them. Patterson had decided to force her friends to talk to each other because after hearing their confessions, the blonde could not bring herself to the point where they missed out on love. In addition to each visit, she could see that her two colleagues were really unhappy. The day she was out, the computer scientist had asked Jane and Zapata to pick her up. That morning the tattooed girl arrived first.
"So, are you ready to go?"
"Absolutely and I had a text from Tasha she will be here in few minutes."
"Ready to make our plan worked?" The brunette asked.
"Yes, they really need to talk."
"Hi, girls let's go get out of here." The Hispanic entered the room smiling to her friends.
"It is the least we can say. To celebrate, I thought we could go to eat in town. You know the little restaurant by the water where we went last time, the Loeb Boathouse."
"It's a good idea but are you sure to be enough strong?"
"Sure, I passed the last two weeks between these four walls. I need fresh air and real food. Moreover, it's just a calm breakfast."
"Okay why not that can be fun." The pretty brunette agreed with a smile.
"In the same time, you would say what happen between you and Reade," Jane suggested quickly.
"Don't think about it," Zapata immediately retorted.
"You know we are not going to give up."
"I know but me neither. There is nothing to say about Reade and me." She whispered sadly. Tasha knew that her friends only wanted her happiness, but she really wanted to forget what happened.
The three young women made their way to the restaurant to have a girls' day. They arrived twenty minutes later, took place on the terrace and ordered some food.
"It's really nice here. We didn't find a lot of quiet place in the middle of NYC. I never came before. How did you find this place?" Jane asked curiously.
"It was during lunch after your departure for Colorado but before Patterson's for LA and mine for Langley. We have a case not that far and I saw the place when I did some research," Zapata answered.
"It seemed so far the time when we all work at the FBI, at the same time, under Mayfair's direction. I thought a lot recently and when the tattoo will be resolved I am not going back to California." Patterson confessed to her best friends.
"Really but did you want to come back to the FBI? What will happen to your company?"
"I don't think that I will work for the FBI. I love working with you, but this job is really hard we all know that, and I need something different. For my company, I can work in New York and going to LA a couple of time by year."
"It's wonderful I am really happy for you. Jane, what Kurt, Avery and you want to do?" Tasha asked this question to her colleague with the hope that they don't leave again.
"When we left for Colorado we tried to have a normal life only it's really boring. Moreover, Avery like New York and we found a routine, so we decided to stay."
"And how will you do for Bethany?"
"We talked with Allie and she really understood. We will find a solution. Will you stay here when everything will be over?" Jane asked Tasha.
"Honestly I don't know but don't worry whatever happens I am never being too far."
"Would you think about going back to the FBI?" Patterson asked with hope.
"No, I don't think. Working for the CIA is not always easy, and I did things that I am not proud of. However, what we do is important, and I like that."
"Then there is Reade. You don't want to see him getting married and living his life with Megan because it would break your heart." Jane ended Tasha's sentence like it was obvious.
"What?" The young woman choked and watched her friend's surprise.
"I am sorry to say that honey, but we know you perfectly and it's quite obvious this time. I guessed everything before that Patterson told me about your talk," Jane said.
"Listen I know you tried to help me, and I appreciate but I really don't want to talk about it," the brunette answered touched by their consideration but sad about the situation with Reade. "Whatever you want we are here for you and we always be."
"I know girls, I know," the pretty Hispanic smiled gratefully.
They went back to their meal in a good mood and they continued to discuss. Nevertheless, Tasha wasn't' happy and it was more than obvious. She and Reade had to talk to each other once and for all; otherwise, it would end very badly. The two young women decided to maintain their plan even if it was risky. After lunch, they continued their afternoons while walking quietly at the edge of the water. They didn't often have the opportunity to enjoy their day so peacefully and for once it was more than pleasant. At one point the two colleagues stopped walking, turned to their friend and looked at her anxiously.
"Listen Tash' we need to confess something," the blond started anxiously.
"What? What happened? It seems like you kill someone, and you need my help to hide the body." Zapata joked not peacefully. She had a bad feeling.
"No, but when you will learn what we did you will want to kill us," Jane whispered worriedly. Tasha looked at them to have a clue about what really happens when her friends tell her to look behind her. When she saw her colleague, her heart missed a beat and she started to panic. "We thought you both had to talk so I told him to join us. I know you're scared and maybe we shouldn't have taken that decision for you. Only you looked so unhappy that night at the hospital that it broke my heart because I understand what you're up to. I understand your fear and pain. You're my best friend and all I want is your happiness so even if you're terrified you have to trust me and listen to him. Sometimes we have to stop running and allow ourselves to be happy despite the pain and despite our mistakes," Patterson said to her friend with emotion.
The policewoman looked at her best friend with tears in her eyes. They were right and she knew it but coping with her feelings had never been easy for Natasha. The young woman held back her tears somehow and nodded in approval. She watched them go and turned to her partner again. They were faced to face a few inches apart exactly like the week before. The only difference was that they were no longer in front of a hospital after a difficult investigation where they had feared the death of their friend. This time there was no investigation, no threat. This time there was only them. They were at the edge of the water and the only sound perceived was the lapping waves. The light of day perfectly saw the pretty brunette. Reade had never found him so beautiful, but perhaps it was only because for the first time in a long time he really saw her, being honest with his feelings.
"Hey" She whispered timidly. It was the first word that she said to him in a week, but it seemed like years. Her heart beat fast and she felt terrified.
"Hi, we need to talk." He answered as softly as her.
"I know"
"Before I want to confess something. The other night at the hospital I heard your conversation with Patterson."
"What do you hear exactly?" Tasha asked in shock. She suddenly understood a lot of things.
"I heard everything from the cigar box to the moment I came."
"I stop you now this kiss was a mistake. You are engaged, Reade. Megan is amazing and she makes you happy. It's all that matter to me. What I feel is not important. So please forget what you heard and go home to prepare for your wedding." The pretty brunette interrupted him immediately. After her tirade, she took some distance from him and went close to the water. She was incapable to be close to him without broke apart. She couldn't watch him in the eyes.
"That will not happen. I broke up with Meg last week just after we kissed." Edgar confessed getting closer to his partner. He only saw her back, but he saw her trembled. The young man put his hand on her shoulders then he slowly and delicately made her facing him. Her face was, once again, ravaged by tears. Her tears were probably retained for an eternity. This thought, the idea she had suffered for so long, was breaking his heart. Just as gently he moved his hands on both sides of her face, caressed her cheeks tenderly and tried to erase the traces of tears on her wonderful face. Tasha closed her eyes to appreciate this gentle touch. She relaxed immediately.
"You shouldn't she is perfect," Zapata answered him after opening her eyes. Despite her words, the brunette didn't move because the tenderness of her coworkers made her knees weak. She felt troubled and enchanted.
"It's true that Megan is amazing, but she is not perfect, not to me. I broke up with her because when I heard you I realized that I was a jerk. All this year I hid my feelings and I denied everything because I thought you didn't feel the same way. I never thought that you could feel so terrified about being heartbroken. I neither thought that you don't trust yourself. The truth is I broke up with Megan because she wasn't the woman I fell in love so many years ago and that I stop loving since that. She wasn't you."
"Reade," Tasha whispered slowly. Her heart beat faster than ever.
"I am in love with Tasha. I love your smile, your voice, how smart you are, your look and your laugh. I love your tenacity, your bravery, how strong you are but I love your weakness too. You are so perfect Tash' and you can't see that."
"There is a part of me that you don't know, part darker than you can't imagine. I did things in the past and for the CIA. If you would know you."
"I will never drop you. We all have our past, our nightmares, and our demons but whatever you did I am sure it was for good reasons. I know you Tasha and I know your heart. Whatever happens now we would fight together because I love you," Edgar said kissing her forehead.
He kept repeating these three little words while dotting her skin to kiss. First, it was her forehead. Then was her nose, her cheek, her fingers, her hand, and her wrist. He went up to her neck, which made her shudder, then traced a path from her shoulder to her ear to finish with her mouth. The last barriers that the young woman had erected around her gave way and she responded to his kiss with ardor. They kissed passionately and tenderly, passing on all the love they had for each other. This kiss was sensual and deep. After a few minutes, they had to separate for lack of air.
"I love you too," the pretty brunette confessed, smiling lovingly. She snuggled in her arms to enjoy the sweetness of this embrace, the peace they brought to each other. A few minutes later Tasha's phone began to vibrate. When the young woman took it out of her pocket she could see that the message came from her best friend. When she read the text, she laughed.
"What's the matter?" Her boyfriend asked intrigued. He was happy to see her laugh so frankly and so spontaneously. He could easily spend his life listening to her laugh as well.
"It's Patterson read it" She advised, smiling. The brunette showed her phone screen and he could read, "You looked busy, so Jane takes me home. I thought you would find a driver easily. We'll have to talk so call me when you have five minutes, and that way you'll be able to give me all the crunchy details. I adore you and I'm happy for both of you, you deserve it."
"Why that doesn't surprise me?"
"For the same reason as me," Zapata smiled.
"Obviously some things will never change. In any case, even if the method was a bit special, I'm glad they did it."
"Me too and now what do we do?" The young woman asked looking him in the eyes. She spoke more of their future than the rest of the day.
"To start I'll take you home, take you to the door and kiss you tenderly to say goodbye. Tonight, I'll take you at 8 pm and I'll take you to dinner. After all, it's not because we never do things in the right order that we can't have a real first date. For the rest I think we'll be advised with time, one step after another," Edgar murmured softly, looking at her lovingly.
"It seems to me to be a good plan, a wonderful plan even," the pretty Hispanic replied. She sealed her words with a tender kiss and then they went hand in hand towards the car. The two young people knew that they still had a long way to go, a lot of trials to face but they were now more peaceful because whatever happens, they would face this together because sometimes you should only listen to your heart.