This story is dedicated to the heroes at Covenant House.
And to everyone who ever was,
Or ever felt that they were,
Thrown away.
The Tri-County garbage truck drove slowly along the quiet residential street. Callously tied to the truck's front grille, like horrible trophies of war, were four lost or abandoned toys. Once the beloved playmates of children, they were now being used as bizarre decorations for the front of a trash truck. It was an ugly fate for anything alive, and far outside of the gentle, loving companionship these toys had been made for.
Proudly displayed in the middle, Lotso Huggin' Bear seethed with a twisted feeling of fury and despair. He was one seriously messed up teddy bear. If there had ever been a toy whose spirit was badly damaged and diseased, Lotso was it. He could think of a million things he wanted to say, all of them filled with hate and bleak misery. But as one of his fellow captive toys had laughingly warned him, when you are tied to the front of a garbage truck, the only way you can protect yourself even a little bit is to "keep your mouth shut."
"Mister, that is the sickest thing I have ever seen!"
The outraged voice came from a beautiful blonde young woman, wearing a lovely white summer dress with a wide brown belt. She was hurrying out from her house toward her car, but changed direction to cut across her lawn and confront the driver of the garbage truck that had just stopped to pick up her trash. Pointing an accusing finger at the toys pinned to the front of the truck, she looked the driver in the eye and said, "You're going to terrify any children who see that!"
The dumbfounded garbage collector self-consciously put a hand up to rub at the back of his head. "Aw, shucks, ma'am," he said, "I wasn't trying to scare no one."
The young woman looked at him. He was almost as grubby himself as the bright orange coveralls he wore, but he had the face and voice of a basically decent guy. "No, I suppose you weren't," she said, feeling slightly mollified. "But it's still awful. What are you thinking, keeping these poor toys tied up on the front of your truck like that?"
"It's not like that, ma'am," he protested, trying to explain. "Somebody threw these toys away, and I figure it's better than just leavin' them to lie there."
The young woman paused for a long moment. That was not at all what she had expected to hear. "I see," she said finally. Then, remembering her manners as her initial anger faded toward understanding, she asked, "What's your name, sir?"
"It's Fred, ma'am," the driver answered. From the way he looked when she said it, it was clear that none of his customers called him 'sir' very often.
"Well, hi, Fred." Stepping a little closer, she held out her right hand. "I'm Daisy." (There might have been a strangled gasp from the front of the truck, but toys weren't allowed to make sounds in front of humans.)
Surprised, Fred awkwardly shook her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Daisy," he said, some well-bred manners of his own surfacing from beneath the rough dialect and the grime in reaction to the respect she was showing him. "I don't want to scare no kids either," he told her, getting back to the original subject as he gestured at the forlorn and battered toys. "But what am I gonna do? No one wants them any more."
"Well, I want them," Daisy said suddenly. "That bear reminds me of one I had as a kid, and those other poor toys are just so pathetic they're cute. Fred... will you let me have them?"
"What?" Fred asked, taken by surprise again. "Well, sure, I... uh, you really want them?"
"I really do."
"Well, then, of course you can have 'em!"
"Come on, let's get them cut loose!" Daisy said. "Surely you must have a scissors in that truck?"
"I think so," Fred answered, scratching his head. "Hey, Hal," he called over to his driving partner, "where's our scissors this morning?"
"It's in the cup holder," Hal called back from the other side of the truck. "What's going on?"
"This lady wants my old toys," Fred told him, stumping over to the truck's cab and fishing around for the scissors. "Says she used to have a bear like that strawberry one I found at the dump last night."
"Whatever," Hal's voice came back, sounding a bit puzzled but agreeable enough.
Fred emerged triumphantly from the front of the truck, holding up a battered, blue-handled pair of jumbo scissors. "Here you go, ma'am," he said, handing them to Daisy.
"Thank you so much, Fred," she answered, taking the scissors and stepping up to the front of the truck. She paused, looking at him. "Promise me you won't do this again," she said. "If you find any more toys that haven't fallen apart, can't you give them a good wash and take them to the Salvation Army or something? There are a lot of kids in town who would be glad to have them."
"Hey, yeah!" Fred smiled. "Yeah, I can do that. And then I won't scare any more kids, too." His smile turned a little bashful. "I promise, Daisy."
"I really appreciate it," Daisy said as she stepped off the curb to stand in front of Fred and Hal's truck. She quickly started cutting free the closest of the four stuffed toys, a wretched little beige monkey that looked like she had once been very pretty.
A moment later she set the little monkey carefully down on the grass next to her mailbox post. Soon the monkey was joined by the big-eyed green frog and the furry purple alien that had been tied near her.
Finally, Daisy reached for the Lotso Huggin' Bear that was tied in the middle of the grille. It tugged at her heart to see him tied by all four paws like that. As she started to cut away the tough white twine that held him, she wondered again, as she had so many times over the years, what had happened to her first Lotso after she lost him. She still remembered screaming and pleading with her mother, when she woke up in the car and found out that Lotso and Chuckles the Clown and her baby doll had been left behind at that rest stop, to go back and get them, to find them, it wouldn't be too far to go back...
No! her mother had said in an impatient voice that was still recorded in Daisy's brain. The gas money is too expensive to drive all the way back there. It'll be cheaper to just buy you a new one.
Daisy came back to the present to find tears flooding her eyes and a bedraggled Lotso Huggin' Bear coming free in her hand as she cut through the last of the twine. Almost without noticing, she handed Fred back his scissors. She scooped the old Lotso up and hugged him to her face and right shoulder, absolutely heedless of her clean white party dress.
Suddenly she froze as her fingers touched a familiar thin patch in the fur behind his left shoulder. She remembered how her Lotso's fur had gradually worn away just there from all the hugging she'd given him. Hardly daring to breathe, she pulled him away from herself and looked closely at the back of his right ear. And there, amazingly, were the two black stitches from the tiny repair that her mother had done twenty years before.
"Lotso? My Lotso? It's really you!"
Lotso had tried and tried to resist the faint, agonizing flash of hope when the garbage collector had picked him up at the dump late last night. When for the first time in years, someone had held him like he really mattered. He tried even harder now. He fought against the surge of warm, gentle feelings that came up inside of him, feelings that were much less comfortable and familiar now than his selfish, twisted evil.
What was the point in fooling himself about this woman who called herself Daisy? Even if she would be about the right age by now? The hope had been wrong last night, and it had been wrong years ago when he'd led his fellow toys all the way back to her house only to find himself replaced, and he told himself that it had to be wrong again now.
But she held him close against her shoulder, just like his Daisy had done. And then she held him out and looked at him so carefully, seeming to recognize him, and in spite of himself he looked back at her face just as hard. There was something in the shape of her eyes...
It really was Daisy.
Lotso didn't notice what else Daisy and the garbage truck driver said to each other before the man drove his truck away. He just snuggled against the side of Daisy's neck and let her carry him, even feeling sort of relieved when she also picked up the other toys she'd rescued from the truck along with him. For twenty years, he'd believed that all toys were junk, and that no one could really care about them. But if he wasn't junk, if Daisy somehow still loved him, then maybe these other ragged toys weren't junk either. It was a weird thought, but once he would have believed it with all his heart.
But then what about those other toys I left to die in the incinerator? he thought. Maybe I should have pushed that button to save them. Daisy couldn't see his face, tucked against her shoulder, taking on a troubled expression.
Daisy carried the toys into her house. It was a comfortable and cozy-looking place, glowingly clean but with a casual amount of disarray and looking very definitely lived in. It was obviously a home that was filled with care and love.
Shifting the toys in her arms to free a hand, Daisy crossed to a small table and picked up her phone. "Honey?" she said after dialing and waiting a moment. "I know I was going to meet you at Pie & Coffee's for breakfast, but could you come by here in about an hour instead? Maybe we can do brunch later - you won't believe what's happened!"
She paused for a few seconds. "Yes. Yes, okay. Thank you, Josh. I'll show you when you get here."
Lotso listened in amazement. She's canceling her plans for me? Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at the three other toys that were also tucked into Daisy's arms. No, he thought. She's canceling her plans for us.
As soon as she hung up the phone, Daisy headed for the kitchen and set the toys into her stainless steel, double-sided sink. "You guys are so dirty!' she said. "You must have been through a lot. But don't worry, it'll all be okay now." There was a wide-eyed innocence in her face that Lotso had rarely seen in an adult. It seemed that Daisy was one of the few people who had grown up while still staying enough like a child that she saw nothing strange about talking to toys.
Daisy turned on the sink and let the left-hand basin fill partway up around the wretched, dirty toys. She added a generous squirt of dishwashing soap, and the warm water bubbled up around Lotso and his companions. It was a shocking sensation. He had been all through a garbage dump, then tied to the front of a trash truck - Lotso winced at the memory, and at the terrible fear he'd felt, all through that long night, that he would stay there until he fell to pieces. But even at the Sunnyside day care, no one had ever bothered to really thoroughly clean the toys. A quick surface wipe now and then had been it.
The care that Daisy showed them now couldn't have been more different. She picked up first Lotso and then the other toys one at a time, and treated them to a deep, careful scrubbing. Her hands worked the soapy water all the way down into their stuffing, with a feeling that was wonderfully soothing and intense all at the same time. Then, in the right-hand side of the sink, she rinsed them just as carefully. Lotso felt as if all the years of pain and despair were running out of him right along with the dirty, soapy water. And when the water finally ran clean, he felt more safe and open inside than he had ever since he lost Daisy two decades ago.
Smiling at him, her eyes crinkling up with happiness and welcome, Daisy squeezed Lotso mostly dry and set him on the big, fluffy towel that was laid out next to the sink. He was quickly joined by the monkey, frog, and alien, all of them looking so different now and so much more alive than when he'd first seen them that it was amazing.
"All right, guys," Daisy said. "I'm taking you into the bedroom to meet the other toys, and then I have to get myself cleaned up!" She laughed, looking down at the dirty patches and splotches all over her white sun-dress.
She picked the newly-washed toys up, towel and all, and carried them down the hall and into a brightly decorated bedroom. Reds, pinks, and blues were the main colors in the decor, with pale yellow walls and soft blue curtains that made the whole place look very welcoming. On shelves, in an open wicker-basket toy chest with no lid, and with a few sitting on the bed itself, was a gloriously cared for assortment of toys.
"There you go," Daisy said simply, setting the new arrivals on the end of the bed. Then she headed out of the room, closing the door behind her.
As soon as she had left, all the toys sprang into motion. Excited and curious, the ones who had already been there gathered around to meet Lotso and the others.
"Welcome to the family!" a kindly voice said. Lotso looked up, and all his old pain and darkness seemed to come closing in around him again. Hopping down from a shelf to stand on the bed in front of the newcomers was... Lotso Huggin' Bear. It was the new one, the one Daisy had replaced him with.
Lotso curled forward, almost physically crushed in on himself by the weight of his feelings. His shoulders hunched, tight and unhappy. He looked down, fighting fury and horror, and his face twisted into an ugly expression of pain.
He felt the bed shifting beneath him as his counterpart stepped closer. "What's the matter?" the other Lotso asked in concern.
Lotso jerked his head up. "It's you!" he snarled. "She loves you, not me, doesn't she? And I'm just a piece of junk after all!"
"Wait a minute," the replacement Lotso said slowly, understanding dawning in his eyes. "You're Daisy's first Lotso, aren't you?"
"That's right, I am!" Lotso said aggressively. Despair gave a sharp edge to his words, but then his voice turned dark and heavy. "I should have died at the dump, or stayed on that garbage truck."
"Now hold on there," the new Lotso said, closing the rest of the distance between them and putting a paw on the older bear's shoulder. Lotso jerked but didn't pull away.
"Allow me to introduce myself," the second Lotso said, falling back on formality to bring some calm into the situation. "I'm Lotso 2. Daisy has always called me that, even when her mother said she was silly for it. And she has never stopped talking about you or missing you. She loves me just as much... but she has always loved you too."
It was unbelievable. Lotso felt light flowing into his spirit, but his heart was almost too tired to accept it. He didn't know what to say.
"Really?" he said at last, uncurling a little and feeling so very young. He stared at the paw on his shoulder, strawberry magenta on identical, matching strawberry magenta.
"Really," Lotso 2 answered firmly, squeezing Lotso's shoulder.
Meanwhile, the other toys had quickly befriended Lotso's initially skeptical companions. "Hey, Lotso 2!" a little Cabbage Patch girl said, bouncing up from the floor to stand beside the two strawberry-scented bears with a big smile on her face. Behind her, the three other rescued toys who'd arrived with Lotso were starting to look like they actually believed all this.
The brunette doll gestured at them with a soft, wheat-colored hand. "We'd all like you to meet Marissa the Monkey, Ribbit -" she indicated the frog, "- and Gorble. Aren't these guys all cool?"
"They sure are, Dorothy," Lotso 2 told her warmly. He reached out and grabbed the three slightly startled new toys in a big hug. "It's great to meet all of you."
Then Lotso 2 stepped back and looked out around the room. "Everybody," he called, gathering the attention of all the toys. "I'd like you all to meet the original Lotso. This is the bear that Daisy lost all those years ago. He's finally come back to join us!"
All the toys cheered, throwing hats and accessories into the air, then crowded around to welcome the four new arrivals. Lotso, overcome by joy and a fantastic, towering feeling of safety, turned to Lotso 2 and did what he was made to do.
He gave him one of the world's biggest hugs.
Josh knocked on the door of his house, and right away his young wife Daisy opened it. She looked absolutely beautiful in the dress with the big yellow and purple flowers, and her hair was damp and curling the way it did when she'd just come out of the shower.
"Happy third anniversary, darling!" Josh said, handing her a big bouquet. Daisy took it, her eyes lighting up from within with the beautiful love that always poured from her spirit, and gave him a big hug and a kiss. Then the young husband and wife went inside, arm in arm.
"Now, what's the big surprise you told me about?" Josh asked easily.
"You'll see," Daisy told him, her voice sparkling with mystery, as she threw open the door to their family bedroom. There, sitting on the foot of their big king-sized bed, were four bedraggled but clean and slightly damp-looking stuffed toys. Three of them were unfamiliar, but one...
Josh looked from the the warm purple bear on the bed to the warm purple bear on the shelf. "Are you serious?" he asked Daisy, figuring it out all at once. "You really found your old Lotso?"
"I did!" Daisy said. "Isn't it amazing?" She quickly told him about how she had found the four toys tied to the front of a garbage truck, and how the nice trash collector named Fred had let her have them. "That's why I asked you to delay our anniversary breakfast plans for this morning," she explained. "They desperately needed a bath - and then I needed one!"
Josh beamed. He knew how much his wife had missed that toy ever since she was a little girl. "It's the best anniversary present we could have gotten," he said. Then he thought of their twin two-year-old boys, and he smiled again. "And won't Tim and Dylan be surprised when they get back from my mom's house tonight! Now there's a bear for each of them!"
Woody rode into Sylvia Dorseley's house, carefully cradled in Bonnie's arms. The little girl had been more than keeping her promise to Andy, to take care of Woody and Buzz and all their friends. Now, she was bringing Woody to show him off to the other kids at the Moms' Group meeting. Apparently, the meetings were held every month at the home of a different member, and this time it was Mrs. Dorseley's turn.
The meeting was fun, with about a dozen kids and eight moms, and even a couple of dads, gathered in the spacious white-carpeted living room. The parents sat around on folding chairs and talked over paper cups of apple juice, while the kids scrambled around playing with each other and their assorted toys all over the place.
"Look at my cowboy!" Bonnie said proudly, holding Woody high above her head.
Looking around the room at all the kids and toys, Woody caught sight of two small boys sitting side by side in a double stroller. They looked too sleepy to play right at the moment. Their father was one of the dads who had come to the meeting, and he sat behind them and next to his wife, gently pushing the stroller back and forth a little bit as they chatted with the other parents.
But what surprised Woody, as Bonnie swung him back down and ran with him to join the rest of the kids, was the two very familiar rosy-colored bears that the little boys were holding. The brave cowboy felt a definite note of alarm, not so much for himself as for the other toys in the area. Because if one of those was really the same Lotso Huggin' Bear that he had encountered at Sunnyside, then they could all be in a terrible lot of danger.
An hour later, the meeting broke up for snack time. The parents and kids went into the kitchen for fruit and cookies. But the two little boys in the stroller, whose names, Woody had learned, were Tim and Dylan, had fallen asleep holding their teddy bears. So they just stayed in the living room with the toys.
Woody cautiously hurried over to the stroller and hopped up onto a chair nearby. The waking humans were only in the next room, but he had to take this chance to find out what was going on and if they were all in danger.
"Hi," he said to the twin bears in a low voice. He paused a second, trying to think of how to put his question. Keep it simple, he thought. "I'm Woody. Have we met?"
The bear on the right looked at Woody, wide-eyed with surprise. "You're alive?" he said in that familiar, low-pitched voice. "I thought there was no way you could get out of there, once I didn't push that button. How did you escape?"
Woody narrowed his eyes, looking at him suspiciously. It was definitely the Lotso he knew. "Are you disappointed?" he asked.
"What? No!" Lotso protested, sounding surprisingly sincere. "I'm really sorry for everything I did back there, at the dump and in Sunnyside. I've been feeling terribly guilty because I thought I'd killed you all. But what about your friends? Did any of them make it?"
"You didn't seem very concerned about that before," Woody pointed out, still suspicious. Lotso really sounded like he meant it, but he'd lied very convincingly when they first met him and again when he betrayed them on the conveyor belt beneath the dump. If the bear wanted revenge, there was no way Woody was going to put his friends in danger by admitting that they had also survived. He was a sheriff, after all, and it was his duty and privilege to protect the people around him.
Lotso spread his paws helplessly.
It was the other Lotso who stepped in to speak for him. "I'm Lotso 2," he introduced himself. "Lotso here is telling the truth, Woody. He's been really torn up about you and your friends." Speaking in a quiet voice, Lotso 2 explained everything that had happened since the tyrant Lotso had double-crossed Woody's group and disappeared at the dump. He told Woody about the garbage truck, about Fred and Hal, and about how Lotso's fate had finally brought him right back to Daisy and to Josh and the boys.
Woody also heard about the other rescued toys, about Marissa and Ribbit and Gorble. Lotso 2 spoke of how they still missed Polly and Martin and Rhonda, their first owners, but were very happy and loved now with Daisy and her husband and sons. And he told Woody about the care and compassion that the first Lotso had been showing them, even though the three long-neglected toys themselves had admitted that they'd laughed at Lotso when he joined them in their seemingly hopeless plight.
Sitting on the edge of the chair now and absently swinging his legs, Woody listened solemnly to the duplicate Lotso's story. Revenge and forgiveness, friendship and hate - he'd seen a lot of it all in the years that he'd been alive. And as he thought about it, he decided that Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head had it right. Love really did conquer all.
He scrambled to his feet, backed quickly across the seat of the chair for a running start, and leaped across the empty space to the front of the double stroller. Landing neatly, he put out his right hand and shook the paws of each of the two Lotsos, one after the other.
"I guess you're all right," he told the original Lotso. "Forget about what happened before. We all made it out." Now it was Woody's turn to tell his story. He told the two bears how the three Pizza Planet aliens had rescued all their friends from certain death, and everything that had happened afterward.
"We'll get a message to Baby and Chuckles, too," Woody promised. "I'm sure your old friends will be glad to know you're okay now."
There was a sound of footsteps and chatting voices as the humans, their snack time over, started to head back toward the living room. Woody and the Lotso Huggin' Bears quickly agreed to fill in the other toys in their homes, so they could all keep in touch at future Moms' meetings. Then Woody jumped, ran, dived, and triple-flipped back to his original position just before the Moms' Group came into the room.