Your here again. After the best four months of your life, you find yourself standing in front of Remus Lupin, throat hoarse from shouting, tear tracks running down your face.
"I've told you it doesn't matter to me! That I don't care, that I love you anyway! Why can't you believe that?" I shout, feeling tears start to run down my face.
You want nothing more than for him to shout back, but he stands there, silent. Letting your words wash over him. You see nothing but sadness in those honey coloured eyes directly in front of you, the eyes you have fallen so completely and utterly in love with. You want nothing more than to run and kiss him like it's your last minute on earth, but something inside of you needs him to understand.
"You being a werewolf means nothing to me." You see him open his mouth to respond to this but you cut across him.
"You're not a monster, or a beast or whatever else it is that you think you are...your Remus Lupin. Smart, funny, kind, considerate, and the one person in the world who gets me completely. Who makes me feel like I can do anything. YOU do that to me." A faint flicker of the famous marauder smirk flits across his face for a moment but fades just as quickly.
"Where's the Remus Lupin I used to know? The famous marauder who showed me secret passages at 1 o'clock in the morning...or who used to do silly, stupid things and your excuse would be "why not." The one who I danced with in the middle of the rain with at midnight because you said we needed more excitement in our lives! What's happened to him."
Unable to bear it anymore you walk over to him, never taking your eyes off him, and take his hand in your own. Placing your other on the side of his face you continue.
"I want to be with you, more than I've ever wanted anything more in my life" your voice is barely more than a whisper, but you know he is hearing every word. "I just want you to say what you feel, I've just told you I love you and you've said nothing." You can hear the hint of pleading in your voice, begging him to say it back. You know he loves you, just the way he looks at you, you know.
"I can't love you"
Those words are all it takes to make you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest and shredded into a thousand tiny pieces. You let your hand drop and take a step back.
"I'm too dangerous, I'll hurt you, you deserve better than me..." He trails off, a mixture of hurt, anger and sadness etched on his face.
Anger builds inside you again. Did he not just hear a single word I said!
"You know what Lupin..." His face flinches at the use of his last name
"...If you can't be prepared to take a risk, to finally be happy, to say what you really feel then fine." The bluntness of your words shocks even you, but at this point you don't care anymore. You want nothing more than to curl up under your covers in your dormitory and crying until there are no more tears physically left for you to cry.
"Ali please..."
You have to look away for fear of your resolve crumbling right there and then. You know that you have to do this. Frankly you can't take it anymore.
"We're over."
And with that you run from the astronomy tower, tears spilling over your cheeks. But not before taking one look back at a boy struggling to fight back tears himself.
"Ali you have to eat something"
The voice of Lily Evans knocks you out of your daydream. You look up to see her looking at you, concern evident on her face.
"And don't think I didn't hear you crying into your pillow all night"
Dammit!
The lame excuse of "I'm just not hungry" spills out of your mouth before you can stop it.
"Don't even try that with us missy!" Alice says from across the table.
You hear the unmistakable bark of Sirius Black and look up to find The Marauders minus a certain sandy-haired werewolf saunter into The Great Hall. Before you know it they're plopping down in front of you. Brilliant, just what you need this morning.
"Morning lovely ladies" comes the flirtatious voice of Black himself.
"Not in the mood today Black" you all but snarl his way. He's friends with Remus, therefore by default you hate him to.
"Whoa Whoa, what's got your wand in a knot Wilson?"
Yep, hate Potter too.
"Potter, leave her along you! Or can't you hear today?" Lily hisses, anger lacing her voice.
"Lily-Flower, I was just being a concerned friend"
"Concerned friend my arse"
Oh god, your sensing an argument. Not today.
'So where's Remus?' Alice chirps from next to you.
You feel your palms start sweating, and tears begin to burn in the back of your eyes. Memories of last night's argument are still fresh in your brain.
"Just coming I think, told us to come down without him." Says Sirius between mouthfuls of pancakes. "Actually, he's been acting really weird all morning. All depressed and stuff. Total downer on my happy morning mood actually".
You see James trying to hold in his laughter. "Morning mood! Your specific words this morning when I tried to wake you up Padfoot were "piss off you specky git or I'll hex you"
"Do you want me to hex y- Oh finally here's Moony"
You look up and your heart starts beating erratically in your chest. Why does he look so bloody gorgeous, whilst I look like a complete wreck! Feeling sick you look down at your barely touched scrambled eggs but you feel his eyes land on you. Wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up you try to hide the blush creeping its way onto your face.
A snort from James and Sirius's exclamation of "What the hell is he doing?" is enough for you to raise your head and stare open mouthed at the scene in front of you. Because walking along Gryffindor table towards you is Remus. Trying to avoid stepping in various plates of egg and bacon and goblets of pumpkin juice the look on his face is one of pure nervousness but when your eyes meet the marauder smirk you've grown to love appears and honestly you want nothing more than to laugh and cry at the sheer weirdness of it all.
The chatter around the hall has died down to the point where you could hear a pin drop. I mean antics like this were almost a common occurrence for Potter or Black, but Remus? Almost unheard off. What the hell is he doing! He stops in front of you and you have to lean back in order to see him properly. Crossing your arms you can feel everyone's eyes on you, you are not going to make this easy on him.
Suddenly and without warning a hand grabs you and pulls you up onto the table, so you're standing face to face. Dizzy, you are aware how close the two of you are. With his eyes never leaving yours, he places both hands on the side of your face and pulls you into the most spine tingling, breath taking kiss you have ever experience in your entire life. You can feel his emotions poured into this kiss and his lips move in synch with yours in a way that confirms in your head that you belong together. After what seems like years you pull apart, instantly missing the feel of his lips on yours and you're suddenly aware of the cheers and whistling echoing off the walls, a rhyme of "Go Go Mooney" coming from the proximity of where Potter and Black are sitting. Cradling your face in his hands he looks at you with such intensity that if it wasn't so bloody sexy you'd have to look away, you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding in.
"I do love you Ali."
The utter sincerity in his voice makes your heart expand a least one hundred times over, and you are aware you are grinning like an utter idiot. But at the moment you don't give a damn.
"It's a good thing I love you too then" you say with a slight mocking tone to your voice. You hope he knows this means he's forgiven.
"So how about we go someone a little more...private?" you can't help but laugh at the smirk on his face, and then at the goofy smile when you nod in acceptance.
Jumping down from the table to a series of pat on the backs and mocking from Potter and Black, he lifts you down, grasping your hand tightly in his. Pulling you out of the hall you call over your shoulder.
"So girls, I'll er, see you later" smiling like an idiot you see Lily and Alice winking at you, grinning like maniacs.
Great! I am never going to hear the end of this.