You want to know why. That's understandable: everyone does. Why did I leave the only family I'd ever known and decide to take my chances in another city where I had no allies to back me? Truthfully, I don't know. It happened over a period of several months—gradually what had seemed so crucial fell by the wayside. I fantasized for awhile leaving it all behind, cutting my moorings, and taking off into the wild blue yonder where no one knew my name or history. In time, these plans became more concrete; they gave me something to think about when Goliath chewed me out, when the world around us seemed destined to spiral into madness. It was comforting to have an escape plan, that way if it got any worse (though I often wondered how much worse it could get) I could jump ship.
I began to withdraw from clan activities. I spent less and less time with them in hopes that when I finally did take off, I wouldn't be too sorely missed. I really don't think they noticed too much: I was known for having a tendency to keep to myself. Goliath noticed a little but he was careful not to come down too hard on me lest he encourage me to take off. So we tiptoed around each other, Goliath too afraid to confront me and I too scared to give voice to the dark desires of my heart.
It was late at night and we were out on patrol, thankful that it had been relatively quiet. The Quarrymen had been wearing us down and we were grateful to only have to deal with muggers. I finished my patrol early, landed on a rooftop, and began to think. Somehow I knew I had to leave that night, I could feel it in the marrow of my bones. I couldn't allow myself to be satisfied with simple fantasy. I couldn't go through the motions of being a clan member all the while wishing I could leave. It was unfair to the clan and to Goliath. He deserved a better second-in-command than me.
I took off without any clear direction of where I would go. I could feel the winds rush under my wings and the thermals boosted me up. I didn't have any idea where I was going and I didn't care. The world awaited me and I was free to see it all.
I ran into Angela on my way out of town. We exchanged pleasantries and then I announced my intention to leave. I admit I'd often fantasized about telling her my desire to leave: in my fantasies, she'd get down her knees and beg me not to go. However, after I'd made my announcement, nothing more was said. As the color left her face, she gave me a look I couldn't place. I couldn't tell if she was mad, sad, or merely disappointed. I forced myself to turn away, stretched my wings, and leapt.