"I hate it here," Tom yelled at his mother. He slammed his bedroom door hard and locked it. 'I hate her for making me move here,' he thought to himself. A tear rolled off Toms face. 'How could she do this to me? So soon to!'
Moments later Tom heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Tom," his mother said as she knocked gently on the door. Her voice was so peaceful yet she sounded like it was broken.
"Go away," Tom yelled from the other side of the door. He didn't want to see her right now. He just wanted to be left alone.
"I know this is hard on you Tom, It's hard on me too," she said. Her voice was full of care and concern. But it didn't feel real. It felt like she was pretending to care about her son but all she could really care about was herself and how sad she was right now.
"You don't even know what I'm going through," Tom yelled. He felt some what bad for talking to his mother this way because in a way she did know what he was going through. They were going through the exact same thing but in a way it was so different. Tom was just a child and his mother wasn't ever there for him it seemed.
"Tom," his mother tried again. Tom could tell that his mother was crying but still he pushed her away. He still didn't want to try to comfort her. Why should he have to comfort her? She's the adult here.
"Leave me alone," Tom yelled. "Just go! I don't want to be near you!" he tried to yell but instead he cried out. Then he worked up the nerve to say, "I don't want to be near someone I hate. I hate you for putting me through this crap. Dad wouldn't have put me through all this crap," He yelled. "Dad would actually care about me instead of just himself."
Tom's father always seemed to know what Tom wanted, and what was best for him. Tom's mother just had no clue. She wasn't a father, she was a mother, she wasn't expected to possibly understand. There was a gentle tap at the door.
"Leave me alone now! Don't try and do what dad would do, or say what dad would say cause you're not dad and if you were dad we wouldn't be in this mess." Tears were welling up in Tom's eyes as he spoke the harsh words to his mother.
"Tom," a faint whisper came from the other end. His mother rested a hand on the door and a hand on the locket in which she wore. Her husband had given it to her. Inside there was a picture of her and a picture of her husband. She was about to say more but then stopped, her husband would leave Tom alone if he wanted to be left alone. She slowly backed away from the door and ran downstairs to her room.
Tom's mother's room was directly below his room. Tom could hear his mother below him crying. He heard something break. His mother had thrown a vase and it shattered into a million little pieces, just like her heart.
Tom sat on his bed. He threw a baseball up in the air and caught it. Threw it up and caught it. Threw it up and caught it again and again. Tom's father used to play catch with him every Sunday, but not anymore. Tom's Father was dead
Tom began to go over what had happened in his head. It happened three months ago. Tom's father went into the hospital for his yearly check-up, but by then it was too late. The doctors thought something was unusually abnormal. They did some testing and a few days later we got news that Tom's father had been diagnosed with cancer. If his father would have gone in just a little bit earlier he may have had some sort of surgery to get the cancer out of him, the doctors said if he would have come in even up to two months earlier it wouldn't have spread so far to be unstoppable. But it was too late and there was nothing that could be done about it. Especially not now. Now Tom's father was dead.
When Tom's father found out he only had a few months to live he wanted to spend as much time as he could with his family.
Tom and his mother knew that the death was coming. His father acted so normal like nothing was wrong. He wanted to live out his last moments. Everything seemed normal until that day when nothing was normal ever again.
It was Sunday afternoon. Today was the day that Tom and his father always played catch. Tom's father was taking his afternoon nap.
"Dad," Tom said shaking his father to wake him. "Come play catch with me," he said. His father wouldn't wake up. "Dad," Tom yelled shaking him even more now. No response. Tom began frantically shaking his father, "Dad! Don't leave me dad! Don't you dare leave me," He yelled. "I love you dad! I love you," Tom urgently checked for a pulse. There was the faintest beat, the slightest bit of life still stored in him. Tom was crying by now. "Dad… if you can hear me I love you! I love you so much!" he said.
His fathers pulse suddenly stopped. Just like that life was gone it had slipped away like a person in a crowd. Tom laid his head on his fathers Chest. Tom cried. He cried until his eyes ran dry. Now that his father really was dead it hit him. It hit him hard.
Tom who was to saddened to move just laid on his father. He never called his mom to tell her. Why not let her have one more good day in her life before she finds out this life is gone he must have been thinking.
Tom's mother finally did get home. You could hear her fling her keys down on the kitchen table. "Honey, "she hollered. She took a step in the living room where she saw Tom's head on his father and knew right away what happened.
She slid slowly down the wall. Her head went into her hands. You could hear her crying. She was crying for the longest time. Time went by slowly. Time would never go by which meant it would be longer for the pain to heal, just a little bit.
A long time passed. Tom's mother finally rose to her feet. She walked to the kitchen and called the hospital. "My husband died," She told them. She sounded so put together and like nothing major at all had really just happened.
The ambulance shortly arrived at their house to take away the corpse. All the while they were taking the corpse away Tom was screaming, "Stop it! Don't touch my father! Don't take my father! Don't take my father!" over and over the same thing was being said. The day that everything changed.
Now three months had passed since that dreadful day. But to Tom the pain was still so great it felt like an hour ago. Tom and his mother had fought a lot since his fathers death. So much that he didn't even want to talk to her anymore. Tom's mother changed too. She used to be bubbly and alive now she seemed like she was dead but she was still walking and breathing.
In those three months gone by Tom's mother had packed up all their belongings and moved away from the town in which they lived in. She had said the reason they were leaving was because there were to many memories and it was to painful to be where all those memories just stopped and there couldn't be anymore memories made at all. Tom disagreed. He thought they should stay by the memories and keep them all alive. He had tried everything he could to stay. He told his mother that even though his father wasn't there he and him could make new memories. It didn't work. Tm hated the move. He hated his new town. Back in the old town he had friends. Friends who tried to comfort him with little success though of course. How could you comfort this situation? Nothing they could say would take any pain away. Just moving away from the friends who cared hurt badly.
Tom had been at his new school in his new town for one week. He hated it! He hated it with a great passion. He didn't have any friends there. No one knew what was going on so no one could help. Even if they knew why would they help? They didn't even know Tom. The worst thing was that Tom didn't have a father that could comfort him from his loss of his father.
After Tom had focused on these thoughts for several hours he stopped throwing the ball up and down in his room. He turned his head and looked at the clock it was 9:30 pm. 'I hate his room,' he thought to himself. 'I hate this house, I hate this town, I hate that all the good things in my life have been stripped away from me like I don't deserve them any more.
"God, if you're listening please send someone into my life. Someone to make my life a little bit easier," he prayed. He certainly hoped that god was listening. He certainly hoped God would send someone.
Then he got up and went over to his window. Maybe my dads with the stars up there in the sky he thought. When Tom was little he figured the only way there could be so many stars was if all those who died turned in to stars. He knew now it wasn't true, but he liked to think that his dad was up there looking down on him then he'd know how much tom missed him. Tom knew he was thinking quite childish for a sixteen year old boy but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.
Tom turned to the clock. It now read 12:45 pm. Tom didn't care that it was so late. He was tired but all that mattered was his dad. Tom wanted knew he needed to go to sleep but all he wanted was his dad.
Tom continued to think about his dad. He fell asleep on the thought of his dad
That night Tom had a dream about his father. It was a wonderful dream about his father and him. It was the most perfect day. Tom and his father were swimming outside. The sun was shining everything was great.
"Thomas," His father said to him. It was nice to dream about his father and hear his voice because in his dream his father's voice sounded so real
"Yes father," Tom had said in his dream.
"Thomas I hear you," his father said.
"I didn't say anything to you," Tom replied.
"You said you love me. And Thomas… Thomas are you listening?" his father asked.
"Yes Father I am listening,"
"This is very important, are you listening?"
"Yes I am listening to you," Tom said again. He said it in an irritated voice.
"Thomas, I love you. I love you so much," His father said. Then just like that Tom woke up.
Tom woke up on the floor. He had fallen asleep on the window sill.
Tom thought about his wonderful dream all morning. His dream seemed so real that Tom wondered if it was real. Was that even possible? Tom came to the conclusion that it wasn't real. He knew it wasn't real he hadn't heard his father and he never would. His father was dead.
After Tom was sure his mother had gone to work Tom finally went downstairs. His mother had left a note for Tom on the table:
You can have oatmeal for breakfast.
I love you Tom.
Love,
Mom
Oatmeal? Tom had had oatmeal every Saturday morning for as long as he could remember. "Things have changed," Tom said out loud. "I think I will change my routine a little."
Tom grabbed the keys to the car and headed out the door to the store. He sat comfortably in his seat. That's what he wanted after a long, hard night of sleeping on the floor. He wanted to sit comfortably.
Tom turned on the radio but the only thing that was playing was country. Normally Tom didn't mind country, sure it wasn't his favorite at least it was music, but not this country! The country song had lyrics of "When you died I got to thinking maybe life aint worth living with out you." Those were just the lyrics he wanted to hear. Ones that made him even more unhappy about his life. He clicked the radio off and just thought. He rolled down the window and let the cool breeze flow on his face. His father used to always do that.
Tom pulled into the parking place at the grocery store and walked inside. JUNKFOOD. That was all that Tom wanted! Junk food. Lots and lots of sweet junk food.
He wanted to start the day off sweet, or so he used as his excuse. What a good way to start a rotten day. Every day had been rotten since his father died.
As Tom was checking out he saw two people in the parking lot. There was an old man and a young girl about Tom's age chasing around the older man.
Tom gave the clerk his money and ran out of the store. He went to go get a glimpse of what was happening. Just two crazy people, that's all Tom thought. He rolled his eyes as he clicked the unlock button to his car.
He got on in and turned on the engine. Just as he was about to back up he heard a thud. Tom quickly turned off the car and got out in a panic to see what had happened. Tom realized that the old man running around the parking lot had just run into his back window and fell over.
Tom didn't know why? He didn't know if it had been his own fault. If he had startled the old man, or perhaps he accidently backed up on the man.
"Is he alright?" Tom asked the girl standing there with her hands on her knees completely out of breath.
"The question," She said taking deep gasping breathes, "Is if… I… am okay." Tom gave a little chuckle. She was completely exhausted from chasing after the man.
"Are you okay?" Tom asked sarcastically. The girl waved him on like she was fine, like chasing a man in this parking lot was nothing new to her she did it all the time.
Tom kneeled down by the old man, "Are you sure he's alright?" He asked the girl.
"I really hope so," She replied.
Feeling a bit concerned Tom asked the girl if he could drive her and the old man somewhere
"Yes," She said in a very thankful voice. "Would you drive us to the hospital?"
"I thought you said he was okay," Tom replied.
"Oh not for him… For me," She said in a little laugh. Tom laughed too. "No I just want to make sure he is okay, never can be to careful you know."
"Will you help me get him into the car?" Tom asked. Tom took two feet and the girl took two arms. They gently lifted him on the backseat where they laid him down.
On the way to the hospital Tom tried to make the ride less awkward.
"What happened," He asked. "If you don't mind my asking."
"Well my grandpa here," the girl said this looking back at her grandfather "Was running around the parking lot. He was trying to warn people that the Japanese were coming," She replied.
"The Japs are coming?" Tom said in a joking voice. The girl smiled slightly. "If you don't mind me asking why was he warning people that these Japanese were coming?"
"Alzheimers," She told Tom. "He thinks he is back in world war two. He thinks he's a general. Every time some one asks him who he is he says a general under Franklin Roosevelt our president," She said.
"Franklin Roosevelt?" Tom said. Tom almost burst into laughter, but he stopped himself. Sure the things alzheimers makes people do is funny but Alzheimers in itself wasn't a very laughable thing.
"I love my grandpa," The girl replied, "But sometimes it gets so hard to try and be the adult and him the child, it's not supposed to be that way," She said.
Tom pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. "I'll go and fetch a wheel chair," Tom told the girl.
When Tom got back he and the girl quickly yet gently unloaded the old man out of the car and onto the wheel chair. They strolled him on in. After Sierra filled out some paperwork and explained what had happened to him the doctors took him back to look at him.
The girl sat down in a chair in the waiting room. "You can go now if you want to," She told Tom.
"No." Tom said. "I think I'll wait here with you… that is if you don't mind my company." The girl looked at Tom and gave a slight smile. Tom smiled back at her.
Tom sat down next to the girl in the waiting room. He twiddled his thumbs a few moments and then began to speak. "I'm real sorry but ?I never even caught your name," He said.
"I'm, Sierra she said. "Sierra Thomson."
"Thomas, my names Thomas but you can just call me Tom," He told her
"Ha. Ha," the girl giggled. "Thomson, Thomas… Tom," She said. She thought the similarity amusing.
"Nice," Tom said. He laughed a little bit to but didn't find it quiet as amusing as Sierra did.
"So Thomas… Sorry, Tom are you new around here?" She asked.
"Yeah how'd you know?" He asked her.
"Small Town," Sierra replied.
"You got that right."
"It's not that bad here," She said. Tom gave her a doubtful look. "Okay it does get a little boring but really it isn't too bad. After just a few short months you will know everybody at school, and you'll have a tom of friends," She said.
"Do you have a ton of friends?" Tom asked.
"Nope, actually if you and I are friends you're the only friend I have," Sierra told him
"Why?" Tom asked but he thought he may have a good idea as to why that was. Because Sierra was so beautiful that all the guys hid on her and all the girls hated her for getting all the attention.
"Nothing," Sierra said. Sierra then tried to change the subject off of why she didn't have any friends, "I think I've seen you in the halls or somewhere at school," she said.
"Probably," Tom replied.
A doctor appeared and called Sierra's name. Sierra looked at Tom in question like I wonder what is wrong… if anything is wrong.
Tom watched Sierra from where he was sitting. She was so beautiful. She had long curly black hair, but her hair wasn't to long it was perfect length. She had the most gorgeous blue eyes. She was so complex. She looked like she really tried to take care of herself. Sierra smelt of something. Tom couldn't quiete make it out, but it was a wonderful smell it was very attractive. She was very attractive, Oh and she had a very, very good body.
Sierra walked back slowly as if something were wrong but it was covered up. "Everything okay?" Tom asked her. "Is your grandpa alright?"
"Yeah he's fine," Sierra said as she waved her hand like nothing happened. "Can we just go?" She asked Tom. Tom took her back to the car. She sat down slowly in the seat and turned to look out the window. Tom turned the car on. He looked at her and a tear was riding down her cheek. Tom turned the car back off.
"Look, umm Sierra?" He began. "I know we don't know each other real well but if you want to talk about it." There was no replie. Tom reached in to turn the car back on.
"Stop," Sierra said in the faintest voice. "I do want to talk about it," She said, and then she began.
"My grandpa has Alzheimers really bad. When he ran into your car he got a concussion, a really bad one. This concussion doesn't help his Alzheimers. He knocked his head in just the wrong place and the doctors give him three weeks to live," She said all this over a long period of time. Her crying was hard to make all the words come out. "You can't possibly know how it feels for the one person who loves you to be dying," she said but Tom did know what it felt like. He didn't say anything he just listened. "He took me in when no one else wanted me. My mom wanted an abortion but he wouldn't allow it. When I was born my mother dropped me off at his doorstep and left to California to try and become an actress." Sierra was crying so hard. Tom grabbed her and gave her a long hug.
"Sierra," He said Sierra looked up at him. "Sierra I want you to know that I do know what it is like to loose a loved one. You are not alone. My father died three months ago. If you ever just want to talk about it or anything just call me," Tom told her. He took Sierra's phone which was lying next to her on the seat and dialed his number in to save it.
Tom started the car again. Every once in a while Tom would aske Sierra for directions to where they were going.
"Stop," Sierra said when they were in the middle of a road. Tom pulled over to the side of the road and let the cat ease to a smooth stop.
Sierra jumped out of the car and ran. Tom understood why they must be where they were. They were at a lake. Sierra was running to a dock.
When sierra reached the dock she just stood there in the wind. Her hair flowed with the whispers of the wind. She closed her eyes tightly. Sierra was having a memory. IT was a beautiful memory.
Sierra was five years old. She was holding a fishing pole and wore a vest with so many pockets. In these pockets was tackle. Rubber tackle of course. Sierra's grandpa asked Sierra for some bait and she'd hand him a plastic pink fish. Every time she handed him bait he would say to her, "My little brown haired blue eyed girl is growing up," she'd smile because for her growing up wasn't a bad thing. It wasn't so scary when she had her grandfather by her side. Now her grandfather wasn't by her side. Her world was flipped upside down now growing up seemed like the hardest thing in the world to do.
Sierra snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a door slam closed. Tom was coming out to her. Sierra was crying now. Tom reached out and wrapped his arms around her.
When Tom let go Sierra slipped her shoes off, sat down, and put her feet in the lake.
Tom did the same and joined her.
"My grandpa used to take me fishing here on special occasions." Sierra told Tom
"Your grandpa loves you very much," Tom told Sierra.
"Right here," Sierra began, "Right here is the earliest memory I have with my grandpa," Sierra told Tom. "You know what it was of?" Sierra asked Tom. "It was me and my grandpa fishing and me catching my first fish, it was the biggest fish I've seen in my life to this day," Sierra told Tom Tears streamed down Sierra's face. This Time Sierra hugged Tom.
Sierra fell asleep right there at that dock. Tom just sat there and looked at the stars. It was getting late. Tom could feel it. Tom stood up. He lifted Sierra up and carried her to his car. She woke up a little but all she did was smile and fall back asleep. When she was settled in the car and Sierra was settled in the car Tom just looked at her. She was so kind, so beautiful. Tom leaned over and kissed Sierra on the cheek. It was then that tom realized love could happen in one day. Tom had just met Sierra that day but Already he could feel it in him that he loved her. He knew he wasn't crazy though you may call him crazy. He had never experienced love before but he knew this must be it.
After just looking at Sierra Tom started his car off and drove. He drove around a little bit. He didn't want to wake Sierra up to tell her she had to leave. He didn't want Sierra to leave so he drove.
He didn't know where he was going but in a little while he found his way back to the town.
Now was the time to wake Sierra up. Tom Bent over and kissed Sierra one more time before he shook her awake.
"Yeah?" Sierra asked sleepily.
"It's time to go home," Tom said.
"Oh," Sierra replied.
"Where do you live?" Tom asked.
Sierra gave Tom directions to her house and even though Tom didn't want to he took her home.
"Are you going to be alright here by yourself?" Tom asked. Sierra shook her head as she slowly opened the door, thanked Tom, and walked away.
That night Tom stayed up almost all night. He couldn't get his mind off of Sierra. He knew that they were meant to be but he didn't know how.
The next morning the alarm clock went off. Tom had only gotten two hours off sleep. He hit the snooze button and went back to sleep. It was already 6:30 and he needed to leave at 7:00.
"Get up Tom," His mother yelled at him when she saw he wasn't awake yet.
"No," Tom said pulling the blankets over his head as his mother opened the window. The sun was shining in on him. All of a sudden the room just lit up.
Tom finally got up. He didn't have much time to get ready so he took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, and went to school. Even with having so little time in getting ready Tom still looked surprisingly good. He had very nice features. He had black curly hair, just like Sierra's and his father's. He had the biggest brown eyes and the most sweet natural smell about him.
Tom's only friend in school was Sierra, but that was of his own choice. A lot of the girls tried getting close to Tom but like Sierra, Tom didn't like a bunch of people hiding on him. All the guys wanted to be Tom's friend because they thought it would get them more able to get a girl, but that all stopped when they found out Tom choose not to hang with all those beautiful girls.
Tom and Sierra walked to lunch together that day. That day Tom realized what he thought about why Sierra had no friends was indeed true.
"Sierra's so lucky," Tom heard a girl say at the other table.
"She gets who ever she wants. It's not fair, All the guys go after that we don't care about and she turns them down, but when a guy goes after that we do care about she gets him," another girl said.
Tom could see Sierra looking uncomfortable pretending that she didn't hear what had been said.
"Sierra finally found someone good enough for her," A boy said as he walked by.
"We're not a couple," Sierra yelled back at him.
Sierra looked at Tom in embarrassment. "I see why they say all this," Tom replied.
"Why's that?" Sierra asked.
"Because you turn them down because they are a bunch of jerks who are self centered and only want to go out with a girl because she looks good," Tom said. "But they are just using that girl and the girl usually just uses them," He looked at Sierra, she was nodding. "But you don't like to be used and don't want to be used so you turn them all down. And when they see you with another guy, like you hanging out with me, they assume we're going out and you finally found someone in "Your league" as in they think your stuck up," Tom finished.
"Wow," Sierra said. "No guy has ever been able to read me that clearly," Sierra told Tom. That moment Tom was more reassured that they were meant to be together.
Over the next few weeks Tom and Sierra became very close. They became great friends.
One evening Tom sat in his room throwing a baseball up and down. Throwing it and catching it, again and again. Tom realized that he hadn't thought about his father all that much lately. He felt a little bit guilty for that.
"I'm sorry I haven't thought about you," Tom said out loud.
"You have forgotten all about your old man," Tom imagined his father say.
"No I haven't," Tom told himself. While Tom talked to his father and imagined his father talking back he knew his father wasn't really there to listen to him. His dad couldn't hear him, but he didn't want his dad to hear him. He didn't want his dad to know he was having a good time without him. His dad wouldn't want his to have fun without him… would he? Then Tom fell asleep.
When Tom woke up he realized it was Sunday. He and his dad used to platy catch on Sunday. Tom got out his cell phone and called Sierra.
"Sierra," he began. "Will you come over and play catch with me?" he asked. He wanted to keep a part of his father alive.
After Sierra said yes Tom began thinking about Sierra. Sierra seemed so perfect. He loved Sierra that was something he was very, very sure about.