Title: Locked
Up Memories
Author: Bent137
Disclaimer: I don't own. Don't sue, not making any money. Though if someone
from the writing staff wants to hire me... that'd be kind of cool.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tim-centric fic. Tim reflects on the past.
Locked Up Memories
He used to like her. Still does actually. He remembers when they were young a lot, and at random times. Mostly he remembers third grade, when he was friends with Nathan, but not best friends. They sat on opposite sides of the class room, Nathan near the window, he near the door. She sat at the group of desks in between. She had wavy hair back then, it fell to her lower back and shined like a new penny. He liked to look at it.
He remembers when her hair got curly, they were in sixth grade, and she got a hair cut. She went home one day with long, wavy, penny-shiny hair and came back the next with really short tightly curled hair. He didn't know what to make of it. Apparently, neither did she. That first day back he came out of school late. She was sitting near the door by herself, waiting for her dad, crying quietly. He asked her what was wrong and she told him that she hated her hair now. He told her that he liked her old hair better too, but that eventually it would grow out. She hugged him and he thought he would die. Then her father drove up. She thanked him, smiled and ran to the car.
He remembers when he asked her out. They were in third grade and she said no. He had only done it because Nathan said the older boys were asking girls out. Nathan asked out another girl, Patty Larne. So Tim asked out Peyton. He walked up to her desk group during lunch. and asked her right there in front of her group. Brooke Davis was there, Peyton looked to her before saying no. "Why?" he had asked. Peyton had shrugged. "Because," was her answer. He had taken it then, and just gone back to his seat with his metaphorical tail between his legs.
He remembers when she was in the school musical. They were in junior high, barely teenagers, but hormones were raging. It was a silly musical, and she was only in the chorus, but he went on opening night anyway. He sat in the center aisle, as close to the stage as he could find. She was pretty under the lights, and when she had to hurry off stage so the actors could do their scenes he missed her. After the musical he tried to find her, but he found Nathan instead. Nathan had been the lead, of course. He had tried to get Tim to try out, but Tim didn't think he was very good, and didn't like the idea of the long hours of practice. Nathan lead Tim away from the school, back to his house to sleep over and shoot some hoops. Tim saw her when he glanced over his shoulder. She was getting into her father's car. That night Nathan asked him about Peyton. Tim thought he was trying to bait him, and didn't respond much. Looking back Tim realizes Nathan was starting to look at her in a new light.
He remembers when her mother died. She doesn't think anyone does, but he does. He remembers he cried for her. He tried to convince his mother to take him to the funeral, but she wouldn't. Instead she took him to the calling hours. Peyton assumed he was there because his mother made him come. That wasn't the case. When they put her mother in the ground he was there. He blew off Nathan and came to watch from afar. He wanted to expose himself and dry her tears, but he couldn't risk it. He couldn't bear to watch her cry and do nothing, so he left. He remembers thinking how the day was far too sunny and cheerful. They're supposed to be gray and sad, full of threats of rain and tears. Sometimes carrying out both threats.
He remembers the year she dabbled in witchcraft. Not many knew it, but he did. By then he was a master at all things Peyton. He saw the subtle signs. The doodles on her notebooks, the spellbook tucked into the recesses of her locker. The pentacle necklace he knew she'd bought on a whim and wore under her shirt. He began researching it because she had. When his senior year came he was glad to have drawn the term paper topic "The History of Witchcraft."
He remembers when she first got into cheerleading. Before witchcraft, after her mother died. She didn't think she was any good, but he saw her practicing hard after school while he practiced basketball. She was good, she just didn't know it, and over time, she got better, and her confidence got stronger. This was when she became closer to Brooke.
He never knew Brooke dabbled in witchcraft until the guy came along. He was from two towns over and was into that witchcraft stuff. Nathan joked about him being gay, Tim sometimes wondered if he was just scamming on girls. Peyton fell for him, hard. It broke Tim's heart to watch her pine after him, to see his name doodled on her notebooks. Just when he had put it back together it broke again, this time for her. The guy had broken her heart, and it was killing Tim. Peyton found out he had been seeing Brooke. Tim never saw the pentacle necklace, spell book, or witchcraft doodles again.
He remembers when she and Nathan got together. It was shortly after the guy, and he still wonders if Nathan was taking advantage of her vulnerability. He doesn't say anything though, not ever. Nathan's his best friend, he wouldn't do that to his best friend. Most of the time when the thought crosses his mind he pushes it out as quickly as it came. Then he feels guilty and tries to think up nice things to do for Nathan to make up for his mental betrayal.
Most of all though, he remembers her smile. He's seen it many times over the years. He saw it when he comforted her about her hair. He saw it when she was in the school musical. He saw it when he told her she was doing good at cheerleading. He saw it when she made co-captain, he saw it when she fell in love with that guy. He saw it when she and Nathan first started going out. He doesn't see it very much anymore. Now he mostly sees it when someone brings up how he asked her out in third grade and she said no. Everyone laughs, even her, even him. Then she catches his eye and smiles at him, and he smiles back. That smile conveys years of secrets, and in that one smile he knows that she knows she should have said yes.