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At seventeen my heart tore much like tape would if you pressed too hard. Old people say that people of our age can laugh at everything, even a rolling leaf. But I was more serious, more daring, and in more pain than any adult. I let my life link with others without really understanding the deep connection we shared.

I felt like I could love anyone, I bet my everything, even the smallest things like wandering daydreams.

By spring I has changed terribly, I was growing up and needed the reassurance that I was turning into an adult. Much like an adrenaline rush caused by seeing each other's changes, the thrill of falling in love for the first time made much more aware of the world around me.

Following the Law of Maturity, a boy becomes a man, a girl becomes a woman; a boy already becomes a man, but a girl is still a wild one. The problem was the time gap that existed between us and the glaring differences made by the complicated nature of humanity and the unchanging singularity of vampirism.

Our mind, filled with thousands of layers, made it impossible to measure its depth and to predict how things will end up. It is perfectly understandable by human standards to have nasty fights or a painful break-up, only to move on as if nothing had happened after some time. Yet I was stuck in a single phase, wondering where time was going.

After the Cullens left I was numb. For lack of better terms, I feel ashamed that I lost precious time feeling sorry for myself and for the life that I could have had with them. I realized that I had let myself be trapped in a dream like state with no way to come back. Maybe, if things had played differently, if I hadn't let myself be consumed by beauty like a moth to flames, I wouldn't be in this situation.

Truths are unpleasant, but if we don't embrace these unpleasant truths, we might misunderstand them and live with the lies.

What we see is not everything.

That's how I found myself staring blankly at the wall of the school library waking up from a continuous daydream. I looked up only to find an unfamiliar boyish face looking at me with apologetic eyes.

"Sorry for bumping into you, I wasn't looking" he apologized "I'm new here, so I got a bit lost."

I didn't get why this kid was talking to me and not looking at me like some freak. He had a sincere smile and was soft-spoken, very polite and had soft green eyes. Nothing like the dark and mysterious charm vampires had. A soft blush crept to his cheeks and he ran a hand through his brown hair.

"Don't worry" I whispered, it was the first time I spoke to someone besides my classmates or Charlie. It was a change. "I was zoning out."

I gathered my things to get up and leave, but he grabbed my arm suddenly. "Would you mind showing me around? You are the first nice person I meet."

Surprise etched my features and I gaped openly. Me? Nice? That was something I haven't heard in a while. Most have stopped talking to me altogether since I became a zombie and I lost all contact with humanity besides my mom. A strange feeling filled my chest, I was uncertain for a moment if I should help this kid out. I was a danger magnet.

"Yeah, sure." I finally decided. I had a gut feeling that I should get to know him.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it!" He smiled brightly, I wasn't able to return his smile.

I didn't want it to take longer than necessary. I would get him to the principal's office and get him a map. That was as much interaction as he was getting. We walked in silence and I showed him where the gym, the cafeteria and a few other things were. We finally arrived to the principal's office only to find, said principal, standing outside. He didn't pay us any attention and I grabbed a map form the front desk.

"Here." I put the map in his extended hand and was ready to leave.

"Wait! What was you name?" he suddenly asked.

"I never told you" I tonelessly said "Goodbye then."

I left without a second glance and ran quickly to my truck.

"See you soon, Bella." He murmured.