Author's note: I'm not sure if I like this or not, but all I know for sure is that I've been playing this song "Kiss it All Better" by He is We for days and days now. And with it, I keep having this idea rattle around in my brain. So finally, I decided to do something about it. I'm not sure if I like it…
So, let's just pretend that there was no ipecac, Eli and Clare had only argued about the her-going-with-Fitz-to-the-dance thing. And that Fitz brought a gun instead of a knife. And he wasn't only trying to "scare" them. And yep. That's about it.
Please don't hate me.
And now he sits behind prison bars
Twenty-five to life and she's not in his arms
He couldn't bring her back with a bullet to the heart
Of the back of a man who tore his world apart
I try to sleep but its cold here. The walls are bare and mocking, making rest futile. I close my eyes and see only her. Only ever her.
It's always her.
He holds on to her memory
All it is is a memory
Hey, hey
I rolled the dice. "C'mon lucky sevens."
Nothing.
Someone else picked up the dice and the game kept rolling.
I don't even know why I expected things to be any different. Stupid stupid optimism. That wasn't my life. Sunshine and rainbows. A glass half full with sparkling cider.
No.
No.
No.
The glass was empty, broken and shattered.
I don't know why I came.
And she's not in his arms…
Through slits, my eyes took note of her walking in with him. Her scanning the gym, shrugging off her coat. Him eyeing her bare shoulders almost hungrily.
I felt my fists clench.
This was supposed to be our night. This was supposed to be our first date.
But no.
No.
No.
No.
The glass was empty, broken and shattered.
I don't know why I came.
She's not in his arms…
No prize TV was worth this. I had to leave this stupid dance. I couldn't take seeing the two of them here. Together.
Him by her side making her smile. Him there making her blush. Him there hearing her laugh. Him staring like he owned her now.
No.
No.
No.
I had to stay. Make sure he didn't cart her off into an abandoned dusty janitors' closet. Or worse, the boiler room.
I rolled the dice.
And in his eyes is the…love of his life…
Tentative, hesitant, unsure. "Hey."
Glaring. Death. "Having fun on your little date, Judas?" Venom filled my tongue, scorching it like acid but I could hardly swallow. "Bet Fitzy's a real dreamy kisser." My stomach clenched and almost doubled over at the thought. God, I hope not.
Clare took a step closer. "He's willing to bury the hatchet."
My eyes narrowed. Was she that naïve to believe the Neanderthal? There was a reason I was defending her honor.
She lowered her voice and put a hand over mine. "Eli." Whisper. Beseeching. "Please."
I dared a smile. It felt unnatural and strange but I couldn't help it. "For you… anything."
"Good." A sigh of relief. "And… thanks."
This time a more natural smile. She cared. She really cared.
I leaned into her as she followed suit. Against her lips, I heard a murmured, "I love you." I guess it was me.
An indiscernible amount of time later and she had me by the hand, wrapped around her pretty little finger. "C'mon. Apology time."
How could I say no?
How was I to know?
He kisses her face
And says "Everything will be alright"
In the hallway, the lights were off but she pulled me along anyways. Into the depths of darkness we skipped. Soon this whole feud would be over. My pride fractured and misshapen but what did that matter when the girl I love was beside me again?
But I didn't know.
How was I to know?
Sudden. Looming. Dangerously furious. "Well, don't you two look cute?"
A gun dangled in his fingers. Pointing downward threateningly, it somehow shined through the darkness as he stood there like a shadow.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't breathe.
Clare was the brave one, her voice only wavering once. "Eli came to apologize."
An ugly laugh echoed dark with disbelief. "I don't think so."
He took one menacing step forward. He seemed not to be able to control his fury.
I swallowed. Swallowed my pride and my own old anger. This had to stop. "Fitz, I'm sorry. I—"
Voice clipped, without humor. "You say the words, but I just don't feel them."
The pleading voice next to me. "Please Fitz, He means it. He—"
Visibly, Fitz shook. He wasn't hearing it. "Shut up, bitch!"
In a split second the gun was up and pointing.
Dumbly, I stood there watching, my mouth agape. If this was death, come quickly. I shut my eyes, waiting for the pain to hit. To feel that bullet lodge itself into my chest.
After all, I had it coming.
And he cries "stay with me…"
A scream. A blood curdling scream resonated from beside me.
"Clare!" I ran to her. She dropped into my arms. Her eyes glassy, her breathing hitched and her hands shaking.
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Clare," I whispered into the darkness.
Fitz just stood there dumbstruck. In awe of what he could do. What he had done.
What had he done?
He looked at the gun in his hand. With a dull sound it dropped to the ground. His words came out tangled. "I—I didn't mean—I—"
And then he fled.
And the coward he ran
And in his eyes is the bleeding
Love of his life
I screamed. "Someone get an ambulance."
No one seemed to hear.
"Clare. Clare. I love you. Stay with me. Stay—"
Fluttering eyelids, wavering between consciousness, her blood spilling into my hands. "Don't leave me, Eli. Please don't leave."
I felt the tears slip away. "I'm not going anywhere."
Clare took one last forgiving breath. "Eli….
And she cries:
"Kiss it all better
I'm not ready to go
It's not your fault, love
You didn't know
You didn't know."
The tears fell freely now. "Stay with me, Clare. Stay with me. I'm not going anywhere. Don't leave me. Don't leave."
Then: alarmed. Loud in my ears. "Eli?" Principal Simpson ran over. "Oh my God."
And then he was taking her away from me. He was making me break my promise. He wouldn't let me stay.
And it was all happening so fast. I didn't know what was happening.
Why did I even come here tonight?
The glass was empty, broken and shattered.
…He noticed the gun
And his rage grew inside
Alone in the ill-lit hallway. Alone with the blood in my hands, wiping in vain the tears in my eyes.
And then.
Then that's when I spotted it.
He said "I'll avenge my lover tonight"
I found him cowering in an old dusty janitors' closet, looking scared and forlorn. He said nothing when I pulled the trigger.
He holds on to her memory
All it is is a memory
That night was the last day of my life. After that, it was all over. Crumbling down with a clatter. Crashed and burned. Everything fell down. Remorse and regret along with it.
But this jail cell here tells me one thing. There's no such thing as what might have been. It's wasted time. Would drive a man insane.
I suppose it's a good thing that's all I have.
He sits in his cell
And lays on his bed
Covers his head
And closes his eyes
In fetal position I lay on the cot, pulling up the sheets, blocking out any and all light. Somehow they seem to make me colder as I hang on to thoughts of her. The memories are all I have. And time. I have nothing but time. They're all I have left.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Stay with me until I fall asleep, stay with me
Stay with me until I fall asleep…
Stay with me
until
I fall
asleep