It's strange to think that it had been anything but a dream. That those nights when I saw an ocean fill and disappear before my own eyes had never existed or that I had once been given a gift from a spirit of a once mighty river. Yes, it seemed as though it had all been merely a dream. Because here I am, now 17 years old in a town I have lived in for 7 years and have never once had anything from those worlds touch me again.
Oh how I wanted that to change.
I had never thought I would miss it and I remember my determination to leave. My parents don't remember. Though my mother swears that her dreams have been riddled with sounds of running water and the faint song of chimes, I've never told them what had happened. It is my secret, one that I keep tuck away behind my lips. Along with a promise, one single promise that I would meet again with someone face to face.
I still wait, that ten-year-old girl still lives inside me, wanting and waiting for a dear old friend to pay her a visit again. I wonder now, does he mark this day as anything special? Maybe I am foolish to think so, or even foolish that I keep it with me so dear.
Today is the 7th anniversary of when I said good-bye and when I made that single promise on the day that I left the spirit world. My father never understood why and my mother thought that it was strange since she only remembers me being so fearful of it. I went there, fearful and selfish and came out strangely empty. Happy, of course, to have my parents back and no longer pigs, but still I felt a bit hollow.
But every year, at least once I make sure to visit that place, the place where it all started. And I sit there now, letting the wind push its way through my hair as if saying that we are also old and dear friends. Perhaps we are.
But that statue, the one with the smiling face is the closest I have to those old vivid memories; it's become my only connection there. It doesn't scare me anymore and I embrace it.
The crumbs from a finished sandwich roll of my shirt as I pull out my sketchbook. I had sure never to forget any of my friends, now to their very details. I've made sure that the boiler man and his enchanted soot and living and breathing in these sketches, the star food they were given every morning by Lin lay scattered in the shirt as the scrabble to get at them. Lin is, as always, snapping back with wit at those that always manage to give her the most unsavory tasks, yet she still always managed to complete them. Zaniba stays in her cozy home teaching a new pattern to Two Face and he always seems to pick it up rather quickly.
Then there is Yubaba, the woman that was so cruel and yet without her my adventure would have never started, perhaps I would have been even worse off. I could never really blame her or hate her. Whenever I do think about her I could bubble up guilt, sadness, or even some happiness. But never hate. I couldn't ever hate that witch.
My thoughts and drawings take on a life of their own until I am swept away as the sun starts to die. It's at this moment when I can get as close to the spirit world as possible. At this time the shadows start to come alive, their lives start to grow and laugh with their own smiles. Sometimes, when the winds pick up and birds quiet down I swear that I can hear the sounds Zaniba's laughter in the wind. And on the rare nights when the winds have softened I can swear that the sound of sea scales against the breeze sings out like chimes.
It's been a long time since I had ridden through the wind. If I had known that they would have been my last I would have tried to reassure them more. I don't regret that though because at the time all that I could hold in my head was the utter joy that I wasn't the only free that day, his name had been discovered and he was free and knew then what his name was. Even the small naive joy of his hands in mine and our tears that mingled together; it has been a long since I have truly been that happy.
The sun was barely showing over the hills and lights from the houses were already starting to shine in the dark. I cleaned away the remains of lead that had smeared itself on my skin. They weren't soft and supple like most of the girls, I had long since lost them from my days of working in the bathhouse, they were rough and calloused from those days of scrubbing and a small corner on the tip of my pointer finger from pulling a bicycle from a water spirit that had been trapped in pollution.
I knew that it was time to return back home but the silence here and the way that my dreams carried out and played a movie in my mind… I really didn't want to leave. The scolding was nothing compared to this night. If I closed my eyes I could almost see myself pushing through that barrier, walking forward as the night lights were being lit and walking through those old familiar halls of time, loneliness, friendship, and even the beginning stages of love.
It was years until I was able to understand that feeling, the reason why I would wait until the dead of night and check to see if the water would fly up into the sky with the ripples becoming likerapid water reflected in bright scales and the dragon would rear up.
He remembers the promise, the sacred words that passed both our lips when we said that we would see each other again. I just wish I knew when.
Even though I was only 10 years old the way that Haku was with me… I had never thought of another person and even once when I had been asked out, confessed to on the south side of the school, I had said no. More for the reason that I couldn't be honest with the man, I wouldn't be able to date him or show any affection because of the one person that stood in my mind. Even after seven years.
We had helped each other; I remember that night, the first night there. A spoiled little girl who cried at every little thing, one that never wanted responsibility thrown at her or to solve any problems and yet he stood by me. The boy protected me when I was scared and confused, helping me when I needed someone the most.
I helped him in return as well, never really knowing how important it was to him. I found his name; Haku was the Kohaku River, a strong and mighty river that had been destroyed and emptied for land development. I had visited that place last year, the river that I had grown up next to, and my friends thought that it was strange to find me crying over that place. It wasn't because of beauty or the homes that stood in this place now. But I couldn't help but wonder had he felt any pain as his body and soul began to shrink? Or did he simply only feel smaller?
I had left before I saw all that was happening.
When I had left the spirit world at ten years old and began to unpack all my things, I found that little pink shoe. Strangely enough that was when I had started to cry, the fact that I would no longer see them, see him, it hurt then. How long would I have to wait?
It's still seven years and even now I don't know how long.
Going back to the spirit had crossed my mind more then once, but… I feel that Haku would not be happy with that. In fact he may even be sad.
My fingers fiddled with my braid, the purple band glistened even in the dark moonlight and a thing I had done since I had began to sketch more. When I looked down and really studied it I found that it was of that night. The last together when we flew through the sky and felt as though I could touch the moon if I held out my hand out to it. Perhaps it was that night that I had started to scratch the surface of my real feelings for him.
I sighed knowing well that if I didn't start heading home that my parents would start to worry about me and the car would be blaring its horn. I had to leave before that screeching noise broke through the night.
I gathered myself up, brushing away the dirt from my jeans and the eraser shavings from my shirt, and started to walk. I didn't take the road, instead deciding to walk up the mountainside, passing by the entrance to the magical place.
The stones slipped under my shoes, but I kept steady pace, I had become rather good at hiking through here. It wasn't long before I passed the small stone houses, the ones that sheltered the wandering spirits that lived in the town, I had fixed them up when the weather and travelers and pushed them apart. I always wondered if perhaps any of these spirits actually went to the bathhouse that I had worked out so long ago.
And then I met him, that stone statue that seemed to smile warmly at me, like an old friend that was remembering old memories together. In truth perhaps he was an old friend, after all he was always the fist one to greet before and after my journey. My fingers trailed over the head of him, the coolness seeping in through my skin.
"Hello there" I whispered.
The winds picked up then, the leaves gathering around my legs and the branches pointing the way. Like that day I first walked through. The wind was pushing me, guiding me forward. Not once in the seven years did I walk any further then this statue, a sign that I was on the borders, another step further and I would be on the outskirts of where all spirits and magic live and thrive.
"You're not being fair." I said, the pain in my heart beginning to thrive again. But it was the spirit world's way, to show you what it could offer and never let you forget all that you could have. In that world there was always a side that was greener. For me, at that time, it was the way home with my parents. Now…. It was only Haku.
"You know," I said to the stone smile, "I wonder how much longer I have to wait before I see him again?"
"I don't regret coming back home, after all I am human, and that world was not mine to be apart of forever. But its like a drug, once you have a taste and a thrill, no matter the danger, you want more of it. To taste the ideas that the world's boundaries don't apply to you or even something as strange and bizarre as a radish spirits can exist without and doubt. I have ridden a water dragon, a wonderfully beautiful creature that embodies water itself. But maybe it's not the world itself that I long for, but the one spirit there that had been strong and brave for me. If it wasn't for him then I would have disappeared into the thin air of the spirit world or had been turned into a pig." I quietly laughed to myself at the though of it.
Sometimes I wonder if that whole day, the one where my father had taken a wrong turn had been fate, because if I hadn't walked through that entry way then many things wouldn't have happened and other things would have; like Haku's death, the curse that would have killed him if love hadn't broken the spell. Love… like from a fairy tale—
My cell phone beeped at me, my parents wondering why I wasn't at home yet. I shut them off before the voice message could pick them up, a sign that I was on my way home. I said good-bye to the statue and continued my way up the foothill, following the brook that had formed only a few years ago. It was small and unsteady, the sun would sometimes threaten its existence, yet somehow it was growing all the more stronger, the waters ebbed away at the dirt and grass so that it would grow in width and size and formed until it began to wedge its way under the very building to the spirit world. It was because of this water that I was able to get home so much easier. When the rains came it grew almost monstrous and washed away many of branches and stones that made it so hard for me to take this path home.
The sounds of the water passing the stones felt like a lullaby to me, a music that you couldn't hear, let alone understand unless you listened carefully. Haku taught me that, to look and see things for more then just their appearance.
"What are you doing out here? The night lamps have already been lit." It was a calm voice that held a concerned stern tone about it.
The voice belonged to a young man, not much older then myself, his hair, brown and dark as the earth, fell forward into his face, but never quite covering up wondrous deep sea green eyes. Soot scraped itself against his left cheek as though he had been working hard. And like me, even with the wind picking up and brushing icy against warm skin he only wore a white t-shirt and dirtied jeans.
I smiled slightly at the kind face, "I'm walking home now. It's dark so my parents must be wondering where I am."
"You should hurry home."
"Because it's not safe?" I asked him.
There was but a hint of a small smile, "Somehow I don't think that would apply for you, would it? There are things however, that show their true forms at night when the rest of the world isn't looking."
I mirrored his smiled, "I don't think many know how true that really is."
"Then you wouldn't be offended if I walked you back home?" The small smile grew even wider.
"No, company would be wonderful." I said.
With two longs strides of powerful legs and confident footsteps he was by my side within moments. Without another word we began to walk.
For some reason I wanted to show him how strong I could be, how I was not a weak girl in appearance with a timid smile. But the confidence got the better of me when my foot couldn't hold it's footing and slipped from under me. Before I could even cry out or truly feel the gravity that pressed against me a strong hand, firm and gentle caught me, keeping me from slipping further down into the muddy hill.
Humor edged its way into his voice with a warm smile, the voice calm and reassuring, "It's alright, I got you. I won't let you fall." A warm hand guided me forward, "You have your footing now?"
"Yes, thank you."
After that we continued to walk in silence and soon the ground turned steady and flatter beneath our feet. Pretty soon we would reach the roads and the sidewalks. I didn't want to just yet though; I wanted to keep walking, to talk for just a little bit longer. There were doubts in my mind, but a spark in my chest—my heart.
"Could we stop for a moment? I like the scene at the top of the hill; I just want to get a few more of the details before we leave. Do you mind?"
The boy shook his head, inclining his head for me to sit down. I had already flip back the cover, back to the very first page, when I had first started to draw out my memories and friends I had gotten a sketch book after, so that I could carry them around with me. The one that I could never finish was the entryway; the place where my journey had first began. There was always some detail that I wanted to add, something else that needed to be put in, so it was never finished. Some days I don't think that it ever will.
"You draw wonderfully." A voice said.
The boy was gazing down into the drawing, his eyes seeming to eat up everything about it, absorbing everything with a hungry curiosity. Then those eyes fell onto something, something small that was etched into the high corner, a figure that was flying so gracefully and lithe it was as if water itself.
"A dragon? Why a dragon in a sketch filled with real things?"
My brow furrowed, " But he is real. A dear old friend of mine… I haven't seen him in a long time though."
"Just a friend?" The tone was barely more then a whisper of something.
There was no pause, "No, he is definitely more."
His hand came down, his palms opened up, "Can I see your other sketches?"
Without a word I handed it over, letting him sit by me, the heat from him rolling off in glorious waves of warmth. He was close enough to feel his breath and the faint heartbeat that began to play out a song for me. The only sound that played out was the faint rippling as the pages turned; I knew those pages well and I was shy of the reaction and the judgment that could have come from is eyes. I busied myself with my shoes, taking them off and letting the grass curl between my stones and rolling up my jeans until even my shins could taste the air and the water from the dew that was already catching on the blades.
"This is you?" The picture he referred to was the last one I had drawn, the one where I was flying through the air, the night that I had helped to set himself free. There I was, my ten-year-old self, flying through the air on the back of a beautiful creature.
I smiled, "Yeah, that's me."
"Do you really want to fly? If you had the choice would you choose to fly again?" This time he looked up at me, watching to see what I would say or do. All I could do was keep smiling, thus bringing out an even wider smile from him in return.
He held out his hand again to me, "What if I said that I could make that happen again? What would you do?"
I stood up with him, his warm hand in mine, "I would love to go for a ride." I said.
"All you have to do it pass one test. One question and if you answer correctly then we can fly through the skies."
"What's the question?"
"What's my name?"
My smile grew to its limits, and I studied his face, I knew his name, after I was the one that had discovered it so long ago. With my voice and words I had set him free. The warmth from his hands spread over through my arms and up my shoulders, until our foreheads touched, his eyes closed.
"Say my name." His breath filled me, taking over all the control that I had gathered against my whims. I quietly passed over his features, the smooth crème of his skin and the warmth of his hair and eyes that opened for me, waiting for an answer.
"Kohaku." The name spilled out through my lips and seemed to engulf us both.
Hands cupped my face, a gentleness that I had almost forgotten but still clung to desperately. A thumb, careful as if my skin were fragile like glass, wiped away at a tear that had somehow found it way into the air and settling on my cheek.
I held my hands on his, never wanting them to let go, to stay there forever. Kohaku's eyes gleamed at me and flickered briefly down to our feet before flashing back at me. When I looked I found that my feet weren't on sturdy ground and the grass was no longer holding my feet in the blades of grass that curled my toes. Instead they dangled there in the air, high in the sky, out heads lining up with tops of the trees. The air, surprisingly warm, wrapped us both up in a blanket of clouds and stars. I felt as though I could live up here forever.
His thumb couldn't keep the tears from leaking anymore and started to quietly dance down along my face, "You kept your promise." I whispered.
"I'm free now, I got my name and it was because of you. You gave me my name and you gave me my life back. Which I am free to give to whoever I want."
"Who would you give it to?" I asked
Kohaku's face leaned in closer, his breath no longer warm but hot and it made me feel as if I would drown in him. I held my eyes open for a brief moment, seeing his own were closed and the moon's light that danced and weaved its way through his hair.
His lips held a soothing cold to them, one that made my eyes flutter shut and the world disappear. It was soft and strange but something… something that I felt that I had waited for, for a too long. It was a soft passion, one that wasn't built on fire or greedy need; he was making another promise.
This promise said that there was more to come, that this small spark of something would build and grown to unimaginable heights. I lost myself, in the kiss, the sky, and this wonder that held me in his arms.
I had fallen in love with a once, and soon to be, mighty river spirit. Without any doubt I knew that it would last even after my body was gone and had flown through that entrance and back to all those that I knew so well. And even then I would continue to love such a magnificent wonder.